Meanwhile, at Herr Flick's Secret Gestapo Headquarters, Herr Flick was reading a letter from his godfather, Heinrich Himmler, as von Smallhausen looked on.

"Well," von Smallhausen said as Herr Flick finished reading and folded up the letter, putting it back in the envelope, "What does he say?"

"None of your business," Herr Flick snapped, hitting him on the head with his stick. At that moment, there was a loud knock on the door. "Ah," said Herr Flick, looking at his watch, "That will be Helga."

Limping over to the door, he opened it to reveal Helga. "You are late."

"I'm sorry, Herr Flick. I stopped by the Café to listen to the cabaret."

"You did what?" Herr Flick and von Smallhausen exclaimed in unison, looking at her with identical expressions of amazement (and almost horror) across their faces. "You stopped to listen to Madame Edith sing?" Herr Flick continued.

"No, she wasn't singing. They had some foreign woman who could actually sing in her place," Helga replied, walking over to Herr Flick's desk and taking a seat.

"Oh well that explains it. Do you have anymore news regarding the party the General is holding at the chateau?"

"Yes, Herr Flick, I do. The General is planning to have the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by van Clomp displayed because there will be several art experts there, Because it's a forgery, the Colonel has ordered René from the Café to swap the forgery with the original tonight so that he won't be sent to the Russian Front," Helga expounded.

"Good work, Helga. You have done your snooping well," said Herr Flick, sounding somewhat impressed.

"It's because you've got such hypnotising eyes," Helga replied with a smile.

"My sharp Gestapo mind is already formulating yet another daring and sly plan," Herr Flick continued, hardly noticing what Helga had said. "Tonight, after René has swapped the paintings, von Smallhausen and I will sneak into the chateau and the swap the original with another forgery that we have."

"How will you get into the chateau?" asked Helga, wondering whether she would be sent to the Russian Front if the Colonel, Gruber and Bertorelli were. She wasn't too worried about them, but she had no intention of going there herself.

"We shall disguise ourselves as guards, two who are the closest to the General. We'll be allowed into the General's very quarters, which will be when we will swap the paintings." Herr Flick paused, looking at Helga with a smile that almost scared her. "Of course, I will now lock you in here until we return so you can't go and tell the Colonel about my plan."

"Of course," Helga said, quite used to Herr Flick's mannerisms by now. She wasn't particularly worried, since the last time she'd been locked in the Gestapo Headquarters, she had managed to escape. Helga was sure that since she'd done it once before, she could quite easily do it again.

Or so she thought. "You are probably thinking that you will be able to escape like you did the last time," continued Herr Flick. "You are wrong. Since the last time, when you so craftily managed to escape by picking the lock with a hair pin removed with your toes, I have ordered some Gestapo locks, which are particularly complex in design, and cannot be unlocked by mere hair pins." With an evil, triumphant smile, he dramatically pulled a couple of sturdy-looking locks and chains from his desk drawer and proceeded to lock Helga's wrists to the arms of the chair she was sitting in.

"I wouldn't dream of escaping," said Helga, watching Herr Flick. "Don't you trust me?"

"No," said Herr Flick, snapping shut the final lock.

"I do," said von Smallhausen with his usual sinister smile, sliding up besides Helga.

"Shut up," was Flick's reply, hitting von Smallhausen once more with his stick. Turning back to Helga, he continued, "We are going now to obtain uniforms for tonight. When we return after successfully retrieving the portrait of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies by Van Clomp, we will have a romantic dinner to celebrate."

Helga was marvelling at how Herr Flick was so sure that he would succeed, considering the plan sounded pretty risky, when von Smallhausen spoke, interrupting her thoughts.

"Oh, thank you, Herr Flick. It's very kind of you to invite me to dinner."

Herr Flick and Helga exchanged glances, rolling their eyes, before Flick picked up his hat from the desk and, turning to Helga, he smiled and said, "Don't go away."

Helga slumped back in her chair, letting out a frustrated sigh.

"Why do I bother?" she couldn't help but wonder.