A/N: Okay,Ok, actually I don't have much to say about this, except to please review. Pwetty Please?

Warning: Roger Angst, a lot of it. Sadness as usual, must tell you funeral is next chappie, but don't skip this one, because who doesn't like Roger angst?

Disclaimers: Behold RENT and all of it's Johnathan Larson glory! Yep1 You must be shocked, but I didn't make RENT J.L did. I don't even own the characters. Only that bitchy nurse a couple chapters ago. And I don't even want to own her. On with the show!

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Chapter 5: Mixed Emotions

Collins Perspective

"Hey Benny. Thanks for meeting with me, and for doing this." I say as I thump him on the back. "No problem Collins, you are, well were my friend, it's the least I can do. But why are we at the hospital?" I simply walk away towards the hospital not wanting to hear, but of course I hear when Joanne whispers "To get the release forms for Angel's body." to Benny. At that point I cringe, wanting to cry, but just can't. My tears were all used up. I couldn't cry no more, so what was the point in trying? I put out the cigarette that I was smoking before I had seen Benny pull to the curb in his fancy- smancy Range Rover. I step on it, extinguishing the ash, and exhale the last drag that I'd taken and slowly walk towards the hospital entrance…

(Roger's Pespective)

Angel died. He just sat there, withered in agony, and died. He died happy, maybe, being in Collins arm when he passed. But he still died. He left us, left me, like April did to again suffer with this reality. Suffer with all this reality of…death. Death is all that awaits me, I'll end up like Angel too.

Death is really all I have to look forward to. Death, because of this disease, this curse, flowing within me, and Collins, and Mimi. The same thing that once flowed in April and Angel. The thing that took them away from us.

How much time do I have left? A week? A month? A year? We all saw how quickly Angel deteriorated from bad to worse in just a month, it was so fast. And I didn't even say goodbye. If Mimi hates me, she deserves to be. I'm so fucking selfish. I could, no I would end up like that. Dead like Angel. Dead like April. Dead eventually. AZT isn't really gonna help. All it does is prolong my misery, prolonged it enough to see another one of my friends die.

I sit up in my bed, swinging my feet around the side. I ruffle my golden hair through my fingers. I rub my hands over my face in exasperation

How could I let them go? How could I let them go to Collins without me? How could I just sit in my bed and bullshit the hours away, when I could be with Collins? They can't help him, they don't know what it feels like to lose someone you love, to something so horrible. I could have, but I didn't. I should have, but I couldn't bring myself to. Why can't anything go right for once? Angel shouldn't have died, died the way he did.

I grab my coat and head towards the roof, my only solace. I open the door to the outside and see as the sun sets around the apartment buildings across the street. The October air picks up, and I wrap my arms around myself. How can it be so beautiful outside for something so horrible to have just transpired?...