A/N: Just going to say this once, I know, this is not exactly Shizaya but alternates! Shizaya. I'm saying only this, THERE IS MULTIPLE SHIZAYA ALTERNATES AND NO MAIN PAIRING SO DEAL WITH IT! I'M PUTTING IT UNDER SHIZUO AND IZAYA! -prepares the vending machines- By the way, there's yaoi. It's going to be epic. If you don't like, run off and read something else. This isn't for the faint of heart.
~.~
You cheated on me!" Psyche sobbed as he pointed at the host.
"I cheated? I CHEATED?" Delic glared at him in outrage. "I DID NOTHING! YOU WERE THE ONE CLINGING TO EVERYONE!"
"I love being with others."
"Yeah!" Delic nodded, "you do! You enjoy it so much, you don't seem too worried when they have their grubby hands all over you!"
"What's that supposed to mean? Coming from the one who let's women run their hands under his waistband!"
"GUYS!" Shinra stood off to the side, glaring at them both, "SHUT UP!"
"SHUT UP SHINRA!" Both the others yelled at the doctor before Delic spun on Psyche again.
"ADMIT IT! YOU NEVER GAVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT WE HAVE!"
"YOU DIDN'T! WHY CAN'T WE GO SLOW! WHY CAN'T WE EVER HAVE GENTLE SEX! IT'S ALWAYS POUND POUND POUND," he pelvic thrust the air, making Shinra cover his eyes, "NEVER CAN WE HAVE LONG FOREPLAY!"
"WHO WANTS FOREPLAY!" Delic shook in outrage, "WHY CAN'T WE HAVE VIOLENT SEX! YOU ALWAYS WANT SOFT, GENTLE CRAP! WE CAN'T YELL OR SHOUT! NO! WE HAVE TO SAY LOVEY CRAP AT EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME!"
"THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE IN LOVE DO!"
"WE'RE FUCK BUDDIES! NOT IN LOVE!" Delic froze as he screamed that, looking at the shocked brunet before him.
"…so that was it…" Psyche's eyes watered, spilling over, "That was all we were?"
"I guess so." The host shook his head. "Glad we got that clear."
Looking back and forth between them Shinra merely shook his head, "you two are starting to argue like your brothers. I swear if anything gets broken, you're both paying for it."
"Shinra I just had my heart broken," Psyche started to cry, "I can at least break one thing."
Delic turned, glaring at everything. "I'm out of here. I have better things to do then help Celty move her crap."
"WAIT!" Shinra looked at them both pleadingly, "Celty and I haven't had a day off in forever, we can't spend the whole day cleaning up her things!"
Psyche sniffled before heading to the dullahan's bedroom. "I'll be moving out when we're done here."
"Psyche! The only damn thing you have in my apartment is a toothbrush!"
"Then it won't take me long to move out then." Psyche glared at him as they all entered the rune and relics covered room. Delic took a look around and whistled, "got enough shit around?"
"It's not shit!" Shinra glared at him, "it's Celty's things! I love them all almost as much as I love her!"
"I bet if we wrote Celty on a bottle of poison and said it was from Celty, he would drink it."
Delic nodded, "probably-"
"HEY! Focus here! I want to have the place spotless before Celty comes home from her job! I'm going to surprise her with this and then we'll go to the beach." His eyes flickered with adoration. "Oh there is nothing better than Celty in a swimsuit."
"Yes, you're a perv. Now then, let's just clean the shit up and get out of here…"
"OH!" Psyche squealed, making the other two cover their ears.
"WHAT THE HELL PSYCHE! WE TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT ANYMORE-"
"Look at this!" Psyche held up a large necklace and grinned, looking at the stone on it. "That thing's huge!"
"Maybe you shouldn't mess with it." Delic walked over and grabbed part of it. "After all, we both remember who broke the coffee maker, and my last pair of headphones."
"That's not fair!" Psyche pouted, giving the thing a tug. "I was going to pay for them but you wouldn't let me!"
