I do not own any of the characters from Invader Zim!

A/N: The Triangulons have disappeared from their space, and the Control Brains are in hot water!

Tak and the Martian Armada

Chapter 23: Respite

Stupid Decisions

The Irken Armada lay at the outskirts of the Triangulon neutral zone, half a light year away, while their scout ships probed the perimeter. No sign of any Triangulon activity had been detected, nor had any of their ships been sighted.

"This is damn peculiar . . ." Tallest Red remarked, "I wonder where they are . . ."

"Maybe they are still searching for their former leader, Lord Togos, along with his allies!" said Purple.

"That is what they claimed, but still . . . to leave their borders unprotected like this? It doesn't make sense! I don't like the looks of it!" Purple shrugged his shoulders.

"Why not? We left Irk barely defended, too!" Red spun quickly.

"What?! No one informed me about that!"

"It was the CBs' idea! They said in order to maximize our chances for success, we would need to boost the minimum numbers of the Armada by an additional five hundred spacecraft!"

"Have they gone mad?! Five hundred extra ships are not going to make a whole lot of difference! Where are they now? We're about to take part in a major invasion, and they've been hiding in their cubbyhole, making stupid decisions on their own?! I think it's time we have a talk with them, and let them know who the hell is really in charge here!"

Speak Softly

The Labis star system was nearly six hundred light years from Irk, and just beyond the Irken's "future growth" boundary. An Irken scouting party came across them over five centuries ago, but nothing was done then, except to note their location on their star charts. Two hundred years later, as the leaders of Irk became greedier for more territory, a pre-invasion force of a dozen warships accompanied by two carriers with nearly five hundred fighters, was sent out to reel in the Minorans. They were soundly defeated by a force one-tenth their numbers, and thoughts of another invasion were placed on the back burners, to be taken up another time. As it turned out, they were a telepathic species, and every attempt to place an invader in their midst ended in failure.

Anjah knew the real truth. Since the Minorans were telepaths, they simply wiped the memories of those invaders, filling their heads with pleasant thoughts of unicorns and cute furry animals. One had to be quite crazy anyway to run around a planet disguised by a holo-matrix, and think they could fool the inhabitants. Especially a planet of people who could read minds.

Anjah and Cobus were to be met, and formally welcomed by Elnah Topah, the Minoran diplo-prima, whom they had rescued from the space pirates, so they were required to wait in the greeting room until then. Surj and Lokar were already touring their city with a group of male soldiers, visiting from the sister planet of the Labis system, Majora. Unlike Irk, the males and females of Labis voluntarily segregated themselves for reasons obscured in their history, to separate planets. On Irk, there simply weren't enough females to go around, but on Labis, it was the males who went into "heat" every five years, and weren't interested in sex at all until that time arrived.

The Xanite, and the Irken princess lounged as the Minorans came and went silently about their business, bringing the pair whatever they desired for refreshments. They didn't even have to ask, as the Minorans simply read their minds. Anjah bowed in appreciation as they filled her glass with some of their finest liqueur.

"Cobus, my friend, you seem very comfortable with the Minorans, and they with you. Why is that?" Anjah smirked.

"They are impressed by my piloting skills, and interested in learning some of my special techniques!" The princess shrugged.

"They don't really need to know that. They can just look into your mind and pick out what they want."

"I don't think it matters. The way their ships are built, requires the pilot to be connected physically into the navigation system. That would mean implants into their spinal columns. While I can manually pilot their ships, they would have to add modifications to ours in order to fly them. Without those additions, I don't know if the Minorans would be truly effective at piloting our ships. What they actually want to do is have me train a few of their top pilots, and their knowledge will be passed on to the others, like the ripples in a pond." Anjah raised the glass of Minoran spirits to her lips as she appraised her mercenary teammate through the swirling liquid in her glass.

"I noticed you still wearing the Minoran telepathy disc from our battle with the dog pirates. Discovered any secrets lately, hmmm?"

"You're asking about Surj, and his infatuation with me, aren't you?"

"Mm hmm! He likes you, and you've been stringing him along, you bad girl! So tell me already! I'm dying to hear how that's going!" Cobus gave her a sly grin.

"I can't help it! We feline types like to play with our 'quarry'. I must admit I am rather surprised by his attentions, but he did save my skin back on the pirate's ship, so I'm grateful he was there."

