O Maker, hear my cry:
Guide me through the blackest nights
Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked
Make me to rest in the warmest places.

Squirming in the demon's grasp, Leliana held her breath to try and steady the panic rising in her chest. She dropped her now splintered bow from her uselessly pinioned hands, but then probed her sides for the telltale smooth metal of her dagger hilts.

Just as Pride's jaws opened to wrap around her throat, Leliana freed a dagger, spun it in her fingertips, and stabbed upward.

O Creator, see me kneel:
For I walk only where You would bid me
Stand only in places You have blessed
Sing only the words You place in my throat

The beast jerked its head as the runed weapon sank into its soft underarm flesh. Spasming in pain, Pride first tightened its grip, but then loosened the bear hug around Leliana. It was desperate to free the blade that had crunched into bone, but Pride refused to release its hard-won prey.

She decided in that split second to just let the dagger go, for there was a more precious object for her right hand to find. Her fingertips pushed past the flap on her satchel and found a folded piece of paper.

My Maker, know my heart
Take from me a life of sorrow
Lift me from a world of pain
Judge me worthy of Your endless pride

Once a painstaking ink drawing, precious to its owner, the worn paper was now covered in ruddy scribbles on the back. And on the front, Leliana had tarnished her Grey Warden's beautiful brushstrokes with several large, sweeping charcoal lines. A bat-like symbol was scribbled over the surface, missing just one simple line to complete the rune.

Forcing her free hand with the paper up against her chest, Leliana dabbed a thumb at her forehead to catch some of her blood. She managed to maneuver a bloody smear over the crinkled sheet in her hand, completing the mark of Erybak just as Pride yanked the dagger from its arm and snapped its jaws down.

My Creator, judge me whole:
Find me well within Your grace
Touch me with fire that I be cleansed
Tell me I have sung to Your approval

Leliana flexed her knees and pushed herself down through the demon's open arms to hit the ground on her bottom. But not before shoving the runed paper into Pride's gaping maw. The beast lurched forward to crush Leliana with one powerful, deadly strike, but was instead thrown backwards.

Smoke poured from its mouth, the result of a concentrated explosion set off within. Erybak, the Tevinter rune for swiftfire, had ignited and burned a hole in Pride's jaw. The beast fell heavily onto its back, clutching clawed hands to its face in agony. Once agile and deadly, the hulking demon rolled and groaned feebly on the ground.

O Maker, hear my cry:
Seat me by Your side in death
Make me one within Your glory
And let the world once more see Your favor

Panting from the sheer terror of once again avoiding near-death, Leliana pushed herself unsteadily to her feet. She unsheathed her remaining dagger and knelt before Pride. Even now, pity welled up within her to end the demon's suffering. Even now, in spite of everything.

Gripping the curved blade hilt with both hands, Leliana swung it over her head and softly finished her Canticle prayer from the Chant of Light.

"For You are the fire at the heart of the world
And comfort is only Yours to give."

Pride's reptilian eyes flashed wide as it saw the blade come down, but it was over in an instant. Leliana left her dagger in the demon's left eye and let out a long, shaky breath. The Fade had once seemed so magical, so mysterious. But there had always been that ugliness at its edges, knowing what evils lurk within. The Sloth demon at Circle Tower had been the first to peel back the Veil of the Fade and reveal the twisted dreams of the demented.

It is time to wake up.

She didn't so much as walk as hobble over to where the Grey Warden stood. He had not moved an inch. He was still locked in combat with the Archdemon, a fraction of a second away from losing the last good piece of himself. Leliana didn't want promises anymore. From Tiernan. From a Pride demon. She wanted what she came here for and nothing less.

"Mercy. Spirit of Compassion. Please. I know you are there," Leliana whispered into the now silent trees. There was no warmth or whispers. There wasn't anything.

She spoke louder, letting her exhaustion show. "Please! O Spirit of Compassion! I know you are watching. Please, just answer me." She dropped to the ground to sit on her heels, stretching her arms across her thighs with palms raised. It was a pleading, meditative pose.

