The Conversation

Chapter 5, Like the Ocean

by RGoodfellow64

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Disclaimer: As seems to always be the case with me, I don't own the show Castle, the characters or the intellectual property. I appreciate that I'm allowed to play in their playground now and then.

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Rick completely pulled away from Kate and got up from the couch, picking up both glasses and walked to the kitchen. "Do you want another glass of wine?" he asked as he picked up the bottle she'd left there.

"No, thank you Rick. I'm fine."

She watched as he put her glass in the sink and poured himself another half glass. Looking at it briefly, he downed it in one gulp and put his own glass in the sink with hers. He then took another half-minute to fill them with water before turning back to her. "Would you like me to put the bottle back in the fridge?" he asked.

Now she was starting to worry. What did he have to tell her that required him to take all this time to prepare? He said he had something to tell her…too. She knew Rick was a master of words and never spoke what he didn't mean. What did he need to tell her that required him to stall like this?

She patted the couch where he was just sitting and said, "No, I want you to come back here and talk to me."

As he made his way to the couch she said, "It can't be worse than what I had to say, Rick. Sit here and tell me."

He sat down next to her and waited a moment before he said, "A few days after we started working together, actually that same night after we interviewed Halstead at the fire house, I received a phone call from a friend of Roy's."

Kate felt her stomach sink when she heard Roy's name. "Who was he?"

"He told me his name was Smith and he had received information from Roy. Something Roy sent him before he was shot."

"What did he receive?"

"I don't know." At her surprised look he said, "Honestly Kate, all he did was call to tell me that he had certain information from Roy, and that for the time being you were safe."

"Safe?" she asked, afraid of what his answer would be.

"Yeah, safe. Evidently he knows who the dragon is and whatever Roy sent him was able to stop the hit on you."

"Who is he? Who's the dragon?"

There was something desperate showing in her eyes and he said, "Kate…"

"Castle, I need to know!" she interrupted him. "Who killed my mother?"

He brushed his hand through his hair and asked, "Is this a good time to remind you about spiraling down the rabbit hole?"

"Castle!"

He knew her heart was racing as he watched the pulse in her neck beating wildly. He sighed, stood up and said resignedly, "I guess it's time to leave. Will I see you tomorrow or will it be another three months Kate? Maybe six months? Or is it never?"

He started to turn away when she grabbed his hand. "Rick? Please don't go."

He shook his head but didn't move any further. "Is this what it's going to be like Kate? All I did was tell you I received a phone call and you're ready to run, with no idea where, with no idea what to do and without a care how dangerous it is. Just like last spring you're ready to run right into the jaws of this dragon."

Still holding onto his hand, she forced herself to calm down, taking slow, deep breaths. Part of her was dying to hold him there and force him to tell her the name of the dragon, and part of her was horrified at her words and actions.

She told Dr. Burke that she felt ready to move on from her mother's murder and here she was starting right down that destructive path again, pushing Rick away only minutes after telling him she never wanted to do that again.

Her horrified self won and she quietly said, "Rick, please sit down. Tell me what you need to say in your own way, in your own time."

He stood still, unsure what to do. Her hand was still in his, lightly holding him, it would be nothing to simply let her go, but her eyes alone held him in place, as she again did what he never expected of her, begged. "Please? Rick, please sit down?"

He looked in her eyes for another moment and seeing sincerity, hope, anguish and love, he sat back down on the couch, a bit surprised that she still hadn't let go of his hand. "He told me to call him Smith when I asked him who he was, and he refused to tell me who the dragon is."

Kate lowered her head but kept her hand on Rick's as he said, "Smith told me the dragon is so powerful that we couldn't even begin to hurt him before he had us removed."

Kate was still looking down when something he said caught her attention, "Us?"

He looked her in the eyes and softly said, "Yes Kate, us." He held her eyes with his till she gave a slight nod of acknowledgement. They didn't need big explanations or exclamations to get their message across to each other. A raised eyebrow or slight smile usually sufficed for them.

Seeing her nod he continued, "The smart-board in my office can be programmed to hold more than one storyline. Right now it has two, a Nikki Heat story, and your mother's."

"Wait a minute. You told me to stop, to walk away, but you're still working on my mother's case?"

"It's not that simple Kate, but yes…"

"You were angry at me for not telling you something simple like I heard what you said after I was shot, and yet you're holding this back from me?"

"Simple? Lying is simple?"

"Castle…"

"No Kate, we've already been there, you want to go back?"

She looked at him with hurt in her eyes and said, "You lied to me."

There was a stern quality to his voice as well as conviction when he said, "Tell me when you asked me if I was working on the case and said no. Tell me when you asked me any question about my working on your shooting, and I lied, saying I wasn't. Can you?"

"That's semantics Rick and you know it! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because you'd grab the little information I have, then run off into the sights of a sniper and die. There is no way he will let you live if you do that Kate. No way at all."

"You don't know that…"

"But I do Kate. The only thing that's keeping you alive now is that you are not looking into the case. You're being watched Kate, you're being watched…but I'm not."