"Have you seen him lately? He has this stubbly beard growing to hide his latest scars. I think he's trying to make an impression on you!"

"Why? I like his scars, they make him look like a badass! Plus I wasn't even aware Irkens had facial hair! Makes him very 'cat-like' in appearance! Rowr!"

"I think he's a virgin. You two should fuck each other, and get that out of the way. We're going into battle soon, and you may never have another chance!" Cobus' eyes widened, partly due to Anjah's matter-of-fact delivery, and partly because it seemed so funny.

"Will you listen to yourself?! You're an entirely different person without your nega-suit!" Puri smiled at her.

"Assassins as a whole, are trained to be very private, closed mouth, individuals. Their work requires it. My suit grants me anonymity. Unlike you three, I was not trained as an assassin, but fell into the business as a means to an end. Like my mother, and her mother before her, we started our martial arts training when we were very young, out of necessity. It came in handy when I began my life as an avenger." Anjah paused to sip from her glass once more, then continued. "Nega-suit technology came as a result of dark light research developed in our home country. When the rebellion came to Black Province, most of that information was erased from our computers to prevent it from falling into rebel hands. Except for a micro-flash which I found quite by accident while ransacking the palace for information. From that unit, I fabricated my very first nega-suit. Whenever I put it on, I become 'Anjah the Night Mist', killer of parliament's warmongers, and when I am without it, I'm just another face in the crowd, roaming from tavern to tavern, sometimes seeking information, other times, companionship."

"Those markings on your face set you apart from other female Irkens. Didn't anyone suspect who you might be?"

"After the uprising, all traces of the royal families on Irk were destroyed: pictures, portraits, statues. It was as if we never existed. After three hundred years had passed, which was the life-span of the average Irken commoner, no one remembered what we looked like. That included the facial markings, the four eyes, and the four arms."

"Knowing what your reputation was like, it's hard to imagine you trying to blend in as 'one of the boys.' Besides, you and your mother have extremely unique looks for Irkens, someone must have surely noticed." Anjah simply smiled, and moved closer.

"So, getting back to what we were talking about . . . are you going to make love to him? I'm getting horny thinking about it!"

"Really? I thought you Irken royals were driven by 'seasonal' urges!"

"Not necessarily. When the opportunity presents itself, we can override the seasonal urge, sort of like switching to manual. During the 'season', we are more likely to become impregnated by a royal Irken male, but that doesn't necessarily prevent us from having sex with other species!"

"That's interesting to know," Cobus leaned forward, ". . . is there a particular species that you seek out?"

"I do have my favorites, but they're too numerous to mention. The Minorans are nice looking, and have this very fine hair on their bodies, almost like a dry lubricant, and because they can read your mind, they know exactly what you want. It's no wonder Surj is attracted to them. The Minoran males, the Majorans, are similar to the females in appearance, except they have no breasts. They look like adolescent boys, but sexually, they have a-m-a-z-i-n-g staying power! They can go on for days at a time when they are in heat!" Cobus drank down the rest of her wine, and one of the Minorans came by, immediately refilling her glass. When she left, the lights were dimmed, and soon the sound of soft music began to play.

"What's going on?" asked Cobus.

"I'm going to say one of us thinks it's too bright in here. It's probably my fault." she smirked.

"Why would it be your fault?"

"You mentioned you thought I had very 'unique' looks, and the Minorans took it to mean you were interested in me," Puri quaffed the remainder of her glass in one swallow, ". . . and to tell you the truth, I find you very attractive also."

"You needn't sound so certain of yourself!" Cobus reached over to touch Anjah's fingertips. Purishnu turned her head, revealing her very own telepathy disc.

"I like Xanites, there's no point denying it," she smiled, "Ever since I first saw you bouncing around in the back of your ship, I wanted to get my hands on your . . . physical 'assets'!"

"At least until Surj comes around!" Cobus gave her a wink, then the lights dimmed further, and the doors were closed. The silence of the darkness was punctuated by short gasps, and a muted purring sound, could be heard.

In another room, Elnah Topah is listening in on their thoughts. "Our meeting can wait a little while longer," she motioned to one of her attendants, "let them have their little respite. Very soon, it will be serious business."

