This is the end, everyone. It's over now. I'm pleased to welcome on board Sassy TARDIS. I thank Echo317 for the sort-of beta. She was the one who, basically, made me write this.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, of course.

The Doctor had his head stuck under the TARDIS's center console, performing a few routine maintenance jobs he usually didn't bother to do. However, there was only so long he could pretend to be asleep next to Jack (Time Lords don't need as much sleep as humans, anyway), and he figured he might as well be useful. He had already discarded his jacket and rolled the sleeves of his blue button down up to his elbows. When he wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, he left a streak of dirt.

Ow! The TARDIS grumbled in his mind. Watch where you're sticking that, eh? She referred to the sonic, which the Doctor had maneuvered into a small crevice, the better to fix a few frayed wires.

"I'm helping, you bloody ungrateful box," the Time Lord retorted as a blue flash from the screwdriver briefly lit up his face. "Don't want anything going wrong, do we?"

What do you mean, 'we'? Nothing's wrong with you, no, you're just fine. No worries about being cut up for spare parts–

"Spare parts? What do you take me for? Besides, I need you."

Yes, yes, it's all about the need. If you didn't need me, where would I be? In a scrap heap, that's where! You're so needy, you are. Where would Jack Harkness be if you didn't need him so much, hm?

At that, the Doctor started, accidentally jamming the sonic into what was the technological equivalent of a pressure point. In retaliation the TARDIS shocked him, prompting a fluid string of swears in various alien languages. He never risked speaking Gallifreyan, even on the TARDIS; it may have been the one language she wouldn't translate, but you never knew who was listening in, and it hurt too much to even hear the language.

He cradled his wounded hand to his chest but jumped again when he heard a voice. "You all right, Doc?" After untangling himself from the console, the Doctor got an eyeful of gorgeous Captain Jack, clad only in boxer shorts and looking down at the Doctor with something like amusement, raised eyebrow and all.

"Oh– oh, yes, I'm quite all right." He stood up and patted the smooth metal of the TARDIS. "Old girl just gave me a bit of a shock, didn't you, love?"

'Old girl' he calls me, she scoffed. You're nearly as old as I, may I call you 'old man'?

"No you may not," he warned. "Besides, I don't show my age as you do." He grinned and turned to Jack. "Do I? Show my age, that is?"

"Well, I haven't met too many nine hundred and seven year-olds, but I can't imagine they're all as spry as you are. Kept up with me, didn't you?"

As the memories of the night before sprang to the Doctor's mind, he turned away to hide the stirring in his trousers. It wasn't that he was ashamed of what had transpired, or even that he was afraid of becoming too intimate with his companions. Well, he supposed it could be the last one, but he didn't worry about falling in love with Jack or vice versa, and since the other was immortal and a consenting, if high-strung, adult… He was just a bit afraid of losing his cool and jumping the other man, a very real possibility.

"Hey." Jack put a hand on the Doctor's shoulder, not making him move but nonverbally asking to be faced. The Doctor complied, swallowing when he looked into Jack's huge blue eyes, feeling his composure weaken. "Look, Doc. We can't pretend last night didn't happen, no matter how you we may feel about it now. It might not have been the greatest idea, but…"

"Are you saying you regret it?" the Doctor asked, almost sadly. He had never considered Jack might regret a decision he had made, especially one involving another naked being.

"What? No! No, no, God no. I thought you were upset about it. You know, because it's so out of character for you."

"And all I'm doing is exercising every ounce of my self restraint not to just jump on you right now."

Jack grinned. "Remind me why that would be a bad thing?"

"Well," the Doctor corrected. "It might not be. I can always fix the TARDIS later, after all..."

"Why, Doctor, are you proposing what I think you are?"

Lord help us, he is.

"If you think I'm proposing to throw you down, right here, right now, and shag you senseless, you just might be right." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively as a half-smile pulled at the corner of his mouth.

"If I knew you were such a deviant, Doc, I might have brought this up earlier."

I can't believe he managed to hide it for so long. He's been lusting after you for simply ages, but you haven't the faintest idea of what he used to get up to. Oh, that was years ago, but he likes to think about it still. If you knew what he does with that sonic screwdriver–

"Yes, thank you!" the Doctor cut in loudly. He knew the TARDIS was speaking purely for her own amusement, as her words only rang in his head and not Jack's, but that didn't stop him from burning in embarrassment. Even if everything she said was true… He cleared his throat as Jack watched him, slightly concerned but generally amused. "Shall we get on with it?"

