Timothy McGee raced down the stairs, a few steps at one go and as fast as his legs would carry him. He needed to get in an extra few words with Tony, which he hoped would knock some sense into the guy who was subliminally turning his state of mind inside out.

xxx

Arriving just outside the metal doors of the elevator on the ground floor, McGee braced his hands against his knees as he tried to intake the oxygen he had spent. Right on cue, an agent in denial was revealed when the elevator doors opened.

"Tony!" McGee breathed, still a little short on breath.

"I get it McGee. I'm crazy. Leave me alone." The senior agent brushed past the man who was like a brother to him.

"I didn't say that. C'mon Tony."

McGee rushed up and settled for his friend's pace beside him. Tony was bothered greatly by the presence of someone who hit his issues spot on in the bullpen and turned abruptly with the intention of using another exit in the building. But it was impossible to shake McGee off in such a confined area of the building.

"All I'm saying is that, maybe you wanna talk to somebody about all of this." McGee explained pathetically, his words leaving his mouth rapidly.

Tony kept mum, his jaw tense with fraying nerves. Finally he came upon the exit that would free him from the walls of NCIS that seemed to close onto him today. And he pushed against the transparent glass door.

It wouldn't budge.

"It says 'Pull' right over there." McGee pointed out hesitantly.

"I'll push if I want to push!" Tony snapped, shoving against the door a few times just to emphasise his point.

Huffing in annoyance, he ceased his actions for he was starting to attract attention.

McGee saw a chance to fit in more advice and he continued, "The guilt is eating you up and you can't even see it. The guilt from before Ziva left. The guilt after Ziva came back. It's never left because you've never addressed it."

Tony's eyes could only remain glued to the floor. He didn't want to, he didn't plan to, but he was listening and hanging onto every word being spoken at that moment.

"You've hidden behind the face of a clown for the past few weeks, but you don't have to. You don't always have to pretend to be happy you know." McGee finished off with a hand to Tony's suit-clad shoulder.

"It's how I cope Tim. I need her back." Tony mumbled a reply, head still hanging.

A second of no words.

"You love her?" McGee simply had to ask, the signs being as obvious as day but not at all surprising.

Tony flashed back to the wise old cab driver he encountered a while back, remembering his words.

His head rose and his eyebrows knitted together, "I think I do."

End of Flashback

Tony wondered briefly how Ziva would react to the situation of things when she aroused from her really long beauty sleep. His eyes scanned her up and down for any new discoveries after her trip to a surgery as he opened his mouth again, "No matter what happens, you'll always look beautiful to me. If you're worried nobody would take you, I would. My whole life if you needed me to."

He was uncomfortable to admit that it wasn't so much of her need, than it was his wish to do so. It wasn't a matter of obligation from guilt at all, it was a case of wanting to. This so-called conversation just took a really strange and abrupt turn, taking even Tony himself by surprise.

"That...was an inappropriate thing to say." He scratched his head clumsily figuring that there was a line he couldn't cross, at least not until she was awake.

Tony continued to proclaim with his face so solemn in contrast with the numb fingertips encasing his partner's hand, "Doesn't imply I don't mean it though. I meant everything I said. You say the word and I'm yours."

Tony held out both of his hands, offering himself wholeheartedly to the woman before him who couldn't yet actually see what he was giving.

"Because you know what? Life without you would be like a broken pencil. Pointless." He continued, wringing his hands before him as his facial muscles turned sour.

He stood up abruptly from his seat, feeling the unexplained desire to start pacing up and down the narrow space before Ziva's bed. His hands were interlocked behind his neck, his face scrunched up in judgement like there was something wrong with the world. Gone were all the days when he pretended to be all fine and cheerful even in front of someone who wasn't really awake to notice.

"Oh god. What did I just say..." He muttered away as he rolled his forehead against the dull and depressing wall.

And this part he couldn't explain, when he started humming a familiar song that came up in his head. One that he had teased his partner with many times before. But never had he really meant it like he did now.

"I think I love you." He sang quietly, frowning at his own words once more.

He very nearly jumped out of his own paling skin, his soul nearly leaving his body when the sound of wailing machines started to reverberate around the surrounding fours and assaulting his ears. His eyes flew to his partner, her breathing erratic and the machine she was hooked up to was giving off signals he could not comprehend. The usual beeps had become sounds of alarm and the lines that used to fluctuate steadily were now all over the place. At least, that was what it looked like to Tony.

"No, not today. Please not today." He begged for nobody to hear as he rushed over to abuse the call button aggressively.

