Media: Fic
Type: Multi-Part
Title: Hot Mikado
Author: lola_mejor
Word Count: ~5,000 (this chapter)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama
Pairings: Klaine
Spoilers: Just up to whatever's current – the fic is loosely based in the normal Glee universe but will diverge slightly just cos I'm not going to constantly re-write to keep with canon!
Warning: None
Disclaimer: Kurt, Blaine, Rachel, Harmony, Gavroche and whomever else from Lima, Ohio don't exist, nor did I create them. Which seems like it poses an existential question, but is actually just me saying I've borrowed them from the people who did create them.

Summary: Kurt has been approached by the Gerber baby and his doppelganger to help them put on a community production of Hot Mikado. There's just one problem…

A/N: A million thanks to my betas on LJ - sparklegemnstone and jennacorinth!

Kurt lay sprawled on his bed, the covers scrunched around him, a cocoon of sorts formed from an afternoon of cuddling into the soft, warm down, watching movies and listening to music. He hummed to himself as his eyelids drooped, obscuring his view of Blaine, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of a collection of open Broadway songbooks. From the two feet or so that separated them his eyes meandered over Blaine's soft curls, which were getting quite long. Without any product they settled around his face and over his ears in soft tufts that made it difficult not to reach out a hand and ruffle through them playfully. Kurt sighed and continued humming no tune in particular, just watching. He watched Blaine's brow furrow and lips move silently as he read and imagined the scores, their melodies and harmonies, on the pages in front of him. He watched Blaine's fingers ghost over the notes, his thumb tapping a muffled rhythm. He watched Blaine's shoulders move in time with his thumb, imagining the movements on stage that would go with such a performance. Kurt loved it. He loved this.

Blaine glanced up at him when he noticed Kurt had stopped humming, and smiled. He reached a hand over to stroke Kurt's forearm briefly, feeling the need to physically express the unspoken connection that linked them at all times, especially on lazy afternoons such as this. He returned his hand to his side, intending to trace along the pages in front of him again, but stopped. A silence overtook the room, as if it knew one of them was about to speak.

Blaine pivoted so he was sitting facing Kurt. "Are you ok?" He asked, his voice a little croaky from not having spoken in a while.

Kurt blinked, confused, his breath catching in his throat at the unanticipated question. He moved slowly, disturbing the folds of the cocoon around him, and propped himself up slightly on his elbow. He cocked his head at Blaine, and opened his mouth as if to speak, but then shut it again, pursing his lips and glancing down briefly.

"It's just-" Blaine spoke again, but cut himself off until Kurt returned his gaze. "It's just you seem pensive. Or contemplative. I know that doesn't necessarily mean something's wrong, and of course I'm really enjoying just being with you, but, I don't know, usually you're more talkative – or we're doing something that distracts us from talking," Blaine winked. "That, and I've been going through these song books for 45 minutes now and you haven't suggested we sing something."

Kurt smiled at Blaine's last observation and yawned before shaking his head quickly in an effort to wake up from his reverie. "Yes I'm fine," he said quietly, testing his voice. "I am capable of not talking you know – I'm not entirely like Rachel."

Blaine started a bit at the mention of Rachel – he hadn't been suggesting anything of the sort – but held Kurt's gaze, waiting out the silence before Kurt spoke again.

"I guess I have been contemplating, so 'contemplative' would be a good description. I'm sorry were you getting bored? We could watch a movie or go fix a snack downstairs if you like?" Kurt pushed himself up slowly and stretched his arms out, muscles in his neck and back flexing and pulling taut. Another yawn snuck up on him and his face contorted as it took over, forcing his eyes shut and letting a squeak escape from his throat.

"No, no I'm not bored," Blaine brought his knees up to his chest and leant against the drawers behind him. "I'm just… penny for your thoughts?"

"Contemplations," Kurt corrected.

"Oh well those are worth more," Blaine smiled. "Nickel for your contemplations? I could be persuaded to part with a dime for a musing…"

Kurt groaned and ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face. "You're such a dork."

"Maybe," Blaine answered, his face still smiling, "but I'm persistent. What have you been thinking about?"

Kurt flopped back onto the bed and looked at the ceiling. "School, I guess."

