I'm not dead?

Disclaimer: You could read it with your eyes closed.

Warnings: Language?

Forest Fire

"Damon!" He almost stopped, his feet faltering in the hallway at the sound of the original's voice but somehow managed to keep on walking, refusing to turn around. "Damon." It was less of a question that time and more of an order but Damon certainly wasn't going to bow to his every whim.

"I told you to get the fuck out Elijah," he called over his shoulder, moving into his room and inwardly cursing his inability to slam the door shut behind him.

Ignoring the original's near-silent huff he went straight into his en-suite, stripping off his shirt only after hearing the bedroom door creak shut from the other room. He groaned as the fabric pulled off his wound, hissing at the sight of the dirt mixed with blood.

He pushed at the bite, moaning as puss spilled out and moved to lean heavily against the sink, turning the tap on to rinse out the dirt and splinters that had made their way into the wound form the forest floor.

He was startled when he looked up to meet deep brown eyes in the mirror, studying him carefully. "I thought I told you-"

"When were you bitten by a werewolf?" He was cut off by the original's alarmed tone and rolled his eyes.

"It's nothing Elijah, happens all the time, now if you could leave…" He trailed off, waving his good arm in the direction of the door.

"Why haven't you asked Klaus for his blood yet?"

Damon growled, were they even living on the same planet? Why such stupid questions Elijah? "Gee, I don't know, maybe because I just killed his mother," he muttered sarcastically, slamming his hand down on the tap and stalking from the bathroom.

"Klaus will not bear any ill will toward you. Mother wasn't his favourite person in any case."

Always the sensible one Elijah.

"Who was it?" The older vampire had crept up on him to take his arm, studying the wound carefully. "And when? It's quite accelerated, it must be at least a day old."

Damon resisted the urge to tug his arm from the original's grip, knowing he would be unsuccessful and only cause himself more pain. "Tyler Lockwood." He grated out. "I may have had an…altercation with his mother."

Elijah eyed him disapprovingly and Damon glared right back. Carol had it coming, so did Alaric for that matter when he got his hands on him. Not that he was going to seriously injure the history teacher, he was supposed to be his friend after all, but he did deserve a good right hook for what he did.

"That would explain the severity then I suppose, though I'd assume being a hybrid makes a difference." He was more talking to himself it seemed than Damon and the vampire took the opportunity to pull his arm from the distracted original's grasp.

"Yeah…well..."

Sensing his unease Elijah began hesitantly, "I…apologise for my actions. While I do not agree with what you've done…You had good intentions." He seemed to struggle with the last part especially and Damon frowned.

Of course he expected him to still be angry, he certainly wasn't expecting an apology at all so really he was quite ahead but…it still seemed like no one could see anything he did as anything but selfish and…wrong. It was like he was some sort of evil overlord and they all tried to see the 'good' in him to make themselves feel better, making him feel like shit in the process.

"You have every right to be angry Elijah," he snorted. "Let's just say it like it is, I killed your mother." He threw his arms up. "No matter how nicely you phrase it or how little options there were – I still did it." It was just like Elena said, no matter how many times he could prove himself, he'd always do something to screw it up.

"Damon…"

"No. It was selfish." He admitted, biting his lip. "But I'm not sorry, I can't be." He looked up at the brunette, "and neither are you, so let's just leave it at that."

He turned to collapse gingerly back on the bed, shuffling backwards until he hit the headboard, content to sit alone in silence and fight the bloodlust that was rising. When it got to be too much he'd stake himself, lest he go on a murderous rampage in his temporary insanity and bring the council down on his brother.

He creaked open one eye to find Elijah still in the same spot, staring at him blankly. "I'll go and get Klaus," He stated, finally moving towards the door.

"No!" He heard himself yell, stopping the original in his tracks. "No." He repeated softer. "Just let it be."

"What?" Elijah asked sharply, turning to face him again.

"Just leave it. I don't want it."

"Without it you'll die."

"I'm well aware of that, thanks." He glared as the original approached him once again, angry now. "I'm tired Elijah. I'm so, so tired." He tried to make the older vampire understand. He could feel the deliriousness he saw in Rose coming on fast now, he felt a little…high. Loose-lipped.

"I don't want this anymore Elijah," he mumbled, feeling the original creep closer.

"Why? What is so bad that you would let yourself die over it Damon?" He asked quietly. "You said yourself that you're not sorry for your actions. You don't dislike vampirism. Why would you let a werewolf bite get the better of you when the cure is within reach?"

His mouth opened then and a million things came spilling out at once. He could hear himself talking but his brain to mouth filter had officially checked out. "Have you ever wanted something Elijah? Wanted something so badly that you'd kill to have it?" He continued mindlessly, eyes flickering behind shut lids. "And then you'd done something, so terrible that it had ruined every chance you ever had of having it? Of being happy?" He groaned, his fangs burning through his gums. "Imagine that," he gasped, "over and over and over again, tens maybe hundreds of times…and there you have my life."

