Title: Haruhi vs Hibiki

Teaser: A chance meeting between Suzumiya Haruhi and Hibiki Ryouga results in the Eternally Lost Boy becoming the main character in Haruhi's school writing assignment. Now, with Asakura Ryoko as his co-star, he has to survive Haruhi's storytelling long enough to save the world.

Author: Rowan Seven

Rating: PG-13 to be safe.

Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 was created by Takahashi Rumiko. The Suzumiya Haruhi series was created by Tanigawa Nagaru. I make no legal claims to the characters, settings, and concepts featured in this story and am not profiting financially from this work of fan fiction.

Chapter 5: Revelry – A New Challenger Appears!

Like an animated scene from Read or Die but 20% cooler, over a dozen reams of tax forms printed on high-quality Japanese mulberry paper shot out of Sato Kaeda's briefcase and fanned out across the street in a seemingly endless wave of stationery. Within seconds all Ryouga could see in front of him was a towering white wall covered with arcane legal jargon that made Neon Genesis Evangelion's storyline look simple in comparison, but instead of fear he felt only eagerness in his heart. Eagerness for battle. Eagerness to match his skills against a worthy opponent. Eagerness for the unpredictability and excitement that eluded him in the mundaneness of modern society.

The brave warrior confidently unfurled his Buddhist blessed combat umbrella before the coming onslaught and stood with the roguish defiance of a shounen hero, but in this instance the Eternal Wanderer had misjudged his opponent's intentions. No sooner had he turned his umbrella into a shield than Kaeda's paperwork Absolute Terror Field shifted into a parabola and flowed around Ryouga before the ends curved again to make a circle. The beautiful tax collector didn't mean to sweep him away—she meant to drown him!

"Amazing!" Ryoko exclaimed dramatically as she watched the shell of dervishly swirling stationery meet overhead and start shrinking to trap the tax collector's target in a paper half-globe of doom. "Sato has infused every slip of paper with her own ki for control and combined the technique with an omni-directional Shinto multi-ward attack. She truly is a martial arts prodigy!"

Ukyo raised a hand to her chin pensively while the other hand lifted a spatula to flip an unquestionably wholesome and delicious all-natural okonomiyaki on the portable grill she'd set up on the side of the street.

"But to subdivide one's ki among so many objects...isn't that like trying to simultaneously control all twenty squadrons of a space fleet separately in the splendiferous computer game Day of Sagitarrius III? The cost in ki and concentration must be enormous."

The alien ninja schoolgirl nodded her pretty head sagely.

"Yes, that is the fundamental weakness of combining these two techniques," Ryoko explained for Ukyo's benefit (and certainly not the reader's because this author respects the intelligence of her large and incredibly diverse multinational audience). "Anyone less than a master will be effectively immobilized by the intense mental effort required to maintain such extensive external ki manipulation and will also rapidly deplete ki."

"Why use an attack with such huge disadvantages, then? With her entire concentration focused on manipulating paper you or I or an evil student council president who will not be named could run her over with an M4 Sherman tank and by the time she noticed it would be too late."

The ninja schoolgirl's ample bosom heaved as she sighed melodramatically and clasped her hands in front of her. "Perhaps, but to a student of martial arts tax collection the neutrality of third parties is sacrosanct. Unless and until we become accessories to the Hibikis' tax delinquency we are no more than observers to Sato and will be treated as such, and while we could take advantage of this I'm afraid Ryouga would never forgive us for interfering in an honorable duel like that."

"Interfere?" the cute okonomiyaki chef squawked indignantly a half-beat too late for the emotion to be genuine. "D-d-don't be ridiculous! With a promotional event like this happening outside my restaurant I wouldn't think of it, and I could care less what happens to Ryouga—he's a friend and nothing more!"

The bodacious blue-haired ninja smiled slyly at her companion's protest but did not press the hot-button topic. Instead, she merely nodded her head and continued to watch the battle.

"I'm glad you feel that way, but even if you didn't I don't believe interference will be necessary because I have faith. Faith in Hibiki Ryouga. Faith that the man I've fallen madly in love with in a completely natural and unforced way in under three hours will find a way to escape from Sato Kaeda's pernicious prison of paper financial documentation before being shredded to the bone or forced to surrender...and firsthand experience fighting Ryouga too, but that is completely irrelevant to this discussion and in no way diminishes the power of my youthful romantic idealism!"

