AN: Thank you so much to those who reviewed the last chapter and added the story to their alerts! I apologize for the long chapter was originally a part of the next chapter but I felt that together they were a little bit long, so I split them. The next chapter should be up by this coming weekend. :D

Wavering

Thin arms wrapped loosely around my neck, and small fingers tangled in sweat-dampened chocolate locks as an exhausted form rested limply in my grasp. Short breaths passed between soft lips and ghosted along the exposed skin beneath my jaw.

Ignoring the somewhat annoying sensation, I hoisted the light figure higher on my waist, attempting to pin the drowsy boy's legs against my hips without dropping him. The half-asleep blonde's thighs refused to find purchase despite my efforts, and eventually I gave up, merely pressing Ventus's torso more firmly against my chest and wrapping my fingers around one thin thigh in order to hold it in place. The youth's other leg, however, dangled awkwardly, sharp knee pressing uncomfortably into my side with every step I took.

I sighed, and glanced down at the ruffled mass of blonde hair that was all I could see of the younger boy. "I think you're getting a little too big for this, Ven," I said, attempting to use a stern tone and failing entirely.

The boy shifted slightly and yawned against my throat in response, kicking me inadvertently as he changed positions.

Grimacing, I tried situating Ventus's limp form back into his previous, more comfortable position as I continued walking towards my room.

It was only when I reached the end of the hall that I paused, glaring at the daunting staircase before me. I considered the possible ways of lugging the not-quite-so-little-anymore teenage boy up the stairs without falling, dropping Ventus, or some painful combination of the two.

I glanced down at the blonde head against my shoulder. Carefully, I shifted Ventus's weight against my chest, using one arm to support his shoulders while the other scooped up his slender legs.

Ventus had often told me how much he hated when I held him this way, complaining that it was the same way I sometimes carried Aqua and that he did not want to be treated like a girl. I retorted that if he did not want to be treated like a little girl, he shouldn't cling to me like one. My protests were always half-hearted, however, and somehow I always ended up carrying him whenever he was tired or injured, which was unfortunately quite frequently.

I could only hope that Ventus would not be upset by my choice, but in his half-unconscious state I figured it was not likely that he would notice and even less so that he would object. Balancing Ventus in my arms, I climbed slowly up the steps, all the while being painstakingly careful not to jostle the dosing boy and wake him.

At the top of the stairs, I was met by a rather amused looking Aqua. She glanced pointedly at the figure curled docile and silent in my arms and giggled softly.

"You still carry him around everywhere I see. Be careful or he might start to think you're his mother."

I scowled at her, but that only seemed to fuel her laughter. I glanced down at Ventus in exasperation and could have sworn I saw a gentle smirk curving his lips.

Spitefully, I shifted so that my elbow was pressing into the younger boy's spine, grinning when this caused Ventus to groan and wriggle in discomfort.

Aqua swatted my arm none too gently and frowned. "Play nice," she said.

Chuckling softly I maneuvered the now partially awake boy back into a more secure position, pulling him close to my chest for a moment in silent apology.

Aqua observed the proceedings, her eyes softening as I hugged the bleary-eyed child and gently ruffled the already tousled tufts of blond atop his head.

"Rough training session today?" She asked softly, and she stepped forward carefully, brushing her fingertips gently over Ventus's forehead and through the golden fringe that clung to the slight dampness of his skin.

"He's learning." I said, watching as Aqua's hand trailed to rest against Ventus's cheek. I fought the sudden urge to pull the blonde away - the irrational thought that he was mine and mine alone - when she leaned in to press a delicate kiss onto the tip of his nose. I forced myself to swallow the feral growl building low in my chest, but I still felt the harsh pang of jealousy as Ventus pushed forward into the contact and hummed softly.

I kept my expression emotionless as Aqua laughed airily and withdrew. I attempted to quell the protective and primal thoughts that tumbled through my mind, but one single notion pushed forward relentlessly, determined to be heard.

My light. This light is mine.

I felt my spine become ridged with apprehension, my shoulders tensing.

Ventus squirmed as my grasp tightened, and even Aqua's calm eyes alit with worry. "Terra?"

