Dear Friend,

I think you can tell from my salutation what my response is to your generous offer. I couldn't turn down a chance to be your friend after all this time, Lulu. I'm sorry it took me a few days to respond. I was torn because I really want to be your friend but I worry that I'm not a good friend for you to have, any more than I was a good boyfriend. Maybe we can just keep this in letters? That way you won't be exposed to any of my enemies.

When I was a kid, I had a penpal for a while. My piano teacher set it up. My penpal's name was Christopher. He lived in Australia and he played the cello. We wrote back and forth for almost a year. I told him things I'd never told anyone, not even Claudia, and he shared all the details of his life with me. It was kind of like you said in your letter, writing everything down made my feelings safe to say. For the first time in my life, I had a friend. And then my father found one of the letters. He called me a pussy and a faggot and made fun of me for writing love letters to a foreign boy. All of a sudden, I was ashamed. I stopped writing to Christopher. He wrote me a few times after that, asking why I had disappeared, but I never responded and I guess he eventually gave up.

I remember the good times that we had, too, Lulu. Since I sent you that CD, I've played the song on the piano over and over again. Every time I play it, I picture you. I see your smile and I hear your laughter. When we broke up, I was so cruel to you, but it was just as hard on me as it was on you. I thought, I knew, that I was keeping you safe but cutting you out of my life like that… it was so hard. You are the only true friend that I have ever had. (Not counting Christopher, I suppose.) It's not easy for me to open up to people, but I could always talk to you. And I felt like you could open up to me, too. I loved listening to you talk, hearing your opinions. I want to know what you think about these days, what you're doing, what happens in your day.

It's so weird. I never expected you to send me a thank you note, let alone a letter. Your offer of friendship totally blindsided me. I only meant to give you a present, to let you know how much you've meant to me. Now it's like I'm the one receiving a gift, another chance to have you in my life as my friend. If it's not too silly, I would love it if we could be penpals. That is, if you're interested. And, of course, if it's okay with your new husband.

Thank you so much.

Your new (old) friend,

Johnny