Crunch Time

Dib was pacing the launch floor. Nimbus was late, uncharacteristic of her since she prided herself on precision and punctuality, traits she claimed that no carbon-based life-form was suited for. But she said she was having some modifications done to her exterior chassis and A.I., for the upcoming battle. The ship he had selected as his fighter was easily ten times the size of Tak's spittle runner, and he needed Nimbus' instructions on how to operate the bigger craft, solo. A buzz on his communicator came from the overdue avatar. "I'm running late. Get on board and strap in. I'll be with you in a few minutes!" she said. He smirked as he thought of things to say regarding her tardiness. Nimbus was a good instructor, he had to admit, so her being a little late was not a problem.

Haze, the IE, was still directing the other mechs, installing newly designed maglev carriages under Dib's ship instead of using the bulky collars that were originally set to be used. The carriages could be used over and over, while the old sabot system required each ship to be wrapped individually in a special plastiform foam collar that disintegrated upon launching. The new system was far more efficient.

Dib's space craft would be the first to be fired through the refurbished tubes. He would remain in orbit to oversee the lift-off of their Martian Armada, and organize the fleet somewhere beyond the rings of Saturn, with Qikli's instructions. Once that was accomplished, Tak's avatar would continue instructing him on the nuances of celestial navigation, and the weapons system of his selected ship. There was an auto-harness that activated when the pilot sat down prior to launch. Unlike the spittle runner, which was maneuvered by joysticks, all controls were at his fingertips, and visor-visuals came down across his eyes on demand. Nimbus, his co-pilot, sat behind and slightly above him, not unlike the arrangement of an Earth fighter jet. The forward viewing port was relatively small, and unnecessary, since visuals were represented in real-time via visor holographs.

Most species would not be able to react fast enough to another ship approaching at even .000001 of light speed. Evasive actions, and targeting, were taken over by ultra-high speed computers. Personal combat had to be reduced to three thousand kph or less, the advantage being held by the species with quicker reaction times. He heard Nimbus enter, then seat herself behind him. He smiled smugly at her tardiness.

"You're late." he snickered.

"Sorry, but Qikli was making sure my body mods were in good working order."

"Body mods?"

"This will be your first time entering deep space, and we may not be returning to this system for a long time. Qikli also wanted to make sure my navigation charts were in order. Our job will be to organize our Armada into a fighting force, separating the warships into smaller flotillas. They will be flown out by the mechs, and taken past the two largest planets so they can be hidden in the shadows. There they will wait until Anjah and the others return with pilots and crews." They felt their ship rise up, then lurch forward.

"We're almost ready to launch. Are you secured?" he asked.

"I'm hard-wired in, all systems green. Now activating anti-inertial system. Artificial gravity will be turned off until we reach orbit!"

The launch crew maneuvered the fighter into the tube, and locked the breech. Dib felt the ship's nose rise, and suddenly they were in space, forty kilometers above the planet's surface, and climbing. The inertial absorbers removed the high g-forces that were normal in Earth ship lift-offs. In more advanced vessels, inertia had to be mitigated, or removed entirely. If not, a sudden jump to hyperspace would produce g-forces in the tens of thousands, effectively destroying ship and occupants. Fortunately for the Earthians, their propulsion systems were still far too primitive for light speed travel. At worst, the Earth astronauts would pass out during lift-off, then barf in their helmets.

A hundred launch cylinders had been cleaned out, and refurbished. There were five different classes of warships, each bigger than the other, but all designed to fit within the tubes. They were, in order of size: furies, wraths, chaos, and havocs. There were also the Umrakshas, named by Kali. Only one had been sent into space to become Tak's flagship. These were simply too large to accommodate, because they required very large crews to operate. They also acted as the carriers for the four hundred thousand solo fighters, which, because of a lack of fighter pilots, would have to be left behind.

With hardly any atmosphere to speak of, the ships were launched with barely a sound. Every minute, a hundred ships were shot into space. Every hour, sixty thousand of them were herded into Mars orbit. When their numbers reached three hundred thousand, they would be led into the shadow of planet Jupiter, by Dib and Nimbus.