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

Hibiki Ryouga was not a complete fool. He might believe that having huge boulders swung at him made for excellent martial arts training and was gullible enough to fall for Ranma's blatantly obvious disguises time and again, but he did possess enough common sense to suspect that the normally harmless paper currently swirling around him ferociously enough to sound like a banshee's wail would do more than give him a minor paper cut if he reached out and touched any of it.

Ryouga was also perceptive enough to grasp the peril of his current circumstances. He was completely surrounded by hostile and rapidly contracting stationery, and in another minute he'd have so little space to move around in that he'd be effectively immobilized and at Kaeda's mercy. He needed to escape immediately, but all possible routes to freedom had been cut-off.

All except one, that is.

His lips pursing upwards in a small expression of smugness, the Lost Boy closed his umbrella, crouched, and jabbed the paved, concrete street beneath his feet with the index finger of his right hand.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

The ground split in a thunderous explosion. Debris flew like hail until it collided with the whirling paper and was shredded to mere dust, but by then Ryouga had already plummeted into Nerima's sewers. A flash of reflexive panic overtook him as his feet touched water, but memory and the cacophonous—almost angry—sound of razor-sharp paper swirling down after him sent him racing through the underground tunnel.

I've got to disrupt Sato's concentration and cut-off the flow of paper!, Ryouga thought hurriedly, his martial arts training taking over as his mind ran through dozens of options and permutations until finally settling on a single course of action a few seconds later.

And the best way to do that is—

"Bakusai Tenketsu!" Ryouga shouted again, leaping up to stab the tunnel's ceiling where he thought Kaeda would be.

Ka-BWOOM!

Concrete hail fell once more as another egress to the surface cracked and exploded open, but the flying tax forms flowed around the cascading shrapnel and continued their dogged pursuit. Sato Kaeda did not drop down to join them, and Ryouga bit back a curse at his mistaken bearings. Still, he was not the type of person who gave up easily, and a moment later and staying ahead of the paper horde by little more than a yard he leapt up again.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

Ka-BWOOM!

And again.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

Ka-BWOOM!

And again. And again. And again.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!" "Bakusai Tenketsu!" "Bakusai Tenketsu!"

Ka-BWOOM! Ka-BWOOM! Ka-BWOOM!

And again, until the Lost Boy finally got it right.

"Bakusai Tenketsu!" he shouted, stabbing the tunnel's ceiling with his right index finger and releasing a minute amount of ki to strike the concrete's breaking point. Cracks appeared below and on the surface almost immediately, but Kaeda was too absorbed in her paper manipulation to react until the street in front of her detonated a second later. She released a startled cry as the force of the blast flung her backwards and separated her from her briefcase and, with her concentration interrupted, the reams of levitating stationery in the sewers became inert and plummeted into the stream of wastewater.

A moment later Ryouga jumped out of the newest and haphazardly shaped hole he'd created in the now severely pockmarked street and landed nimbly on both feet. Spotting Kaeda and seeing her reaching out with a hand in what he assumed was an attempt to raise her paper swarm, he hurled his bamboo umbrella at her and followed after it with a raised fist.

Fortunately for Kaeda, she hadn't committed her full attention back to the special technique yet and still possessed enough awareness of her surroundings to sense her rival's approach. The tax collector sighed as disgruntedly as she could without sounding unladylike and used her other hand to push herself into the air and away from the incoming parasol projectile. She landed with a back-flip just in time to dodge Ryouga's blow and spent the next minute evading and painfully blocking a punishing flurry of strikes from the Lost Boy's hands and feet. She finally managed to trip him up with an elaborate feint and knocked him to the ground with a leg sweep, but rather than take advantage of his fall she bounded backwards to put some breathing space between them and immediately collapsed to her knees in exhaustion.

"Not...not bad," Kaeda spoke with labored breaths, her black shades falling off her face as she panted heavily and placed a hand on the street to steady herself. "That first technique...usually gets a surrender as soon as the paper cuts be-begin. It...ah, ha...looks like we'll have to do this the hard away after all..."

Ryouga grunted as he rose back to his feet and prepared to lunge at his enemy but, seeing Kaeda spent and barely able to support herself, he unwisely hesitated. He opened his mouth to speak but the tax collector, whose beguiling black eyes had narrowed the instant she saw the sympathetic expression on his face, cut him off before the air even left his lungs.