The seconds it took for nurses and doctors to inundate the room seemed like hours to Tony. Every precious second that slipped away from his partner was a dagger to the chest and he couldn't do a thing. As soon as the first medical personnel ran in, he was pushed out. And he let himself be pushed because he could barely feel his feet anymore.

His legs gave way right when the back of his knees hit the row of plastic chairs outside Ziva's ward. Trembling fingers fumbled his pocket for his phone and Tony called the one man who would tell him what to do.

"Gibbs." The gruff voice answered automatically.

Tony opened his mouth to recount the chaos he was in but he felt like he had lost his voice.

"Hello?" Gibbs' voice came about once more.

But Tony failed to let out even a squeak. His voice got stuck in his throat each time he tried to say something.

"DiNozzo talk to me." The rough voice now morphed into one of coax.

Tony cleared his throat weakly which left his voice hoarse as he implored, "Could you come here right now Boss? To tell Ziva she doesn't have permission to die."

Static and shuffling could be heard on the other side of the line, and Tony had no doubt in his mind that the dad he never had was already on his way.

"It's not her time. Hang in there kid, I'm coming to get you. Keep talking."

Gibbs was doing his best in such a situation, reinforcing his support and presence by staying on the line with his agent. He was family.

"I mean, it worked for me when I had the plague. It's gonna work for her right?"

Gibbs swore he never heard his agent sound so much like an insecure child before. Like a little boy who once refused to believe he couldn't keep his mum away from the hands of Death.

"Damn straight. She wouldn't dare die on me. On you. On all of us."

"I'm not ready for Ziva to die. I don't want a new partner." Tony's fingers tightened around his phone, keeping it in a death grip.

"You won't need one."

Ignoring what Gibbs had just said, Tony choked back a sob as he whispered desperately into his phone, "I'm not ready."

Gibbs ran down the hallways of Bethesda, spotting the deflated shell of Tony easily while the rest of his team were on their way since Gibbs literally flew out of NCIS like a bat out of hell upon Tony's call.

"Tony." He sat down on the seat beside Tony, the medical personnel apparently still doing god knew what to Ziva.

"It's like Kate all over again, Gibbs." The clown of the team admitted with all seriousness, betrayed by his shaking voice.

"No. Not like Kate." The leader bit back sharply, surprising Tony.

The sullen senior agent looked at his boss for the first time since he actually got here, defeated yet expectant eyes waiting for Gibbs to continue.

"Ziva's different. She's got a fighting chance. And she's fighting." Gibbs pointed out in encouragement, his tone firm and forceful.

Tony stared at him, gritting and grinding his teeth against one another until he finally nodded. He slumped back into his seat, now staring at the door that separated Ziva from them when he nodded again.

"You're right. She's different." Tony took in a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart.

The wait for news didn't seem as bad as it was now that Gibbs was here. Save for some persistent foot tapping, Tony was finally starting to calm down a little. But nothing would have done the trick better than some concrete information from the doctor. Thankfully in a matter of minutes, the doorknob before the two men turned to reveal the guy who was blatantly the doctor in charge of what had happened.

Tony didn't want to look at him. He didn't want to see the solemn look on the doctor's face when he told them Ziva didn't make it. He didn't want to see the pity in the doctor's eyes. He didn't want to hear that the doctor did the best he could.

He didn't want to hear the doctor tell him he lost his partner.

So instead of standing by Gibbs as the doctor opened his mouth, Tony simply walked up to the glass panel through which he could gaze into Ziva's room, for the curtains and blinds had now been pulled back. As he did, all he could feel were butterflies in his tummy bursting with eagerness to escape.

As his hands splayed upon the dividing construction, his eyes raked over everything else in the room except his partner. In the distance, he could hear the doctor talking to Gibbs. But he tuned them out a long time ago and all that was heard were muffled voices. In its place was the sound of his beating heart which raced inhumanely.

When his vision finally landed on Ziva, his chest constricted as he forgot how to breathe. He probably froze for all he cared. He turned his head like bad whiplash towards Gibbs, who had already been observing him from his spot.

Gibbs' expression had softened as his agent turned to him for reassurance. Tony DiNozzo Junior had unshed tears welling up in his eyes, to which he probably would deny. Tears that threatened to fall but didn't.

Nothing really mattered after that, because then both of them smiled like there was no tomorrow.

THE END

Oh man it feels so good to finish this up! Hope this story brought some entertainment and joy to those who followed it. I know the ending may not satisfy, but that's the whole point so if I have time to pick this up, I could :) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS AND FOLLOWS I REALLY THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF ME YOUNG HEART :') 3 HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Here's to hoping 2013 will be a good year! And...the year for 'changes' to happen in NCIS perhaps? If y'know what I mean ;)