Chapter 15 The Agreement Part 2

Ludwig liked to use non-descript entrances when returning to his brother's residence. He disliked the grand entrance hall and all its decorum and all the fuss the servants made to greet him. He preferred a side door or even the service doors after a long day of preparations. In truth, he did not feel he deserved all the splendor of bows and curtseys, after all, it wasn't and would never be his house. He simply liked to conduct his business without trifles. He simply did not like accepting anything he felt he did not deserve.

He was passing through a darkened hallway when he caught a glimpse of someone moving ahead of him. As Ludwig approached, he saw it was Feliciano and not a servant as he had originally expected. The Healer seemed lost in thought, so much so that he did not seem to notice Ludwig, who made no indication that he was there and instead quickly made his way to his brother's room.

"So did you convince him to stay?" Was his first question, quick and to the point.

"Convince would be an odd way of putting it," Gilbert answered nonchalantly.

"Brother, he has to stay here. He can't go with me in the spring–"

"And if he doesn't, then what?" Gilbert replied sharply. "You want him to stay here? If I had a Healer as talented as you say he is, I'd want to keep him by my side, or at least keep tabs on him." Gilbert sunk into the pillows a bit more. He did not care for emotional tirades so late at night.

"What are you saying?"

"In war, everything is a weapon, even a Healer. If one's not on your side, they're on someone else's." His tone was even but still held an undercurrent of foreboding. Ludwig did not like it.

"Which is precisely the reason why he needs to stay here."

Gilbert rested his eyes. "Very well."

Ludwig waited but his brother did not utter another word on the matter. After conveying news on his preparations, he wished Gilbert a good night, and turned on his heels. His mind was getting tired. It felt slightly muddled, like someone had whisked it in a stirring bowl and left it sitting out for hours. He walked quickly to ignore it. He did notice that his steps led him not to his bedroom door, but to another place altogether.

A knock at the door made Feliciano shake. He had been sitting in the dark for a long while, trying to make the fuzzy sensation disappear from his lips. It would not go away.

The door swung open before he could answer it.

"It's dark in here." It was a voice Feli had not been expecting.

"Captain?"

Feliciano rose and started to walk toward him, but stopped himself. From the shaft of hallway light he could make out Ludwig's piercing stare. It was a stare that erased the feeling on his lips but replaced it with something else equally as dreadful.

"I talked with my brother."

"Yes... he..." Feliciano could not form another word as Ludwig launched at him.

"Why won't you accept my brother's offer? He wants you to be his Healer—"

"You must think me a fool, Captain," Feli lowered his eyes, "if you do not believe I know there is more to it than that."

Feliciano gazed up just in time to see Ludwig glare at him indignantly. "I will admit my brother has ulterior motives–"

"He wants me to be his concubine!"

The Captain did not respond kindly to having words thrown in his mouth. "Don't speak of him that way! My brother would not force you into such a position. His chief interest in you is that you are a Weaver and that he finds you pleasant to be around."

"Those words are your own." Gilbert's advances played in his head, but they did not seem to have the same edge to them that they had had moments before. Instead, little snippets of memories invaded Feli's mind: Gilbert staring at him from across the table or the looks he would get as he dozed off in the parlor's armchair. Those scenes made his skin prickle. "I have known Lord Gilbert long enough to know his true motives."

Ludwig's lips compressed into a thin line.

"Perhaps they are. Perhaps he does want you for more than your powers. But my brother is also thinking about your best interests. I realize having someone like you in my army is a mistake." At this Feli's eyes widened. "Don't misunderstand. You are valuable as a Weaver, but you are not suited for war. I did not realize this but my brother, as a noble, did. He says you came from good breeding. He says you must have been raised as a prince. I must confess that I never questioned your childhood–as a man without one I fail to see the value in them–but my brother is right. You do not have the look of a peasant about you, or even that of a skilled laborer. And your tenacity especially leads me to believe that you were raised as a noble, I daresay, an heir of some small country."

Feliciano's blood ran cold. The Captain had proven himself worthy of his position many times, but his deduction was so perfect that Feli felt compelled to tell him everything all at once. "You see..." he started.

Ludwig cleared his throat. "No. I won't ask you. It is not my business and if you have hidden it for so long then it is of no concern to me. Besides, it would only detract from the matter at hand."

Feli wanted to breathe a sigh of relief and curse himself for letting the conversation get back on track.

"I will admit my brother thinks fondly of you. He has lost many things since his injury, but pride has not been one of them. He would like to think that he woos you with his words and that you have a strong attraction to him. I know this is not the case, but if you could pretend to acknowledge his advances, if you could pretend to be as pleased to see him as he is to see you, it might be the best thing that's happened to him since..." Ludwig did not finish his words. There was no need to. Feliciano knew how it would end.

"And so you want me to live with your brother," Feli began. The Captain nodded. "You want me to be his Healer and perhaps, given time, his lover." At this, another nod, but Ludwig caught himself.