"School?" Blaine was skeptical, and let the question hang in the air.

"Well, kind of," Kurt was speaking to the ceiling, finding it easier than meeting Blaine's gaze.

"How?"

Kurt sighed and groaned all at once, pulling himself up again and sitting cross-legged on the bed so he was facing Blaine. "I'm not sure I want to talk about it," he said, looking at his hands, clasped lightly in his lap. The room returned to silence as Blaine weighed the answer in his head and Kurt continued to study his hands.

"I could tell you something I've been thinking about – about school," Blaine almost whispered, as if he's revealed a hushed secret. Kurt took the bait and lifted his head, meeting Blaine's eyes. Both sets of eyes looked unsure. "We're over halfway through your senior year," Blaine said evenly, not breaking eye contact for a second, "which means we're halfway through our one year together, at McKinley." He swallowed and almost looked down, but blinked and held his position. "I've been thinking about how I'm going to miss you when you're at NYADA."

Kurt dropped his head, breaking their eye contact, and concentrated intently on the seam of his jeans. He noticed the precise interval between stitches on the inside leg – how these intervals were smaller at the knee to achieve an added bunching effect. "I thought we agreed," he said quietly.

"We agreed not to dwell on what may come at us in the future," Blaine agreed. "We agreed to enjoy spending every day together." He continued, shuffling forward and placing a hand up onto each of Kurt's knees. "But we didn't agree not to share our thoughts or feelings, so I'm sharing mine."

Kurt could see Blaine's hands in the upper edges of his field of vision, Blaine's thumbs pressing lightly and stroking his knees in soothing circles. He lifted his head slightly, finding Blaine's face and worried eyes. "I wasn't thinking about that this time. I try not to think about that."He shook his head. That wasn't what he had been thinking about. He spent a lot of energy everyday not thinking about that.

He was thinking about Rachel.

"You're going to get in," Blaine said softly, ducking his head and looking up at Kurt from the level of the songbook, trying to catch his eye. "Even if there are obstacles along the way, you'll get in. Sooner or later. There is always a way."

"It's not likely to be sooner though, is it?" Kurt whispered. "Not on the basis of my application."

"I didn't say that," Blaine answered quickly. "We don't really know what they're looking for – I don't think performing arts schools are only about what's on paper. But even on paper, you look like an awesome candidate to me."

"You're biased," Kurt smiled, flicking his eyes up to meet Blaine's finally.

"True," Blaine smiled a goofy smile back, leaning in for a quick kiss before sitting back up. "But it doesn't change the fact that we don't really know anything."

"Even so…" Kurt trailed off, and Blaine waited patiently. Kurt squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, then snapped them open. "Would I be a lousy friend if I auditioned for community theatre roles without telling Rachel?

Blaine blinked rapidly, surprised by the question and what it implied. He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, and chewed on his tongue for a moment trying to think what to say. "I'm not sure," he answered finally. "Is there a particular production you're looking at?"

Kurt realised he'd been holding his breath and let it out as slowly and deliberately as he could. "Maybe," Kurt admitted, suddenly flush with guilt.

"Well, tell me about the production, first," Blaine suggested. "We can get to the Rachel of it all later."

Kurt paused, meeting Blaine's eye. "Even that's not simple," he said, leaning back into the bed behind him. He tilted his head back into the covers and closed his eyes. "It all really started when I was getting take away coffees for us at the Lima Bean – that day you were stuck at home waiting for a delivery? Anyway, I was standing in the queue, trying to figure out whether to get a cookie as well when I was tapped on the shoulder from behind. I turned around and it was Harmony from the Unitards."

"The Gerber baby?" Blaine's eyebrows quirked at the name.

"The Gerber baby," Kurt confirmed. "She was with that guy with the ridiculous but perfect stage name who always looks like he's trying to copy my fashion tips from last season... 'Gavroche'." Kurt shuddered at the thought. "Anyway, even the fact of seeing those two would have been enough to get me thinking. I mean, she has credits since, like, forever, and despite his fashion sense, it's like Gavroche is a slightly less stylish but more confident and more experienced version of me."

Blaine was about to interject but Kurt cut him off.