"I am not here to trap you. Or enslave you. I am not a mage. I didn't come here for you. I came here for him. This man. This Grey Warden. All of this has been for him."

No reply. She wondered if Compassion thought she would fail. Maybe the Spirit had fled, found another shining beacon of Mercy somewhere else in the Fade. Leliana suddenly remembered her cold thought when Tiernan had been pleading for her to assist him.

No where in there did I hear an apology.

"Please. Spirit. I am so sorry for all of this. I merely wished to speak to you. To ask, to beg of you. But this world, this place, is beyond my comprehension. I am sorry I asked for that blood mage's assistance. I am sorry I made a deal with a demon. I am sorry I let my desperation overrule my good sense. I am… sorry. I am sorry to have caused you pain. I wish to speak with you, and only speak. You are free to decide your own destiny."

Leliana sighed and closed her eyes. She feared she had ruined her chance forever. Would it be better to awaken now, and know she had failed? Or simply sit here, in the Fade, for eternity?

That river of tears is beginning to sound really good about now, Alindra… Alin'dara.

The blackness of her eyelids suddenly warmed with a glow of orange. It was a moving, shifting glow. She squinted, her vision assaulted by the radiant sight before her. The Spirit of Compassion stood next to the Grey Warden, solidifying into a dimly female form. It, she, touched a familiar hand to the Warden's cheek. A sparkle of light trailed down a motherly face. A teardrop.

The Spirit… mourns him, Leliana realized. She cautiously stood up, uncertain if a sudden movement would frighten Mercy off. Slowly outstretching her palms in an earnest plea, Leliana spoke softly.

"You have lost one dear to you as well, haven't you? I wish to tell you that your Spirit of Faith lives. She lives inside of a dear, dear friend of mine. A kind, wonderful person. Wynne is grateful every second of every day that she has left because of Faith."

The Spirit turned and seemed to study Leliana, though there were no eyes. It was too bright for just a simple human face. It was color, life, warmth, all wrapped within a cocoon of light.

"I… I was wondering… could this not be what Spirits might be for? Second chances? To keep the best of us going a little while longer? Wynne most certainly deserve such a chance, and has done so much good. She helped end the Blight. And so did—so did my Grey Warden," Leliana offered, allowing a soft smile to lift her cheeks.

She was feeling suddenly nostalgic, and spoke intimately. To a friend. "He was merciful to all we came across. I knew him but a short year, and every day he surprised me. He held his anger, his anguish, so tightly. It should have made him callous, cold, and vengeful. But he wasn't. He refused to share or shed his burden upon anyone, and still could show kindness… Even toward our enemies. Monstrous werewolves. Treacherous dwarves. Bitter elves. He poured his compassion out before them and offered them a hand and a second chance."

Leliana trailed off as fat tears rolled down her cheeks. He deserves to be at the Maker's side. Not here, in this dark place, with an Archdemon strangling his last breath for eternity. Please. Please.

She squinted her eyes shut, but they burst open when she realized the orange glow had disappeared. Mercy was gone.

Collapsing to her knees, Leliana couldn't even cry out. She had nothing left. After all this, she'd given everything and been left with nothing. The Fade was supposed to be where dreams came true.

Suddenly, the Grey Warden's form went from transparent to solid. He still gripped an ethereal sword, but she could no longer see right through his flesh. Before Leliana could reach out to touch him, cracks appeared all along his armor and body. They rippled and groaned as little beams of light poked through along the cracks.

In one swift river of light, the cracks exploded. Leliana had to shield her face from the breaking shards. She lurched uneasily to her feet, fearful to uncover her eyes and see nothing there.

Warm hands enveloped hers at her face, gently tugging them away. Leliana opened her eyes and inhaled one short and one long, shuddering gasp.

