Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or these Characters. I just using them for Slashy goodness.

A/N: I wrote this because I had two close friends lose their mother's to cancer in 2011.

Until the Bow Breaks

Chapter 1

It was early 'morning" aboard the Enterprise when Captain Kirk's communicator chirped. Awkwardly and half asleep, he untwisted himself from his partner, Spock, and his sheets. He wiped his face to clear the sleepy fog from his mind. Grabbing his communicator, he flipped it open.

"Kirk here," he said, quietly as not to disturb his lover.

"I'm sorry to disturb you Captain," the bridge communications officer Barrett immediately apologized.

"Don't mind apologies, Lieutenant, just make waking me up worth it," Kirk adjusted his position, just as Spock turned to him wide awake.

"Captain, you have a subspace communication coming in from Admiral Pike, it's on emergency channels. I'm patching it into your quarters," Lt. Barrett said and Kirk quickly pulled on his pajama pants and a shirt. He went to his communication terminal.

"Admiral Pike, this is an early morning call, what going on?" Kirk said, as he saw Pike's red and weary eyes.

"I'm sorry, Jim, I just received a call from the Iowa police. They found your mother," he paused. Kirk rolled his eyes.

"What's the charges now? Drunk and disorderly again? Does this warrant the use of subspace communications? There's nothing I can do to help her from here, if you can bail her out I can spot you the credits until we reach orbit," Kirk rattled off and Pike shook his head.

"Winona's dead Jim," Pike said, looking down at his hands. Kirk sat back in his chair. Spock rose to go to him, but Kirk shook his head. No need to alert the Administration of our happy fun times over Winona, he thought.

"Well bury her," he said, shocking the hell out of Pike.

"Wha-What?" Pike stammered.

"She's retired Starfleet, right? She gets a standard regulation funeral paid for by Starfleet. Bury her right next to George. God knows that's exactly where she's wanted to be my entire life," Kirk said, coldly. Spock looked at him from behind the communications terminal with the same confused expression that Pike was wearing.

"James, she's your 're literally only a week away from Earth. Don't you want to say goodbye?" Pike asked.

"Hmm," Kirk thought about it for a moment. "Nope."

"James, if you need to take sometime to mourn..." Pike began.

"I'm one hundred percent fine, Chris. Winnie was my mom by loins alone. I let go having some semblance of a relationship with that woman years ago. It's sad she couldn't get her shit together. Oh well," he hunched his shoulders and Spock raised his eyebrow. "If that's all I should really get back to sleep, my shift starts in four hours."

"Well shit, um, yeah that was all. You sure you don't-"

"Kirk out." Kirk effectively ended the transmission before Pike could finish.

He sat in his chair quietly brooding for a moment and then looked up at Spock who stood in front of him wrapped in his bed sheet.

"Jim," he began and Kirk stood up and pealed of his black t-shirt walking back to bed. "Jim." Spock tried again placing his hand on Kirk's shoulder sending him waves of comfort through their bond with his touch.

"Don't," Kirk pulled away and climbed into bed. "She wasn't a mother to me or my brother. She was nothing," he said, unable to keep the angry bite out of his tone. "Come to bed, we have a few hours left before shift," he held out his hand to Spock.

Spock took his hand and allow himself to be pulled gently back into bed. He rearranged the sheet so it was covering them both.

"I love you Jim," he said kissing the top of Kirk's head. Kirk pulled Spock's arms around himself and closed his eyes. In moments he was sleeping. Spock closed his eyes to meditate on Jim's surprising lack of emotional response regarding his mother's death.

)ST(

When morning came Jim awoke to find Spock already gone, which was weird. Ever since they began their relationship the would have breakfast together in the Mess Hall. The only times that didn't happen in the last year was when Spock was either busy with a project in his lab or extremely pissed off at him. As far as he knew, there were no projects in the lab and he wasn't in the dog house. Confusion abounds, he thought, getting up and going to his shower.

After taking his shower he looked at himself in the mirror. His mother was dead. He sighed, she probably drank herself to death. He brushed his teeth and dried his hair. Probably went to Harold's Bar and drank him out of Jack and Johnny, walked home and collapsed. That's a dumbass way to go, he shook his head and walked back into his quarters pulling out his clothes. He dressed methodically, black Starfleet standard underwear, socks, pants, and a command gold shirt.

He sat on his bed to put on his boots when Spock walked in carrying an assortment of fruits, yogurt, granola, croissants and jams, but it was the smell of bacon and eggs that caught Kirk's attention.

"What's all of this?" Kirk said with a smile. Spock set the platter down on the table. In the common area of the room.

"I thought you would want to eat breakfast away from the others considering the news you received earlier," Spock began and several emotions flashed across Kirk's face. Surprise, anger, annoyance, smugness, finally he smiled.

"You're worried about me?" Kirk walked to his partner.

"I am concerned that the full weight of the information given to you earlier this morning has yet to... settle in. Furthermore, I feel you are displaying typical signs of the first stage of human grief... which is denial." Spock stood stiff in front of Kirk, but Kirk saw his jaw clench and unclench several times, which meant he was uncomfortable.