"Of course not!" Delic tugged back, "you are one of the biggest procrastinators I know! I wouldn't have gotten-"
"Guys! Stop tugging on that thing! I think there's something wrong with it!" Shinra moved forward, frowning.
"Well it's a good thing I'm leaving then! I'll go find someone who won't mind me being a procrastinator or my happiness!"
"I don't hate your happiness I hate your squealing! You seem incapable of being serious!"
"I can be serious!"
"Bullcrap!"
"GUY-" Shinra's words were jumbled when the necklace gave off a loud crack, the duo falling backwards. The room was blinded in light before returning to normal. The doctor looked around the room for a moment after gathering himself. His blood went cold as he bit his lip. "Psyche? …Delic? …This isn't funny you guys. I love the let's play hide and seek on Shinra game too, but this is going too far."
He stood in place until he heard the front door, soon finding the dullahan coming in and looking at him in concern.
[Is something wrong?]
"Psyche…Delic… They both vanished."
[Maybe they went out on a date?]
"No," Shinra turned to her and sighed, "we were cleaning your room and they were fighting over some necklace… Well, sort of, but the thing broke and they went poof!" He leaned into the woman and shook his head, "I think I messed up big time."
~.p
Psyche looked up and blinked. His gaze focusing on what was in front of him for a full moment. Magenta eyes widening slowly to the size of saucers before he screamed, leaping back only to shudder in horror.
There was a bug. It was crawling on some weird rocks in front of him and the thing was huge! He looked around and went sprinting out of the room…cave… well, he ran out and looked around the area only to pause once more.
He didn't recognize this place. Was this in the botanical gardens in the city? He knew they had one, true Delic had invited him to a couple events there, but he'd never actually gone. Then again, looking down at his now ruined white suit, he could tell why.
His clothes were ruined!
However he had gotten here, whomever responsible was paying for his dry cleaning. There was no way in hell he would pay himself. He lacked the funds to begin with. Izaya would kill him if he asked for money again.
"Hello?" He yelled loudly, looking around.
Eventually someone would appear, right? How big could the gardens be?
~D
"GET UP!"
Delic felt something hit his gut a moment before someone else's voice spoke up. "We're to take him to the castle like the other women."
"He's a man though. Better to just slaughter him like the pig 'e is."
"Well that's why ye ain't any kinda nobleman now, ain't ya?"
Delic opened his eyes a bit before his vision wavered, a cloth pressed to his face. He felt his head throb as he awakened again in some dark room. The sound of water dripping down from the ceiling.
"He's fine."
"Aye, but we do we do wit 'im?"
"The best thing we can possibly do. We dress 'im up, send 'im to that arrogant swine's son, and 'ave 'im persuade the prince to do whatever we say or he can 'ave 'is head cut off."
"Yeah!"
"Help me dress 'im. We 'ave about ten minutes 'fore the king realizes we've snuck in again."
"Where do we stick him?"
"In the middle of the ladies, I gotta wig we can throw on 'im and me wife 'as some creams."
Delic tried to look at the people who were talking, but his vision swam again before he blacked out.
~.~
A/N: NO PI NO! STOP WRITING THINGS THAT ARE NEW! STOP IT! STOP!
Yes, I'm sorry to anyone who hates the lisps in Delic's kidnapping area. Those accents are awful and writing it was kind of annoying. LUCKILY~ you're wondrous informant will make sure they remain rare in the fic.
Izaya: How nice of me.
PI: O-O WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
Shizuo: …So basically it's an alternates fic.
PI: You two might appear! …maybe…
Izaya: Ah, I see… -grins- Shizu-chan and I are forbidding you from asking for reviews though.
PI: WHAT? BUT BUT HOW WILL MY HUMANS KNOW TO REVIEW IF I DON'T DEMAND THEM TO!
Shizuo: …they'll feel compelled after reading?
Izaya: That's the deal, you have failed to update all your fictions here so that is the agreement.
PI: -sobs- I Love you two, but I hate you so much~ -runs to snuggle against Tsugaru-