"No! No no no. Please, Maker, no!" The Grey Warden shouted at her, his face not warm with recognition but wide with fear. He knelt before her, clutching her shaking hands. He bowed his head, his auburn hair spiked and messy. Leliana tried to speak, to understand, but her emotions caught in her throat.

"I am so sorry, my love. I did not wish you to suffer. I thought you would live a long life if I ended the Blight. Tell me, where did I fail you? Were you hurt and I just did not see it?"

It was several long seconds before Leliana realized what was going on. First, that her Grey Warden was back. Back. His soul was whole. He was whole. The second was that he had no idea what day it was. He thinks this moment was just after he slew the Archdemon, that I perished on Fort Drakon at his side.

Pushing their clasped hands forward, she touched the back of her hands to his cheeks. They were warm and slightly rough from his facial hair. Familiar. She had to clear her throat several times to summon the will just to speak.

"No, my sweet Warden. I did not fall. You did as you sought: you killed the Archdemon. It is no longer the fall but the winter, the month of Wintermarch. And we are not in the afterlife but merely the Fade where dreams unite. This is a dream I can awake from, should I wish it." Do I?

The Grey Warden required convincing, insisting on "Truly?" for several long moments before he had the courage to stand again.

"I prayed I would see you once more," the Grey Warden said softly. His rich tenor was stretched thin by a wide, radiant smile outlined by the short hair of his ruddy red and brown beard. There was no blood spatter on his pale forehead, no nicks or arrows in his plate armor. The eyes were clear and blue, with little flecks of gold around the pupils.

Just as she remembered him. Not as a wraith or a ghost or a spirit. Just …him.

But she was uncertain and wary. The Fade liked to play tricks. To give her false hope. To promise impossible things. It made her angry. This entire terrible ordeal made Leliana angry. "Why did you leave? Why didn't you speak to me of what was to come? Why did you leave me a book of regret?"

Forehead creasing with worry, the Grey Warden attempted to interject but Leliana's raised voice drowned him out. "I deserved the truth! I deserved a conversation at the very least!"

"You deserved better—" he started to say forlornly. Leliana cut him off again.

"I deserved you."

He smiled at this. He had the nerve to be relieved when Leliana was so angry. But he always could disarm her, just as she him. "You did. You do. You always will. …Did I deserve you, Leliana?"

It was a simple statement that completely deflated her spinning rage. "I—you—of course. Of course you do. You always will."

"Well, that settles it then," the Warden smiled, recalling the first thing she'd said after sharing their first kiss. Leliana smiled cautiously back, but worry crept back in to ruin this stolen happiness.

"There is something you must know, my Warden. We are in the Fade, my Fade, but you—you are not. You did not survive the encounter with the Archdemon. Do you remember?"

He pressed a gloved hand to his chin, scratching at his beard in his usual way. The Warden was silent for a few moments. "I remember the battle. All that darkspawn in Denerim. I nearly vomited out my entire tainted blood, their stench was so overpowering," he smiled, though Leliana wrinkled her nose in disgust. "I remember the Archdemon. Sliding under its belly and spilling its entrails. Thrusting my sword into its head. But then there was light. And then nothing."

He turned to her, frowning. "I remember thinking I should be satisfied. It was what I wanted, after all. To be worthy. Of your faith. My family. Myself. That this was some mighty deed and I should feel as a giant standing atop its mountain, surveying what it knows to be true, and I waited for that feeling of—I don't know. Purpose? Pride? Victory? But there was nothing.

"I was happy though," the Warden said simply, reaching out for Leliana's wrist.

"With dying?"

His eyes crinkled though his lips didn't crack a smile. "No. I saw you. Before it happened. I remember you, and I—I wanted to always remember you... You looked so sad though."

"Of course I did. You left me. You left me all alone." Leliana hated how small and pathetic she sounded, like some simpering maiden.

"But you know why now, don't you?" He knew Alistair would deliver his last request. During their brief exchange before finally slaying the Archdemon, the Warden had quietly handed Alistair his journal and whispered its instructions. The future King of Ferelden was ashen, but Alistair did finally swear to respect the Warden's wishes.

