A Narrow View

An Insane Bella has murdered her parents. Or has she? Doctor Edward Cullen will find out.

Chapter 1: Walls

I just stare at the white wall. That's not quite right though. They aren't white. I think they are supposed to be, but they aren't. I've seen these walls in every light and they never look white. They have looked yellowed and dully grayed. I've seen them tinted sickly green and dirty brown, but never once a pure white. I guess when all you do is sit in one room all day you begin to think about the important things, like walls. If people weren't insane when they came in here, they certainly would become insane. As if the color of the walls matters. Still, it bothered me. Was I the only one who saw they were not really white, like they pretended? Apparently, I was.

There was a knock and I stiffened. My eyes flew to the narrow window. The sky was vibrantly colored, opalescent as it turned to night. Even bits of green peeked between the layers of rosy pink and brilliant orange. The sun shrank away from the world as if weary from the day. I shrank away, too. Twilight was not an easy time. The decent of the night on to the sky foreshadowed my oncoming terror. The night was always bad.

The door opened and there stood Dr. Gray, blond hair and gray eyes wild with anticipation, a syringe waiting in his hand. I hated needles, but I could hardly worry about it. His eyes raked over me in my bed and I realized, far too late, that I made it easier for him by being in bed. I didn't have time to stand up though before he was forcing me into a lying down position and pulling thick black straps around my body. I struggled, terrified as I felt the pinch of the needle being pushed in my arm. He was pressing down on the plunger. He stared right into my brown eyes as he did it with a cold look. As soon as he had put all the vile liquid in my arm he was pawing at my gown. I felt myself slipping away as my vision blurred. I looked away and watched out the window as the sun abandoned me. Then everything turned black and I couldn't fathom that I would see it again tomorrow.

I woke up feeling slightly sick. I could practically feel his hand as if they were still on me. The belts had been released and I was dressed again. But I knew. The window curtain was closed, but I pulled it back to see the sun in the strips not covered by iron bars. I could almost feel the warmth.

There was a knock, but it didn't worry me with the sun lighting up the sky. The door opened. "Bella? Alice?" the voice asked softly. It was Angela, of course. She was the best nurse here. She liked to wake us up.

"Good morning, Angela," I smiled.

"It's nice out. Do you want to go out to the courtyard and work in your garden?" She asked. Her voice was still soft and soothing. I nodded and she looked to Alice who was awake, too. "Are you coming, too?" Alice just smiles and leaps out of bed. Angela leaves us to get dressed. A few minutes later she returns to take us outside.

She leads me and Alice through the halls and outside. I immediately begin tending to my garden. Alice sits on the bench watching me. She's a good friend. Slowly more and more people file out to the court yard. They all contrasted sharply with the bright day and my lovely garden. They were weary looking and too thin for their clothing. They looked terribly sick. But I suppose they should look sick. They were sick. We all were. I froze for a moment as the guilt wraps around me, strangling me, suppressing any happiness. It threatened to drown me here in the warm air. Angela broke off this train of thought by touching my shoulder. One look in my eyes told her what I was thinking.

"You're better now, Bella, so much better. I know you could never do that again. You are a good person," She promised. I willed myself to believe her, but I couldn't. I forced out a little smile and looked back to the garden. I knew I hadn't fooled her, but she knew there was nothing to say to help and sat with Alice again.

I worked until my arms were tired and my knees were aching. This was the only atonement I was allowed. I felt better knowing I had created some life even if I had destroyed a much more important life. Two important lives, in fact, had been ruined by me.

I was more hurt than surprised as I watched a sneaker descend onto a pretty yellow flower, crushing it. It was Nurse Greco. I swallowed so I could breathe again. She was blond with pale skin. Her face was to pretty as she gazed down at me with those sky blue eyes. I winced. Her face was positively cherubic.

"Isabella, come with me," she said. Angela watched with tight brown eyes. Everyone else stared. It would have made me blush to be looked at by so many people, but I was too preoccupied with Nurse Greco. I followed her without complaint. I was always good for Nurse Greco, obedient.