Jack sighed. "You really are the master of saying things to turn me on, aren't you? Can't get much better than 'get on with it'."

The Doctor took a few steps forward, pressing his body to Jack's and breathing in his ear. "This is what I am going to do to you," he whispered. Jack shivered, getting hard at the Doctor's proximity and the arousing sensation of hot air against sensitive skin. "I am going to push you down and kiss you. I am going to slide your shorts over your hips and take you into my mouth. I am going to prepare you with my fingers before I shag you, and I am going to make you scream my name."

Jack pulled him into a kiss then, a clumsy, awkward, furiously passionate kiss with a copious amount of tongue. The immortal was a brilliant kisser, really, all smoke and sweet liquor, but the Doctor's eagerness offset all the experience and turned them both into boneless messes. "You," he panted in the few moments they pulled apart for air, "are going to be the death of me."

Jack grinned. "I wonder if that's ever happened, if a Time Lord has ever regenerated due to sheer lust."

"Ask me that question later."

"Don't you die on me, now. I'm just learning how to pleasure this body, I'm not going to learn another one, it's too soon."

"Then put that knowledge to good use, why don't you?" Jack sighed and set about stripping the Doctor of his clothing. Nimble fingers deftly untied his tie, throwing it aside and slipping each button of his shirt out of its hole, kissing each newly exposed expanse of pale skin. He slid the gaping shirt over slim shoulders and dropped it to the floor. Next was the belt. The buckle gave him hardly any trouble at all, but he hesitated over the button to the Doctor's trousers.

"There a problem, Jack?"

"Nope, just thinking."

"Well?"

"Nothing," he sighed, tugging down the Doctor's trousers. "Just thought you were supposed to be going down on me this time. Not that I'm complaining," he backtracked quickly. "I'm up for anything. But it's only fair, that's all."

"Jack." The Doctor pulled the immortal to his feet, one slender hand wrapped around his wrist in a surprising show of strength. They were nearly the same height, though they looked nothing alike: the slim Doctor, all animated movements, wild hair, and cheekbones, and stocky Jack, strength painted into every line of him, a chiseled face and broad shoulders. "Jack, I need you to trust that I'm going to do this for you."

"Then why are you making me undress you?"

"I'm lazy," the Doctor breathed into Jack's ear, and although it wasn't a statement that even suggested a hint of sensuality, Jack shivered. "I promise, Jack, all will be right in the end."

"I hope you're right. In fact, you better be, or you are in so much trouble."

Don't threaten him with punishment, the TARDIS cautioned. He'd like that. Come on, Doctor, just get it over with. He clearly can't wait forever, and for that matter, neither can you.

"It's none of your business how long I can last," the Doctor replied angrily, whirling on the center console.

Jack chuckled. "What is she saying to you?"

Get on with it, Doctor.

"Bloody box," he muttered under his breath. "You just want to watch. If I'm a deviant, you're certainly a voyeur!"

"Well, I'm an exhibitionist, so we're all happy now, aren't we?" Jack threw in, slightly impatient but mostly entertained. He had been with a string of lovers over the course of his life, but none at all like the Doctor. Getting irritated with his sentient time machine was one of a thousand little things that made him unique. "Come on, Doc," he said in a low, husky voice. "Forget the TARDIS."

"She's impossible."

"If she's impossible, I'd hate to know what you think of me."

"You? You're merely improbable."

"I like those odds." Jack kissed his Doctor, hard, gently sinking his teeth into his plush lower lip. The answering yelp made him laugh. The Doctor did an awkward shuffle to kick off his trousers and Converse, leaving he and Jack in just their shorts. Slender hands stroked their way up and down Jack's broad chest, making his nerves sing.

When their hips brushed together, a surge of pleasure knocked the Doctor's knees out from under him and made him collapse to the metal grating of the floor. Jack fell with him, since they were so locked together. "Ow, Doc. At least try and stay upright, why don't you?"

"I try," the other man said dryly. "I just fail. Terrible lover I am, can't even keep my feet under me."

"Luckily, your merit as a lover does not depend on your standing abilities."