"No, I didn't intend–"

"But you did, Captain," Feliciano sighed restlessly. "If I am going to spend the rest of my life with someone, I want to be the one to choose that person."

"Then," Ludwig started, "I suppose... My brother does say he's attracted to you... And if you are also–"

"You don't understand, Captain!"

"I understand that you are penniless and homeless," Ludwig continued, as if he hadn't heard Feliciano's outburst. "I understand that my brother is offering you enough to live comfortably. What I cannot understand is why you continue to refuse his offer."

"You know I am a Thender, Captain. Yet, sometimes, I feel like I am less than human. I've tried to protect myself and my powers, but there are still people who would use them." Feliciano spun around to face Ludwig. "That's why I joined you, Captain. You didn't force me. Until now..."

The Captain listened to this with careful attention. "I already told you he would not force you into anything you would not want to do. It was..." Ludwig's pace slowed, as if it became harder to say the next words, "...part of our agreement."

"Agreement?"

The Captain nodded. "Like my brother, I also do not believe you were destined for the life of an army Healer. It is a tough life and with time it will crush you. Just before we left for Huld I could see you cracking, you had an unhappy look in your eyes..."

"It was not that, Captain."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it was not the army life that did that to me."

"If you believe that then let's focus on the physical. My brother said your hands were coarse. Show them to me." At this Feli yielded his hands and the Captain felt them. The act was purely one of duty, much to the Weaver's disquietude.

"It's true," the Captain ascertained. "And I bet your feet are worse. Not just that, there are bruises all over you that are just starting to heal, and little cuts and scratches."

"I accepted that along with the job, Captain. I'm not as delicate as you think."

Ludwig gave him a look of supreme dissatisfaction. "And once again, I say it was a mistake. Had I known what I know now, I would have never led you out into the battlefield with that group of scoundrels. Why did you think I invited you into my tent in the first place? It was the only place that I knew you would be protected from them. But I digress. If you become my brother's personal Healer you will not have to worry about that. You can live here with all the privilege as one of the members of the household and I'm sure my brother would not spare any expense on you or deny you anything. Your life again will be that of a prince, if indeed that was what you were before. You will only have to heal and regard him, that is all."

Feli's eyes fell downcast again. "I have no problem with healing your brother and as to the type of regard you mean, your brother does actually flatter me with his words–"

"–then I will tell him–" Ludwig broke in.

And Feli broke back, "–but I do not love him."

Ludwig stopped and stared. "Love? What does that have to do with it?"

Feliciano took a breath, then started, "I know that is what your brother truly wants. He does not just want a powerful Healer, even Weaver, or an attendant. He wants love. I saw the way he was with Lady Elizaveta. He does not lust after her, as you say, he only wants her to love him, and now that he is denied her, he regards me as a substitute."

"You are more than that–"

"Maybe. Maybe he loves me, but not in any way equal to the way he loved, or still loves, Lady Elizaveta. That's why I cannot accept what you are offering just now. I cannot give Lord Gilbert what he truly wants."

"Love?" Ludwig said, incredulously.

Feli nodded. "Don't misinterpret my words. I do appreciate your brother's kindness, and I do enjoy his company, but I do not love him."

"Love?" The Captain repeated again, each time becoming more and more unbelieving.

"Yes, Captain, Lord Gilbert Beilschmidt is not the man I love."

"This is all about love? Of all the silly things!" The Captain said, half in disgust. "You will not accept my brother's offer, you will not live a life of luxury, because of something as meaningless as love?"

"You believe it to be meaningless, Captain. In fact, that does not surprise me." You would not recognize it if it slapped you in the face. Feliciano kept his hands in check. "But I do believe that love exists. I do believe that it leads you to reject life's luxuries in pursuit of it. Even at the cost of happiness, I believe I'd choose love."

The Captain shook his head. "You're not making any sense. Our drinks are especially strong in Huld, but coming from Ekaal..."

"I am not from Ekaal. And it is not the drink. I have told you that I cannot accept your brother's offer, that I refuse. Please accept that."

Ludwig stared at him, a cold, calculated stare that was deciding the best course of action to take. As if this were just another battle. Another campaign. Another soldier acting out of line. "I will give you time. The agreement with my brother involved practical issues as well. My army is desperately in need of Healers, and regardless of your decision, actions have already been made to secure more. Once they are ready, I will ask you again. At that time you will tell me your final decision and no sooner. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Captain."

The Captain nodded, "Good. Now think it over." Then he turned abruptly and left without looking back.

Feliciano returned to his room feeling as hopeless with his prospects as when he had started the conversation.

He found trouble sleeping that night. His thoughts raced through his head, feverishly.

Where was the use in arguing when everything had already been decided for him? He was certain it was not Gilbert that had invited him to his room, but Ludwig. It was Ludwig who had orchestrated that plan to get him and Gilbert together.

"Captain, you're such a fool," Feliciano sighed.