"The key theme there is experience – they both have credits or experience in doing community and other productions, and I've got – what – some Glee performances, a brief stint as a cheerleader, and a small role in ONE school musical? It's not good enough. I wouldn't admit me to NYADA on the basis of that."

"Kurt you know that's a simplistic view of things," Blaine sighed, speaking from what could almost be a script at this point. "What you've got is talent. And based on your talent you will get into NYADA. And anyway, you forgot about our Christmas Special – that's quite definitely a credit."

"Here's the thing though," Kurt spoke as if he hadn't heard Blaine. "Even if what I've got is enough to get into NYADA, it's not good enough for me anymore." He snapped his head back upright and looked at Blaine. "I want to perform – so why aren't I seeking out every opportunity to perform? If the opportunities aren't at McKinley, I should be seeking them elsewhere. There's obviously stuff out there – people like Harmony and Gavroche have been living and breathing musical theatre for years, in Ohio. But what have I been doing? Why haven't I been doing any of that? Whether I get into NYADA or not on the basis of my current application, I need to lift my game. I need to be serious and I need to stop playing the victim about this."

"Kurt, no-one would suggest you've been playing victim," Blaine shook his head.

"Maybe not," Kurt quipped, "but why haven't I been out there? What have I been doing with my teens? I've wasted them and it could cost me my future. At least Rachel's been posting those ridiculous YouTube videos of herself singing since sophomore year."

Blaine looked at Kurt helplessly. He knew Kurt hadn't been hiding from the world; that he hadn't been playing victim. But he also knew that having a successful but entirely down-to-earth and non-musical father wouldn't have opened any doors either; no matter how much Burt loved his son. If he didn't understand what was needed for Kurt's musical and theatrical development, then he couldn't have been expected to point a young Kurt in the right direction. It was a no blame situation – a confluence of factors – that had brought Kurt to this point.

"Did you know Rachel was so determined about those videos that even when there were hundreds of entirely negative comments under each video, she still refused to delete or disable comments, or open a new account?" Kurt sounded like he was talking to Blaine but he was looking at the ceiling again. "She forged ahead, never letting it get to her – or at least never letting it stop her. She knows that one day they'll all want to eat their words."

"And you know that one day they'll all work for you," Blaine countered. "Regardless, what Rachel does or doesn't do shouldn't decide your actions for you Kurt. Rachel is a very different person to you," he said. "People compare you two a lot… but the differences are greater than the similarities."

Kurt sat quietly for a moment, finally seeming to take in Blaine's objections. "Well for starters I'm sure I'm a better kisser," he said eventually, looking at Blaine with a smile.

Blaine blushed. "Yes, you are most definitely a better kisser – in so many ways."

"Well there's that then," Kurt leaned back into the bed behind him again, slipping back into contemplation.

"So you want to get out there more and perform?" Blaine broke the silence again. "I think that's a great idea obviously. Really."

Kurt sighed. "Yeah," he said, "so far so reasonable… you haven't heard the rest of the story…" His voice trailed away.

"You said there might be a production you had in mind?" Blaine prompted again quietly.

"Right," Kurt said, puffing up slightly as he gathered the momentum to continue, "as I said, I ran into Harmony and Gavroche at the Lima Bean, and they were being generally obnoxious about their performances in apparently every production that's ever existed..." Kurt waved his hand dismissively in the air, causing Blaine to smile at the exaggeration. "But then Harmony started wailing about how they would have done MORE if it weren't for the ageist nature of community theatre in the area."

Blaine realised Kurt's pause was deliberate, and that he was looking at him, waiting for some kind of response.

"I, uh, I wouldn't know – is community theatre ageist?" He asked.

"I don't know," Kurt seemed a little impatient, or perhaps the memory of his encounter with Harmony and Gavroche was making him grouchy. "Probably, but I suspect Harmony is the type to be convinced that she is being discriminated against whenever something doesn't go her way."

Blaine smiled. "Yes, from what I saw of her at Sectionals, she could make Rachel look reasonable."

Kurt laughed for a moment but quickly became serious again. "Here's the thing," he said, "Harmony was going on about it and how there was a great new production of Hot Mikado coming up that would be a perfect fun youth production if only they let the youth talent fill out the cast – she was going on and on about all the kids who were at the NYADA mixer..." he paused, looking at Blaine, his lips quivering, before adding in a hissed whisper, "and then Gavroche said I should join with them to audition!"

