Title: Mating Rituals
Author: sukiss
Rating: PG
Pairings/Characters: Alicia/Warrington
Summary: Alicia needs Warrington to play nice with her for a little bit…
Warnings: Totally Fictionalized accounts of the mating rituals of Nargles, Wrackspurts and Slytherins. Otherwise, enjoy!

Author's Notes: Much love and deep thanks to my beta Nohwrah who slogged through my perfectly awful mistakes to help me with this. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling blah blah blah, etc.

"Thanks for listening," Alicia said before propping both elbows on the elegant silver cloth covering the table. "You're the only person I could turn to for advice." She scowled, thinking of her so-called friends. "Literally."

"But anyway, it all began a month ago…"

Alicia collapsed on her couch, groaning out loud. This wedding was turning into a nightmare and it wasn't even hers! Stupid Angelina! Alicia and Katie had tried to convince her for the better part of six months that Montague was a dirty git. A handsome, dirty git. A bloody gorgeous, dirty git that made Angelina glow with happiness.

Alicia pouted. Fine, so ok, Angelina was incredibly happy and radiant, especially now that the wedding was only four weeks away and then she would be Mrs. Montague. But did it have to be a mixed Slytherin-Gryffindor wedding party?

"I mean, Angelina likes those stupid Slytherins but is that any reason to sell her friends to them?" Alicia ranted at her pet cockatoo, Quaffle, who was busy pecking at her ring. Both Katie and herself had violently protested when they found out who their escorts were from the groom's party. They had laid every known guilt trip on Angelina to change it, but she had been firm.

"I get to pick my bridesmaids and Montague gets to pick his groomsmen. We have to begin our married life with equality," Angelina had stated primly. Katie and Alicia had both gagged behind her back, but were forced to accept the arrangements.

It might have been OK if her escort had been someone like, oh say, Adrian Pucey. Alicia let a brief smirk break through her gloom. Mmmh, Adrian Pucey in a tux; the church would be lucky not to go down in flames. But her troubles came back to haunt her and Alicia resumed groaning and buried her face in a throw cushion. Her bird, startled by the movement, squawked and tottered down to investigate her toe ring.

"No, instead of someone mildly decent like Pucey, who do I get? Cassius I-have-a-stick-up-my-arse Warrington!" Alicia gave a scream and tried to strangle herself with the pillow.

It wasn't her fault that all they did was fight. Alicia had told Angelina as much when she had called Alicia to task earlier that morning.

"It's not my fault," she had cried. They had been sequestered in the pillbox of a florist's office going over colour schemes for the flowers when Angelina had brought up the escalating hostilities between Alicia and Warrington. "He is such a bloody prick, all he does is pick on me," she had said sulkily.

"And you can't just ignore him and act your age?" Angelina had demanded as Katie had sunk lower in her seat between her feuding friends.

"What? Me? I'm not the one who keeps a running commentary of my bad qualities! Why, no wizard worth his salt will stay with you over two weeks," Alicia had mimicked in Cassius's sneering accent.

Katie had cleared her throat. "I found out that if I keep giving Flint sugar quills he gets totally distracted and goes quiet. Bit of a sweet tooth for such a bad-ass Slytherin." She giggled.

Neither Angelina nor Alicia heard her. "And then do you know what he said to me?" Alicia had continued in a much maligned tone. "If I really wanted some help, he would gladly come clothes shopping with me since I have 'regrettably slagish tendencies!'"

None of which apparently Angelina was interested in, as moisture had started to appear in her brown eyes. "Alicia, it's my wedding! Can you please try to be nice?" Angelina had sniffled. "It's supposed to be a happy time!" Katie had patted her on the back and they both turned beseeching eyes on Alicia.

Well, of course she promised to be nice to the Slytherin slug. "I mean Angelina deserves all the kindness she can get before she marries into that crowd," Alicia told her bird. Quaffle cooed at her.

Alicia sighed. This would be much easier if she and Cassius could tolerate each other. She snorted. "But the only way that would happen is if-"

She plucked Quaffle off of her foot and sat up, putting him on the coffee table. Her mind was racing. "The only other way besides a permanent Silencio would be if he liked, no loved me," she muttered, running to her room. "He would stop picking fights and look like an utter jackass…" She faltered, concentrating on the bookcase near her bed.

Perusing her way down, she gave a small cry as she found a slim, pink notebook. Love Potions through the Ages.

She flopped down onto the floor and quickly thumbed through the pages. "Love-it-all, Flower Love, Love Potion No. 9."

She scanned through its instructions then gave a whoop. This was it! She was going to administer a love potion to Cassius Warrington and, as it was an intermediate life potion, it would last for about 3 weeks then wear off. Not only would he be gagging for it for three weeks, it would stop their bickering and Angelina would get the wedding she wanted. "Hee, hee, everyone will be happy, except Cassius." Alicia chuckled gleefully.

