Hey, all! Heh, this is just a quick little fic that I wrote one day when my friend Feli-chan mentioned that I seem to have a penchant for writing Ed masturbating...Much as I may like to deny it, she was right, so I decided to make fun of my writing habits via this little thing!

(FYI, none of said fics are posted on this site, but hopefully they will be sometime soon!)

Hope you like it! :D

"Ed," Roy said dubiously as he walked into their shared bedroom. "Seriously? Again? Seems like you're always doing that lately." He raised a single eyebrow as he took in the sight of his lover naked and shamelessly sprawled out across their bed, jerking himself off like his life depended on it. And with the way he complained sometimes, Roy couldn't confidently say he knew it didn't.

"Well…" Ed dawdled, his hand slowing to a near stop on himself. "What else am I supposed to do? You weren't around!" He squirmed a little as he said this, not out of embarrassment, but from the desire to move his hand more than just the short, intermittent swipes of his thumb across the head of his cock. Like he thought Roy wouldn't notice. Roy shook his head at the teen.

"Edward, I went to the bathroom. You couldn't wait that long?" Ed twisted his mouth and thoughtfully chewed at the inside of his cheek, like he actually had to consider this.

"N –don't blame this on me, you bastard –this is all your fault!" he insisted, looking as decidedly normal as one could when they had quite literally been caught with their pants down. "And how come I never catch you going at it?" With this, Roy bowed his head in mock humility and let out a soft 'heh', before crossing the room to sit on the edge of the bed.

"That's because I don't have to," he smirked and covered Ed's hand with his own, savoring the little gasp it earned him. "I just fuck people." Ed made a short, disgusted sound in the back of his throat but nonetheless tried to thrust into Roy's palm.

"Since when did I become 'people'?" Roy turned slightly so he was facing Ed and looked down at him through lowered eyelashes.

"Now, Edward," he purred, his voice deepening. "You don't think I became as...skilled as I am by chance, do you?" He grinned and wrapped his hand firmly around Ed's, slowly and deliberately moving it up and down. Ed let out a keening sigh and his hand went limp, letting Roy's guide him.

"Aghh," he grumbled despite himself. "You slutty fucker, you're ruining the mood." Roy chuckled and leaned down to kiss Ed on the forehead, keeping his hand moving at the same maddeningly slow pace.

"You pleasure yourself right in front of me and I'm the slut?" He teased. "Yes, I see the mood is completely ruined, please forgive me." With that, he removed his hand from Ed and made a show of slowly turning to leave.

"No! Wait, come back, I didn't mean it!" Ed wailed, extending his arms out to Roy, a comically pained expression on his face. Obviously satisfied with this outcome, Roy turned and came back to Ed with a smirk and resumed slowly stroking him. Ed's eyes slid shut and he let out a slow, relieved sigh, his hands relaxing at his sides.

After a few moments of relative silence, the only sound between them the slight wet sounds of Roy's hand steadily moving up and back and Ed's labored breathing, Ed spoke up again. "I'm not a slut either, you know," he said, his voice starting to lose its composure. "My intentions were all very honorable." Roy snorted a laugh and brought his free hand to lay on Ed's chest.

"Honorable? I'm not sure I follow." He gently scratched across Ed's left nipple with a fingernail, coaxing him into explaining. Ed drew in a sharp breath.

"Ahm…" he fumbled, his eyes darting nervously around as if he was afraid Roy would stop again if he didn't answer.
Really, he wasn't that much of a bastard. "You see, it was for you, actually….Uh, I was practicing so I'd know how to better please you and so…"

"Last I knew, one's own hand didn't provide the most helpful feedback," Roy interrupted.

"Ah, fuck you, I was horny…Ya' happy?" Ed continued, the last part coming out in a rush. When Roy didn't immediately respond, he firmly gripped his wrist with an automail hand and grinded against his palm. "Now finish what you started. This really is your fault now."

"I know, I know," Roy grinned and started stroking Ed again; his grip slightly tighter but his pace still just as slow. "I'm too desirable for my own good."

