AN: Believe it or not, I actually planned to finish this fic this summer. That didn't happen. But because it's been so long you get a recap.

Recap: Finn and Rachel are being forced to date in order to make the merger look better. They dated before when they were freshman, but it didn't work out because Rachel dumped his ass. Rachel's dads are awful and don't like her choice of career so they're making her major in business as well as her chosen performing arts. When we last left off, Finn and Rachel had just been out for St. Patty's day, and she'd tried to get with him only to have him turn her down because she was drunk.

She woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a few vague memories of what had transpired between Finn and herself in the early hours of the morning. Specifically, that she had tried to kiss him, and he had pushed her away. But also that he had wanted to, but didn't want her to regret it and hate him in the morning. He wanted to talk in the morning—if she remembered what had happened. It all rushed back to her in bits as she fought back the waves of nausea.

There was only one thing standing between them and happiness, and it was a secret that Rachel had carried so alone for so long that it would be like giving him part of her soul to tell him the truth.

So she lied. Or didn't lie. She obscured the truth and pretended not to remember that she'd tried to kiss him, and that she still wanted to kiss him and do so much more than just kiss him.

And they were back to that same awkward place they had started. Both not saying anything because they had to get along for the sake of their parents at least for another two months.

But still, Rachel had resolved to tell Finn what had transpired a few years ago. Her sickness and sudden distance—the reason she'd done everything she could to avoid him for the better part of three years. She just hadn't found the right moment to tell him yet. They would be (fake) engaged in less than two weeks, and she wanted him to know before then, but whenever she got the chance, she could never find the words. She wanted to be with Finn so badly but couldn't find it in herself to bridge the gap she'd created.

They were currently out shopping for her engagement ring. Her fathers had given Finn and budget to stick to and told the two of them to go out and have a blast picking out the ring. She still couldn't believe that her fathers—the two men who were supposed to love and support her unconditionally—had come up with this hairbrained plan. They were supposed to be intelligent and modern, and there was nothing either intelligent or modern about forcing your daughter into a fake relationship for PR.

Still, she was in Tiffany's looking at gorgeous diamonds with the man she kind of might still be in love with. All of the settings and diamonds in different cuts and clarities and sizes were twinkling at her, but nothing was speaking to her. She knew that they would just sell the ring back whenever this farce was over (if this farce was ever over), but for however long she wore it, she wanted it to be the right ring.

After an hour of conferring with their consultant and Finn, they were no closer to picking out a ring, and Finn was looking particularly out of patience. "I guess we're just not going to find it today," she finally said before thanking the woman for her time and grabbing Finn's hand. March was turning into April in the city, but the wind still bit at her cheeks as they walked outside to grab a cab back to school. They were going to study for their history test together before he took her to dinner.

:.:.:.:

Rachel Berry was—among other things—confusing as hell. She was gorgeous and complicated and most likely out of his league. But at that moment, and really for the past week, she'd just been confusing.

Sure, she'd been getting ready for her symposium and working on being less angry with her dads (which was never going to actually happen unless they stopped being assholes, which was about as unlikely as him being valedictorian).

She hadn't brought up her trying to kiss him. She hadn't called him the next morning and told him that she, sober Rachel, wanted to be with him. He shouldn't have expected differently, but part of him had so foolishly hoped that the Rachel he'd dated for that brief time as freshman was back in his life.

Stupid. He was stupid to think that he would ever see that Rachel again. But the really terrible thing was he was still falling for her all over again. When she wasn't outright ignoring him, Rachel was still bubbly and enigmatic and beautiful and complicated and everything he'd first fallen in love with when he'd woken up and the girl with the angry, sad eyes from the night before was still in his bed.

They were in something of a stalemate. He refused to allow himself to mention her actions from that night. If she'd been drunk enough to not remember, then she clearly couldn't have wanted it that much, and he refused to let Rachel Berry hurt him like that again. But she was getting increasingly nicer and more open with him. She would text him randomly in class and joke around and even kiss him, on the lips if not with tongue, when they were around people.

Which brought him back to the fact that Rachel Berry was confusing as fuck. Because how could she not remember wanting to be with him, and still be so nice to him? Something had clearly changed between them, but maybe he was just too dense to figure it out. Finn usually prided himself on his ability to understand people if not higher level mathematics, but Rachel defied all of his logical assessments.

But there were only a week a classes left before spring break, and Rachel was coming with him to Burt's beach house, and he hoped they could work something out there without her getting drunk as shit. Even if a drunk, angry Rachel was cute as hell.

His thoughts drifted everywhere as Rachel tried to pick out the ring she wanted, but apparently nothing was quite right for her. He didn't really care because it wasn't like it was a real engagement. If it was he would've picked the perfect ring on his own because he knew what she liked, and she would've loved it.

When she said that she wouldn't be finding a ring that day, she grabbed his hand, and they made their way outside to catch a cab.

Rachel was a little vain, but she didn't like gaudy things. Tiffany's made beautiful rings, but they weren't quite what Rachel would like. She would look better with something more delicate on her slender finger. Maybe a starburst diamond. Vintage. Her fathers had given him the money to buy the ring…

But his thoughts were cut off as she snuggled into his side complaining that she was cold. He threw his arm around her thin shoulders smiling a little at how well she fit in his arms.

The engagement ring situation would work itself out sooner or later, and there was a nice estate jeweler near the beach house. They could look there together.