Blaine's face broke into a grin and he bobbed up a bit on his ankles, leaning forward and grabbing Kurt's hands. "You totally should," he said enthusiastically.

Kurt laughed and squeezed Blaine's hands but sank back into the bed behind him, shaking his head. "I want to," he said quietly, "I really do." He looked into Blaine's eyes. "I mean, it's not Wicked or seminal Broadway, but it's a really fun jazz-take on what is a very tongue-in-cheek Gilbert and Sullivan."

"Is there any other sort?" Blaine asked, eyebrow cocked.

"Probably not," Kurt agreed, "but this one's one of my preferred ones, and there is a fantastic tenor role that I could just... Blaine I would be amazing at it, I really would." Kurt's eyes were shining.

"So what's the problem?" Blaine asked.

"Rachel." Kurt said, throwing his arms in the air. "What am I going to do about Rachel?"

"I'm missing something here," Blaine tried to connect the dots in his head.

"Oh god I'm a horrible person for even thinking this way aren't I?" Kurt chewed at his lip while watching Blaine think. "I..." he waited until Blaine was looking at him before speaking, but averted his eyes anyway. "I don't want her to know about it."

"Oh I'm sure she'll be fine with it," Blaine said soothingly, grasping one of Kurt's hands in his, "it's not like every community production can be a seminal Broadway classic – and a stage is a stage, right?"

Kurt shook his head, closing his eyes tight. "No you're not getting it," he said, his voice filled with tension. "I… I don't want her to know about it because I don't want her to be IN it," he glanced at Blaine, worried and hopeful at the same time. "I… she's just…" He stopped and started a few more times while Blaine, to his credit, sat patiently and waited. Kurt stilled himself for a moment, opened his eyes and let out a long breath, fixing his attention on Blaine.

"I don't want Rachel to be in this because I don't want to be part of the Rachel and Kurt show – or the Rachel show, or the Rachel vs. Harmony show. I want a chance to just be ME, recognised for my talent and what I can bring to the table, not having to compete with one of my closest friends," he paused, before adding quietly: "Not having to be in the shadow of one of my closest friends, just taking it because I'm nice like that."

He stopped speaking abruptly and the words echoed in the room. Suddenly Kurt felt like he'd committed blasphemy; like he had become someone that he wasn't – or was he becoming the person that he needed to be to realise his dreams? He didn't know. The feelings of dread and guilt spread out to his limbs as he watched Blaine, who had not said a word for some time.

"Do you really feel like that?" Blaine asked, "Do you really feel like you're in other people's shadows?" He shook his head, smiling in one corner of his mouth as he looked at Kurt. "Because there's no way you're in the shadows, Kurt. No way. There's no way anyone can miss you, or your talent – even when you're not singing lead with New Directions-"

"Which is, like, ALL the time," Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Even when you're not singing lead with New Directions," Blaine repeated calmly, "everyone's eyes are on you – your moves, your sass, your pizzazz. You make the musical numbers more than just a bunch of kids singing them – you make us all stand out. You make us the best."

"Ok I'm going to throw up if you keep talking like that," Kurt stopped Blaine from saying anything else before he became the living embodiment of one of Ms. Pillsbury's pamphlets. "If I'd wanted a pep talk to rival all vomit-inducing pep talks, I would have gone to talk to Mr. Schue. And anyway, that's not the point here – I know that I pull focus, remember?"

"Just trying to help…" Blaine mumbled, his bottom lip pouting. He started fiddling with a loose strand on one of his socks. "So… what *is* the point?" he asked, glancing back up at Kurt.