"Don't look at me like that, Hibiki. I know...what you're thinking, but for me to give up now so quickly...my ancestors would rightly be ashamed of me. Besides...you're wrong anyway."

Kaeda suddenly laughed and, although it was a struggle for her, stood back up. Despite looking like she was on the verge of complete collapse from all the ki she'd burned with her paper manipulation, there was no mistaking the confidence in her stance. The resolve mixed with fragility enhanced her already considerable natural beauty, and for a brief moment Ryouga's mind reclassified his opponent as a lovely young woman instead of the dangerous martial artist he'd been fighting and he hesitated.

Unfortunately for him, that was a rather critical moment.

"Give me some credit, Hibiki. Do you really think I'd put everything I had into my very first attack?" Kaeda asked rhetorically with a weary shake of her head. "Trust me—that was only the opening salvo, and this fight is far from over."

The tax collector suddenly rolled back the left sleeve of her jacket and placed her right hand over the black watch strapped around her wrist.

"Sato Tax Collection Official Business Technique Number Two – Overtime!"

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

Sato Kaeda's midnight black hair suddenly seethed in the still air, the coal tendrils writhing and trembling as the extremely beautiful and extraordinarily well-endowed martial artist's nearly exhausted ki abruptly surged. No visible aura surrounded the National Tax Agency's rising young star, but the space around her nonetheless vibrantly hummed with potent power and shimmered as her invisible ki flowed and rippled around her and then sank back into her body instead of exploding outward.

"Amazing!" Ryoko exclaimed again as she once more explained what was happening to Ukyo and not the discerning and extremely distinguished reader. "Sato spiked her own ki, reabsorbed the power before it became a battle aura, and then rechanneled it through her ki meridians, thereby replenishing her energy reserves and supercharging herself. That's exactly the kind of cost-effective martial arts technique I'd expect from a prodigy of the School of Martial Arts Tax Collection!"

The neighboring okonomiyaki chef 'hmmed' fretfully and flipped yet another perfectly cooked and incredibly delicious okonomiyaki onto the top of the growing stack sitting on the plate on her countertop. Her worry earlier in the night about the lack of customers remained but had grown fainter as worry for Ryouga took its place...but only because he was a good and dear friend and not for any reason other than that!, she told herself insistently.

"But won't spiking her ki produce an equal opposite reaction later in the form of a ki 'crash'?" Ukyo asked, more to distract herself from her own unsettled thoughts than for clarification. "Sato was almost dead on her feet earlier and when that catches up with her the results can't possibly be good!"

The space alien ninja schoolgirl who was also a martial arts expert for the purposes of this scene shook her head in the negative.

"No, you need to go deeper. Look not with your eyes but with your mind's eye and marvel. Sato hasn't only supercharged her ki; she's streamlined her internal aura to a virtually unheard of degree and is using ki so efficiently that it'll burn off normally. Depending on how many times she's capable of recovering like this, Ryouga could find himself in a battle almost as long as a Dragonball Z season climax if he's unable to KO her."

The talented tsundere chef shook her head unhappily.

"I certainly hope this fight doesn't take that long. Again, I don't care what happens to Ryouga at all, but if this goes on all night my delicious okonomiyaki will grow cold."

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

Ryouga almost felt like he was in an episode of Dragonball Z; Sato's control over her aura and ability to super-charge it were reminiscent of the few episodes of that series he'd watched as P-chan inside the Tendo's home, and the way she was now moving at incredibly rapid speeds and blurring visually in a manner he'd normally associate with cost-saving animation techniques strengthened the comparison in his mind.

However, the Lost Boy felt the analogy was fatally undercut the moment Kaeda began circling and striking him hundreds of times nearly instantaneously from multiple directions at speeds rivaling Ranma's Amaguriken punches. He'd never heard of Son Goku having the living daylights knocked out of him by a cute girl, and while he wasn't a chauvinistic, triple-timing jerk like his rival this was still painfully embarrassing. Or was it embarrassingly painful? He wasn't sure because it wasn't actually all that painful—Kaeda's strikes packed enough power to send him flying and being tossed around like a rag doll wasn't much fun, but she didn't know about his inhuman constitution and wasn't concentrating her attacks in one spot to maximize the damage as Ranma often did. That meant he could weather the assault and wait for the ferocity of her strikes to slow, and once they did—

Gotcha! Ryouga crowed triumphantly, seeing an opening as a jab to his left shoulder sent him spinning through the air. The distances he was traveling between strikes had grown as Kaeda's speed waned, and as Kaeda ran to get behind him he slammed a foot down on the ground to bring his rotation under control and turned to face her while he brought his two hands together. Focusing on all the frustration, shame, and despair that had been building within him, he channeled his negative emotions into a nearly point-blank ki blast.

