A/N: I haven't updated in over a week. (Shrugs) Sorry. I'll try to put up two chapters today. I actually finished two pages of this chapter, went back and reread it, hated how happy it was and had to rewrite it. Oh, and the "t" key broke, so if that didn't fix properly, I apologize.

Chapter V: Losing Myself in You

Wrong.

She was wrong.

What other explanation was there?

Slayer. In truth her destiny wasn't that complicated. See Vamp, kill Vamp.

Except when it came to the "mate" thing.

What the hell was she supposed to do about that?

She looked around the crowded lunchroom at her fellow students. Cordelia was sitting with her Cordettes, gossiping about the latest designer clothes and who wore them best. Nerds sat in little clumps, studying for their finals.

Normal.

Normal kids doing normal things. Not her though. No, she got the special calling. And on top of that, she was also destined to be mated to the freaking Slayer of Slayers.

Read here wrong.

Didn't seem wrong when you spent the whole night making out with him…

"Shut up." She mumbled. Stupid traitorous voice.

"I wasn't talking Buffster." Xander gave her a weird look.

Buffy sighed. "I wasn't talking to you Xander."

"Oh…" It was silent for a minute. "Who were you talking to?"

Great, another episode of "Friends, Run My Life"

"No one."

"Hey guys, what's up?" Willow smiled at them brightly, setting her tray down on the table.

"Buffy's talking to herself."

Thanks Xander, knew I could count on your discrepancy.

"Really?" Willow sat down, looking concerned.

"No I wasn't." She rubbed her temples, fighting the irritation. Why was everything annoying her today?

Willow and Xander shared a look.

"Buffy, are you sure you're okay?" Willow asked carefully.

That's it…

"I'm fine!" Buffy shouted, running a hand through her hair angrily.

"Buffy!" Willow and Xander stared at her, shocked by her outburst. Students around them stopped talking long enough to shoot them strange looks.

She sighed, getting up from the table.

Great, now they're going to act all concerned.

"Buffy, we were just trying to-"

"Just leave me alone." She dumped the remainder of her lunch in the trash. Cordelia watched her leave before following her out.

Buffy slammed the door of her locker closed. God, she wished today was over. Everything her friends did just seemed to annoy her, she'd had a fight with her Mom over her grades, and her teachers had practically given upon her. All her Math teacher had told her when she'd been caught sleeping was;

"Ms. Summers, can you at least pretend to pay attention?"

"So…" Buffy groaned and turned around to face Cordelia Chase.

"The almighty Slayer is losing it.? Could've seen that coming. Spend all your time in a graveyard and the dead rubs off on you. Twenty years under the ground so isn't a good look for you. "

Buffy fought the urge to grind her teeth. "I'm not really in the mood Cordy."

"Yeah, I can tell." Cordelia gave her a bratty smile. "You've just given up completely on any sort of style haven't you?"

"Shut up Cordelia." Buffy growled.

"Ooh, touché. Just trying to help the fashionably helpless. Thank goodness no all powerful being put you in charge of that."

That was the last straw. Buffy grabbed Cordelia's blouse and shoved her into the lockers.

"Shut. Up." Buffy snarled. Cordelia was speechless. Buffy suddenly let go of her shirt and stepped away.

"Whoa…" Cordelia stared at her, smoothing down her rumpled blouse. "Issues much?"

Buffy ignored her.

What the hell was that?

She pissed you off.

So had a lot of other people today, didn't mean she was playing wall ball with their bodies. The bell rang.

"Ok-ay psycho, "Cordelia glared at her haughtily, "I'm going to be going to class now, don't wait up." She flounced down the hall to her class.

Buffy sighed and walked down the hall to Biology.

God, I wish today was over.

Buffy twirled her stake in her hands.

"Damn. Come out, come out, where ever you are!"

Where the hell were the Vampires? The one time she wanted one, the cemetery was dead. No pun intended.

Careful what you wish for…

"Come on Vamps, you know you want to play." She called out, her voice echoing around the apparently deserted graveyard.

"Come and get me luv."

Oh shit.

Spike sat lounging on a crypt roof. He lit a cigarette and smirked at her.

"Hello Cutie."

She swallowed.

He's just a Vampire, nothing but a normal, run of the mill, super evil, Master Vampire. Nothing you can't handle.

Yeah, you handled him pretty well yesterday,

Shut up.

You know you want to jump him.

No, I don't.

Yes you do.

Well that doesn't matter, seeing as he's most likely here to kill me.

Right, cause he was so menacing last time.

She mentally slapped herself. Internal argument later, deal with possibly homicidal Vampire now.

She cleared her throat,

"What do you want?"

Spike slid from his seat and studied her. "Why the brush off pet?"

"Answer the question." Good, keep it professional.

He shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Yes it matters!" She replied angrily. She pointed a finger at herself. "Me Slayer, you Vamp."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "That didn't seem to bother you a lot yesterday."

"That was a mistake," She replied defensively. "It won't happen again."

"Really…"

All of the sudden, he was right in front of her, leaning way to far into her personal space. Her Slayer senses were going wild at his proximity.

"And why's that luv?"

Half of her was yelling a warning that he was dangerous. The other half had accepted that and was… excited?