Kurt grimaced a bit, sucking a breath in through his teeth. "This is going to sound really bad, but I just want something that's mine. Rachel and I, we've been on this NYADA train together and that's great because we've been going through the ups and downs together… but whether we get in or not, it's not like we're a packaged deal. I have to be able to succeed without her, and I have to get serious about promoting ME. What if there's only one spot left in the program and they end up having to choose between her and me? I love her, but I want this just as much as she does so I'm going to do what it takes to take that spot, and I need every extra-curricular and piece of experience I can find because if I have to beat her out for my dream, I will." He paused just for a moment, flashing his eyes at Blaine before continuing, faster and faster. "And I know we're friends – we have the same interests and the same dreams which is really great, but it's going to be almost impossible for us both to be on the same trajectory, so why try? Or why limit myself to doing what Rachel does? What if that's not in my best interests? For the past 3 years I've gone along with her crazy most of the time because she has this ambition that has inspired me and made me believe that I can do it too. In recent months I've been the one propping her up when she's been knocked down – fuelling her ambition. But I have ambition too. I have a dream too, and my dream has to be my priority, and to reach my dream I need to know that I can do it without her," his voice gave out on the last word as he realised that he'd started crying with frustration. "I need to do it without her."

Kurt slumped into himself, exhausted by his tirade. He took in a shaky breath as the tears that had fallen started drying on his cheeks. He cast his eyes up to look into Blaine's. He was nervous, he realised. He'd revealed a bit about himself. Probably nothing Blaine hadn't already figured out about him over time, but having it all spelled out was perhaps something different altogether. Even if Blaine didn't approve, he decided, he didn't care. He would be too exhausted to care. Too bitter about being overlooked and sitting in the background all these years to care. Too angry with Rachel for choosing herself over him, especially in times where it really mattered, to care. Too tired of being beholden to the divas around him, of being unable to be the diva, to care.

Except he did care. He waited for Blaine to respond.

"C'mere," Blaine said softly, pulling Kurt down off the bed so they were facing each other. He leaned in, holding Kurt lightly but firmly by the sides. "I get it," he said, "I mean I think I get it," he clarified. He smiled at the look of fear in Kurt's eyes, which were wide and red-rimmed. "You're not a bad person, Kurt," Blaine began, prompting Kurt to roll his eyes.

"Not the pep talk again, please," Kurt groaned.

"No no," Blaine laughed, "Just one thing first though..." He touched Kurt's shoulder, making him look at him in the eye. "You *do* realise that doing a production with Harmony is hardly going to be different than doing one with Rachel – in fact, from what you told me, it could be worse."

Kurt smiled, batting Blaine's hand from his shoulder. "Not to mention Gavroche," he added, "but I think he has a crush on me so he should be more… manageable," Kurt's eyes twinkled, his face crinkling into a giggle at Blaine's alarmed expression. "Relax, I'm sure I can keep him at bay," Kurt brought his hand to Blaine's face, cupping it before stroking his thumb on Blaine's bottom lip. "And I know Harmony is probably going to be a nightmare, but I'm not trying to be her best friend so it could be fun coming up against her; and I won't feel bad for calling her out for the self-absorbed drama queen that she is."

"So what about when Rachel finds out?" Blaine asked quietly. "Won't she think that you've defected or something?"

"This is what I've been contemplating," Kurt said, clasping his hands together in his lap and waiting, looking at Blaine expectantly. "What, you're not going to tell me that I should tell her? That lying to one of my closest friends is a horrible thing to do? That I'm being selfish and that I should think about how I would be crushed if she did this to me?"

"Do you want me to say those things?" Blaine raised an eyebrow. "It seems like you know all that already."

Kurt grunted in frustration. "I don't know! I feel like I've got a little angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other."

"Would it be too clichéd to say you should do what's right for you?" Blaine asked hopefully, reaching out and pulling Kurt into him. Kurt went with it and lay down with his head on Blaine's lap.

"Yes, but it wouldn't surprise me to hear you say it," Kurt sighed, fixing his attention on the ceiling as Blaine's fingers stroked his hair lightly. "It's a bit of a copout though don't you think? You're not actually giving me your opinion."

"I'm being a good listener!" Blaine protested. "I don't think my opinion's going to help anyway..."

"Dammit Blaine just tell me what a horrible person I'm being and be done with it!" Kurt blurted.

Blaine laughed, held Kurt's head still with his hands, and looked directly into his eyes. "You are many things, Kurt Hummel, but a horrible person is not one of them, ok?"

"But I'm about to go behind my best friend's back, and keep her out of the loop of something all for my own personal gain!" Kurt was whining.

"Don't get so ahead of yourself," Blaine said soothingly. "You haven't even auditioned for this thing yet!"