"Damon…"

"And then there'll be one thing, one thing that you wanted more than all the others, and that's just it. It's just…it. Game over."

"Damon…"

"You know," he babbled, feeling his fangs cut through his lower lip and tasting his own blood as it spilled into his mouth, only fuelling his bloodlust. "Last time I nearly died, Elena kissed me. Will you kiss me Elijah?"

Elijah moved, hovering closer to him and it was only then he noticed the older vampire's hand in his hair. "Damon," he breathed out, an inch away from his lips. "Either you drink Klaus' blood…or I will hold you down and force it down your throat."

And with that the original stormed from the room, presumably to find his half-brother, slamming the door behind him.

Damon groaned.

It felt like Elijah was only gone for a second before his fangs burst through his gums and he barrelled downstairs in search of a blood bag. He threw open the fridge and moaned as his sharp teeth cut through the plastic and the cold, disgusting blood ran into his mouth. He drained the bag in seconds, wasting more than a quarter of it down his shirt.

He easily tore through another and then another again, reaching for the last blood bag when he was pulled back suddenly from his position on the floor, blood dripping from his chin as he snarled, looking up to see Elijah had snatched the blood bag from his fingers easily.

"Damon!" His brother was suddenly next to him, holding him up and pulling him close. "What the hell were you thinking?" Stefan scolded. "You should have told me!" He dragged him over to where Klaus was standing silently in the doorway, clearly restraining himself from telling him off worse in present company.

"Do you ever think?" His little brother muttered and Damon couldn't help but let out a half-hearted chuckle in a small moment of sanity. All he ever did was think these days.

"You have no idea," he murmured, reaching back to try and snatch the last blood bag from Elijah's grip only to have his hand slapped away.

"Damon…" The original warned and the oldest Salvatore scowled, blue eyes flittering back to his brother.

"You are a right mess mate," Klaus finally spoke from the doorway, shaking his head in amusement. Typical.

"I didn't ask for your help," He glared at the hybrid, pushing Stefan's arm from his back.

"No," the blonde shrugged, "but they did," he motioned.

Damon scowled, watching as he slid his fangs across his wrist, spilling the bite-curing hybrid blood over pale skin and down onto the floor. The wound began to close and Klaus raised an intrigued eyebrow. Suddenly, Damon received a sharp shove and went tumbling towards him, only just managing to catch himself and stay on his feet.

He turned to meet Elijah's sharp eyes and a pointed look and sighed, reaching for Klaus' wrist. A part of him was telling him to stop. To just stop right now and have all this be over with because after all, wasn't a hundred and fifty years enough? Wasn't that enough to give? When could he just stop trying?

But he couldn't.

Not with his little brother's eyes on him, watching him. Not with Stefan staring at him wondering why it was taking so long and for a second he felt grateful that Elijah hadn't mentioned anything, that he hadn't told Stefan that for a minute there Damon didn't want to be saved.

Sighing, he pulled Klaus' wrist to his mouth and sunk in his fangs, dragging the life-giving liquid from his vein. The hybrid grunted at the lack of care with which he'd bitten, pushing him away after a few seconds but refrained from commenting nonetheless.

He looked up slowly. He couldn't bring himself to say thank you for something he didn't want in the first place and especially not to Klaus, but luckily enough for him, he didn't have to.

Stefan was saying it for him, moving forward to grasp Klaus' arm as he did, giving him a solid look of appreciation.

"Thank you, brother." Elijah followed up with and then every eye was on Damon, waiting for him to do the same.

He bit his tongue harshly and moved silently around Klaus, slipping out the door and into the darkness. He only made it a few steps from the house before he stopped, crossing his arms and staring silently out into the woods, lost in thought.

It had been a slow burn, his dissatisfaction with life – at least when he thought Katherine had been dead, he had something to focus on and he let it consume him. When she betrayed him it was anger that took over, a rage bubbling just beneath his skin for all to see. There had been Elena after that, that one had hurt, but he didn't let any of it show, he'd thought it wasn't bothering him. But then came Elijah.

He was just the final thing in a long line of events. The last drop of water before the dam overflowed.

"I trust you're not going to go running off to find another werewolf?"

He sighed, turning to face the older vampire. "Can you just…not?" He was too tired for any of this, he was just…over it. He didn't need to hear half-hearted words from the vampire who was pretending not to be angry with him, pretending he didn't hate him.

"Not do this?" The brunette mused, stalking closer. "And here I was thinking you'd asked for it."

His brow furrowed. "Asked for what?" And then Elijah's lips were on his hard and fast, pulling him back toward the house and his brain just stopped working. One touch and everything disappeared as the world fell out from under him.

He could tell himself that this didn't change anything. That he still wanted what he wanted and there was nothing anyone could do to change his mind. But Elijah was kissing him – and that changed everything.

He could throw around words like 'nothing' and 'insignificant' all he liked, but he wasn't. He wasn't a small flicker, a tiny flame or spark. Elijah was a forest fire, consuming everything in it's path and Damon – Damon was all too happy to be devoured.

A/N: *Stares out hesitantly*