Hungover Waffles

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

XXX

Light crossed my eyes, leaving a sharp pain and colored spots in its wake.

I really should consider wearing sunglasses at all times, the strange looks I'd get from wearing them in a basement at night can't be worse than this.

Then again, I might've stumbled on something and shattered them... like, into my eyes. That would've probably been just as painful, only, I wouldn't actually be able to tell people that it 'wasn't funny' because that ought to have been hilarious to watch.

Seriously, there's no truer joy in the world, than the joy you can receive from watching another person get themselves hurt. Especially if they looked really dumb whilst doing it. Like wearing sunglasses at night.

On a related note, if I could design unshatterable sunglasses, I'm so totally going to wear them in the middle of the night and give people funny looks. Purely for kicks.

Okay, I wonder if I've hit my head or something, normally I'm not quite this... eccentric. I can admit to being a bit odd at times, but right now I just want to kick someone dressed up as a giant marshmallow strawberry, and that can't possibly be normal.

Oh, wait. Koizumi is dressed as a giant marshmallow strawberry.

I wonder if there would be repercussions if I were to kick him in the shin?

Who am I trying to kid? Of course there would be, I get penalized for everything.

I really wish that the room would stop spinning though, it is fairly unpleasant. It is in fact, quite nauseating.

Is there anything to throw up in? No? Bummer.

Oh look, Koizumi's shoes. Lets hear the applause for Koizumi's vomit-covered shoes.

I'm never drinking again. Ever.

Suppressing a dignified giggle at the disgusted noise coming from Koizumi in response to his new biodegradable shoe-decorations, I begin to make my way to a nearby wall, making sure not to lose my grip on the floor. Wouldn't want to fall off of it. Who knows where I'd end up?

Probably Yuki. Yuki always knows. Maybe I should ask her? But that's probably not nice to do. She's busy.

Really? With what?

I can't remember.

Hangovers suck.

I concur.

Who said that?

I did.

Oh. Very well then, proceed.

I shall.

Goodie.

The wall is making it a lot easier to hold on to the floor. That's a definite plus. Making it a well-rounded eight and a quarter points out of eleven.

I probably shouldn't be assigning the wall points for being wall-like.

Got it. No point-giving.

There's probably a reason as to why I'm talking to myself like this, but I really don't have a clue.

Yuki can't help. Too busy.

Right.

Koizumi has found new shoes. They're not vomit-covered. That is sad. But I feel better, so I can't do anything about it.

The wall helps me up a bit, and I wonder at how my feet can actually hold onto the floor, all on their own.

They're good feet. Very good feet.

Ignoring the fact that one of me seems to have a foot fetish to go with my ponytail-fixation, I look around the room.

It isn't all that big. Big enough for the three mattresses spread haphazardly across the floor, but really not leaving much room for anything else. There're two doors. I remember one of those doors, it is related to why Yuki is busy. But unfortunately, I can't remember exactly why, so I drop that thought.

Koizumi opens his mouth and starts shouting in a voice that makes everything vibrate and twist sideways.

I hit the floor with a very painful thud, and start chucking things in his general direction in order to silence the horrible, horrible noise.

I think I hit him with something, there's another thud.

Koizumi lays fallen in a heap.

The sight is remarkably satisfying.

Sighing contently, I push my back against the wall and sit up.

I spy with my little eye, something tasty.

Chocolate always tastes great. I can completely understand women. Chocolate is wonderful. It's women I don't understand.

I will never drink again.

I should probably locate Yuki, but I really don't want to be rude to her. She's nice. Keeps helping me fix things. But I really need to make the room stop spinning.

The door. The door is somehow important to Yuki being busy. Don't want to interrupt her.

I wonder what she's doing? Does anyone remember? Koizumi, stay down or I'll kick you in the shin, you overgrown marshmallow strawberry.

Why is Koizumi a marshmallow strawberry anyways? How does that make any sense whatsoever?

Yuki probably knows, but I don't want to interrupt her. It would be rude. And she's busy.

The door.

The door leads to somewhere. And that somewhere much be important to what Yuki is doing.

Probably.

Fascinating. I've managed to not only question the absurdity of the environment that has shown itself to me, but I'm also understanding that there exists something that I cannot see behind that door.

I think, therefore I am. Or something.

Why is Yuki busy? Did she say something? Did she do something? Why am I smelling waffles?