"Thankfully." The Doctor pushed Jack backwards and crawled over him, pressing a kiss to the soft skin under his ear. He moved down, showering kisses down the curve of his throat, the angle of his collarbone, the muscled sweep of his chest, until he reached the thumbprint-sized indentations above Jack's hipbones. He hooked thin fingers into the waistband of his shorts and plucked them away from his skin, just enough that he could slip a hand down. He stroked Jack's cock, getting him harder than he already was.

Jack propped himself up on his elbows to watch the Doctor, pupils blown to obscure the irises, with his hand down Jack's boxers and teasing him to full attention. His breathing came faster as the Doctor finally discarded the boxers altogether and took Jack into his mouth. It was a really hot sight, but Jack couldn't watch if he wanted to last any longer. His eyes rolled back into his head.

"Oh, God," he managed.

"Not God, but pretty close," the Doctor smiled, licking up Jack's cock to the base and back down to swirl around the head, which was already glistening with pre-come. He continued his ministrations, refusing to use his hands but making full use of lips, teeth and tongue.

"Doc, I– I'm going to–" Jack started to choke out, but the Doctor swiftly pulled away and wrapped his fingers tightly around the base of his cock, effectively staving off an orgasm. Jack moaned in disappointment.

"Well, I can't have you coming now, can I? We've got so much to do first!"

"You'll be the death of me," the captain panted.

"We've already discussed this. You're fine, you'll be fine, okay? Just let me finish you off as I please." He tentatively released Jack's cock and, when he saw he now had carte blanche, pushed his legs open. "Only too ready to spread your legs, aren't you?" he murmured.

"Not as ready as you," Jack shot back.

"But I'm not completely at your mercy, am I?" he asked softly, sticking his tongue out and signing his name on Jack's perineum. Jack groaned in frustration and then moaned loudly when the Doctor blew cool air, a most interesting sensation. He pulled back and rummaged through his pile of clothes until he came up with the object he desired.

"Oh, you're going to like this, Jack," he assured the immortal, who was struggling not to touch himself and had resorted to tangling his hands in his own hair instead. "I promise."

He licked the pad of his thumb and massaged the ring of muscle that was Jack's entrance, receiving a tortured moan in response. He tentatively slid a finger inside, curling it and stroking Jack's prostate, which his long digits found easily. When a second finger was added, his mouth ventured back to the head of Jack's cock, barely brushing it with his tongue but occasionally daring to suck hard. All at once he stopped everything, removing his fingers and releasing his mouth.

"You fucking tease!" Jack shouted, frustration and desire making him bolder than usual and slightly looser mouthed. "You can't be serious, I'm dying over here!"

"Brace yourself," was all the Doctor would mutter in return, twirling his sonic screwdriver in one thin hand and smirking at it. "Are you quite ready?"

"Anything, anything!"

"Well, all right then. Allons-y." He slid the screwdriver into Jack and flipped the switch, producing a low buzzing noise almost unable to be heard over the sound of Jack's low keening. "D'you like that?"

"Torture," came the anguished reply. "You bastard."

"Are you sure it's torture? It doesn't feel good?"

"Too much pleasure is torture." He hissed as the Doctor pushed the pulsing head of the sonic against his prostrate. "I hate you, I hate you so much. I was so much better off just getting myself off alone."

"Oh, you can't mean that," the Doctor said lightly, sitting back and pulling off his shorts, which were straining anyway. He took himself in hand with a sigh and stroked, enjoying the image of the writhing captain before him, gone mad with pleasure. Jack cried out when he saw what the Doctor was doing.

"You can get off but I can't? What's wrong with you? I– ohh," he moaned, squirming.

"I'm not getting off, I'm preparing myself. I am going to get this over with very soon, Jack, don't worry. Watching you like this is getting me very hard, I must say. I quite enjoy it, of course, but as my TARDIS said, I'm a bit of a deviant. You're not the first on the receiving end of my sonic, you know. Used it a fair bit on myself, that's true, but I'm not the only one."

"Why would I want to hear that?"

"Oh, you don't, I'm sure. I'm speaking purely for my own benefit. I like it, you know. Dirty talk. Does that surprise you?"

