Part Three

He knew exactly how long it would take her to get home. He'd walked her home without her knowledge enough times to be able to time it precisely. He knew when she'd cross onto her block. He knew how long it would be before she climbed the steps to the front door. He knew how long it took for her to stop and check her mail.

When he knew she'd be halfway up the steps to the third floor, he called one last time, hearing the slightest note of sadness in her voice when she answered. "I'm honestly surprised you're not behind me." He could practically see the way she spun around to make sure that he really wasn't. He wished he was there, right where she expected, just so he could see her again.

"Do you remember the night we met, Carter?"

There was resignation in her voice, as though she was finally giving up on getting to see him after all. "Yeah, I do. I have to admit, I prefer your current state of grooming."

He gave her the laugh she was looking for. "Know what I remember about that night?"

"Probably not much, considering that you smelled like fifth of whiskey had curled up and died on you."

He couldn't stop the grin, despite the insult. "That's funny, Carter, because I remember how good you smelled when you sat on the table in front of me."

She was silent, the pace of her steps faltering the slightest bit when she realized he did remember it. There was a whine of hinges as she opened the stairwell door and continued the final leg of her trip home. Still, she said nothing, perhaps finally exhausted enough to stop fighting.

He heard her keys sliding in the door and wondered why she stayed on the phone, even when she had no intention of answering him.

"All this time, I've been wondering if you taste as good as you smell, Jos."

She slammed the door behind her, dropping her keys, badge, and gun on the table by the door. Then she tossed the rose and her mail atop them. "Fuck you, Reese." She slapped the phone closed as soon as she had a free hand and dropped it onto the pile.

With a grin, he stepped forward, moving out of the shadows of the darkened living room. "And here I was looking forward to you saying my name when you weren't pissed."

She couldn't believe he was there; he could see it written across her features plain as day. Knowing she was too stunned to move, knowing he was too desperate to wait, he closed the distance between them in two long strides. He backed her right into the door, one hand moving to her hip, the other cupping the back of her head as he leaned in to kiss her.

Her mouth fit against his like it was meant to be there. In fact, the whole of her body felt like it was molded to be against his, her soft curves filled in the hard edges of his. It was happening so fast, almost too fast, after the months of longing and teasing and chasing. He couldn't believe that he was finally kissing her, that she was actually letting his tongue slide between her lips, that it was Carter's body pulling such a feral reaction from him.

She offered no resistance, showed no hesitation, pressing herself harder against him, wrapping her arms up under his and cupping her hands around his shoulders. She gave as much as she got with the kiss, fighting him for control exactly the way he'd expected from her.

As he tilted her head back to wrench the control from her, she shifted her hips, rolling them against his. Checkmate. He gasped at the sensation, at the feeling of his body instantly responding to her encouragement, his rock hard erection pressing against her and leaving her no question as to his intent. She groaned into his mouth and rocked herself against him again, letting him know that she was absolutely ok with wherever he planned to take them.

He trailed his lips along her chin, down her throat, suckling at the skin under her ear, successfully pulling another groan from her. His mouth curved into a smile as he tasted her throat, his teeth accidentally biting down when she lifted her leg to curl around his. His pelvis pressed into the cradle of her legs. He heard himself growling and would have been mortified except he was too turned on to care. He wasn't embarrassed anymore at the strength of his body's reaction to her, not when she countered everything he did with something equally as desperate.

As his hands moved down to grasp her ass, she pulled her other leg up and let him support her weight as she ground her hips into him.

He damn near dropped her as he thrust his hips into her. The stumble pulled a laugh from her, from him as well, as they tried to right themselves. Still, the moment didn't break the spell she had over him and he nuzzled her neck while she laughed.

Her fingers laced through his hair, maneuvering his mouth back to hers, but before she kissed him, and caught his eyes. "Maybe we should move this to the bedroom?"

He nodded, his mind willing, his body unable to give up the physical closeness he'd resisted for so long, not even just long enough to get to a horizontal surface.

She noticed his hesitation, reading something in it that wasn't there. "John?" Finally, his name. But it wasn't right, it wasn't the way he wanted to hear it. Her voice was soft, scared, nervous. He hated that he'd made her feel that way, especially in light of the way she was making him feel like he was sixteen again.

He moved his hands to cup her cheeks, his thumbs stroking her soft skin. "Jos, you need to know-"

Her eyes moved down and she shook her head. "Don't, it's ok. I get it."