It was an awful walk to room 312, Dr. Greco's office. The door closes and it's not dark like in the movies. It's lit with those awful florescent lights that flicker just a little. I sat still while they pull the straps tight. Dr. Greco is quite handsome, too, and I like to distract myself by watching his features. He has dark brown hair, which Nurse Greco does not, but pale skin, like his twin sister. Then I panic, I have no control as they pull the last belts into place and I'm barely aware of the other preparations as I struggle futilely against the bindings I allowed them to place on me. It's pointless. Then there's just the waiting. Then the shocks rock through me and I know I'm screaming and trying to thrash. And it goes on forever. I sit there shaking and feel the sweat as wisps of my hair get stuck to my face. I groan when it ends. My hands and knees shake, and I can't seem to control them anymore. My heart drums frantically in my ear. Nurse Greco escorts me away. In my room again I fall asleep. I feel too weak to even turn my head. Angela comes back. She leaves food, but doesn't speak. I don't know what either of us could say. I think about telling her that no one would do this to a good person, but I don't. She knows.

I eat a little. Then later more food was brought and I eat some of that, too. I pull from my little wall shelf the one book I'm allowed to read, a little book of poetry. Next to it is the chipped and worn music box and a little perfume bottle left to me by my mother. The book is supposed to be harmless. It's not supposed to excite me, but it does. I can't sleep after reading a particularly rousing verse.

Today Nurse Heidi gives me my shot. She's blonde and has dark eyes. She's beautiful, but cold and severe. She dislikes me. She says Dr. Gray went home early. I sigh with relief. No visits tonight. I feel better, even as I pass out. Still out of control, but it's nice to know tonight I'll be alone, all alone. It's silly that I should be pleased about that.

Today is a Tuesday, which means no Nurse Greco or Dr. Greco. It doesn't mean I'm safe from Dr. Gray, but I have a good feeling about today. Alice is happy, too. She sits beside me and basks in the afternoon sunlight. I pluck a dandelion from my garden and hand it to her. It's covered in tiny puffs of wishes. She smiles at this, too. She looks down and suddenly the smile freezes in place. She stares for a moment then looks up smiling brighter.

"Today is going to be a good day. We're going to meet someone important," she tells me. I ignore this and attend to my flowers more. "It's a man. He… he's meant to speak with me alone, but you'll be important to him. You are going to be close," she continues. I finally look at her. Close to a man? There aren't any male patients in this ward and no doctor would care about a patient. Dr. Gray does what he does, because it serves him. We are not close. Who could be close with me? I haven't been close to a man since Jacob Black.

"Ms. Brandon?" a velvet voice enquires. Alice looks up. I do, too. No one calls Alice "Ms. Brandon." She grins at me and gets up to meet him.

I see him then. He's a doctor I can see, because he is wearing a bright white coat. But he's more handsome than any of the other doctors, even more than Dr. Cullen, who runs this place with the three, Dr. Riccis. He's tall and has a very strange hair color. It's an odd combination of red, brown and gold, like bronze. He smiles approvingly at the calm, confident way she approaches. It's a nice smile.

"Hello Dr. Cullen," she greets him. Dr. Cullen? Is he related to Dr. Carlisle Cullen? They don't look anything alike, but there's something about him that reminds me of Dr. Carlisle Cullen.

"Hello… Would you like to come with me for a little get to know each other secession?" he asks. He seems a little thrown that she knows him, but he remains perfectly polite.

"Absolutely!" she agrees. Sometimes I wonder if Alice is delusional, or if she is… seeing the future. Then I shutter at the reaction my doctors would have to saying that. She follows him inside with the little dandelion and I work until dinner. Alice doesn't return until then either. The new Dr. Cullen walks over to me as I eat.

"Ms. Swan?" he asks. I look into those bright green eyes and melt.

"Yes, Dr. Cullen?" I answer. I think that maybe I'm going to be his patient, too. I begin to hope violently that this is the case.

"Well, Alice said the two of you are very close and I was hoping I could ask you some questions about her. Is that alright?" he asks. I'm not sure how to answer only because I can't remember the last time someone asked me for permission to do anything with me. I simply nod and he smiles, seeming satisfied. I think for the millionth time that he's awfully good looking.

Alice wakes me up this morning. She leans over me with those wild and bright blue eyes and her black hair sticking out in all directions. She's smiling. That's what I like about Alice. Even in a place like this she sees a bright future.

And it begins again, just the same the next day. And for every day after. It makes me want to laugh sometimes, but mostly I want to cry.