A/N: New story! Yay! Big thanks you to Song Six for betaing, Love You!

It all started when he saw them for the first time. He should've known it was all doomed from the start, should've seen what was happening but he couldn't have kept himself away if he tried.

It was surreal. To hear that there were other sidekicks was amazing. He thought he was the only one with a crazy rich ass mentor (not that he knew all their mentor's were millionaires...not that it couldn't be true either) that made him his sidekick.

He meet Robin first and it was crazy how the kid was so young; yet, he had so much experience. He knew he'd been in this 'hero business' longer than he had himself but he thought the kid would be...older. He thought that he would act the same as his mentor. He'd heard stories about Batman from Ollie but sometimes the older archer liked to exaggerate...now he saw he wasn't kidding. The guy was dark and brooding and it was hard to believe the boy, who hadn't stop smiling at all, was his partner.

But, God, the kid could move. And his smile was surprising to see. Gotham was a hell hole and to see this kid so happy was a freaking miracle. And he wasn't really the believer but that had to be magic. Him of all people must know how the whole world was turning into crap, with what people were doing to each other, and yet he's as happy as the world would let a kid be.

So, the first time Robin had done his 'ninja moves' and suddenly appeared in front of him he jumped back almost landing on Ollie. That was the first time he heard his laugh. He didn't understand the effect it had on him.

And the next time he saw Robin again he was with Kid Flash.

And that kid surprised him even more than Robin. His smile was infectious, green eyes bright filled with joy, and he couldn't stop moving. It was hard not to smile back. And, the fact that he seemed even more happy than the acrobat, was as puzzling as it was amazing. And he was sorta like his mentor, cracking the worst and cheesiest jokes ever, and always seeing the bright side of things.

It was amazing to see that these kids didn't care what was wrong with the world. They knew they could help clean it up a little by little each day and that was enough for them. To know that they were doing something to make this better.

And he realized right then that they're one of a kind, the fact that he meet these two was unbelievable, and that he has them right here next to him was more comforting than it should have been.

Roy sighed and looked around his apartment.

He didn't want to think about why it felt so empty, when it used to feel so full, and ignored the dull pain in his chest.

He looked at the coffee table in front of him. Magazines were thrown into a pile on top of it and he could see the stained ringlets on it left from past drinks. He looked at the TV not really paying attention to the show that was on dazed.

He glanced down to the bottle in his hand- opened and half way full. His heart felt half way empty. He felt like throwing it against the wall. However, he set it down on the table instead. Drinking wouldn't help him. He couldn't stop thinking about anything. He felt like his thoughts were going a million miles a minute, and all drinking would do was mess things up and give him one hell of a headache.

"Hey, Roy?"

He looked up to see those green eyes staring back at him. The speedster was smiling, and it felt great to know someone was happy to see him.

They were at his apartment, and somehow Wally coming over to visit was an annual thing. Roy was getting used having him around so much. Even when Dick came with him.

"Yea?" He asked.

Things always seemed better when they were around. Anywhere, it didn't matter, everything always seemed okay with them. Roy was happy with that. He was content knowing that they'd always be there for him, and he for them.

He knew he was happier when someone else was with him. That person, right now, was Wally. Lately the kid seemed to be coming over everyday, even when Dick couldn't. He would always open his front door to find Wally there.

The worst part is, he was actually happy knowing someone didn't mind seeing him. It made his heart swell just to know that they came because they wanted to, not because they had to.

He watched as the kid came to sit next to him on the couch. They were literally inches apart from each other. He could feel the heat coming off the speedster. But he wasn't looking Roy in the eye anymore.

"Would you lie to me?" Roy watched as he bit his lip and starred at the floor.

Wally had told him before that he needed to have more faith in people. He had frowned because he couldn't see how this kid had such blind faith in someone he didn't even know. He was a hero, he knew what people do to each other for money, disagreements, for love, and even for the hell of it. Yet, he still had faith in them. He would've preferred the kid believe in magic.

He cocked an eye brow," Depends, will I have to tell you how you look?"

Wally went pale at that, but scoffed and elbowed him in the ribs. " I look better than you," He smiles," and you won't ever have to tell me something I already know." He looked up to meet his eyes," what do you mean by 'depends'?"

"I mean it depends on what you're asking."

He looked over at the empty end of the couch and sighed. They haven't seen each other in months and Roy was fine with that. He was used to being alone.

"Promise me you won't leave?"

He wasn't worried about them. No. He knew they could take care of themselves.

"You left us to fend for ourselves!"

But, he still wondered about him. No matter how much he didn't want to think about him it was hard to stop. Their smiles, their laughter...

His smiles, his laughter, his green eyes, his red hair, his broken face, his tears, his bruises...so so many bruises...

He shook his head trying to rid himself of the images that were burned inside his head. As if that would make himself forget. He found himself gripping the bottle again. He felt disgusted and didn't have a problem with throwing it at the wall this time. He felt satisfied to watch it hit and shatter into pieces.

He looked at the sleeping boy next to him. He was surprised the kid was here. He just came back from patrol and found him here on the couch already asleep.

He was curious as to why he was here, but he didn't have it in his heart to wake the kid up. He looked bone tired, even in his sleep.

But...he also looked content. Like he was happy sort of. Like he was...safe. It felt off to say such a thing he couldn't put a finger on it either though...

He sighed, he'll ask what was up with the kid later. For now he was gonna enjoy his favorite pass time- watching TV. He was lucky to be able to get home on time before one of his shows were on.

He hoped he told Barry he was staying over though. He sighed and turned his attention from the sleeping boy to the TV. Stretching and trying to get as comfortable as he could with Wally taking up all the space on the couch.