The ships would wait for the remainder of the armada to arrive, while charging up on free floating ions, gamma rays, and assorted other space radiations, generated by the enormous planet's magnetosphere. There would be a ten hour break as the launch tubes were cooled down and scrubbed. This provided a rest period for Dib, who was exhausted by the ordeal. Not so much for Nimbus, since she was a mech. She could go on as long as there was energy to power her.

Dib unbuckled himself, and stretched his arms out before standing. He and his robot co-pilot had been going at it for the past twelve hours, and he was tired and hungry. Nimbus had been sitting behind him the whole time, and he never even saw her once, since she sat down. The teen let out a yelp when she stepped in front of him in her new "chassis modifications".

"Ohmigawd!" was his surprise reaction. Before him stood the goth girl that was Tak's original holo-disguise when she first arrived on Earth. She giggled.

"So, what do you think about my new look?"

"Well, it's certainly an improvement over your mech appearance, but why did you choose that image?"

"We didn't have any Earth female pictures, so we used Tak's holo-disguise from the time she tried to kill Zim! I downloaded it from the Spittle Runner's memory, and Qikli used it as reference for my alterations! We filled out the body to be more shapely, like Queen Kali. I even have the Queen's boob size! Princess Tak said Earth males like big boobs, and since you like Her Majesty's breasts, we used hers for reference! She was flattered!"

"You're telling me Tak was in on this?!"

"Yeah! The Queen, also! They both thought it was cute!"

"It's a royal conspiracy!" Nimbus grabbed onto his arm rests so he couldn't get away, and pushed him back down.

"Oh, don't be like that! I've been assigned to you for the duration of our upcoming battle! Tak and Queen Kali both thought it was a good idea to start weaning you away from them."

"But why?"

"The princess thinks you might be a distraction to her if you were on her ship since she's still in her 'season'. Her Majesty, Queen Kali, likes you, but had a Cheelisian lover while she was marooned here, and you remind her too much of him. When he died, it broke her heart. She does not want to repeat that." Dib turned pensive.

"That's understandable, but that still doesn't answer my question!"

"The Queen does not think you are from Earth. You exhibit the traits of a Cheelisian, so she wants you in the battle as a representative of your species, and fight to reclaim your home world. Since you are the first alien specie to swear fealty to her, she considers you her knight errant."

"I-I'm not from Earth?"

"You used the Cheelisii food replicator much too easily to be an Earthling. Even when you operate this ship, I can tell you are a natural. Qikli concurs. The replicator measures your brain waves in order to work properly, and when we are linked to this vessel, you really don't need my help! Since I've been assigned to you, I will operate the weapons and targeting systems. All you need to do is pilot."

"But maybe all humans can do it!"

"That is possible, but we are unsure if they are suited to interstellar warfare. Qikli took DNA samples from you at your most recent physical, and compared them to samples in Queen Kali's data base. You are definitely Cheelisian."

Dib's thoughts raced through his brain. All the years as a paranormal investigator, searching for proof of alien existence, had led him down one dead end after another, until he came across Zim. Now he was confronted by the fact that he was one of . . . "them".

He and Gaz grew up without a mother. Presumably she died in a plane crash shortly after Gaz was born, and her body was never recovered. At least that was what their father told them. The professor was usually mum regarding the details of her death, and he didn't even have pictures of her to prove she existed at all. Maybe she was a Cheelisian. If not, then perhaps his father? There was also the chance that he and Gaz were adopted, or that Gaz was actually human, while he was not. Small chance of that. Gaz seemed "inhuman" at times, and reveled in it. Not that she was ugly or anything, but putting it in manga terms, she would be considered, "tsundere." While she acted rude and indifferent most times, if she liked you, she would go out of her way to help. He was pretty sure she wasn't a virgin, but as to who it was who took her virginity, and what she did with his body, he had no idea.

"Hey Earth boy! Snap out of it! Are we going to make with the 'lovey', or not?" an impatient Nimbus poked her finger into his forehead, startling him.

"Huh? Are you still thinking about that?!"

"You did imply you would if I became bio-compatible, with a real face, and interactive ports! Don't you remember?"

"Uh, . . . vaguely. Was I serious?"

"Maybeyou weren't, but I was!" Dib remembered, then started back-tracking.

"You know I'm still pretty new at this sex stuff myself, . . . maybe I'm not the best teacher for you!" Nimbus whipped out a booklet.

