I thought we had something special… I let you in against my better judgment… I knew I shouldn't…I knew it. But I was a fool. You always make a fool out of me.

I walk the halls of my home trying to remember every room so I can change the locks on everything. It's long work… and I do get a little lost in my own home from time to time. But it keeps me busy.

Every lock I change and remember to lock is for the best. Now is a good time to do it… you're busy with your friends… or so you say…

To think I was always worried about Spain… or France. And what you might be doing with them. Turns out the person I was least worried about is the one I should have been the most worried about. Of course it's always that way…

But really. Who'd have thought you'd sleep with your brother… of all people… It's like you were trying to hurt me…

I have been in many marriages… but I never thought that made me… a whore. I was always faithful in them. And I was faithful to you…

I wish I could be madder at you. But I hate myself more than anything… because I went against my common sense. My instincts. I am the fool… but you are the whore…

Dearest Elizabeta is someone I can always talk to. I've never burdened her before with things such as this. But I am truly at a loss this time…

So I told her everything. Poured my heart out to her… The betrayal I was suffering through. How you could do this after all we had. Even when I told you that you had nothing to fear about disappearing. For I was holding something important in Vienna. Deep in my heart.

You could still do this knowing that?

You're as soulless as I always thought… as heartless and monstrous as I always believed you to be.

I told her all these things.

The sweet women she is offered to harm you of course. And I told her no. So she told me to confront you about it. I also declined. I have no desire to have you lie to my face and tell me I was seeing things.

I've never been one for confrontation. My long history says such…

So I changed the locks. Seal every way to get to me. I will be working from home for a while so you don't corner me in my office. I will be calling out of meetings so you can't find me there…

I don't eat much… I have enough food stored for a while…

It's winter now so I don't have to tend the gardens…

It'll be simple enough to avoid you…

And by the time I actually need to leave you will have stopped trying. You don't actually have a need for me when you're with someone else.

And if we see each other eventually… I will pretend you don't even exist… because as far as I am concerned you do not. I foolishly saved your life… And if I wished I could trash your order and that'd be that. Then it'd only be a matter of time…

But I will not do that. Even though I should…

Because you know deep down that it is I who is holding your life. That you live each day because of me. You know this. You do.

I hope the guilt will eat away at you. Destroy you in it's own way.

I truly hope it does.

So you enjoy yourself for now… fuck your brother into oblivion…

Let that guilt eat you away…

I will continue to live as the nation I am. I will move on and live my life the best way I can. Even if it's in solitude. I have never minded being alone all that much… I will get by. I am stronger then everyone thinks. I always prevail.

You are dead to me Gilbert.

Wishing you the best.

Roderich~

A/n
I was hoping that if I wrote something like this, I could stop detesting Pru/Aus as much as I do. I want to love it again… Whatever...