Title: Lin's List
Summary: A list of 25 things for Lin to refrain from (And keep Oliver from doing) during their stay in Japan. As suggested by Madoka Mori. This is a parody to be enjoyed with a grain of salt, since I don't think Madoka is psychic. ;-)
Word Count: 771
Notes: Inspired by Yasu's list by Sniperrolf…then it went in a completely different direction. Check out his fic too, it's great. ^_^
Koujo Lin knew he had been distracted over the past few weeks after Martin Davis requested him to go to Japan, but he had not realized how much so until he found a piece of paper in his briefcase.
There was no cause for concern, for only someone he knew would have been able to place the paper without his Shiki sounding the alarm, but it was still a minor irritation.
The heavyweight paper was almost white in color, with a light tint somewhere between pink and purple. It was covered in elegant script, with many flourishes. And it smelled – strongly – of flowers, which was what had alerted him of its presence when he had opened the briefcase.
In the crowded quarters of the small private plane, Lin hoped Oliver, who was sitting a few rows behind him, did not notice the cloying scent.
*.*
The paper was titled:
Lin's List of Things to Refrain from (And keep Oliver from doing) During the Stay in Japan.
(As Suggested by Madoka Mori.)
#1. Make sure to take steps to avoid injuries to yourself, which would prevent you from keeping an eye on the boy.
#2. Oliver will be packing some expensive equipment – keep it from being broken at any cost.
#3. Make sure Oliver does not hire anyone unnecessary.
#4. Don't let people give him nicknames. It'll remind him of his brother.
#5. Make sure Oliver does not come in contact with any other experts of the trade. It would be hazardous to his undercover identity.
#6. But if you do end up hiring people, keep it professional. No rag-tag bunch of misfits. This includes orphans, foreigners, TV stars, and other loners.
#7. Don't allow Oliver to practice hypnosis on people. You know how he likes to show that off.
#8. Don't take on any cases with possessed toys. It's just too cliché.
#9. People tend to die in or around water. Wells, sewers, rivers, ponds, ocean, lakes. Make sure Oliver keeps an acceptable distance from those locations.
#10. Speaking of water, don't bother with cases located in parks. If you go with, you'll end up being the third wheel.
#11. Haunted schools are really common in Japan. Try to keep the cases involving them fewer than five.
#12. Keep an eye on how often you have to call an ambulance. People are going to start talking.
#13. I really think you should change your appearance occasionally. You never know when you are going to be mistaken for some spirit's father.
#14. Don't play hide-and-seek in or around a church. It's a place of worship.
#15. Remember: The more enemies Oliver makes, the more voodoo dolls and other human effigies you have to remove. Or make, depending on his mood.
#16. Three words: No Spoon Bending. In fact, no PK at all. I don't want to hear that he's in or has been in the hospital.
#17. Don't put Oliver in situations where he'll have to read Kanji. It'll only irritate him.
#18. Don't put yourself in situations where you'll have to reveal you are Chinese. It'll only irritate you.
#19. If a house resembles the Winchester mansion: back out. It's not worth it, no matter who requests him to take on the case.
#20. Make sure Oliver doesn't wear only black. I don't care if it's just his sleeping clothes.
#21. In a fair fight to the death between you and Oliver, he'll win. So cheat.
#22. Zombies are gross and make a mess of the carpet. I would recommend as little contact with them as possible.
#23. No matter what he thinks, Oliver is not a god. Don't let him try to best one.
#24. If your whole group suddenly disappears, always assume it's the other way around.
#25. Remember: Oliver can't hire people that compare to his intelligence, but he won't work with terribly stupid people either. They will probably turn on him at some point and find out his identity. This is why I recommend you two just work alone.
By the way – I doubt you'll be following this list closely, so be careful. You'll never know when I am going to show up.
*.*
From behind Lin, Oliver said, "That woman has a very tight leash on you, are you aware of this?"
Lin had not heard the boy get up. He couldn't decide whether to shake his head or nod in agreement, so he just folded the paper and returned it to his briefcase.
He did not understand what Madoka was worried about. It was unlikely anything on that list was going to happen anyway.