Ellos erryone. So yeah, I'm sure most of us know the whole ME3 spoiler that makes everyone flip a table. So I wrote this fic! Because honestly, this is a whole 'I know that feel bro' moment and if my Shepard had her way, she'd throw EDI out of the airlock :3 But I had a friend of mine read this for me and she liked it, so hopefully you guys think the same :D

Usual generic disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect or any of the characters.

I didn't think I had ever been so pissed in my life. Not after my first real relationship ended because his father hated mine. Not after Akuze. Not after the Council snubbed all Reaper evidence and put the Normandy on lockdown. Not after Cerberus gave me no choice but to work with them. Not even after when Kaidan flat out called me a traitor on Horizon.

When Joker started making it clear that he liked EDI's new body a bit too much, no longer was I visiting the bridge in my free moments as frequent as I had. Robot or not, I hated everything about the fembot. Its appearance was that of the classic 'perfect female': blonde, bright blue eyes, curves in all the right places. Far from my own military build, scarred body and lifeless brown hair. As the days went by, I kept thinking more and more about the effect an incineration attack would have on her.

There was one night after the Cerberus attack on the Citadel where I was able to catch him up there without Rosie the Robot riding shotgun. It started off just like old times. Him reassuring me that I made the right choices and making me smile by doing, well, general 'Joker' things.

And then he brought it up.

"Speaking of which… Watching from the sidelines… What do you think about me and EDI?"

The smile was wiped from my face completely. My mind was sent into a state of panic over what I should reply. There was one that kept screaming at me, Just tell him already Shepard. Your competition doesn't even have a pulse, what have you got to lose?

"You know, with all of this interest in EDI, it's possible you've overlooked other options." I commented, regaining my smile.

The effect I received was far from what I had hoped. His expression had turned into one of confusion. "I'd never really considered it Commander. No offence."

"And now that you're thinking about it?"

"I've served with you from the day you took command. I'd follow you into hell."

Attempting a scoff, I replied "But not into my quarters."

He shrugged that comment off "Chain of Command Shepard. In an alternate dimension without military ranks, I would rock your world."

I was never good with keeping strong emotions in check in front of others, I was barely aware of my nails digging into the leather of the pilots chair. "And EDI doesn't wear a uniform." I nearly spat.

Even though I failed at hiding the venom from my voice, he didn't seem to notice my change in emotion. "Well… Yeah… What do you think?"

I pulled my eyes away from where I was absentmindedly staring out at the mass effect field rippling around the Normandy to see him awaiting my reply with one of the brightest smiles I had ever seen from him, beating out when he realized that the SR2 had leather seats. It was that moment that I realized that the feelings I had for him ever since the first smartass comment when we boarded the SR1, the ones that had caused me to hang out on the bridge with him during off days, the ones that made me refuse to leave him behind when the Collectors attacked which resulted in my own life being lost, didn't matter to him after all. He was too distracted by the AI's new body.

He spoke up after I didn't answer "EDI's not Alliance personnel. There's no regs against dating a ship's AI. I looked it up."

I finally snapped. "Jeff. You have brittle bones. She's made of metal."

The grin was finally knocked off of his face. "Well, yeah, but…" He didn't seem to expect me of all people to snap at him and that had taken him aback. After an obvious conflict of emotions went across him face, he finally sighed in defeat. "Yeah. You're right. It's stupid."

I couldn't believe what I had done. I had never made a comment about the Vroliks. Not ever. And my haywire emotions caused it to happen. It didn't matter if I was heartbroken or not, he was still one of my best friends. I felt like a complete bitch.

"Jeff, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

This time he was the one to get angry "Sandra, I don't understand why you're so disapproving of this!" He turned to face me as he got out of the chair. "Just because she's not organic-"

"For God's sake Jeff, it's not about that at all!"

He scoffed. "Then what? Humor me." He crossed his arms and asked "What could possibly be your reason then?"

I could already feel the friendship between us starting to break, and it was killing every part of me. A part of me knew there would be no fixing what damage had and would be done, but I couldn't just not tell him my part. It could have ended like my second relationship, when after many times of telling my ex that it wasn't right to date my then best friend, he still didn't understand why I was so hurt. I had to tell.

"It's the regs comment! You left the Alliance for Cerberus , you were behind me for every goddamn thing I've ever done that said 'screw the regs' and that would have gotten us court martialed, and now I finally get the courage to tell you how I felt about you and, oh, suddenly regs matter and you chase after the ship's AI that suddenly got a robot body!" I couldn't seem to stop myself, like the dam had been completely washed away. "Nope! The robot is the hottest piece of ass on this ship! Never mind the fact that your Commander, Commander Shepard of all fucking people, has had feelings for you ever since your first smartass comment!"

I angrily released my death grip on the pilot's chair and began to storm off when he spoke up again, the tone in his voice seeming like he finally realized just how bad he had hurt me. "Sandy, I-"

"Forget it. Apparently it doesn't matter anymore. Regs are too important now." I spat, continuing my trek off the bridge. "Dismissed Lieutenant."

I thought I might have heard a mention of "Sandra, wait!", but I didn't stop walking until the elevator doors closed behind me. I didn't want pity. I pushed the button for my quarters and immediately broke down. I punched the metal wall in anger, which I soon regretted due to my hand throbbing in pain. I had not cried that hard since I found out my father had died while Cerberus was rebuilding me

I laughed at myself, which came out as a strangled sob "Come on. You're Commander Shepard and there's a war against the Reapers going on and you're crying in an elevator with an injured hand over a guy who likes a robot more than you. This is the last thing you need bothering you."

That pep talk didn't seem to help me at all when the elevator doors opened once more to reveal one of the last people I wanted to see me like this standing outside my quarters.

"Shepard? Are you alright?"