She looked at him with a blank expression, not having caught up to what he said as she was furiously thinking what she could have done with any additional information. Then his words caught up to her, she stopped thinking about catching the dragon, she understood was he was saying and looked at him in shock. She didn't know what to say. He was putting himself in the crosshairs to keep her safe? What about Alexis? What about his mother? What about her? God, if something happened to him…

Rick was still speaking as she finally listened again. "…he said as long as you didn't investigate, you were safe, so I took all the information we had and put it on my board, adding a little here and there as I could without making any waves."

She thought for a moment and asked, "There's more, isn't there?"

"Yes."

"But you aren't going to tell me now." This was a statement, not a question.

"That's correct," he said. "I won't lie to you Kate, but I also won't hide the fact that there is more…it's just that I don't know what it is myself."

"Huh?"

"Kate, this Mr. Smith person calls me out of the blue, I had a number for him but that's no longer in service. I don't know who he is, or where he is, although I expect he's here in NY, and I have no idea what he knows. Whatever it is it's enough to keep you alive."

She thought about her conversation with Dr. Burke, how she said she was ready to move on. He said she couldn't let her mother down as she was gone, but Kate knew she could let herself down. What she's been doing has not just been hurting Rick, it's been hurting herself as well, probably more.

Her thoughts stopped suddenly and she realized that Dr. Burke was wrong, she could let her mother down. She simply needed to continue her life the way she's lived it since her mother was murdered, hiding herself from the world. Hiding her emotions and never allowing anyone to know her, to see her, to pity her and more than anything, never letting anyone love her…not the way she wants to be loved. The way she needs to be loved, the way that Rick loves her, open, honest, endless.

She realized that was the love Richard Castle has for her, endless, immense, like the ocean. She remembered standing on the beach at dawn in South Carolina with her mother when she was a girl. As far as she could see to her left and right were huge expanses of empty beach, and an overwhelming sense of the immensity of the ocean. As far as she could see, there was the sky and the ocean, going on forever…and that was Rick's love for her.

He told her he chose to be with her. He chose Kate Beckett over anyone and everything else. She had always felt that she didn't deserve that kind of love, that kind of devotion, yet how could she ever be angry at a man who's love for her is so complete, so unselfish, so unconditional; and really, was she truly angry with him for what he did or upset that he hadn't included her in his research?

As she watched him, she bit her lower lip. He said that together they would get the dragon, find justice for her mother, but right now, right here, all she wanted and needed was sitting on the couch next to her.

She focused her eyes again on his and saw the worry there. It had been a few minutes since she said anything and she could almost see all the theories running wild in his head on why she hasn't.

"Stop."

He couldn't believe what he heard and asked, "Kate?"

"I want you to stop."

"But you need to know, you need this closure…"

"Yes I do, but I need you more."

"But if he calls…?"

"We worry about it then," she said, interrupting him.

"We? Oh no Kate, I'm not showing it to you. I don't want to go through that again."

"I'm not asking you to. What I'm asking is that you stop looking. Something coming to you is one thing, to search it out is another, and that can get you killed," she paused and said in a small voice, "And that would be something I would never survive Rick, never."

He was going to say something but she put her finger to his lips and he stopped. "Dr. Burke told me I can't let my mother down when she's dead, but he's wrong. Not only can I let her down, I have been letting her down."

She paused a moment and said, "Rick, you told me that you chose to be with me that night at the hanger, and when we went after the bomb, well I'm doing the same."

He kept his blue eyes solidly on hers as she took a breath and said, "I'm making my choice here Rick, and I'm choosing you."

She watched as his eyes widened and before he could say anything she moved closer and kissed him lightly. When she pulled back she said, "You said it yourself. We can get the dragon, but just not right now. However long it takes or if it doesn't take at all, I want you with me. I want to be with you. I want to love you with all that I have, not just all I want to give, and I can't do that if you aren't here."

She watched his face as what she said sank in and said, "Stop looking. Stop searching. We won't stop working on the case Rick, but we have time…and I want that time to be with you. I so much want that Rick."

He reached over and with his arm around her shoulder pulled her closer to him till she found herself sitting on his lap.

"Kate, you've had me from the moment I turned around and saw you at the Storm Fall party. I have no intention of ever letting you go." Then he put his lips down to hers and kissed her, pouring all his love into it, letting her know that he was there to stay.

She didn't know what to expect when she started this conversation, but what she hoped would happen, did. He loved her, and through this talk, she now realized how completely she loved him. How much comfort there was in his arm around her, and it reminded her of the Bible verse her grandmother had on the mantle next to her wedding photo.

Proverbs 13:12, 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.' That was what she wanted with Rick, that was what she knew was possible with Rick, and that was what she knew they could have, together.

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AUTHORS NOTE: I hope this last chapter of The Conversation lived up to the precious chapters and your expectations. Several people have asked me why she would even be talking to him like this, opening up and all. Well, we've all been wishing they do this, haven't we? It's my universe and my rules so they talked…honestly and openly. I think Rick felt good getting that off his chest, and it helped Kate realize just where here heart truly lies.

Lastly thank you so much to everyone who took the time to review or leave me messages on FF or the 12th. Your words are appreciated. Thank you all very, very much. RG