It's painful. A feeling as bright as this should not hurt this way… But what you stir within me is brighter and hotter than anything that anyone has ever known. Hotter than anyone should ever know. It should be wonderful. We should be wonderful. We could have forever… What we have in its stead is an immortal war. I want to blame you for it. Your effortless glory, your childlike purity. It's that sacrosanct innocence that ruins me. The curse in my blood even extends to my ability to fault you. I have always been helpless against you, no matter how I fight. Always something less than you. My silver tongue is worthless when weighed against your golden heart.

I have worshipped you for that heart.

There are times when I worship you, still. When I must see you, even as I plot against you, and I am consumed by what can only be hatred of you. I cannot even stand up to the venomous hate that I harbour, then. It infects me and I despise myself for wanting nothing more than to fling my arms around you and beg for the forgiveness that you have always held out so freely.

I've never had your strength. Your kindness. The best of you could never show itself in me, while every dark aspect that might have marred your golden heart is all that I am. This is why I will always and forever deceive you. Why I will never fail to scorn that forgiveness and why I cannot surrender to the strength and comfort of your embrace. I must safeguard your heart.

It is all I have.