Leliana reached inside her satchel out of habit for the book that wasn't there. It didn't really matter. After four months, she knew the Grey Warden's last year of life nearly as well as she did the Chant of Light. "…Yes, but that does not mean I agree with it. You never gave me the chance. …tell me truly: why could you not speak to me of these things? Did you not trust me?"

He winced at the accusation, though he was prepared for it. He held out his hands, begging for understanding. "Of course I trusted you. With my life. My heart. My future. But… I did what I must for Ferelden. I fear I will never have an acceptable explanation for you, my beloved. It was my duty, my responsibility, my oath. I ran every scenario I could think of in my head the night before the battle. And all choices, even the wrong ones, told me to remain silent."

The Warden dropped his hands in defeat, his eyes shining with tears. "The truth? I do not know what the truth is. I was afraid. I could profess grand tales of wanting to protect you, but that demeans us both..." Leliana nodded begrudgingly. On that, we do agree.

"I don't know what to tell you, Leliana. I was afraid to die. The simple matter of it was: I did not want to share the burden. And I wanted our remaining time together to be beautiful, not rife with unknown regret. That is all I had left, that selfish wish," his eyes briefly flicked up to meet hers, then shut tight. Light dewy tears squeezed out from his long eyelashes.

Leliana was thoughtful for a moment. She had hoped this long-awaited conversation would be more satisfying. But like the physical battle back in Andraste's Temple, there were no placating words to massage the hurt away. …was that only a few hours ago? Did I truly hope it would all be so easy: to find him, forgive him, and be at peace?

Looking back at the Warden, Leliana sighed. She placed her hand upon his chin, running her thumb over that scratchy beard. He torments himself with his regret, and my anger will do nothing to diminish his pain. Or mine.

"We shouldn't fear death or hate it," she said softly. "Death is just another beginning."

The Warden turned his gaze back to her, a light smile pulling his entire face out of darkness. "'One day, we must all shed our earthly bodies to allow our spirits to fly free,'" he quoted her words from only a few short months ago, on the night they had finally shared together as one.

It is a beautiful sentiment, one that brings peace and hope, Leliana thought quietly as her shoulders leaned forward to press her lips to his. He tasted clean. Gentle. His teeth tugged at her lower lip with a light insistence, asking the kiss to deepen. She obliged.

Much was poured in to that long absent kiss. She returned his intensity with her own, clutching her hands to the back of his neck while his hands settled along her waist and around her shoulders. No effort was made to pull away for many long, blissful minutes. She could taste her Warden's sorrow, his regret. When his forehead touched hers, she felt his tears pass to her cheeks as hers did to his. Even that feathery tickle did not interrupt them.

Neither realized when the kiss transitioned to a tight hug. It was several cleansing breaths before Leliana noticed that her ear was pressed to his cheek with her chin tucked into his collarbone. She dug her fingernails into the Warden's back while his hand laced through her long hair at her neck. They both sighed deeply at odd intervals, communicating with touch what they had both failed to say before:

How I missed you.

Leliana was the first to pull away, but not completely. She ran her hand from his neck, down his shoulder and bicep, over his forearm to interlace her fingers with his. Gesturing at their surroundings, she started at the beginning. Denerim was only a few days gone, Haven and the Ruined Temple but a few hours ago. She did not gloss over her anger at Marjolaine, the pain of fighting a spirit of him, her uncertainty dealing with Tiernan or the Pride demon.

His eyes remained on hers for the length of her story. The Warden's expression barely wavered from interested calm, though occasionally his brow creased or his eyes crinkled as he alternated between worry and amusement. She wanted to know if he felt the Spirit of Compassion within him. He didn't know. He said his thoughts still felt like his own, and there were no whispers or warmth like Leliana experienced during her time in the Fade.

Their conversation ended awkwardly, for neither knew how to proceed from so many raw confessions and lost moments.

He was the first to finally say it, "So what now?"