The waffle-smell-thingies are coming from the other door. Marching in like they own the place.

I, as lone survivor of Bright Room With A Nice Wall And Three Mattresses, must stand against this menace. I must fight. For my right. To party!

No, no partying. Not drinking ever again!

The other door is important because Yuki is busy, but this one is important because on the other side comes my mortal enemy. The enemy I must defeat. Even if it kills me. I will not kneel! I will conquer! There will be no mercy! I shall devour them all and their deliciousness shall be mine!

I crawl my way over to the Waffle Door, making sure that I hold on to the floor. Because I really wouldn't want to fall off.

The door falls easily, its complicated mechanisms proving no match for my brilliant intellect and below-average motor control. It swings open, and the waffle-smell-thingies grow stronger.

They are defending their homes, and they fight with a vicious frenzy that can only be called fanatical. However, they cannot stop me. In fact, their desperate struggle is barely enough to even slow me down.

There's a kitchen. With a table. And chairs, but the chairs aren't important. There're waffles. Lots of waffles. And someone making them.

There is humming. Happy humming.

Which is really weird because she's making waffles, and they must be holding her hostage so that they can multiply and take over the world.

Maybe she's in on it? But I can't risk the life of an innocent civilian. The waffles might even have brainwashed her into helping them.

"Are you going to skulk over there, or are you going to enter the damn room, Kyon?"

I'm still very much considering that option, since I'm not sure if you're being held hostage by the waffles.

She looks at me kind of strangely. And then there's a twinkle in her eyes.

"If this is how you're like with a hangover, I'm so making a habit of getting you wasted." She smirks, which is really kind of cruel.

Smirks shouldn't be allowed to be that bright. It makes my eyes go weird. I think I'm getting dizzy.

I can't allow the waffles to win! They must be defeated!

I should save her from herself.

"Kyon?" She makes a startled yelp.

She smells like waffles.

She's also very, very soft. And warm. Wonderfully warm.

The waffles are invading. Horrible, horrible waffles. They must all be devoured.

Everything go kind of dizzy again, and then the floor is holding me down. No, wait. I think she's holding me down.

It feels nice.

I smile.

She frowns at me, and opens her mouth. But her lips look tasty.

She flinches as our lips touch, but then she melts a bit.

She smells of waffles. And she tastes like waffles. And they're evil creatures that must be devoured. And for the life of me, I can't bring myself to care.

There's dizziness, but it makes sense.

The room stops spinning, and there's really no need to hold on to the floor.

Much better to hold onto her.

It takes me an eternity to realize something very basic.

I'm kissing Haruhi. I've actually been kissing Haruhi for quite some time now. And I really shouldn't have done that. Because she's Haruhi and who knows what this will result in? And maybe the world will end, and I really don't want it to end, and I should never drink ever again, because this is really just not a good idea in the least bit!

I pull away and take a hissing breath. Then I kiss her again.

She responds enthusiastically.

It's the greatest day in my life.

I kind of lost track of time again. Losing myself in wonderful softness and warmth and the smell of waffles.

And somehow losing random articles of clothing in the process. But it seems to be mutual, so that's really not all that much of a bother.

Greatest view in the world. Hands down.

XXX

Koizumi thankfully found himself some real clothes before Yuki stopped being busy, so none of them had to realize that Tsuruya tore apart his first pair. That was lucky, since Mikuru was still much too innocent to figure that out. Even if Yuki had been busy.

Very busy.

Haruhi and I only remembered breakfast after Tsuruya stormed past with new clothes, laughing madly the entire way.

Luckily, none of our clothes were far away, and we managed to get kind of presentable before Yuki stopped being busy.

Haruhi refused to leave my lap though, so it was the most wonderful breakfast ever.

Mikuru was kind of droopy, almost to the point of being a very content goo. A content goo attached to Yuki.

Yuki was eating with clinical precision, with one hand. The other one was under the table. Where it was busy.

Mikuru made small mewling noises every now and then, but I wasn't paying attention.

Koizumi and Tsuruya were feeding each other and trying to knot their legs together, but I wasn't paying attention.

Haruhi was sitting in my lap, smiling happily and leaning against my chest. I was definitely paying attention.

XXX

A/n: I don't know. I honestly don't know. I started writing and he ended up drunk, and then hungover, and then Yuki was busy, and suddenly there were Waffles.