James had to wonder about bad habits. So much had changed in his life over his sixth year but the things that remained constant were the bad habits he'd accumulated. He still dog-eared his pages, he couldn't leave his hair alone, he was still in love with Lily Evans, and he still brooded about it all. Well, not so much the pages. But certainly about the hair bit.

Everyone had already gone to bed and the resounding silence in the common room suited his mood. All the candles were unlit, the only source of light coming from the crackling fireplace.

"Why is it that every time I find you alone you're always in a dark room?"

James looked up to see Sirius saunter in through the portrait hole and collapse into the armchair next to him. He reached up to completely unknot his already loose school tie, something that he rarely wore. The last time James had seen Sirius wear a tie properly had been at a Beltane gathering before Hogwarts.

Sirius didn't say anything, recognizing James' need to brood. Instead, he brought his feet up to rest on the coffee table in front of him, slouching further into the armchair. James knew for a fact that Sirius had perfect posture, but he was always slouching or sprawling or leaning, as though these little everyday rebellions were just one more way to wave two fingers at his family.

They sat there in silence, James staring into the fire and Sirius thinking about whatever it was he was thinking about. James sighed and Sirius looked over at him. There was a pause that was broken by, "Exploding snap?"

"Yeah."

Sirius summoned the common room cards, a special deck the Marauders had enhanced to shoot minor spells and insults in their third year. They'd donated the deck to the common room, a contribution to the betterment of young society, where it was still popular among third years.

They were quiet as they played, dodging and brushing aside various sparks and verbal abuse until James set his cards down.

"Minger!" The cards squeaked up at him.

Sirius spoke before James could start. "She used to fancy you a bit in fifth year, you know." He said, looking over his cards casually.

James blinked. "What?"

"Halfway through fifth year," Sirius drew another card from the deck. "I thought for certain it would have happened back then, but she was so upset over Snivellus. No surprise there, the two of you seem to get off on torturing each other."

"Bollocks!"

James opened his mouth to defend himself but Sirius cut him off. "No, I don't even want to try to understand it. I'm buggered in the romance department and you know it. But either way, it wasn't going to happen in sixth year either." Sirius had given up his pretense of playing and sat staring at his cards instead. "I won't deny I was brassed off with the bint last year; you had enough going on without all her shit on top of it. But she was good for you, she was there when I wasn't." He admitted grudgingly.

"Knackers!"

Sirius fixed James with a look. "It didn't happen in fifth year, and it didn't happen last year, and it's a damn good thing it didn't. If the both of you hadn't gone through all that rubbish you'd never be in a place to forgive the people you used to be." Sirius set down his cards and stretched his arms out nonchalantly. "I ought to know, you forgave me."

They sat there in silence, the game forgotten. James glanced back a Sirius. "Barmpot."

Sirius snorted. "Pillock."

"Plonker!"

One of the cards let out a bang and smoke wafted from the deck. Sirius fanned the smoke away from his face. "Oh bugger, off. You'll be late for rounds, Head Boy. Give our love to the Head Girl and don't balls it up."

James cracked a grin at him and rose to leave.

"It'll happen, Prongs." Sirius said as he too rose to go in the opposite direction. "You've got better luck this time."

James watched his friend bound up the boys' staircase and shook his head as he turned to ascend the stairs to the portrait. He was meeting Lily outside of the great hall and he knew he was already late. He thought about Sirius' words on the way down, and they left him feeling slightly nostalgic. Lily was waiting for him, her hands smoothing over her skirt. She looked sweet and feminine, and pretty, as always.

It was the night before all the students were to leave Hogwarts for Christmas hols, and as no prefect wanted to deal with the ensuing excitement it was left to the head boy and girl to do patrols. But the castle was quiet, unusually so.

"You were a complete plague on me." James said flatly.

"I was a plague? I'm fairly certain it was you who was completely beastly all those years." Lily said primly. James shook his head.

"Well, can you blame me? You, a muggle born from nothing and nowhere, you came in here and you told me exactly what you thought of me. I've never met anyone with more audacity than you, Lily Evans."

"For your information, I'm from Cokeworth. And someone had to do it."

He laughed.

It had taken him a year to figure out just what he felt for Lily Evans, and it had taken her longer to figure out how they both fit together. James was convinced that they would be something glorious.

But they weren't there yet, and he knew it.

"So, Cokeworth?" James said lightly, and a thousand things were both said and unsaid.

"Yeah," Lily replied, the same strain in her voice that had been there for weeks. "It's a quiet place. Not much excitement, but its home."

They were silent, something stretching taut between them in the velvet darkness. They rounded into an empty corridor, the large windows casting shadows and bathing long stretches of stone floors in moonlight. All was quiet except for the sound of their footsteps, and James took a brief moment to watch her legs move curiously in sync with his. His mother had once told him that when two people stepped in tandem, their chemistry was well matched.

As they came to an open air corridor, Lily stopped. He gave her a curious glance as she took a breath, looking up at the moon as though asking for courage. James took the opportunity to admire the soft freckles across the bridge of her nose, slowly fading from her leftover summer abroad. He'd often imagined counting them, placing soft kisses over every one. And quite suddenly, he knew what had to be done.

"Don't." His voice was rough with emotion and it caused a small line to appear between her eyebrows. He brought his hand up to her cheek, his thumb smoothing over the small line and one delicately arched eyebrow.

Lily's lips had parted, her deep green eyes reflecting a forest of stars as she stared up at him. Something snapped inside of his chest, a sharp twang and a rushing awful pain. He stepped into her, she stepped back, her eyes never leaving his face. He moved forward until his body pressed hers back into a pillar, feeling her shiver at every point of contact. Slowly, he leaned forward until his shadow blotted out the stars in her eyes and left them dark and so very deep he fell into them.