Later that night, Alicia found the perfect time to strike as she was seated next to Cassius at a family party in honour of the happy couple. She watched him out the corner of her eye while surreptitiously playing with the tiny bottle of potion under the napkin in her lap. He was talking to Montague's uncle further down the table. This was her chance. She stealthily emptied the bottle into her own untouched wine and, glancing in all directions, swapped her glass for his.

Conversation continued unabated around her and she felt her heart rate slow down to normal. I could be an honorary Slytherin, she thought with a small smirk. She watched as Cassius absently lifted his glass and nearly drained its contents. A house elf magically appeared to refill it and Cassius took another large swallow.

"Spinnet," she heard him drawl.

She rolled her eyes. "Cassius, we have known each other for seven blighted years. Do you think you could stop being a complete sod and use my perfectly lovely first name?"

Alicia was utterly taken aback by the, yes, blush that began lighting his face. "Alicia then," he growled then stopped. A peculiar expression came over him. "It is a very lovely name, as are you."

Alicia had to dig her fingernails into her hands to keep from snickering out loud. The potion was fast! She smiled gleefully at his bemused expression. Let the good times begin.

Alicia was set to wail.

It had been three weeks since she had given Cassius the love potion. She should have known Cassius Warrington would in no way behave like a normal person in love. Ever since that night, he refused to leave her side. At every event or errand she was at, if he was there, he found her then glommed on to her.

But the worst were the sneak attacks. He would pop out from nowhere and snog the breath out of her! The first time she had been indulging in a little light flirtation with Terence Higgs, another former Slytherin. Cassius slid in between them and kissed her. She was so surprised she could do nothing but hold on to his robe. He stopped and, wrapping a large hand around her shoulder, crushed her into his body. He stared at Higgs and growled while Alicia could do nothing but blink in shock.

Terence gave her an amused smile. "Sorry, Alicia. Didn't realise that Cassius was your guard dog." He sauntered away as she spluttered after him, Cassius grumbling next to her.

"Sorry, love, but Higgs is a slag. He'll never leave you alone if you don't stop him right," he started as he heard Marcus call his name. "Oh, must go. Don't wander too close to Higgs again." He kissed her possessively and Alicia was left behind to watch him, her jaw hanging. Every time after that, when she attempted to enlighten him as to the fact that he wasn't supposed to kiss her, he would interrupt her rant to do it again! Or he would attack her as she was on her way to the loo. Or the kitchen. Or anywhere!

"But it's not like I can hex him," she grumbled to herself. It was the night of the rehearsal dinner. Currently, she was hiding in the garden of Montague's parents' estate, pondering her situation. She felt guilty about wanting to hex him for kissing her, when really, it was her fault that he was kissing her.

And he was the best kisser she had ever been with. Actually, she found that she enjoyed the time she spent with him. He made the snarkiest comments about people but she often found herself agreeing with him. His sarcastic wit was amusing, and whereas before she had thought of him as surly, she realised…well, he still was surly, but it was growing on her.

"Oh no!" she cried. "I think I'm starting to like him."

"Alicia?"

She hadn't made a sound but Cassius must have tracked her by scent because he found her on the bench in a corner behind the magnificent umbrella-sized flowers Montague's mother cultivated.

"Needed a break?" he inquired quietly. She nodded her head, her eyes taking in every detail of his appearance. He looked amazing in formal robes, his broad shoulders and narrow waist accentuated perfectly by the expertly tailored cut of the robes. Alicia sighed wistfully and bent her head, staring down at her hands as he sat down beside her.

"Alicia."

As she turned her head to him, he captured her mouth in a breathless kiss. Alicia closed her eyes as his cologne ran through her senses.

Merlin, what was in it? She thought wildly, grabbing onto his shoulders. He deepened the kiss, his hands gently caressing her neck. He broke off, breathing heavily. His hands left her neck and she realised he had placed something on her.

Looking down, she saw a delicate chain of garnets fashioned into flowers on her chest.

"Cassius," she gasped, "I can't take this."

He smirked at her. "Why not? It matches your bridesmaid dress for tomorrow." Cassius paused. "And I wanted you to have it," he said quietly, giving her a searching glance.

Alicia couldn't keep his gaze. "Cassius, there's something I have to-"

She was interrupted by the garden door opening. "Hey, you guys are missing Malfoy singing a song about Snape!" Adrian Pucey called out.

"Tell me later," Cassius said with a smile and tugged her inside.

Alicia's heart clenched. She had found another thing she liked about Cassius Warrington. His smile.

She needed to talk to somebody!

They all were at the reception, since the ceremony had just finished. It had been lovely and Alicia had felt tears start up when she had seen Angelina's face as she pledged her life to Montague. Then Cassius had squeezed her hand and given her his handkerchief and she had really started to wail.

Alicia was at her wit's end. She didn't know if she should go Gryffindor and admit the truth to Cassius or listen to her inner Slytherin and just keep feeding him potions. Well, she didn't want to keep him drugged, essentially, but he was going to go ballistic when he found out. No more lovely snogging.

