This is on the shorter side, obviously. I promise I'll update the next chapter of my crossover! I'm like midway through writing it. This little piece is being written at three in morning because I can't sleep. The dialogue and events aren't anywhere close to accurate because it's three in the morning and I'm lazy as fuck. Besides, it AU anyway and gets that way during the chuunin exam bit, which is also the biggest chunk of parts. It's sort of a different look at Sakura's crush and the evolution of it. And a completely different outcome, but whatever and I should totally stop rambling because it's three in the fucking morning and I can't sleep.

Disclaimer: Just borrowin'.

.

"Understanding"

Growing Up.

Sakura stops lying to herself the day she cries herself back to sleep.

In her head replays Kakashi-sensei's genjutsu over and over when she lies in the darkness, a continuous loop of nightmares that she can't shake herself of. After waking up at five in morning, she breaks down sobbing, trying to be quiet so her parents won't hear because they both already disprove of her life's choices, she knows. Maybe if she was a good kunoichi, she would be stronger and not cry at all, and wouldn't that be lovely. It's just hard not to, after seeing that, and what made it worse was that it was him. And her tears and nightmares and utter longing to never see that happen again proves to her something she has been telling herself isn't true for a very long time.

Mom always says girls her age can't fall in love, and since she was ten it has become her mantra. I don't love him, she tells herself, it's just a crush - like Ino who doesn't know. I'll just say I love him to piss her off because I don't even know if I really do like him...I don't love him, it's just a crush - like Ino who doesn't know it. It goes over and over like the genjutsu in the darkness of her room. Oh, she liked him - infatuated with him even, she thinks is the word and of course she is right because while she might not be so wise, she is very smart. In truth, she cares more about him than being a kunoichi, but she is not love with him. Neither is Ino. Or any other girl in her class. Twelve-year-olds are too young for love. So Mother says.

Then maybe she is old for age and never realized it before. With a shinobi's stealth, she slips off the covers and stands on the bed, avoiding all the noisy springs she knows are there. On her ceiling above her bed are five hundred sixty-six paper cranes for her wish to marry him and kiss him and really fall in love with him when he loves her back. A girl's wish. Now she knows better and she isn't such a little girl anymore. One by one she takes her cranes from the ceiling and let's them drop to her blankets, shivering slightly in the chilly night air. Around her rains origami and disillusionment.

Somehow, she loves him. Haruno Sakura, the ditsy but level-headed girl, is in love and there is no reason to say otherwise. Maybe she always has and thinking it was just infatuation even while she spoke about marriage and kisses and loving him was all a lie she told herself to keep away the pain. Maybe it happened today, when she heard him say her name in a voice laced with pain with weapons sicking out from every which direction. Maybe. Maybe. Her life is too filled with maybes, and a definite ringing out clearly.

Unlike any other girl, she is in love with Uchiha Sasuke.

Suddenly she tears down the last clump of paper cranes all at once and collapses to her knees on her bed, sobbing louder than is advisable. A moment later comes the sound of footsteps from the hall and her door opens to reveal her mother, her fluffy red hair sticking out at all angles. She flicks on the light and rushes over.

"Oh, Sakura-chan," she says, sitting on the bed and holding her daughter tightly. Sakura cries into her shoulder, ashamed in herself and in her inability to be the ditsy but level-headed girl she thought she was, or maybe she really was until just now. "Sweetie, what happened? Was it today?" She doesn't answer. "Sakura!"

Quietly, she murmurs, "Mamma." Then she says it again. "Mamma. Mamma."

Haruno Kita holds her daughter, confused as the shoulder of her nightgown gets progressively wetter. Then she realizes she is sitting on a sea of paper cranes and hatred towards what life the one she loves most will now lead floods her. She says nothing, and waits for an unprompted answer.

But Sakura doesn't explain a thing. Not this night, or the next, or the next, and her mother dies forty years later without ever understanding why.

.

Misunderstanding.

Sasuke wakes up on the bridge in a depressing amount of pain and is instantly greeted by a flurry of pink and wide, wide green eyes. It's not who he wants to see the first thing after dying, but at the moment she's better than Naruto.

"SASUKE!" she yells, her high-pitched voice resounding in his ears as she throws her arms around him. Pain rocks his body. "YOUR AWAKE!"

"Get off me," he says and she releases him instantly because she's just like all his other fangirls and will do anything he tells her to do, except maybe leave him alone.

She pulls back, hugging her knees as she looks at him with those too big eyes. While he doesn't like her at all - and the bar of appreciation has barely moved from hatred to mild tolerance - he sees in that instant she's pretty. Not beautiful or anything special, but she is pretty, much too pretty be a real kunoichi. Before she becomes chuunin, she's either end up quitting or dying, he thinks.

Kakashi looks on and sees this differently. Sakura won't quit, he knows. Just like his old teammate didn't until the day she died. Rin had something to protect and his pupil does too and maybe this is a tragedy. But a hatred-clouded boy can't possibly understand, or at least not now.

He stands after she does, not accepting the hand she holds out to him. But then she moves too fast for him to block her in the state he's in and he's in her arms again, his body filled with pain. "Get off me," he says again. She doesn't though, and holds on until Naruto comes over to babble some more.