"Sit down, Spock," Kirk said gently and sat down. Spock sat across from him, expectantly. "First I want you to know, that I love you," he took Spock's hand. "I forgot to say that last night."

"Jim, I-" Spock said, but Kirk hushed him.

"The second thing I want you to know is that I appreciate this." Kirk gestured to the platter. "I really, really do. You are being very supportive right now and it's amazing, but entirely unnecessary in this instance." Kirk grabbed his hand. "When you lost your mother, it understandably hurt you. To mourn her loss... well, she deserved nothing less of you, because it was a true loss to you and your father." Kirk squeezed Spock's hand trying hard not to scrape open that wound again, but he desperately need Spock to understand him.

"Your love for Amanda was far superior than my love ever has been for Winona. She stopped being my mother a long time ago. She was an alcoholic. She was bitter. She abandoned me and my brother several times. She did not care who she left us with or where she left us; as long as we were far away from her. I don't grieve her death, I'm not in denial, and I won't become emotionally compromise at any point because of this. So in Vulcan terms it is illogical for me to mourn one who cared so little about my well being," he finished and then began to eat. Spock regarded him, quietly.

Finally, after Kirk had finish devouring his eggs and bacon, Spock finally broke the silence.

"I hear you, ashayam," he whispered.

And I know you, he thought. I will keep an eye on you until the bow breaks.

)ST(

Kirk sat on the bridge signing paperwork from the newest Yeoman. As much as he hated to indulge Winona by giving her more than a passing thought, he had found himself thinking about how she died. Was it quick? Did she suffer? Kirk could be the biggest asshole around, but he would hate it if his piss poor mother suffered in her last moments on earth.

Then he thought about his brother Sam. Did he know? He was going to be heartbroken, he knew Mom before she decided to check out on being a parent. He knew the good mom. He held on to the memory through all the shit she put us through. And his kids, last he heard Aurelan was pregnant with their second child. His son Peter was going to be devastated, he never knew death until now.

These random thoughts on his family kept playing through his mind, but the loudest was how did it happen?

A fall down the stairs? Drowned in the tub? Heart Attack? Liver failure?

"Captain," Uhura said, for the third time.

"Yes Lt. Uhura?" he said, his voice edged with agitation.

"Your brother is on subspace communication," she said.

"Yes, I'll take it in the conference room," he said, walking towards the door. He stopped. "Spock, you have the Conn."

"Yes Captain," Spock said standing up and sitting in the chair.

Kirk sat down and turned on the monitor. His brother sat bearded and glaring on the other side of the screen.

"James! Of all the selfish!"

"Selfish?"

"Self-Centered"

"Me?"

"Thoughtless!"

"I'm the one that's thoughtless?" Kirk said, indignantly.

"Childish things to do! You would miss your own mother's funeral? You would purposefully skip out on paying your respects to her?" Sam said, his arms crossed angrily in front of him.

"She purposefully skipped out on my entire childhood, our childhood, Sam!" Kirk yelled. "And she left us with that asshole, and then Tarsus!"

"Like that truly matters now! She's dead Jimmy! She can make it right, so why hold a grudge?"

The brother's glared at each other for a moment.

"Sam. I understand you feel...something for her. She gave you something she never gave me," Kirk said his bluster gone.

"Don't be an idiot she gave us both the same thing!"

"She loved you, Sam! She could barely stomach to look at me and the feeling was mutual," he said and Sam stared at him for a few minutes. Tired of being under his older brother's scrutiny he snapped. "I'm not coming to her funeral! Please respect my decision!"

"Fine!" he said going to shut off communication.

"Wait," Kirk said and his brother paused hoping he had a change of heart.

"How did she die?" Kirk asked and his brother rolled his eyes.

"You don't deserve to know! For someone who hates mom, you are exactly like her," he said.

"Sam," Kirk began, but Sam had already terminated their conversation.

A rush of burning hit the pit of is stomach, his heart went heavy, and his throat tightened. His eyes burned and he took a deep breath.

I'm not crying over this or her, he thought. Sam will get over it.

He took a moment to compose himself and went back on the Bridge. The heaviness he felt in his chest subsided, but the feeling stubbornly refused to go away.

"Captain, are you well?" Spock asked sliding out of Kirk's seat.

Kirk grunted something and then sighed, "Sulu, how far away are we from Earth?"

"Exactly 8.5 days at our current speed of Warp 4, we could cut that in have if we go to Warp 6, why Captain?"

"Plot a course to Starbase Alpha, Mr. Sulu. Uhura have engineering ready a shuttle craft. I need to go to Iowa," he grumbled.

"Vat's in Iowa Keptain?" Chekov asked.

"Apparently my dead mother," Kirk said and then took a deep breath. Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at him with sympathetic eyes. Uhura stood up.

"I am so sorry, Captain," she said, from behind him.

"Thank you, Lieutenant. Please. Everyone. Carry on." he ordered and everyone slowly returned to their duties.

The rest of the Alpha shift passed in silence.