"Don't flatter yourself," Ed grumbled, his body straining for more contact underneath Roy. "I only let you fuck me so you'll get off my back." He made an odd sound in the back of his throat before Roy could comment on the irony of that statement. "Goddamn you, move your hand faster…" he panted. Roy clucked his tongue against his teeth and tried his best to look admonishing even though it was hard to think about anything other than the way his own cock was straining against the confines of his pants.

"So impatient…" he murmured but obligingly sped up his hand a little. Apparently, it wasn't enough for Edward who writhed beneath him and wrapped his hand around Roy's, guiding him into a faster rhythm

"Faster…Ahh, I wanna come…" he moaned. Part of Roy wanted to slow down again just so he could coax more of those beautiful sounds out of Ed, but the blonde looked so desperate that he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Come, then," Roy purred and leaned down to wrap his lips around the head of Ed's cock while still stroking the base through the tunnel of his fingers. Suddenly, Ed's legs jerked underneath him and his hands shot out to grab at the front of Roy's shirt, making an almost surprised sound as he went rigid and came in short but intense spurts into Roy's mouth. When he was done, Roy sat back up and swallowed dutifully, wiping his lips on the back of his hand as Ed recovered.

Finally, Ed let out a long sigh and cracked his eyes open, looking up at Roy

"Thanks," he said softly. Roy smirked and gently carressed the side of Ed's face.

"You're welcome. Now, have you learned your lesson?"

"My lesson?" Ed repeated, his brow furrowing in sleepy confusion.

"Next time," Roy began, "you're going to wait for me. While I'm right in the house with you, anyway." Ed frowned and scooted up into a sitting position on the bed; it seemed he'd slipped down a little.

"I don't know…" he said doubtfully in a way that made Roy wonder if he was serious or not. "I was doin' just fine on my own." Roy couldn't help but laugh. Someone declining sex with him? Ridiculous.

"That may be so," he allowed, "but my hands –and mouth- were doing it better, were they not?"

"Tch, whatever," Ed snorted and dramatically lifted the blankets before diving underneath them. Roy watched in mild confusion as Ed proceeded to end by conversation by turning onto his side, his back to him.

"You're going to sleep?" Roy asked, confused. "At 7:30? I'm shocked."

"Ahh, yeah, I'm just gonna doze off for a bit," Ed sighed, sounding all too comfortable.

"I tell ya', coming takes a lot out of ya'; I can hardly keep my eyes open." He yawned hugely for effect. "Like someone nailed me with a horse tranquilizer…" Roy frowned and leaned over Ed, trying to get his attention.

"But…" He cleared his throat, not about to lower himself so much as to ask. "Aren't you forgetting something?" What about me?

"Hmmm," Ed thought about this for a moment, his mouth contorting thoughtfully. "Oh, yeah! You forgot to tuck me in." He sounded so overly sweet when he said this that Roy just wanted to let bygones be bygones and…Leap across the bed and smack him right across his smug little mouth. The smirk in Ed's voice was almost audible when he went on, "If you wanna get off so badly, why not just do it yourself, hm? Seeing as how you're such an expert and all." Roy gaped at him even though, with his back turned, Ed couldn't see his face.

"Now, Ed…"

"'Night!" He interrupted and arched up to plant a deep kiss on Roy's lips. A second later, he pulled away, distastefully wiping his lips with the back of his hand. "Guh, you taste like my dick," he declared, and promptly flopped back down underneath the covers. Roy could've laughed if not for the fact that…What the hell! He briefly considered reminding Ed about the importance of following the law of equivalent exchange when he heard an exaggerated snore coming from under the blankets. Roy shook his head, unable to contain the amused smirk any longer. Really, this whole thing was rather ridiculous.

"'Night, Shrimp," he grinned deviously and leisurely left the room, knowing Ed wouldn't do anything, lest he admit that he wasn't really sleeping. Roy stopped just outside the bedroom door, pondering what to do next.

Well, fine, if Ed wasn't going to take responsibility for the erection that was clearly his fault, he was just going to have to take matters into his own hands.

Several minutes later, Roy gasped for air and slowly let himself sink down to the cool tiles of the bathroom floor, unable to stay standing any longer. A wicked grin curled across his lips as he sat there catching his breath.

Maybe Ed was onto something after all -as it turned out, his own hand did do it better.