Alicia needed advice from her girls on what to do; she just couldn't find a way out of this herself. She found Angelina at the centre of a group of people congratulating her and Montague. As Alicia started beating people off trying to get to Angelina, more people came up. Alicia gave up; anyway, it would be impossible to have a serious talk with Angelina today. All she had on the brain was Montague.

Alicia went off in search of Katie, whom she found zipping across the room.

"Katie! I need to talk to you!" Alicia cried, desperately clinging on to Katie's sleeve.

"Can't stop to talk now!" Katie brushed Alicia's grip off her sleeve. "Marcus Flint is chasing me."

"What?" Alicia asked, startled.

"Stupid troll got the wedding traditions messed up. He's trying to take off my garter," she said and scampered off.

Alicia was ready to tear out her beautifully coiffed hair when she suddenly saw salvation sitting at table twelve.

"And that's when I knew I had to talk to you." She leaned forward on her arms. "What do you think I should do?" Alicia asked eagerly.

"Do you know that the reproduction rate of the Nargle is very small?" Luna Lovegood said dreamily. Alicia's jaw dropped. "It's because of their mating habits." Alicia moaned and slammed her head onto the table.

Luna continued blissfully unaware of the state of her audience. "The mating habits of the Nargle are so violent, so full of animosity between the male and the female, that it takes a long time for the couple to reproduce."

Alicia's ears perked, though she didn't lift her head up.

"Essentially it does begin as the male's fault. Apparently, he develops a pseudo-plumage that tricks the female Nargle into overwhelming lust. However, after the mating season is over, the plumage sheds and female is left with quite an ordinary male."

Alicia picked her head up and gazed at Luna in bemusement.

"But since the male has marked her out, he simply can't live without her and constantly seeks her attention. Then it's up to the female Nargle to decide if life is worth living with him or if it's better without him and then to promptly devour him."

Alicia winced. "Hunh," she breathed and stood up. "Thank you Luna, that actually made sense," she said briskly and stalked off to find her prey, uhh mate.

"Hmm," Luna pondered, still seated. "Or was that the death rituals of the Wrackspurt?"

Alicia found Cassius near the bar, talking with an older couple. His eyes lit up when he saw her and Alicia felt her heart sink. Great Godric, he was going to devour her and not in a dirty way. He excused himself from the conversation and walked over to where she was hovering.

"Hi," he whispered huskily. "I haven't seen you all night." He gathered her in his arms and leaned down to nuzzle her neck. Alicia whimpered.

"Cassius, wait," she panted, firmly pushing his shoulders away from her. "I have to confess something."

He stopped moving and gave her a questioning look.

"I gave you a love potion. Angelina was getting upset and I needed to stop our fighting. And I wanted to embarrass you," she admitted in a burst of Gryff courage. "But only just a little," Alicia whispered. She cringed, waiting for the expected explosion, but none came.

"Love potion?" repeated Cassius, his arms tightening around her. Alicia winced. "I know, it was utterly reprehensible and I'm sorry-"

"Alicia," Cassius interrupted, "love potions don't work on me. A Warrington ancestor inoculated every generation of the family against them." He grinned at the expression on her face. "We're good-looking, wealthy and prestigious. Of course, witches and wizards are going to use illegal means to enter into the family."

Alicia stopped listening after his first sentence. "Wait, so then why did you start acting nice to me all of a sudden?"

"Oh." To Alicia's amazement, Cassius went red along his cheekbones. "Well, Montague got sick of hearing Angelina cry about the way we were fighting and he poisoned me with Veritaserum Ex. Extra-long acting Veritaserum," he clarified, as Alicia processed this staggering bit of information.

"So for the last few weeks, you've been under a long acting truth serum," she said slowly. Cassius nodded. "And Montague knew that it would work because…" Here she faltered momentarily. "Because maybe you fancy me? Have fancied me for awhile?" she finished weakly.

Cassius smirked down at her. "Listen up, you silly bint. I'm only ever going to say this once since I'm under this potion." His voice dropped to a whisper and he bent his head closer to hers. Alicia could feel his cologne invading her senses and willed herself not to lose her knickers.

"I'm crazy about you, Alicia Spinnet. I had a crush on you at Hogwarts and it has only become worse since. Before this wedding is over, I'm going to your parents and introducing myself to them. Then we're going to my place and you're going to stay in my bed for the rest of the week."

Alicia felt her heart pound rapidly against her ribs. Before, she might have taken offence at his arrogant demands, but Merlin's balls, right now she found it astoundingly sexy. However, she had to know one more thing. "If you feel all that, then why do you always quarrel with me?" Alicia asked licking her lips coyly.

Cassius zeroed in on her mouth. "That's how Slytherins show affection," he said against her lips and kissed her.

Fin

Author's Notes: I had originally posted this on the Overcoming Rivalry site but with its demise some latent desire for posterity had me dinging it out and putting it up here.