Jack squeezed his eyes shut and lay back, arching his spine and digging his fingers into the taut skin of his stomach. "Everyone else," he said through gritted teeth, "gets off by looking at dirty pictures, or watching videos, or even reading filthy stories. I guess it doesn't surprise me that the most talkative man in the galaxy gets off listening to himself talk."

"Mm, you have such a lovely voice, Jack. Throaty, you know. Deep. Rich… Lovely voice, Jack, simply lovely."

"You say my name a lot."

"I like the way it sounds. Jack. Jack. Short, sharp, like a bite of something bitter. Dark chocolate, maybe."

"And you like biting. Yeah, you would."

"Course I do." Suddenly the melodious voice was very close by. Jack opened his eyes to see his Doctor hovering over him, pupils completely dilated, hair brushing over his forehead, lips parted– the lower one fuller than the upper, Jack thought, finding some eye for detail amidst everything else. "Biting's great. It's like kissing but with a winner."

"When I kiss there's a winner."

"When I kiss there's not. Don't know what you've been doing. Anyway, I'm taking pity on you now. Partly because I do hate seeing you miserable, but mostly, I'm overtaken with the urge to shag you senseless, and that's what I'm going to do."

"Please," Jack begged, pulling the Doctor in for a kiss, but moving at the last second and nipping his neck. The Doctor moaned.

He reached down and switched the sonic off, pulling it out of Jack and putting it to the side where he could get it later, to clean it. "What do you want me to do to you, Jack?"

Realizing the Doctor wouldn't take pity on him unless he satisfied the other man's desire to hear something dirty, he complied. He was willing to do just about anything to get it over with, and besides, it turned him on a fair bit too. "I want you to take that beautiful cock of yours and fuck me with it. I want you to push my legs apart and thrust, hard enough you might leave bruises on my hips. I want you to stroke my cock, and I want you to scream my name when you come."

"All you had to do was ask," the Doctor rumbled, finally entering Jack to the mutual satisfaction of both. They immediately started moving against each other; Jack was horny enough he didn't need the usual refractory period of adjustment. The Doctor was rutting frantically, Jack was bucking his hips to meet each thrust. He wound his hands through the Doctor's hair and tugged, pulling a moan from the Time Lord's throat.

"How did I know you were gonna like that? There are words for people like you, you know."

"Yeah," the Doctor panted, slipping a hand between them to stroke Jack's cock in time to his thrusting as the other man had wished. "Deviant."

They didn't speak after that, because pleasure clouded their throats and made words impossible. Release drew nearer and nearer until they managed to come at the same time, to the relief of both. "Jack!" the Doctor shouted at the same time Jack yelled, "Doctor!"

Spent, the Doctor rolled over next to Jack, breathing heavily. His hearts were staccato, too fast, but it was glorious. "Jack…" he managed to breathe. "Jack, you are a beautiful soul, you know that? That was the best–"

"Save it, you sadist. You thoroughly enjoyed making me flail about on your floor, didn't you?" Despite his words, there was no malice in Jack's voice.

"A bit, yeah. You telling me that wasn't worth it?"

Someone's got a high opinion of his own sexual prowess, hasn't he?

"Shut up, why don't you? I didn't ask you."

And yet I'm giving my opinion. Actually I'm not even doing that, because I can't offer any insight on whether you're a good lover or not. I've got no experience in such matters. I'm only going to point out that you're much different than you were yesterday.

"I am not different!" the Doctor scoffed.

"Different from when?" Jack asked,

"Yesterday."

"Well," the immortal hesitated, rubbing the back of his head with a sweaty hand. "I might have to agree with her there. Yesterday you were hesitant, almost shy… Today, you were… What's the male equivalent to a dominatrix?"

"I wasn't! Was I?"

"Oh yes you were. You were, at least towards the end, very in control. Or you wanted to be. You were totally enjoying yourself." He was quiet for a moment. "I did actually like the screwdriver. It was a nice touch, just stop with the teasing, please! I'm a weak man, there's only so much I can take!"

"Oh, you could've taken more if you had the inclination."

"Well, I haven't got it now. I need a shower." He stood up on shaky legs and started to walk away. He paused. "Hey, Doc?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome," the Doctor replied, surprised.

"And for the record? I was right."

"About what?"

"Your merits as a lover have nothing to do with how well you manage to stay on your feet."

Yes, when Jack says "some people get off by... reading filthy stories", he does mean all of you. Your mothers would be ashamed.