But I could hardly understand her words, for I was lost in a blossoming tumult of dark that reached from deep within to wrap ice cold fingers around my delicately fluttering heart. And suddenly I was plunging through frigid darkness, as if being submerged in freezing water. My mind was numbed, but my senses were set alight. I could feel every small, flimsy bone so frail beneath my fingers, such brittle bird-like structure, ready to break at my command. Something deep inside my being yearned to press onward, to clench my fist and hear Ventus's shrill screams as his ribcage shattered in my grip. I could hear them, the voices of everything sinful and wicked, crying out in a deafening clamor, urging me to crush the tender innocence clinging so trustingly to my shoulders. Gradually, the voice that begged for reason – for kindness and gentleness – was drowned out by the awakening of an ancient evil, falling away entirely beneath the claws of darkness that ravaged my mind, and with the burdening shackles of humanity gone; my grip began to tighten, straining fragile bone.

Through the dreary, opaque blackness I felt warmth dance across my skin. A gentle touch to bring reality crashing back upon me; I nearly stumbled beneath the weight, and if I were alone, I would have fallen to my knees. I only steadied myself for the sake of saving face in front of the others, too proud to allow the mask of serenity and control to slip for even a moment.

Aqua didn't have to know – no one had to know – of the turmoil and constant battle within my heart. No one need know that when morality begins to lose that battle inside, I no longer rule over my own mind, and my decisions are not my own; when the darkness overcomes, I lose sight of myself in mists of inky fog.

Not a single soul need know – except for him. The light that tames the shadows and calms the ever restless dark.

I knew it was Ventus who brought me back at that moment too, as I walked in solitude on the line between control and ruin, balancing precariously; it was his hand that stayed me. That bold yet childlike hand, with small fingers still soft with youth curled against my cheek, unbearably warm against my flesh. He was certain of his motions, that much was obvious, as he soothingly stroked the hard line of my jaw. In my chest, the darkness was pushed back, a spark of life ignited, and the abused coal began to smolder once more.

I straightened, pulling my spine ridged even as I felt my shoulders relax, the calm returning only seconds after control.

Ventus's knuckles pressed firmly into my flesh, forcing gentle intentions back into my heart and limbs.

I blinked, eyelashes brushing against the fingertip positioned dangerously close to my eye, and I glanced down at the blond squirming in my grasp.

Ventus's eyelids were half shut, but he peered up at me through golden lashes with groggy blue eyes. "Terra," he said, and I realized that he was speaking in his demanding tone, the one he had learned to employ whenever he wanted something.

I looked up quickly to see that Aqua was still standing before me, her eyes kind, if somewhat concerned.

"Terra," Ventus said again, tapping his fingers lightly against my cheek. "I'm tired," and as if to prove his point, the boy yawned dramatically, removing his hand from my face to cover his mouth daintily.

Aqua laughed, and after a moment I smiled nervously. Neither of them seemed to have noticed at all – the conflict inside me that had nearly become a danger to them both.

But he – surely he couldn't be doing these things to me unconsciously?

I felt a stirring of anger and loneliness at just the thought, my stomach clenching and winding into painful knots.

But outwardly, I grinned as Ventus realized the position I was holding him in and began to complain loudly, and I watched through glazed eyes as Aqua covered her smile with slender gloved fingers.

I joined in their laughter, but it felt like another person entirely; who was that carefree boy smiling with his friends?

I slung Ventus over my shoulder, distantly feeling his small fists pounding against my shoulder blades in protest. My hands came to rest on the backs of his upper thighs, pinning his flailing legs in place as he attempted to wriggle out of my grip.

"Well I think we are going to get some rest now Aqua," I said, swatting Ventus's backside as he continued to squirm, nearly causing me to fumble and drop him. "Hey Ven, what happened to you being tired, eh?"

"Ven, you don't want to fall from that height! Stop giving Terra a hard time," Aqua chided in a stern voice, but her eyes practically sparkled with joy as she witnessed the display.

I knew why she smiled, and I understood completely the happiness lighting her blue eyes. Only three months – Ventus had only been with us for a quarter of a year, yet he had learned so much at an exceptionally rapid pace in that time. Already he could speak, something he had not even been able to conceive upon his arrival. Of course, his grammar was often flawed and his vocabulary was fairly limited, but he had quickly picked up on which tone was applied to certain situations and had applied this discovery to his own words. This made it much easier to understand him regardless of the sometimes mangled sentences.

Whatever trauma Ventus had faced, he seemed to have forgotten it entirely, and he was generally a cheerful boy, always eager to learn, help out, or take action.

Although, on the rare occasion I had caught the smaller boy staring blankly of into space, as if he were searching for something lost amongst the array of stars dusting the night sky.