"I …cannot keep you here. I am sorry, my love. But I only saw ahead as far as this moment. You were the one with the gift of foresight, of seeing a hundred battles before they'd even taken place." Leliana could barely feel the Warden squeezing her hand trying to tell her with touch, That isn't true.

"You give yourself too little credit."

Leliana shrugged. "Mayhap, but that does not change that I must wake up. And you cannot come with me. I am in the Temple of Andraste. I used Andraste's ashes to save your soul. But your body is four months dead, and on its way to Weisshaupt fortress to join the other Warden heroes."

"So I cannot stay." He asked it and said it at the same time. The Warden's blue eyes seemed hooded, as though he was holding back.

"My wish to the Maker and Andraste was to make you whole again, so that you can claim your rightful place at the Maker's side. To return you to where you belong: that was my prayer." Leliana pleaded with him to understand. I confess, I am not quite so selfless as that. But it hardly matters now.

"What if I refuse?"

She was stunned. "What—why?" Who would refuse the Maker's heavenly light, given the chance? Given a second chance?

A Grey Warden might. Her Grey Warden would.

"Leliana, I spent the last year of my life doing the Right Thing. Most of the time, it coincided with what I wished to do, with the sort of man I wanted to be. And you went to great pains to find me here, in the darkness. I cannot even imagine what you must have suffered for this, and willingly. You chose to face this on my behalf, when success was not only uncertain but unlikely. In this regard, among so many others: you are better than me, my love."

He traced his thumb over the back of Leliana's hand and smiled sadly before continuing.

"I was nearly forced to be a Grey Warden, as I had no where else to go and the Blight demanded I stay. But this, you could have walked away or moved on, and you didn't. You stayed when all other instincts said it isn't worth it, or even possible."

Bowing his head before her, the Warden knelt. His hand not holding hers clenched into a fist at his chest in salute.

"If you will allow it, I would like to stay. With you. Even if we can only meet in dreams, and I must remain a prisoner forever… please let me stay. You said you asked Andraste to make me whole, but also to return me to where I belong... Here, at your side, is where I belong. To be your shield was all I ever wished for from the moment I met you. Even should you find another, it would still be my honor to protect you. ...It was my vow, after all."

It was his vow, made almost offhand during one of their many wanderings in the woods on the Bannorn. "My oath is my bond. As I swore to serve the Grey Wardens, I promise to always watch over you and protect you. And I hope you understand, you believe, how much I have come to love you, Leliana."

While still aching with pleasure at the gesture, Leliana could not ignore reality. "I—I do not know what to say, my Warden. I do not know how to give you what you ask. If this is a dream, how would I ever return here to see you? I cannot bear the thought of condemning you to the Fade to wander forever searching for me. To end up a husk of a man like Tiernan. I won't have you become an abomination on my behalf." It pained her to say these things.

The Warden's eyes, so clear and blue, hardened to clear white crystals. The Spirit of Compassion, the mortar of his broken soul, remained. Even as a puppet with the Warden pulling its strings.

"It is time to finish Huq'jyn, traveler. It is easy to get lost without a way home." The Grey Warden was frozen in place once more. Leliana tugged her fingers from his grasp and called his name, but he did not respond.

She called out to Mercy to explain, to release him, to help, but there was no answer. What else can I do?

Finish the last rune.

Placing a kiss on the Warden's forehead, Leliana returned to the middle of the clearing circle. The circle of lyrium was trampled from her struggling, and Pride's still body had scratched out the lines around the circle forming a point. She pushed the heavy corpse, having to dig her heels into the ground to get enough leverage to move the beast aside. Collecting handfuls of lyrium powder from Tiernan's blood magic runes, Leliana slowly finished the two broken lines.

It happened so quickly, she did not get a chance to pray or even say goodbye.