"But I'm already consorting with the enemy!" Kurt covered his face with his hands. "If she even hears that I met with Harmony and Gavroche..."

"For starters, I'm ok with you working with Gavroche, but please do not 'consort' with him," Blaine grinned, shying away from the playful slap that came from Kurt.

"You know what I meant," Kurt mumbled.

Blaine just smiled. "But seriously, why not just tell Rachel you saw Harmony and Gavroche?" He asked. "They're only sophomores so it's not like they're direct competition for NYADA – and people run into people..."

Kurt sighed and pursed his lips. "This isn't helping," he said. "I still don't know what to do. I think I want to meet with them again. I think I want to do this show. And I really think I want to keep it from Rachel, which will mean lying to her and being a horrible person. This is almost worse than her running for President against me. I'd never forgive her if she did this to me, and yet I'm going to do it?"

"You could tell Rachel and ask her to let you have it?" Blaine mused.

"And sound so lame and pathetic? That would really prove that I am just her lackey, her sidekick, not good enough to be a star on my own." Kurt laughed bitterly, clenching his fists at either side.

"Careful or I'll launch into a pep-talk again," Blaine warned with a smile.

"Can you just tell me what you think? What your real instinct is?" Kurt said quietly. "I won't be upset or angry... I just want your honest opinion. I'm too invested in this to be able to see reason anymore."

Blaine thought it over carefully, counting his breaths as he tried to figure out just how honest Kurt really wanted him to be. "You're not going to like it..." he began.

"I know," Kurt closed his eyes, but was nodding. "But I need to hear it."

"You're not going to like it," Blaine continued, "because I can't really see reason on this either. I don't think it's really fair go behind Rachel's back, but I understand why you feel you have to... if you want to do this separate from her and her drama. Even with her best intentions at the forefront of her mind, she would be incapable of staying out of a musical theatre production – especially if it involves Harmony."

"So... I should do it?" Kurt sounded afraid.

"Umm... I think you should look into it?" Blaine said, as if it were a question. "But be aware that you'll hurt Rachel if you do it – there's no avoiding that."

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Kurt said quietly.

"Because you're not a horrible person," Blaine answered, just as they heard footsteps on the stairs.

"So why am I doing this?" Kurt whispered hurriedly as a loud knock sounded through the door.

Blaine went to respond, but Finn burst through the barrier before he could, an arm over his eyes.

"I'm-not-looking-but-Mom-says-dinner's-ready-and-Burt-says-if-you're-not-down-in-two-minutes-he's-coming-to-get-you-'cause-he's-been-calling-from-the-living-room-for-the-last-five."

Finn stepped back out of the room slamming the door again, snapping the room back into silence. Kurt and Blaine looked at each other and couldn't help from giggling at the fear in Finn's voice, not to mention his speedy entrance and exit.

"Come on," Blaine said, kissing Kurt quickly before the both got up off the floor. "Let's go and enjoy some quality family time with Carole's excellent lasagne, and then we can come back up here to Facebook- and Twitter-stalk Harmony and Gavroche to figure out just how crazy they are."

Kurt smiled while smoothing his clothes down and walked towards the mirror for a moment to restore order to his hair. "You always know how to cheer me up," he smiled at Blaine via the mirror. He turned around and paused, taking a deep breath to ready himself. "I'm doing this because I need to," he said, more to himself than to Blaine.

"I know," Blaine reached for his hand while turning to open the door.

"You're with me, right?" Kurt pulled at Blaine slightly, refusing to move for a moment.

Blaine turned around again to look at Kurt, and could see the fear and uncertainty in his expression. If it were him, he wouldn't go behind Rachel's back, but he wouldn't actively seek to involve her either. He'd just go ahead and do it – but then he'd been auditioning and performing wherever he could for years. Kurt hadn't. He wanted Kurt to be able to shine – especially since he felt that he couldn't. Rachel wasn't Blaine's priority; Kurt was. But would Kurt lose Rachel as a friend out of this? He didn't know. He just knew that Kurt was looking at him, pleading with him. Was he with Kurt? That wasn't even a question.

"One hundred percent." Blaine nodded quickly, turning and pulling Kurt forward slightly to propel him out the door..

Chapter Two soon...