"Because it's wrong." She meant for it to come out as a strong offensive statement, but it sounded more like a desperate plea.

Spike leaned in and nuzzled the hollow of her neck, his hands settling comfortably on her hips.

"That's half the fun ducks." He purred seductively in her ear, rubbing against her meaningfully.

..Wrong.

Oh shut up. You love this

He pulled away suddenly, causing her to groan at the loss of contact.

"Rough day Goldilocks?" He asked innocently, leering wickedly at her reaction to his movement.

She felt herself stiffen. "Like you care."

"And here I though we settled this in the woods. You're my mate, I have to care. Or do you want me to remind you?" He cocked his head, eyeing her shamelessly.

Alright, I'm confused. Was that a threat or an innuendo?

When in doubt, react with sarcasm.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Forgive me for screwing up your unlife. Buffy replied viciously.

She repressed every emotion her body was throwing at her, focusing on her duty.

Remember that? D-u-t-y, your friends, your watcher, not to mention Angel.

She backed away from Spike and turned to leave the cemetery.

His girl ran bloody hot and cold.

One minute she was revving for a go and the next she was giving him the cold shoulder.

Time for a change in tactics.

"You're always alone aren't you pet?" Spike

She froze. "The Chosen… One." She turned around to face him.

"What do you want?" She murmured her eyes cast down. He walked over to her.

"You walk around other people, but you're not like them."

"I have friends." She mumbled, refusing to look at him.

"But they don't get it, do they?" She didn't reply. "There's things you can't tell them, things they wouldn't understand. You like this don't you?" He was circling her now, stalking around in a circle. "Being the Slayer? You like having the control, the power."

"I'm not a demon." He crouched in front of her, tipping her chin up so he was looking straight at her.

"No, you're not." He agreed soothingly. "But you're not just a normal human either."

She finally met his eyes. "I'm not a demon." She repeated.

"You're afraid of being alone, aren't you luv?"

"I'm not evil."

"You don't have to be." He swept a stray lock of hair out of her face. "You don't have to be alone."

She hesitated for a moment. "What do you want?" she finally asked cautiously.

He grinned. "Mostly, you." He was back on his feet now, head cocked, eyeing her cockily. "What do you want?"

She swallowed nervously. "I don't know."

"Well that," He walked behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, "Could be a problem."

The way her body acted towards his presence was quite distracting. Not to mention, she was pretty sure explaining to Giles about the hickey on her neck was going to be hard to explain. Not that she was going to tell him to stop. It was silent for a moment, with the exception of her thundering heartbeat.

"So we'll start off easy then." The unexpected purr in her ear made her jump a little.

"Easy how?" She asked cautiously, blushing against her will at the possible easy things Spike could want her to do. He chuckled softly at her reaction. She could feel him grinning into the back of her neck.

"Nothing like that pet." He paused. "Well, not yet."

"Oh." She was beginning to hate how she acted like a bashful virgin around him. Well, she was a virgin, but not like, you know, shy or something. Not that she paraded around though-

Oh just let it go. She cleared her throat. She really needed to stop having these internal fights.

"So?" She prompted.

"Hmm." Spike rested his chin on her shoulder. "Are you scared?"

She paused to consider it. She knew about his past as the Slayer of Slayers, knew she should be on guard, but…

"Of you or this?" she asked.

"Me."

"No, I'm not scared of you."

" Do you hate this? Being connected to me?"

She shook her head. He'd lifted his head from her shoulders and was back to nuzzling her neck.

"Do you like it?"

The question caught her off guard. This isn't what she'd always thought she'd want. Sure, she'd suspected Spike wasn't a good guy when she was a kid. She knew Vampires were bad. Even when she'd learned about Angel's soul, she never played with the idea of Spike having one. Still, she'd never thought of herself as that girl, the one with the badass boyfriend who was all leather and cigarettes. Sex on a stick and alcohol. But she couldn't think of anyone she'd want besides Spike. Yeah, she'd only really known him for less than a week, but she'd had an inert sense he'd come back. With the dreams and the inability to really attach herself to a boyfriend, she'd known it'd had something to do with him.

"Yes." She answered finally.

"So you're not scared of me…" He spun her around so they were face to face, continuing. "Not hating it, not ashamed, not seeing the problem luv…" His voice had dropped to a seductive purr next to her ear.

"This excites you hmm? You like how this makes you feel." It wasn't a question that time. His hands were roaming under her shirt possessively, sliding skillfully over her hips and stomach. She arched against him instinctively. "Love how you react…" he murmured., his mouth sliding over the smooth skin of her neck with small nips .

She groaned as he moved slightly

"Tell me you want this." He breathed against her lips.

His eyes were burning into her, the blue almost completely consumed by black. She was drowning in him, wasn't she? If she gave in now, that was it.

Giving in would be wrong. Wrong by every rule her Watcher ever made, by every expectation her friends had set.

And that was exactly why she had to.

She knotted her fingers in the curls on the back of his neck. Grips tightened, bodies writhed, lips claimed…

She'd lied

She was scared. Terrified, that in opening up, she'd have her heart torn out.

She'd given him the power to do that.

Hell, she was half in love with him already.

A/N:…..Well?