Even the strenuous training sessions Ventus had taken in stride, learning quickly how to wield a wooden sword and cast spells. The young blonde had been ecstatic – practically leaping out of his shoes with excitement – when Master Eraqus promised to allow him to practice with his keyblade if he kept up the good work.

Yes, Aqua and I had reason to smile, for our plan of filling Ventus's heart with memories of happiness and affection was working flawlessly thus far, and we too began to relax around the boy - treating him less like something fragile - and spend more time merely enjoying the lighthearted calm of his company.

So, Ventus bid Aqua goodnight, waving good-bye sleepily with mock solemnity over my shoulder as I hefted him once more and lugged him towards my room.

"I thought you guys were going to bed," Aqua said, her voice ringing slightly in the arched hallway.

I turned back to her, cocking an eyebrow questioningly. "We are," I said.

Aqua gazed at me curiously for a moment, her lips quirking upward in a half-smile as though she thought I was messing with her. "But Ven's room is the other way." She said, the laughter barely concealed, and she motioned vaguely over her shoulder in the approximate direction of Ventus's room.

I blinked in surprise; I had almost forgotten that Ventus actually had a bedroom of his own, as he spent most nights huddled at my side, inadvertently acting as my shield and protecting me from a darkness I could only pray he never knew.

I had never stopped to think about those rare nights when Ventus was not sharing my room; I had never considered where he had gone, for I was too caught up in the battle which – when my untainted light was absent – I was losing. I had no spare moment to imagine where he could be, not when every reflex in my body was tearing apart while attempting to avoid being claimed.

But now, faced with Aqua's unintentionally blunt statement, I was forced to realize my own selfishness. Swallowing my self-disgust I clenched my teeth and forced a smile in Aqua's direction. "I know," I said. "Ven left something in my room earlier, we are just going to go get it."

I hoped she could not see through my obvious lie. Ventus had no real possessions, none of us did. He had nothing to 'leave' anywhere, much less something worth the trouble of retrieving.

Ventus straightened slightly in my arms, and I could feel his anxious gaze on my face. He, of course knew my words were dishonest, and he was probably confused after the many times Aqua and I had told him to always speak the truth. Regardless of this, he remained silent.

Aqua gave me a quick look, although it was not hurt as I had expected it to be, and I realized with a painful twist in my gut that even though she knew I could not be telling the truth, she did not believe I would ever lie to her and therefore took me at my word.

After a moment, Aqua's smile had returned, and she leapt forward to brush her lips briefly against my cheek. She laughed as she drew away. "Terra, your expression is priceless," she giggled, and then she turned to Ventus and tapped him lightly on the nose. "Goodnight you two," she said before turning and making her way towards her own room, where I knew she would end up reading for an hour or two prior to sleeping.

"Night," Ventus echoed her softly, burying his face against my chest.

"Don't fall asleep on me, Ven."

Despite my words, Ventus curled further into my embrace, wrapping his arms around my shoulders in order to draw me closer still.

As he slumped against me, I began to walk swiftly towards my bedroom, hoping that Aqua harbored no more suspicions and would not check in on Ventus that night.

"Terra," the young blonde mumbled against my collar bone, and I could almost feel more than hear his words, humming against the junction of my neck and shoulder.

"Hm?" I intoned gently, nudging him carefully as his eyes threatened to slip closed.

"Terra…why did you say that to Aqua?" Ventus muttered, his voice muffled by exhaustion and the curve of my neck.

I froze at his words, my stomach wrenching and my ribs seeming to press into my lungs until I had no air to speak. After a moment I looked down, expecting to see curious blue eyes gazing at me inquisitively. I was surprised to see, however, that Ventus was still huddled against my chest, forgetting his question as soon as he had asked, which was all for the better really, as I had no idea how to answer.

So I said nothing at all and merely stroked the soft spikes of blond as I continued towards my room.

At the door, I was met with some difficulty as I paused to shift Ventus onto one arm so that I could grasp the door handle and kick the solid wood panel inwards. As soon as I crossed the threshold, I made my way towards the four poster bed on the opposite side of the room.

I hastily deposited Ventus on the left side of the mattress, reaching behind my neck to unwind his arms and slip out of his grasp. This was met by an annoyed groan from the boy, who rolled over and clung to his pillows instead.

I laughed softly and somehow managed to restrain the urge to leap onto the bed and tickle the younger boy.

