I do not own Glee or any of the original characters, It all belongs to RIB and Fox. Any characters you don't recognise are my own creations.

Remember me? I'm as surprised as you are...

Chapter 26

Guilt is an emotion that is ever present inside Santana these days. She's starting to get used to it, accepting it as a part of herself now. It's probably something that will stick with her for the rest of her life. Today, though, it feels a little stronger.

It's been 10 days since she started staying with Judy and Richard, spending periodic time with Quinn when the woman insists, and calling Rachel just enough to stop her younger sister from worrying too much. But not Brittany. Santana has managed to successfully avoid talking to her recently, mainly for her own benefit.

Unfortunately, today she has no choice. It's Quinn's birthday and Santana had promised to make an appearance at the party, which means seeing Brittany. Which also means an extra dose of guilt, making it even harder to pick out a present for Quinn. What kind of gift says sorry for secretly falling in love with your wife without actually letting the woman know what's going on?

The tacky set of shot glasses in front of her doesn't seem to cut it.

Moving on...

It takes almost an hour, with Judy hovering insufferably close, to settle on something that even comes remotely close to what Quinn deserves. An ornate picture frame. She thinks that Quinn will like it, as sentimental as the woman seems to be, and Santana hopes she's right. A small part of her realises that the best gift she can give Quinn is her presence at the party, but Santana does her best to drown that thought out. It only makes the guilt worse.

"Santana? We should go if we don't want to be late," Judy says. Santana hates the way Judy speaks to her these days, her voice gentle and loving. It's more than she deserves. "It's beautiful. Quinn will love it," she adds, smiling eyes focused on the frame.

"Yeah, let's go," Santana says. She digs money out from the pocket of her jeans, the allowance she'd been earning, ensuring that Judy doesn't attempt to pay for it. Judy paying for it would make the old adage of it's the thought that counts come into place, and that doesn't feel like enough. Not in this situation.

Santana tries to ignore the fact that her hands shake as she hands the money over, but she knows that Judy won't miss it. The comforting hand on her back confirms it, Judy assuming it's just nerves about socialising with so many people. Nope. Just one person in particular. She only talks to confirm she'd like the frame to be gift wrapped.

Santana falls silent as they walk out to Judy's car, frowning down at the birthday card she had grabbed, and scribbled out, last second. Her hand had hovered over a special mother's one before settling on one without specific titles. She's not sure if she made the right choice, but knows that Quinn will appreciate it all the same.

She can feel Judy's eyes on her every so often as they drive, and Santana is glad that Richard is out of town on a golfing trip this weekend. She's learned that he's more forward than Judy, the man often just outright asking her what's wrong. He's a genuinely decent guy, but Judy has more tact.

It means, though, that Bill won't be at the party either. His fast friendship with Richard whisking him away on the golf trip, too. One bullet dodged, Santana thinks. Brittany, though, well that's a different matter.

It's not that Santana doesn't want to see Brittany, quite the opposite, but that's the problem. Having time away from Brittany isn't making her feelings go away; it only makes them worse. Santana is yearning for her more than ever, and she's desperate to know if Brittany is missing her, too.

She wants to hug her. To just completely sink into her arms but, whilst it will look innocent to everyone around them, they will both know it is not. It will just be a desperate attempt to gain attention from the one person Santana shouldn't be gaining it from. Not that kind of affection, anyway.

"Santana?" Dark eyes flit upwards, widening in surprise. They're here, and Santana has squandered all of the preparation time she had. "Are you ready?" Santana nods, not trusting herself to speak. "You just let me know if you need us to leave, okay?"

Her guilt worsens. Judy would be willing to leave her daughter's birthday early just to make her feel better. Santana doesn't understand why this family is so willing to help her. Perhaps they wouldn't if they knew the truth, but that can't happen. It would destroy Quinn.

"I will," Santana says, knowing Judy needs her to verbalize it.

"Good girl." From anyone else, that'd feel demeaning, but never from the Fabrays.

Santana attempts to ignore her tightening chest as the follows Judy up the driveway, sounds of the party floating out from an open window. She can tell straight away that Brittany is in charge of the music, and it makes her smile.

"You came," Quinn smiles, opening the door before they even reach it. The surprise and relief in Quinn's voice causes the knot of guilt to tighten. "I'm so glad," Quinn says, pulling Santana into a strong hug.

"Happy birthday," Santana says, her voice sounding more strained than she'd like it to.

"Thank you, sweetheart." Quinn is positively beaming, her hazel eyes shining as she pulls out of the hug to scrutinize Santana. "You look better," she notes.

"I feel it," Santana says. A lie.

"Go on inside, I'll be right there." Quinn urges Santana into the house, and she knows the two Fabrays are going to talk about her. Quinn always needs a progress report of kinds from Judy. It's something Santana loves about her. Quinn genuinely cares.

The first few minutes of the party are a blur. An excited Rachel lets it known just how much she missed you, and Quinn's friends are quick to introduce themselves and tell Santana just how many good things they've heard. Santana doesn't think there's many good things about her, but she doesn't question that out loud.

She doesn't see her, though. And, believe me, she's definitely looking. Santana wonders if Brittany is maybe avoiding her; the smart choice, but there's a desperation inside of Santana. One that's growing by the second. She just wants to see her. To feel her and smell her. Even just for a moment.

The hoodie she's basically been living in, Brittany's, no longer smells like her. It makes each night a little harder.

Santana makes her way through the house, searching for Brittany, pretending to be casual about it. She does what she needs to do, smiling politely at people she has never met and allowing their cheerful introductions. Now that she's actually here, though, Santana is interested in seeing one person and one person only.

And then... she sees her. Standing in the kitchen, making small talk with people Santana doesn't recognise, is Brittany.

She looks beautiful. Perfect even. The smile she sports doesn't reach her eyes, but the almost strangers don't notice. Santana does, though. She also notices that Brittany is aware of her presence. It's subtle, but Santana can't miss they way Brittany's entire body seems to stiffen..how her hand nervously finds her hair, twirling golden locks between her long fingers.

Santana, in this moment, can't even work out how she has managed to stay away from Brittany for this long. Everything in her being screams at her to go to her, to embrace her and stop hiding her feelings. Screw everything, and anyone, else. Just go to her and be with her.

"You doing okay, honey?" Quinn's voice brings Santana crashing back down to earth. She suddenly remembers why she's been hiding her feelings...why she's been allowing herself to deal with the torture that her feelings bring.

"Yeah, I'm good," Santana says. She allows Quinn to wrap an arm around her waist and guide her further into the kitchen. Closer to Brittany.

Brittany pretends to notice her for the first time, but she knows better. Santana know she's been aware of her presence since she first stepped into the house, and she knows that Brittany's just as happy to see Santana as she is to see Brittany. The smile that definitely reaches her eyes this time tells her that.

"Hey, San," Brittany says, stepping away from the group of people. "It's good to see you." Her words carry more depth than is visible to everyone else in the room, and Santana has to bite her bottom lip to stop herself from beaming.

"Hey, Brittany."

More soon... Just a wee chapter to get back into the swing of things...