He watched her struggle with her idea, her very wrong idea, that something had changed, that he was backing out. He couldn't seem to find the words to fix it. He'd always sucked when it came down to talking about his feelings. Sure, he was always ready with a smartass remark when he needed one, but when it mattered, when someone's heart – even his, especially his – was in play, he was always rendered mute. The story of his fucking failure of a life.

She put her hands on his chest, firmly pushing him away as her eyes continued to avoid his.

He gripped her arms, wishing he could figure out how the hell to say she was mistaken.

And then she looked up at him, heartbreak evident in the tears that were welling in her eyes. She shook her head again. "Let me go, please."

The sight of her tears, the sound of her broken voice, the knowledge that he'd reduced such a strong, brave woman to that - it killed him. It broke the dam holding him back as well. He pulled her against him, crushing her small frame in his embrace, his lips searching for her ear so she might hear his whisper.

"No, no, Jos, no, I'm not backing out, I'm not going to leave you. Shhhhh." He continued to hold her, rocking her gently as he felt her arms tentatively slide around his waist. His lips turned to press a kiss into her hair. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you." He heard his voice breaking as he spoke, his own tears spilling down his cheeks at the idea of having hurt her.

That was his whole goal in life anymore, after all, to keep innocent people from getting hurt.

He pulled back, letting her see the tears in his eyes, hoping his reaction would help her understand how truly out of his depth he was.

Her brow furrowed, her face opening in curiosity though her eyes remained guarded. "Reese? What's wrong?"

His hands moved up, caressing her back and shoulders, smoothing over her hair before finding their way back to her face. He wiped at her tears with his thumbs, caring more about hurting her than crying in front of her. "I don't want to hurt you, Jos, I just need to you understand that I'm really not good at this."

He stood stock still, holding her eyes, waiting to see if she could read between the lines and figure out what he meant. Except, hell, he didn't even know what he meant.

But if there was one thing he'd learned, learned the hard way too, it was that no one could read his mind. He swallowed hard and decided to put it all out there. The woman was still standing there with her arms around him and waiting for him to deliver some crushing blow to her self-esteem, probably giving him the benefit of the doubt while fully expecting him to say he only wanted one night with her.

Nothing could be further from the truth, but if he didn't tell her, she'd never know.

Jessica sure as hell hadn't. And that was his own damn fault because he'd never been able to tell her in simple words that she could understand. Hell, he'd never been able to tell her at all, not to her face.

But Jocelyn wasn't Jessica. Rather than issuing an ultimatum she knew full well he couldn't respond to and walking away like he'd let her down, Jos simply waited. Just stood there, laid as bare as he was, tears drying on her cheeks.

Seeing her courage made him braver than he'd ever been before.

"I care about you, Jos." He paused trying to put his thoughts in order, letting her start to process that it wasn't bad news he wanted to give her. "I'm not going to walk away after tonight and pretend nothing happened. If we do this," he searched her eyes for some sort of sign. "If we do this, Jos, I'm all in. We really do this. I'm not a halfway kind of guy."

She stood silently for a long moment, a terribly frightening moment for him, and then, ever so slowly, she started to nod. "I'm not twenty anymore. I'm not looking for a roll in the hay here either. I have a teenage son that I have to worry about, that I want to be a good example for. You try to bail on me after this," she shook her head, a hint of a smirk forming, "god help me, Snow will look like Mother fucking Theresa." She withdrew her hands from his back, sliding them up to his face. "I'm sure you know, since you've been stalking me and all, I don't bring random guys home where my son might see them."

He nodded, trying to calm the way his heart was pounding.

"You're here, John, that should tell you something."

Again, his name. And again, not right.

He couldn't resist smirking. "I did pick the lock, Carter, that's not really the same as being invited."

"I didn't shoot you for it, did I?" She laughed, the uncomfortable tension melting away as she grasped his collar and tugged, looking up through her lashes at him. "You want an invitation?"

And that, he realized, was the whole of it. He didn't just want to have seduced her by flirting with her until she was out of her mind with desire and desperate for release. He wanted her to say she wanted him there. He nodded. "Yeah, I do."

With quite possibly the sexiest grin he'd ever seen, she stepped away, reaching out to take his hand as she backed toward the bedroom. "Spend the night with me, John."

And there it was, his name, exactly as perfect as he'd known it would sound coming from her. He smiled stupidly at her, reveling in having earned the attention of such an amazing woman. He let her lead him into the unfamiliar room he knew he'd get to know quite well. "I'd love to, Jos."

And then, they moved to the bed, finding any more words entirely unnecessary.