"ShiShiHoukoudan!"

Unfortunately for the Lost Boy, that was probably one of the worst things he could have done at the moment.

"Refund!" Kaeda shouted in response, her right arm darting forward with an open palm to meet Ryouga's Roaring Lion Bullet head-on as, for the first time that night, her own battle aura finally visually manifested itself. Shining the same silver aluminum hue of Japan's one yen coin, the tax collector's ki appeared as a luminescent vertical disk hovering a few inches in front of her right hand. The moment Ryouga's vitriolic green ki struck it, though, the disk stretched and became a funnel with the tapered end flowing into Kaeda's arm.

The female martial artist's forward momentum was immediately reversed as the kinetic force of Ryouga's ki projectile pushed her back, but instead of a damaging impact the ShiShiHoukoudan was sucked into and—much to Ryouga's utter astonishment—guided through the ki meridians within Kaeda's body. Down her right arm, across her stomach, and up her left arm until it reached the end of her left hand where a twin aluminum disk emerged and disgorged the Roaring Lion Bullet back at its unprepared master.

BWOOOM!

Ryouga had a brief moment to reflect on how unpleasant it felt to be on the receiving end of his own attack as he was knocked back half a dozen yards and narrowly avoiding falling into one of the many large holes he'd blasted into the much-abused street that night, but even that was more time than he could spare. Kaeda had already rebounded off her feet and was rushing him at—thankfully—normal inhuman martial arts speeds instead of the Toriyama Akira-inspired speeds of earlier.

She's good, the Lost Boy thought with growing respect as he rolled to his feet and raised a hand to block a kick from one of his opponent's supple legs.

No, she's great, he mentally revised his opinion upward as the kick turned out to be another feint and he hastily responded to the true attack delivered by Kaeda's other leg...which turned out to be another feint as her left hand reached for his chest in an open-palm strike—

"Garnish—"

Ryouga's left hand darted sideways in desperation and caught Kaeda's extending arm by the wrist before she could make contact and complete the attack she was calling out. He then threw her one-handed at the nearest building to get her as far away as possible before she could employ another trick, but in the same instant he released her she hooked a foot around his right ankle and used it to spin around him, rebound off the ground, and come at him from behind and above.

The Lost Boy immediately ducked down in a 180° split, swung his legs back together behind him, planted his hands on the ground, and then pushed himself into the air so his feet would strike Kaeda as she soared over him. The tax collector countered with a hasty aerial somersault that brought her own feet descending down on her opponent's and then used his own momentum to springboard off his feet and higher into the air until—with another somersault—she landed several yards away safely out of Ryouga's reach...or, more accurately, momentarily safely out of Ryouga's reach.

The fanged Hibiki closed on her in barely more than a second, fists flying in a simple but unrelenting cadence as he aimed for a decisive knock-out blow. Kaeda reacted with an initially impromptu series of evasions that quickly morphed into a highly sophisticated defense as she analyzed Ryouga's strikes, identified the patterns behind them, and projected where the next blows would fall.

Close enough to grapple but neither able to secure a hold on the other, the two martial artists battled up and down the badly damaged street. The Lost Boy was relentless in his assault, but the tax collector was equally determined in her defense. And yet, despite the hard battle and its high stakes, as the brown eyes of one fighter met the black eyes of the other both saw a sparkle in the other's gaze that they recognized as being reflected in their own.

Hibiki Ryouga and Sato Kaeda were having fun.

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

And so the duet of martial artists danced the dance of battling mavens—

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

"You've been consulting a thesaurus for obscure words, haven't you Haruhi?"

"Ha! You're just in awe of my superlatively meritorious mastery of the writer's argot, Kyon!"