:.:.:.:

"Do you want to wear this thing now, or should we wait?" Finn held the little velvet box containing her perfect engagement ring in a large hand. They'd spent the morning driving out to Burt's house for spring break, and Finn had suggested they stop at this little jewelry store on the way. It had smelled like Lysol and the velvet displays were older and a little worn, the older woman behind the counter shrunken with age, but all of the stones and metal had sparkled under the lights just the same. Finn had quietly explained that most of it was estate jewelry, gorgeous antiques that had histories and classic designs.

Finn had asked to look at the engagement rings and found the perfect one after only a few moments of gazing at the brilliant diamonds. It wouldn't even have to be resized. Delicate and slightly reminiscent of a flower with the smaller diamonds clustered around the largest center one, and set it platinum she was in love.

:.:.:.:

He made her leave the store so that he could buy it, and when he came outside, he waved it in front of her like some great prize. "Do you think they would mind if I wore it already? It's absolutely stunning, and I would love to, but I don't know if it goes with the whole plan."

Finn snorted a little derisively, "Fuck the plan, you can wear your pretty ring now, if you'd like." He stopped walking toward the car and got down on one knee holding her hands in his and the box in the other. "Rachel, will you be my spring break roommate, friend, and fellow child-of-someone-forced-into-a-lie-in-the-name-of-better-business?"

She broke out into a grin before graciously accepting the offer. He slipped the ring on her finger and she stared at it for a moment after she'd helped him back to his feet. "It really is…perfect. I'm so glad you knew about that place, Finn."

"Yeah, well, y'know, this whole situation is bull shit so I figured you should at least get a ring you like." He started back toward the car a little uncomfortable with the emotions that were starting to return. Rachel clearly didn't feel the same way about him, and it was stupid to keep being so nice and sappy with her.

She caught up with him and looped her elbow through his, "I'm glad we're friends again, Finn. I really am." Rachel nearly had to jump to reach his cheek with her soft lips, but she did it, and he couldn't help but smile.

"I'm glad too, Rach."

She'd stopped correcting him when he called her Rach, and maybe that was enough progress for now.

:.:.:.:

It was easy for Rachel to see why Burt's beach house was Finn's favorite of his step-father's properties. It sprawled right between the dunes with a wrap-around porch and second floor balconies, and the inside had a very chic, relaxed feel. It was the kind of house that spoke of old world charm and new world convenience mixed perfectly.

Finn had carried their bag inside, and once they were settled, they'd spent the last two hours simply sipping at some white wine and watching as the waves crashed, no more than one hundred yards from their seats on the porch swing. She could feel the stress of school melting away, the respite was sweet. Symposium was slowly driving her insane, but she'd finally decided on the performance she was doing for each aspect. The song was picked for her dance, the arrangement settled for her vocal performance, and her monologue selected and high-lighted if not totally memorized yet.

She loved the programs she was in, but sometimes it was just too much trying to juggle her double major, and it was times like this that made her thankful for friends like Santana and Finn to help make her relax.

Rachel took another sip of wine, and she wasn't sure if it was the warm glow of the alcohol in her system, or that clean, musky scent that was Finn or maybe it was the way the sun was setting behind them making everything gold and pink but she turned her head to the side, and she kissed him, and he kissed her back. A real kiss that said more than any of the words they'd exchanged all day. "I remember," she said finally when he pulled away from her and stroked her cheek so gently it almost made her want to cry.

Her lips felt warm and tingled just a little. "Remember what, Rach?"

"I—" her voice faltered, her thoughts raced.

:.:.:.:

She wakes up in the middle of the night in the worst pain she's ever felt. It feels like she's tearing apart from the inside. Rachel reaches for her bedside lamp, and then screams.

She's covered in blood.

It stretches up her arms and torso, soaking through her pants and sheets and everything.

Another cramp rips its way through her body, and then Santana is there dialing 911, and it's all a blur.

When she wakes up at the hospital, her fathers are there looking sad and judgmental. The doctor tells her she lost the baby—what baby?

And then everything falls into place because she hadn't just lost her baby. She'd killed her baby. Finn's baby. She starts to cry.

She'd had her last normal night.

:.:.:.:

In the absence of words, she kissed him again, her fingers digging into his thick hair. He was so good for her. He was sweet and kind and warm and everything that she needed. She just needed to tell him the truth. They broke apart again, their breath mingling in the air that was getting steadily colder as the sun when down. She looked into his eyes. Those warm eyes that reminded her of what it felt like to have someone that cared simply because she mattered to him. She mattered to him.

"I—I was pregnant, Finn. And then… I wasn't. Th-that night when we first… I was pregnant. I—I couldn't be around you…after. I'm so sorry."

She didn't expect his reaction. Rachel didn't expect Finn's tears—or his anger.

He burst up from where he'd been sitting, spilling the wine that had been resting at their feet, and she'd never seen him so upset.

:.:.:.:

With her confession, Rachel seemed so relieved, but it had left him anything but.

He'd always known that Rachel was selfish but this…this was…this—he couldn't find the words. Finn stood up abruptly from his spot on the swing looking at her hopeful expression. "Rachel, I've always known you were selfish, but to—to do that—to our baby! To get an abortion without even telling me you were fucking pregnant?!" She was pregnant. And then she wasn't. Like it was that fucking simple to kill their fucking kid.

He could hear her yelling behind him that he was wrong. That wasn't it at all, but he was beyond pissed, and he just kept running away. Sorry, Rachel, he just couldn't be around her right now.

AN: Reviews are like the chocolate chips in a cookie. Writing should be rewarding enough but the reviews just make it that much better :). (And this is unedited because my beta is at work, and I just wanted to post it, sorry.)