He imagined living in the mansion and having all the amenities at his fingertips. It sounded nice and Lord Gilbert was not completely disagreeable (obnoxious, but not disagreeable). He imagined finally having some place to call home, but for some reason, when he tried to picture it, he would be feel some kind of loathing emotion. No. That was not the life for him.

Then he imagined the open sky and walking for miles and the person he loved at his side. His heart filled with a soft spark of joy. Yes. That was it. He would choose that life over a life of riches every time.

And yet how could he get the Captain to understand that?

Perhaps love was not to be understood, perhaps one only experienced it. So it was settled then. He would get the Captain to experience love for himself.

Feliciano woke in the early morning. A gray, subdued light shined through the curtains of his bedroom and he opened the curtains and looked beyond. The courtyard was gray as well, the ground, the trees, even the fountain. But for the first time, a hint of white mixed with the gray. It had snowed ever so lightly. He looked at the the bushes that nestled to his window. They were all branches now and Feli got the impression that winter was making its first round.

He wondered how long Ludwig intended to stay in Huld. The Captain had never given him a timeline, nor told him anything expressly related to the army. He only knew that he would leave some time in the spring. Perhaps that was on purpose. Ludwig did not think Feli would be joining the army once they set out again, he had already made that perfectly clear. However, Feli did not think Ludwig the sort of person to travel through the vicious weather of winter, or the type to fight on a freezing battlefield. It just wasn't efficient.

He would have to ask, or at least, find out.

That was when he was broken from his musings and saw a male figure crossing the yard. He seemed to be starting a run, and judging by the comfortable clothes he wore, there was no doubt he was exercising. There was no doubt it was the Captain. From behind the window, Feliciano trembled. It was cold out there and yet the captain did not seem to mind. Instead, he soon broke into an even pace, circling around the courtyard.

Feli had made his resolve and in order to accomplish his goal, he would have to meet the captain on his own field.

Feliciano unlocked the window. No sooner had he done it then all the warmth flew out of the room like people escaping from a fire. The cold was incredible, at once fierce and penetrating, at once everywhere, within and without. He climbed over the window ledge and was careful to avoid the bony branches on his dissent.

Then he was bounding toward the captain, air like daggers going into his lungs.

"Captain!" He yelled, half-expired from the cold. The other heard him and lightened his pace.

When Feli was closer he spoke softly, "May I join you?"

Ludwig looked at him, his cold gaze dissected Feli's whole being, but he consented. "You'll have to keep up. I won't slow down."

The first few laps were easy for Feliciano. The air warmed around him the more he ran, and eventually he was welcoming the rush of cool air rather than condemning it. But then it started to hurt. The captain never lightened his pace and Feli's legs began to protest. They were tired, he was tired and he had not exercised in a long time.

He slowed down and the captain kept running. Eventually he was overlapped. Then again. The again. Feliciano found a bench to rest on and was reminded of the cold. Now it seemed tolerable. Now that he was already tired and uncomfortable, it did little to bother him.

The captain came then, not out of breath, not tired-seemingly-but smiling. "Didn't think you could put up for as long as you did," he said. Feli detected a hint of familiarity in his tone.

"After marching with you I don't think I could have done any less."

"That is true." Still the same hint.

"Captain, I would like to run with you some more. That way I'll be prepared when the spring comes again."

"What do you have to prepare for?"

"To march with you." The captain's gaze lost the slight playfulness it held so Feli added, "I'm out of shape."

Ludwig looked at him sharply, but the look soon disapated. "I have no objection to you running with me," he said simply. "But you'll have to wake yourself. I won't wait for you."

Feliciano grinned as Ludwig returned to his laps.

Early mornings were the best. Feli would wake and run around the yard with the captain. Sometimes they would talk. More often they would say nothing at all. When he got tired, Feliciano would retire to the bench and Ludwig would look at him with the beginnings of a lighthearted expression, never letting up his pace.

Breakfasts were the worst.

Lord Gilbert would be there, but that was not the thing that bothered Feli. The Captain would not speak to him during those intervals when he was in his brother's presence. Instead, he would strike conversation with the latter, and their words would be lost on Feli, the two of them in a separate world of strategies and logistics.

How frustrating, Feliciano thought. How frustrating to witness all the knots of companionship come undone as the Captain reverted back to his cool and unfeeling exterior.

Feli fretted. He dropped bits of tea on the tablecloth. When he tried, cooly, to clean his mess he heard Gilbert's dry cackle. "Don't worry about it! I won't have table manners in my house!" And just as soon as he said that, ten drops of beer splattered on the table cloth from the cup he had slammed on it.

Lord Gilbert was an early drinker.

But the early mornings were the best. He would run up beside the Captain and the both of them would cleave through the air, their breath emitting long trails that looked like spirits, dissolving into the long expanse of the gray beyond.

A/N: Thank you for your long wait. The second scene in this chapter was the reason why I wrote this, it was actually one of the first passages I wrote for this story. I just wanted them to talk like that, to say everything without saying it (I'm such a dork). Anyway, thank you for reading and sticking with it.