"It's okay! This new shell comes with an instruction manual. . . !"

"A what now?!"

". . . so I can keep going even if you were to fall asleep, or go unconscious!" Nimbus pulled out a folding page, "It even has pictures, see? [insert male P-member into female V-slot] How simple can it be? Tee hee!"

"You would be willing to jump my bones while I was out cold?!"

"What is this 'bone jumping' you speak of? We're wasting time! You're being uncooperative. I could sedate you if you find my appearance *sniff* unacceptable."

"No no! Nimbus, you're really pretty as you are. I-I just don't know if I'm the right one to teach you!"

"Good! Let's get started! Page one says to remove subject's clothes first, but doesn't elaborate, so I will improvise!"

"Eeeyaagh!"

Secrets Revealed

The Massive had finally caught up with the rest of the Irken Armada, still making preparation for the invasion of the Triangulon's space. A replacement was being sent from Vort, that was even bigger than the old flagship. It had tentatively been named the "Megalossus," but that was subject to change. In the war room, Red and Purple had arranged a conference with the individual fleet commanders, but first, there would be a meeting with the Control Brains, regarding security and intel. There was a lot of explaining to do.

Tallest Red spoke first. "We have been informed that the destruction of the training platform at Hobo 13 ended in failure, with the loss of of Admiral Spixx, his flagship, several Ring Cutters and five Viral Tanks . . . Care to explain what the hell happened?!" The two bio-mechanical computers stared blankly at Red, feigning ignorance.

"You must be mistaken. We have no such information on record."

"You're shitting me! We are heading into the biggest invasion in Irken history, and you two are saying you know nothing about this?!"

"Please calm down, your Tallness. Someone has been feeding us misinformation. We are trying to determine the origin of these lies as we speak."

"You're telling me you've been hacked?!" Red pressed the com badge on his uniform, "Communications Officer, terminate all feeds to the Armada!" Red turned angrily towards the two bio-computers, "All coded messages have to go through you two, and we need to cut that off right now! For now, we'll have to contact the individual flagships directly!" Purple tapped him on the shoulder.

"Uh, Red? We have a hundred thousand lesser flagships. Just contacting each one to relay messages will take about an hour each!" Red let out a growl before face-palming himself.

"Urrgh!"

"We have everything under control, your Imperialness. There's no need for worry. We have narrowed our search down to the Solarii system where we maintain a restricted area outpost patrolled by space pirates."

"Why do we have an off-limits area so far from our territory?"

"That information has been blocked, even from our access. Only you, and Purple, as the current Tallest, can retrieve this restricted file." Tallest Purple took Red to the side, speaking in hushed tones.

"The Solarii system is the last known location of Queen Kali of Black Province. We cannot let this knowledge be made public."

"Kali? The last queen? So that's what became of her!"

"And it is best to keep it like that. Your ancestors secretly organized a coup to remove her from power. The Mountain and River clans were the largest and most powerful of the provinces, but it was either kowtow to her, or face off against all the other provinces under Black control. Kali had plans to split our countries into smaller, 'cultural' regions, to reduce our power and influence. That was unacceptable to our leaders. The Queen had this pet project of her's, searching for inhabitable planets, and we were informed whenever she was planning an expedition. There was an insider in the Black palace who fed us intel for future . . . 'considerations.' We assembled a small fleet, followed her to Solarii, . . . and buried her on the fourth planet!"

"She was assassinated?"

"Most certainly. Her ship crashed into the side of a cliff. She could not possibly have survived." Red raised an eyebrow.

"Purps, just exactly how old are you? You're offering up some pretty specific details, as if you were an eyewitness to the event."

"Ah ha ha! You've discovered my secret! I was a member of the ambush party, just a green fighter pilot back then! Only a handful of us have survived to this day. Spixx was one of us."

"Only a royal female could live more than two thousand years . . ." Tallest Red raised one skeptical eyebrow, ". . . and a royal male only lived no more than fifteen hundred!" Purple gleamed like the cat that ate the canary.

"Ah, but I discovered the secret to their royal longevity! For many years, I worked on an immortality formula, thinking I could extract the life essence from commoners. But it was the royal females who lived the longest. After the insurrection, I had a lot of fresh 'subjects' to experiment on!"

"And here we all thought you were experimenting with recreational drugs, or something!"