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

And so the duet of martial artists danced the dance of battling mavens, both adepts in the ancient art of combat and creators of a rare beauty found only on battlefields when opponents give their all and pit themselves against each other without reservation, without hatred, and without deception. Hibiki Ryouga and Sato Kaeda stood before each other unmasked as they dueled, the intensity of their battle making misunderstandings impossible. Every moment communicated motivation and purpose more clearly than words or even a 38 tankoubon volume manga series could, linking the two fighters together in the subtle yet superlative bond of honorable warriors who have faced each other and recognized one other as kindred spirits in battle.

But while the lost wanderer and the tax collector's battle strengthened the ties between them, it stirred thoughts and emotions of an entirely different sort in another.

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

Ukyo was not jealous as she watched the lost idiot and crazy rice girl battle each other. Heck, in her own way she was even happy; normally it was Ranma who had the dangerous encounters with beautiful women who alternately tried to kill and marry him, and it was a relief that her fiancé was not at the center of the brewing disaster for once. She only wished that whatever bizarre malady had afflicted Ryoko and Kaeda's minds would infect Akane too and make life easier for everyone...well, okay, only for Ranma and herself, but that was good enough for the okonomiyaki chef.

She was, however, unsettled as she watched the fight unfold, and the cause of her unease was the raven-haired Sato Kaeda who was—surprisingly—holding her own against the Lost Boy. Oh sure, Ryouga was—like an idiot!—holding back slightly because his opponent was a cute girl, and the tax collector's absurdly conspicuous bosom stopped Ryouga from even attempting any upper body strikes. Those handicaps in Kaeda's favor aside, though, she was matching or countering her opponent blow-for-blow and if she'd known about Ryouga's inhuman constitution earlier and adjusted her tactics accordingly the battle might have already been over.

In other words, Sato Kaeda actually had a decent shot of winning this duel, and, while Ukyo didn't care at all how Ryouga fared, if Kaeda could defeat the Lost Boy then—just possibly—she could defeat Ranma too. And that acknowledgement didn't sit well with Ukyo, in part because it meant her own odds against the tax collector were flat-out abysmal but also because of how Ranma might react to Nerima's newest arrival. To Ranma and his pride as a martial artist, being the best was everything. If Kaeda could defeat him or even simply fight him to a standstill Ranma would become obsessed with the tax collector...who was also a voluptuously attractive young woman, and the line between obsession and love was already dangerously thin in Nerima.

Ukyo knew she was being unreasonable with this train of thought. Kaeda had no interest in Ranma, had never met Ranma, and—if the okonomiyaki chef had any say in the matter—would be out of Nerima before she even had the opportunity to meet Ranma. Still, the chef's thoughts continued to race unpleasantly ahead, and she didn't like where they were going. Akane, Kodachi, Shampoo, and herself could compete for Ranma as women—and that was a competition Ukyo was confident she would win!—but Kaeda could compete with Ranma as a martial artist, and that was an appeal Ukyo feared she could not match. Not when martial arts were and always would be Ranma's greatest passion, and not when she'd let herself be left behind again, this time as a martial artist and by her own choice, to pursue him as a fiancée instead.

By accepting that I'd never defeat Ranma, have I lost what I hoped to gain from the decision? I'd never thought about this before because I can hold my own against Shampoo and do more than break even against Kodachi and Akane and none of us are anywhere near Ranma's level, but Kaeda is different. She's a bonafide contemporary of his and possibly even an equal, and if she stays there's no telling how things will change in Nerima. I've gotta find someway for her to settle her account with Ryouga and then get her out of here, but how—

"Financial Disclosure!"

"ShiShiHoukoudan!"

The ear-splitting boom produced by the silver and green ki attacks colliding interrupted Ukyo's unhappy train of thought, and she winced at the sound of nearby glass windows shattering as the shockwave reached them. She was going to have words with Ryouga when this duel was over about fighting battles outside her restaurant.

"My, those two are certainly putting on an interesting show," Ryoko commented convivially beside the okonomiyaki chef during the brief pause in the fight as both combatants recovered themselves, a questioning look on her face as she glanced at her fellow bystander. "Though I can't help but wonder why all of Sato's technique names are in English when she said her school of martial arts originated in ancient China. Do you happen to have any ideas concerning that?"

Ukyo automatically opened her mouth to answer but then realized it was a mystery to her too and settled for a noncommittal shrug instead.