Shaking my head, I turned to the closet set into the wall beside my bed. Feeling my own fatigue rapidly catching up to me, I quickly stripped off my day clothes, folding them neatly before setting them on the shelf designated as the laundry pile. I slid into a pair of soft fabric pants, tying the drawstring around my waist to keep the two-sizes-too-big trousers from sliding off my hips.

I returned to the bed, shivering slightly as the cool air brushed against my skin. Glancing longingly at the covers momentarily, I slid over to the other side of the mattress and lifted Ventus into a sitting position.

"Ven," I whispered to the drowsy teen. "I need you to help me a bit, okay?"

The boy nodded his head almost imperceptibly, blond fringe bouncing limply in his eyes.

I began to fumble with the many zippers and snaps on Ventus's jacket, trying to assist the smaller boy out of his day clothes that were still moist with sweat from our training session. Finally managing to unhook the leather straps and tug down the bulky zipper, I removed the jacket and hung it from the small copper knob in the bedside table. I popped the button on the vest that had been layered beneath the cropped jacket, and draped it over the night table as well, too tired to take the time to properly fold any of Ventus's multiple layers.

I shifted back towards the boy, kneeling in front of him on the mattress as I curled my fingers in the hem of his black t-shirt and attempted to lift it over his head. Because the younger boy was only partially awake, his arms hung limply at his sides and I could not force the shirt any higher.

"Ven," I growled in frustration. "Help me out a little here."

Compliant as ever, Ventus gradually raised his arms above his head, elbows bent awkwardly and seemingly to exhausted to straighten. I hastily pulled the boy's shirt up and over his head, tousling already untidy blond spikes.

I tossed the bottom layer on top of its predecessors before moving my hands down to Ventus's belt, nimbly undoing the buckle and pulling the strip of leather away from the boy's waist. Grabbing the backs of the younger boy's thighs, I pushed upward so that his knees were bent and I could easily yank off the metallic shoes and black socks beneath.

Throwing the garments onto the floor beside my bed, my fingers drifted upwards once more, struggling momentarily with the odd clasps at the waistband of the boy's trousers. I mentally reminded myself to thank whoever had designed my own clothing for adding no complicated buttons, zippers, or snaps.

After a moment's pause in which I examined the clasp and zipper duo, I was able to lift the younger boy's hips upwards and slide the rough canvas trousers off of his slim legs, leaving Ventus clad modestly in his navy blue undershorts.

Wrapping my fingers beneath his arms, I lifted him effortlessly and tucked him beneath the light blue sheets and gray bedspread, pulling the extra blanket up from the base of the bed to throw over the blonde's bare shoulders.

I studied Ventus's face in silence for a moment, watching the light fringe of golden hair dance against the bridge of his nose as he breathed slowly. And as I gazed at him, my eyes trailed downward, taking in the pale eyelashes casting faint shadows against his cheekbones and the slight upward curving of his nose. I glanced briefly at his lips, for a bare moment appreciating the visible softness and the tinge of rose before I abruptly forced my gaze to rest on the graceful arch of his eyelashes once more.

My thoughts had drifted too far, as they sometimes did in the few months Ventus had been at my side. Often, my mind conjured up half-forgotten phrases that Aqua had once used to describe Ventus, doting words such as 'adorable' 'loveable' and 'cute'. I had always scoffed at her terms "boys aren't adorable" I would say, but I had been lying through my teeth, as my thoughts had always been similar.

Only now, something had changed. The plumpness in Ventus's cheeks had disappeared, and his chest and arms were adorned with new muscle – proof of the effort the young boy had put into his lessons. And while Ventus's blue eyes still shone with his ever-present kindness, they now held a glint of something fierce and dangerous concealed behind a shuttered gaze. It had been many weeks since I stopped thinking of Ventus as a child, for it was clear that he no longer was one, and it had been some time since I ceased believing in words such as adorable and cute and had begun instead to think 'beautiful' and 'precious'.

He was my light, untouchable, unattainable, and yet all the more worthy of my protection and adoration.

But at times like these, when he was spread out so bare, so trusting and naïve in the dark beside me, I could feel the darkness gnawing at the corners of my mind. Their voices, it seemed would never be completely silenced, even in his presence, as they urged me forward, to take what I desired and taint the light that my darkness so despised.

AN: Reviews of any nature are welcome and greatly appreciated! As I said before, the third chapter should be up next weekend, but after that I'll be studying for finals. If you are returning to this story after the long gap between the first and second chapter, I thank you for sticking with me!