Disclaimer: I don't not own Percy Jackson

I'll be honest; I've joined the guidelines trend… shoot me if you dare, ha!

Now, on with the rules that could perhaps save your life if you follow them (literally).

Rule #1: Never, ever flirt with Hera, Artemis, Hestia or Athena.

Reason: (You will get hit in a place so you never will have children. I'm still glaring at Artemis, who decided to up everyone else and fire an arrow at me).

#2: Never agree to go see a movie with Aphrodite.

(I still don't know what she sees in Taylor Lautner, she giggles whenever she sees him)

#3: Never point out to Hera how hypocritical it was to throw her son, Hephaestus, off Olympus due to his looks. Being the perfect goddess of marriage.

(Who knew her eyes could glow bright red? I didn't…

…then again, I didn't know she could set things on fire by thought alone…

…I was her first test subject…it hurt…a lot)

#4: Never associate Hades with, um, emo's.

(It turns out; he can also set things on fire by thought alone. Must run in the family…)

#5: Whenever in battle and a flying enemy flies by, never suddenly scream "It's Starscream!" and drop to the ground.

(Athena's eyes avoid me when I near her.

Ares thought it was brilliant)

#6: Whenever playing chess with Athena never point behind her and scream "It's a Dodo!" and flip the board around when she isn't looking.

(Surprisingly, she didn't notice for about ten minutes…)

#7: Never sing the Basshunter lyrics "And every day, Your in my Head, I want you in my bed" out loud in Olympus.

(Artemis muttered in ancient Greek and shoved past me. Then I ran into Aphrodite. Weird…)

#8: Never call Dionysus a "Recovering alcoholic" to his face.

(As it turns out, he's a mean bitch slapper)

#9: Also, don't go up to him with a glass of wine and say "hmm, tastes so good. If only you could have some"

(His face was priceless. It was a mix of anger, jealous, envy and pain. Apollo was in hysterics)

#10: If you're visit camp half-blood and the hunters are there, don't wait for them to enter, jump up with a box of condoms and shout "Sex Party Time!"

(They took a page out of Artemis' book. Never have I had so many arrows flying at me. Once again, I ran into Aphrodite. Weird)

#11: When at a council meeting, DON'T turn to Poseidon and ask him if his code name is seamen.

(He was not too happy about that. Hades liked it.)

#12: Never mention Jason, Thalia, Perseus, Heracles or any other demigod that Zeus has had to Hera.

(Talk about psycho house wife. The glowing eyes returned…with lightning.)

#13: When in a council meeting, never start singing "I'm Sexy and I know it!"

(Apollo and Hermes fell off their thrones laughing.

…Aphrodite started singing and dancing

…So did Hades, even though he won't admit it)

#14: Never make fun of Apollo's Haikus or any other poetry

(It was Dionysus' turn to laugh. He is much like his twin)

#15: Zeus is a proud god, so don't walk up to him and compare him to Darth Vader.

(He gets very mad when you compare him to a traitor and villain.)

#16: Never walk past any god and mutter loudly "One of these days I'm gonna pull a Kratos".

(Most of the gods looked nervous when near me.

Ares glares at me now

Zeus is now paranoid about me…)

#17: Never suggest anger management to Ares.

(Who knew he could fit such big guns in his clothes. I didn't…"

#18: Never go to Persephone with six pomegranates and say "Well, doesn't this bring back memories?"

(Hades found it hilarious. Persephone…not so much)

#19: Never walk around Olympus with a crash test dummy and have crazed look in your eyes while saying "My next Victim is here" in a scary voice.

(Hermes and Apollo twitch when the walk by me.)

#20: Whenever Hermes and Apollo dare you to do something, don't do it.

(My neck still hurts after the bath dare.

I had to steal Hera's clothes when she wasn't looking.

She didn't like it.

Zeus did.

As did every other male god who saw her running across Olympus naked)

#21: When riding in Apollo's sun chariot, never ask "are we there yet?" over and over again.

(Apollo threw me out the window…2m above ground)

#22: Whenever near Hades, near yell "One does not simply rock into Tartarus!"

(He still thinks I'm mentally unhinged.

I was put in isolation for a week.

Turns out I talk to myself a lot)

#23: Whenever in a meeting, don't turn you head to 90 degrees angle and say "The voices inside my head tell me to hurt you" to someone.

(Again, the Isolation room is becoming a second to me.

Demeter is sick of guarding me but who cares?

All she does is make hundreds of bowls of cereal and mutter darkly about Hades)

#24: Never say "I feel a disturbance in the force" and look darkly at the people around you.

(Hello Isolation!

Demeter and I have lovely conversations about cereal

I nearly got her to make me a chair and rope out of grain once…damn!)

#25: Never get a dummy on a chair and start talking to it like a person.

(Zeus made Apollo check my health, the sick bastard!

Hephaestus turns around when he sees me…along with most people)

I hope you all enjoyed my first chapter to my guide of gods. May your chances of survival slightly increase through this guide!