"It's probably just a quirk of her family's style. New branches of schools often modify and rename techniques for their own purposes, and her ancestors might have gotten caught up in the Western craze during the early Meiji period."

The sound of furious close-quarters combat as Ryouga and Kaeda's intense flurry resumed momentary draw both girls' attention back to the fight, and Ryoko released a wistful sigh.

"You're fortunate to live in such an exciting time and place, Kuonji. Boredom must be a rare occurrence around here."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, exactly. Sure, Nerima doesn't lack for action, but after awhile it starts to feel like part of the same routine, and some things don't change nearly fast enough for my liking." Like my relationship with Ranma-honey. We could be happily married and co-managing a thriving business together by now if he'd only get over his unwillingness to hurt Akane and Shampoo and admit that I'm the one he likes best! He's almost as bad as Ryouga when it comes to having the courage to confess!

Ryoko huffed slightly in disappointment. "Is that so? Perhaps you might feel differently if you changed your perspective? If what you term strange phenomena begin to feel mundane after repeated exposure, then you've lost sight of what makes the phenomena 'strange' in the first place. I hope Yuki doesn't share your attitude; otherwise her assignment would be intolerable."

"Yuki?" Ukyo asked curiously, spying an opportunity to learn more about Ryouga's strange blue-haired accomplice. "A friend of yours, I assume?"

Ryoko's smile widened.

"A friend? I suppose in the sense you use that word around here in Nerima, then yes...you could say Yuki is my friend."

The alien chuckled, and even though there was nothing insincere or even unusual about the laughter it still set Ukyo on edge.

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

Silence.

Extreme silence.

The type of tension filled, no holds barred EXTREME silence where time CREEPS to a standstill slower than an unwanted anime-only filler arc and every extra-extraordinarily suspensefully taut moment bears down with enough pressure to CRUSH an Imperial Star Destroyer cruising the stars in search of impertinent rebels who don't understand the benefits of absolute dictatorship!

Such was the silence as Hibiki Ryouga and Sato Kaeda gazed at each other across the dozen yards separating them on the destroyed, re-destroyed, and then destroyed again for good measure ruins of a street in Nerima's normally thriving but uncharacteristically empty that night business district. Each wore the bruises and marks of battle proudly as they breathed heavily (but silently! Honestly! It's a secret martial arts technique!), and each knew deep in their warriors' hearts that the next exchange of mortal combat (minus the lethality!) would be decisive. And so they prepared, gathering their will and their wits for one last epic round of AWESOME battle.

And then...their warrior spirits erupted in twin battle-cries loud enough to cause Saint Peter to file a noise complaint with the heavenly authorities!

"KIIAAAII!"

"EEEAAAUUUAAAHHH!"

The two martial artists' auras detonated in silver and green Praxis explosions. The reiteratively destroyed street was re-destroyed afresh from the shockwave and further re-re-destroyed as the two teenage martial artists charged at each other with enough force in their steps to split the ground behind them. Less than a second from each other they drew back their fists and—

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

Less than a second from having her protagonists—or hapless victims, as I was beginning to think of them—presumably Phoenix Punch each other into opposite horizons, Haruhi suddenly stopped typing and sat back in her chair with an unhappy huff. Uh-oh.

"Ungh. This story is still lacking something, but what? It has the male protagonist with no social skills, an alien class president, a tsundere best friend, and the sexy rival! What more could it possibly need?"

Class? Or failing that, main characters who aren't caricatures of misused cliches?

"Aha! I've got it! Clearly what's needed to spice up the story is a new character to fill out the five man band roster!"

...Whoever it is who introduced Haruhi to TV Tropes, you've doomed us all!

Unexpectedly, before I could speak and perform the unsung eleventh labor of Hercules that is keeping the Haruhi doomsday clock from striking twelve, Miss Asahina finally played her hand.

"How about a...uh, er, a magical girl?"

Everyone turned to look at the sweet but timid girl who was nervously wringing her hands and looked as if she was a few steps away from melting under the attention like heavenly sweet chocolate in the sun.

"Ah, well, you see...Suzumiya's idea for a magical girl battle chef from the future for her movie was so terri—I mean, terribly interesting, that I believe adding a magical girl to her short story would be an excellent idea."

Haruhi was skeptical but, since the one who suggested the idea was not me, actually responded with what passed for tact from her.