The kiss in itself was just a kiss, but the reality of it was so much more. Their lips met, cool from the night air, warming as they melted into each other. It was weeks of tension and the driving question of more. It was an entire summer of exchanged letters and bone deep wanting. It was a year of anguish, forgiveness, and leaving childhood behind. It was the story of a spoiled boy who knew nothing of the real world and the vivacious girl who dared to tell him no.

He kissed her softly, the air rushing through his head as a spark ignited. The kiss deepened into something desperate as she let out a small whimper, her arms wrapping around his neck and her legs hooking over his hips as he lifted her up against the pillar for easier access. He pressed into her and her legs locked around him, his hands in stroking over her hips and down her thighs. She made a sound at the back of her throat as his hands ran upwards over her silhouette, coming up to frame her face and smooth her hair back, running his fingers through the soft strands as he tilted her head to the side. Her fingertips dug into his back and one of her hands fisted in his hair. Closer and closer, her body wrapped around him as he tried to press deeper into her, and still it was not close enough.

James was the first to break the kiss, his head ducking down to rest on her shoulder as he placed soft kisses over her neck, a murmur spilling from his lips. It wasn't until he heard her whisper his name that he realized he'd been saying her name over and over again.

James released her slowly and they both shuddered as her body slid down the length of his. He was loath giving up the feel of her and remained pressed against her, holding her to him.

"James," she murmured his name, a soft sigh. "We can't do this now."

He nodded against her shoulder and straightened, resting his forehead against hers. "I know you need time. And you know I'll be here." He wrapped his arms around her and placed a soft kiss on her head as she rested more completely against him. "Stay for hols, Lil, I'll stay with you. Or better yet come home with me. You can beat Sirius at mugs on Christmas and we'll ring in Boxing Day together. It'll be brilliant."

"You know I can't do that, James. It's just one more thing I need to do for myself." she insisted.

He released a breath in frustration. "But why, Lily? I know how hard this has been for you, why should you have to go back? It only makes you miserable. I thought that was why you went abroad last summer, to get away from the reminder." He held her shoulders as he tried to press his point home. "Being together means you don't have to do this alone."

She looked up at him, and there was such sadness in her look. "I know it's not easy for you to understand, but the muggle world was where I grew up; it's a part of me. It's where I spent more than half of my life. And just because they're gone doesn't mean I can just disregard that." Her hands came up to his face and she looked at him seriously. "I know this is hard, and I know it's not fair to you, but I need you to understand. I have to know I can be on my own before I can be with you. I won't give you a broken version of myself; it wouldn't be fair to you or me."

James' voice was gentle as he replied. "But you'll be going home to an empty house. You won't find your parents there and we both know Petunia isn't going to be any help."

"Maybe," Lily continued, just only a little unsteadily. "But I need to know that I can face it. I ran away over the summer; I ran away from that empty house, from Petunia and myself, and I ran away from you." Her hands entwined with his own at their sides. "But I'm not running anymore." Her voice was firm this time, a reminder of the girl she had been and the woman she was becoming.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, a self conscious habit he'd picked up as a child. There wasn't anything he could say, but "Alright." He didn't understand, not entirely, but he'd support her regardless and he told her as much. She smiled at him, and though it didn't erase is misgivings it did make it worth it.

The next morning found James slowly packing up some last minute things for the journey home. Sirius had gone down to breakfast with Remus, the two of them being the more organized of the bunch. It always amazed James that no matter how much the delinquent Sirius appeared to be, his strict upbringing always found moments to peek through.

Peter gave James a sympathetic look as he finished packing. "She'll come around, Prongs. Don't worry so much."

James sighed. "That easy to read, am I?"

"Nah, you've just got that Lily face that you get when it's something about her."

James scowled at him as he shut his trunk. "I do not have a Lily face."

"Do too."

James rolled his eyes as they walked down to breakfast, where Peter consulted Sirius on the Lily face.

"Do too." Sirius said, buttering his toast.

"I do not!"

"And how would you know? I'm fairly certain you've broken all the mirrors in our room with that face of yours." Sirius tossed back at him, taking a rude bite out of his toast.

"I'm sorry; I know how you need them to get off on your pretty face." James replied with a sneer.

"Why James, I didn't know you felt that way about me." Sirius said with raised eyebrows. James made a face and shot him a rude hand gesture as Peter and Remus laughed.

It was with a sense of foreboding that James boarded the train for King's Cross with his friends. This would be their last Christmas as students, but already it felt as though they were entering a new time in their lives. James and Sirius would be spending the holidays together, either at Sirius' flat or at one of the very empty Potter properties. Remus and Peter were invited of course and would join them later in the break. Even so, there was a small hollow feeling in James' chest, a sadness that had everything to do with the time of year and the death of his parents.

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder as they got off the train. "Don't think so hard, you'll get a headache."

James gave him a sad smile. "I'll be alright."

Sirius nodded and went to go grab their trunks. James turned around, searching the crowds and was promptly seized by his shirt and jerked down for a kiss. Before he could react, Lily whispered something in his ear and rushed off towards the throng of gathering families.

James brought a hand up to fun through his hair as he stared after her. His chest was filled to bursting. If love was supposed to be as great as everyone made it out to be then why did it have to hurt so damn much?

Lily turned once to look at him, her eyes holding her words, before she disappeared into the crowd.

He began to understand a little better; love was singularly the worst and best feeling in the world.