"No. Unfortunately, my supply of royal females began to run out, so I devised a plan to introduce their DNA into the cloning factories every ten years, to replenish my supplies. I've been doing it for centuries!"

"Uhhh, . . . that sounds a little creepy, if you asked me."

"We'd keep track of them after their smeets emerged, and collect them after a hundred years. Any longer, and their royal traits would begin to reveal themselves!"

"What, exactly, were you taking from these clones?"

"Oh, parts of the hypothalamus, the pituitary gland, the thyroid, and the heart!"

"Sounds unnecessary. Couldn't you have synthesized the hormones you needed?"

"There are certain compounds that simply cannot be duplicated in the lab, and must be extracted from live specimens."

"You'd have to kill them first, of course . . ."

"That goes without saying. The female, Tak, was to have been my next 'donor', but unfortunately she asked to be sent to Solarii 3, to take over Zim's mission. There is still Invader Tenn, but she is not yet of harvestable age."

"Those two are royals?"

"Most females are, with few exceptions."

"There are no hormones in the heart that I can think of. What can you get out of them?" Purple gave a particularly evil grin.

"Nothing. It's removed to make sure the victims are dead. They're ground up, and their DNA is extracted, and returned to the cloning factories for storage." Tallest Red turned a shade of yellow. "Females don't die right away, even with parts of their brains missing. I find it fitting, considering what they did with their royal mates! Hahahaha!"

"We must sit and talk about this disgusting 'addiction' of your's one day!" He turned to the Control Brains with a glare in his eyes, "As for you two, our information was automatically relayed directly to us by the carriers after the Hobo fiasco! Listen carefully! It was by your calculations that we have every available ship awaiting the invasion of Triangulos! Who or what, pray tell, is guarding the home planet?"

"Our reputation precedes us, and there are no other empires within six hundred light years large enough to challenge our supremacy! Irk already has more than sufficient means to defend herself. There is no need for concern." they replied.

"We shall see about that!" said Red, a threatening scowl twisted his lips, "We've not had contact from the home world in over 24 hours, just garbled static! I find it very unsettling that the Triangulons are nowhere to be seen, and the lack of communication with Irk makes things even more suspicious! Get rid of your damn virus, and find out what's happening on the home planet, or so help me I'll jettison you both like ballast into the Varanus Vortex!" The Brains protested, trying to justify their logic.

"The Triangulons do not have hyperspace capabilities! There is no way they could have made the trip in the time it took us to get here!" Red brushed off their objections with a swipe of his hand.

"Then perhaps we have underestimated them! Return to your modules! This conversation is over!" Tallest Red dismissed the Brains, and turned to Purple for the next order of business. "Those two are obsolete, and beginning to get presumptuous. It is time to contact Vort about our new flagship, and maybe get some new Control Brains at the same time!"

Far from the Neutral Zone . . .

"How goes the operation, Qikli?"

"Everything went according to plan, your Highness. We now have one million ships waiting for personnel to arrive. Master Dib and Nimbus are taking . . . a break!"

"I can just imagine!" the Queen snickered, "I hope you tuned down her 'enthusiasm'!"

"Don't worry! Master Dib has proven to be quite resilient! They will both be fine!"

"I do hope Puri and the others have success recruiting pilots and crew from the Labis System."

"That would solve all our manpower problems, and if there is a surplus of them, we can launch our carriers and the solo fighters, also!"

"And what about your infiltration of the Control Brains?"

"I've completed accessing all their files, and they've only now realized where the information is being sent to. They think they have been infected by a programmed virus, or a nano-bot, and have been operating on that assumption. The truth is, I sent them a sentient, quantum life-form, capable of catching rides on radiation waves. They are unaffected by programmed virus hunters. The Brains have no idea what they're dealing with, and no way of getting rid of it!"

End Chapter 23

A/N: The launch tubes are uniform in size, similar to the locks of the Panama Canal, to accommodate the ships of the Martian Armada, which are all forty meters at their widest points.

There are two islands off the coast of Spain: Minorca and Majorca. Does sound a little coincidental if you asked me! How did they manage to be named for two planets in a star system nearly a thousand light years from Earth?! Smacks of alien conspiracies! Dib should investigate . . . if he survives either the battle, or Nimbus!