A/N: This is shameless crack/fluff to balance out all the angst I've been reading lately. Italics are Sebastian's thoughts.

The day had started off normal enough; Sebastian went out on a mission hit the target and came home. That night was when he realized something weird was going on.

His first indication was the baby.

"Jim, what is that?" best to approach the situation delicately.

"A baby, darling surely you know what one looks like" Jim drawled.

"Whose is it?" Basic facts Sebastian. Focus on the facts.

"Ours, now." Jesus fucking Christ.

"I'm not going to kill a baby Jim. I don't care what it did to you." Gotta draw the line somewhere.

Jim surprises him by looking confused and a little hurt.

"I wouldn't ask you to kill a baby Seb I'm not a monster." You tripped a blind man yesterday for laughs. Sebastian decides maybe this isn't the right time to bring that up.

Sebastian heaves a sigh.

"Of course not Jim. What I meant o say is where did you get a baby?"

"I found it." Oh God he's finally snapped.

"You found it? Where?"

"That's not of import. I found it. Finder's keepers." It?

"You can't just keep a baby you- wait it? You don't even know if it's a boy or a girl?"

Jim makes a dismissive hand gesture and goes back to bouncing the baby on his hip. This is horrible. Jim makes his way into the kitchen and starts mixing up formula for the baby. When the hell did they get formula? He decides to wait until the bay is out of harms way to confront Jim about these recent developments and sits down at the table with a beer.

"Francis."

"What?"

"It's name is Francis. That could be a boy or a girl name." Sebastian gives a non-committal grunt.

"Francis Moran. Nice strong name, I think." Sebastian bangs his head on the table.