"I appreciate the enthusiasm, Mikuru, but the purpose of writing this story is to do something mind-staggeringly original. I can't do that if I recycle ideas, even if they're great and awesome ideas of my own!"

Excuse me? Have you read your own story, Haruhi? It's kind of hard to take your statement at face value when you're regurgitating two decades of anime in 50,000 words or less.

Miss Asahina, almost but not quite cringing, rose from her chair at the table and walked over to Haruhi.

"Ah, but you see...this isn't just any magical girl. She's an...ah, a magical girl police officer who travels across dimensions to investigate crimes and bring intergalactic criminals to justice, and she's also a clone created by a mad scientist mother to replace her dead daughter! I, uh, was going to use her in my own writing assignment last year, but I didn't have the time to do her justice because I, uh, was too busy helping Tsuruya with her own story! So...um, I'd be honored if you gave her the chance to finally shine, Miss Suzumiya. I, er, I even drew a picture to help with the visualization."

She held up the hand-drawn picture for all of us to see before placing it on top of Haruhi's desk, and I barely repressed a groan at what it depicted: a tall, shapely blonde with red eyes and twin ponytails wearing a predominantly black uniform consisting of an overcoat that parted at the waist and ended just below her knees, a short skirt, matching stockings, gray metallic boots, and a white cloak. The purportedly fictional magical girl wielded a mechanical, scythe-like weapon and wore an expression that was simultaneously cute, badass, and moe. Considering the nature of her story thus far, there was less than a snowball's chance in hell Haruhi would reject a character with a design so gratuitously tailored to appeal to wide demographics.

"I take back what I said, Mikuru! This is exactly the kind of constructive contributing process I want for this story, and I'm glad you have the right idea unlike a certain other, lowly ranked member of this Brigade who goes out of his way to dam the beautiful spring of creativity and whose name isn't even worth dignifying."

Oh, very subtle Haruhi.

"Anyway, time to write her grand entrance into the story, but first...what is her name? Is it something awesome like Pretty Planeswalker Pimiko, the Beautiful Dreamer of Yamatai?"

"Um, actually she's foreign—"

"Even better!"

OOOoooOOOOOOoooOOO

This is it!, Ryouga and Kaeda thought in unison as their twin battle charges reached their apexes and they readied themselves for their finale exchange. It's all or—

VAROOM!

What?!

The two martial artists screeched to a halt as a flash of golden lightning struck the ground between them. Reflexively raising an arm each to protect their eyes from the blinding light, the two dueling teenagers were startled when they lowered their arms a moment later and discovered that the thunderbolt was in fact a blonde woman—a blonde woman with a stern expression on her face and holding a powerfully blazing energy-scythe horizontally between the two martial artists to keep them separated.

"I am Enforcer Fate T. Harlaown from the Time-Space Administration Bureau," the young woman said calmly. "Please tell me the details of this case."

Author's Notes: I confess—my true purpose for writing this story had nothing to do with Ryouga being one of my favorite characters and me wanting to try out new narrative techniques and everything to do with setting up a catfight between Fate and Ryoko, so please look forward to the next chapter where those two duke it out!

More seriously, for those readers who are still bearing with this story despite the LONG delay between updates (Thank you very much for your patience!), Fate is one of the main characters from the Lyrical Nanoha franchise. The thought of Mikuru's time travel faction having connections with the Time-Space Administration Bureau struck me as amusing and Fate has the potential to make a great straight man/foil to the quirkiness of the rest of the cast, so I decided to add her to the story and see how things work out. For chronology purposes, assume that this Fate is pulled from some time point between the Nanoha A's and StrikerS seasons.

Anyway, my apologies for the long wait for this update. There's been a large degree of uncertainty in my life recently that's either about to decrease or increase significantly in the next few weeks depending on how things work out, but while that is part of the reason for the delay the greater truth is that I had a great deal of trouble writing these chapters and had to repeatedly step away and take a break in order to get a better perspective. The scenes simply weren't living up to my standards and even now I'm not entirely satisfied with how everything turned out, but I think overall these two chapters are at a level where it's worthwhile to move on and continue the story rather than hash out every issue I have with them.

At any rate, thanks again for reading. Even though the wait probably wasn't worth it, I do hope you enjoy these new chapters. And Happy 2013!