With a deep, gasping breath, Leliana awoke in the Temple. Instead of a burned journal clutched in her hand, Leliana grasped a small crystal. The soul phial. It was no longer empty. The symbol of Huq'jyn, "return," was stamped into the side. A warmth spread through her fingertips. It tingled and calmed. Even though the room of Andraste's ashes was empty, Leliana knew she wasn't alone.

Leliana left the temple, her footsteps following each other on pure, mechanical instinct. Her mind was blank but full at the same time, still struggling to comprehend all that had happened within this strange day. She was so dazed that she did not even notice Ser Perth escorting her outside the ruins with two knights in tow. The man was not offended, for he just assumed she was humbled from seeing the remains of the Maker's Chosen. Ser Perth asked her to be careful finding her way back to the road to Haven, and to walk with the Maker.

A starving bear had stumbled into the abandoned town of Haven, but before Leliana could even draw a dagger, a shadow darted out of the forest and pounced on the beast. The bear swung claws, but its attacker was too nimble, too quick, and in a swift strike the bear's throat was ripped out.

Sitting before Leliana, its muzzle bloodied and its fur matted, was an old friend. The Grey Warden's mabari, gone these four months since the Warden's passing.

"Gavrel. His name is Gavrel," she heard a man whisper in her mind. Her fingers touched the crystal in her satchel, reassured that her Warden was not lost in the Fade but now always close by.

"Thank—thank you for your intervention… Gavrel." The mabari's stub tail began to wag fiercely when it heard its name. It knew its master was nearby, and jumped up to follow Leliana as she padded back to the Imperial Highway. A half hour went by before the mabari barked, signaling movement along the road. It was another moment before Leliana heard the telltale clop-clop of horses.

The wine merchant, first taken aback by the mabari's defensive growling, agreed to take the bard and her canine companion as far as Montsimmard. She would have to find another ride to take her the rest of the way to Val Royeaux to meet the Grand Cleric there. Six gold coins were exchanged before Leliana found herself sitting in the back of the man's cart, scratching Gavrel's ears.

Even though her satchel was lighter without the Warden's journal, she still had a few remnants of her life within. A letter from a dear friend had been read and reread but not answered. She found a few sheets of parchment amongst the barrels, and began crafting a short reply.

My Dearest Dorothea,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am journeying to Orlais to meet you at Val Royeaux. It has been far too long, my dear friend. I have been thinking carefully these last few months, and I have decided to take up your offer to return to service within the Chantry.

I shall send another letter detailing where to meet once I return to Val Royeaux.

Be well, my friend, and be at peace with the Maker.

Leliana

Another letter, addressed to the King of Ferelden, respectfully requested the transfer of her, their, things to Val Royeaux. Including the delivery of one (probably very upset) nug. Leliana hesitated, considering telling Alistair of her journey, but instead reassured him that she was well.

Very well indeed.

The bouncing of the merchant cart was lulling, and her head leaned back against a wooden barrel. She fast asleep within a few seconds. In her dreams, a familiar campsite sat next to a peaceful pond. There were silhouettes of old friends at their tasks, laughing and chatting, but one shone brighter than all the stars in the heavens.

The Grey Warden stood up from his stump to greet her, and Leliana walked into his waiting arms with a smile.

Ren's Note:

Leliana's prayer opener is from the Canticle of Transfigurations 12:1-12:6, found in the Dragon Age Wiki.

Is this the end? Well, it could be. Leliana can devote her life to the Maker and not be tempted off her path, for no pretty face can hold a candle to where she goes in her dreams. And then they can both watch over each other for eternity in the stars.

But… I have a feeling Leliana can only tolerate a part-time relationship in the Fade for so long. And the very first review I ever received (on DA: Reminiscent by owl208) was a request for a happy ending so…

Coming soon: the gripping/soppy/hopefully charming finale to reuniting Leliana with her Grey Warden in DA: Homecoming.

Thanks for reading, reviewing and following! I adjusted my cover art to include the rune Leliana shoves in the Pride demon's mouth. Part of my devotion to be a corn ball, drawing and writing-wise. ...Oh well!