The show was thirty minutes in when he heard a soft content sigh. He looked at the younger red head. To say seeing his face so calm was surprising would've been a lie. Sure, it was amazing that his features allowed anything relatively close to a frown, but he was happy to see anything but a smile on Wally's face. He was seeing too much of that smile lately and too much of a good thing can only lead to bad. If he wasn't mistaken, it seemed forced to his eyes. As if, he was trying too hard to keep it there.

He shook his head; he was getting way to ahead of himself. If something was wrong than surely Wally would have told him...on second thought he'll ask Dick later...or Barry- either one would be good honestly.

He studied the boy, the TV completely forgotten. He knew everyone had their own skeletons in their closet, but as far as he knew, Wally had none. That worried him a little. Then again, a little mystery every once and a while was good for your health-Robin's words, not his.

He brought his hand up and moved the hair out of Wally's eyes. God, how could he have made it this far without them? It was hard to imagine what his life would been, they saved him in more ways than one. They taught him so much. He needed to give something back, anything back so they knew he was just how much they meant to him. He didn't care if they already knew it, they needed something to have proof of it. He started tracing the arch of Wally's brow. He had a strange feeling that he was gonna miss this and was filled with dread.

After tracing the eye brow one last time, he moved his fingertips down to his jaw line. He was exceptionally happy that Wally let him see him vulnerable like this, that the kid could trust him so much. It made warmth shoot across his chest. The kid was an open book, everyone knew that, give him a kicked puppy and he'll sure enough look like one too. But he hardly let anyone see an ugly side to him. He knows that everyone hurts...but...

He ran his thumb over Wally's bottom lip. It was surprisingly smooth to him. He closed his eyes and kept listening to the fast heart beat. It was strangely calming, and he started to get tired. He sighed and moved his palm to where it was flat on Wally's cheek, rubbing his thumb in circles over a freckle. Wally had made a whimpering noise and Roy froze as he was stunned when he leaned subconsciously into his touch. He allowed himself a small smile before finally pulling his hand away.

God he was more tired than he thought. He turned down the volume all the way on the TV and listened to the rhythmic way the speedster was breathing. He ended up falling asleep on the kid without realizing it.

He didn't need the memories anymore. He wanted to feel numb, wanted to stop remembering everything, but it was like everything was playing over and over in his head. He was able to avoid thinking about everything until now, so why the hell did his mind decide to take a trip down memory lane tonight?

"Everyone ends up alone in the end. I can't see why you're so worried about it."

He choked on a sob; he couldn't remember why those words stung. It hurt too much, it was like someone saying 'I told you so', and look where he was right now. Alone. He grabbing at the air to try and steady himself, gasping instead of taking the slow deep breaths he intended to do. It was pathetic.

He didn't know those words could be so true.

He smiled and Roy's breath hitched," You know most people are afraid of being alone for the rest of their life...Would you be scared?"

Life was different without them but...was it better? Were they happy?

No. Life wasn't better without them, anything was better when he at least had someone by his side.

All the smiles, the laughter, feeling needed...was gone. And he had no one to blame but himself. He couldn't deny it, he'd ruined anything that was even remotely good for him.

He needed to stop.

He hated himself. He didn't realize that he let down the two most important people in his life. He didn't know what to do to fix this. He couldn't even imagine how.

It hurt.

He didn't know...and he didn't want to anymore. He wanted to feel numb. He wanted to stop remembering everything, but it was like everything was playing over and over in his head.

He wasn't ready to go over all of this, but he was still looking for what went wrong. He needed to stop and just accept the fucking fact that it all went straight to hell and get on with his life. He looked at the shattered bottle again...now he really wished he hadn't thrown it against the wall. Such a waste...

He shook his head again, and left for patrol.

Life was better without them. He didn't need anyone, he only depended on him himself and he's made it this far so he could keep going that way.

"Please..." His look pleading, begging," It's easier when you're here...Don't make...don't make me go through this alone. Don't make yourself do this alone."

He concentrated to the sound of his feet pounding as he ran.

He's pretending he doesn't miss anything. That he already has everything he wants. It didn't matter if he ever saw them again.

He's pretending they never even walked into his life without a backward glance and practically stole his heart without even trying. He never saw their smiles that he missed so much, and never heard their laughter. Never saw their bright eyes starring up at him, and never heard their voices. He never held them close and told them he would make things alright, and never saved them from dying right there in front of him. Never seen their tears, and he never saw the pain in their eyes. He hasn't told them his fears, and he never failed them. He never thought of them as brothers at some point, and he never let them go. They never saw him lose himself, and they never helped him. They haven't taught him anything in life, and he never asked himself what he'd done to fuck it up. He never felt the press of lips against his...

He never felt his heart skip a beat when their eyes met. He never thought of what it would be like to kiss him speechless. Never held his hand and felt the burning fire when their skin touched, He's never seen his freckles, and they've never looked at the stars. He's never stolen side glances at him, and he doesn't miss him. He doesn't care for his unruly red hair, and warmth never shot across his chest when he came to him. He hasn't heard him say his name, and he doesn't miss the way he would do certain things. He never felt better when he told him it would be alright...

...he doesn't feel the dull pain growing in his chest worsen.

Roy cocked an eyebrow," Like what you see?"

He could've sworn he saw Wally blush," Meh, it's alright...Would be better with the shirt off." he wiggled his eye brows.

Roy couldn't stop the laugh that burst from his mouth.

He was used to lying to himself.

A/N: Been working on this for awhile then my computer got a virus and had to start all over...But, I like this verison better:)

Plz Review and tell me what you thought, Ask me anything I don't bite!;)