She'll either end up quitting or dying, he thinks and is horribly, horribly wrong.

.

Struggle.

After training one day, three weeks after the B-ranked mission, Sakura lets Naruto drag her out to eat and cannot for the life of her understand why. He acts less disgusting than she expected and doesn't even let her pay for her own food even when he must have considerably less money than she does. She has parents who baby her too much and give her allowance once a month.

Naruto is to her what Ino is to Sasuke, she thinks. He believes he loves her, but if he did genuine happiness would be all that much harder. But Sakura does not want to think about Sasuke today, and maybe that's why she let her loudmouth teammate that she pretends to hate but doesn't because lying about intimate feels is officially her guard against pain bring her out to lunch. He isn't uninteresting, she discovers and after the first ten minutes doesn't brag once.

"Your parents are civilians, right?" he asks her, sipping his soda through the bendy straws she still enjoys twirling around in the glass. She nods. "What made you decide to be a ninja?"

The reason is only half-Sasuke she knows now and is more about Ino who she couldn't let one-up her. Ever. This is too personal for her to tell her three month long teammate, so she lies like the self-aware fake she is. "It was because of my dad," she says, which is the antithesis of the truth. "He said I was too smart for normal school and enrolled me in the academy. Apparently it provides a better education."

Then Naruto awkwardly messes up the back of his hair and his stupidly big smile lessens into melted embarrassment. "I couldn't read until Iruka tau -" He blinks and realizes what he said and lamely attempts to cover it up with, not wanting her to see anything bad about him, "Awesome! I went in because I want to be the greatest ninja ever and I totally will be!"

She smiles and wonders if it is at all possible to transfer affections because while right now she finds Naruto annoying and stupid, in the long run he might okay and the infatuation is already there anyway. It could save her a lot of heart break but even at twelve she knows that life is not quite that simple and when she kisses him on the cheek and leaves, she is aware that it is a horrible thing to do. Falling in love has made her a terrible person, she thinks miserably, and maybe she hates herself too.

Just a little.

.

Irritation.

Sasuke is always right. And because he's always right, he is genuinely pissed off when Sakura shows up the day of the chuunin exam and not to tell them she's quitting.

"Really?" he asks, not hiding his annoyance because he doesn't care about her at all, he tells himself. She's weak and going in there'll kill her and she'll only bring him down. That's the only reason and has nothing to do at all with him not wanting her to die because she means something to him. No, that's now why at all. "You're really going into this, Sakura?"

"Yes," she says bluntly, the lack of uncertainty in her voice even more annoying. She might be smart, but she isn't his level of smart so he understands things she can't. Like how over the past six months he hasn't grown to care about her at all. Naruto is also a hindrance but at least he can do something minimal unlike her. "I'm entering and I will be come a chuunin."

There's a challenge in her voice, like she wants him to be proud or understand something. But he isn't proud and it's her who doesn't understand.

"Whatever," he says.

When he turns away, he still feels her gaze on her back. Sasuke doesn't care about her at all, he tells himself.

.

To be a Sacrifice.

There are three Sound-nin and only one of her. Sakura is injured and tired and nowhere near their level of skill, but she is not letting Sasuke and Naruto die. The boy she is in love with and her unknowing best friend. She has been protected enough times, and now it is her turn to protect them or die trying.

Sakura has no intention of dying.

When the hand twists into her hair, she makes a decision that she should have made a long time ago. The long hair is for Sasuke, whom she loves, and if he will ever love her back it won't be for long hair. Suddenly she knows it a symbol of weakness and childhood and the resolve that takes over her is joined by self-hatred and hatred towards the girl and her two teammates and she will kill them all even if she might feel dirty for the rest of her life. Her first victim is the childhood self that still lingers inside of her.

"That won't work against me," says the girl and she cannot possibly understand a girl who is willing to be a sacrifice. The boy she loves and her unknowing best friend. "You really think -"

So she cuts away her hair and the girl along with it. When pink cascades around her and the Konoha headband falls when she stands, she feels no remorse at all.

When she finds her voice, the words come out regardless of what she wants and she forms a plot in under a second.

"I will never let you hurt them."

Before she gets an answer, she puts the plan to action, going through the hand motions mechanically because she is not the smartest girl without reason. The genuine surprise on her enemy's face when she turns into a tree trunk is more than a little satisfying. She does it one more time then jumps, mentally preparing herself for the inevitable pain that has to come out of this.

Kunai pierce her skin and apparently the Sound-nin really sucks at holding in his emotion, because shock goes across his face again in an instant.

"What the -?"

Her opponent raises his arm last minute, and the kunai goes straight through. They both tumble to the ground because though she isn't particularly heavy the momentum drags them down anyway. She bites so she could hold on even if she is totally disgusted by it and does not let up when he started hitting her head. If she lets go, then the boys - but she doesn't want to think that because that is not going to happen, even though this guy is a lot stronger than her and getting away with only a concussion would be nothing short of luck. From the bushes three friends watch and don't go to help even as it becomes so obvious she's losing. There's a boy and girl still in commission somewhere in a different there and she can't possibly stop all three at once, on her own. I should have trained more, she thinks. But she didn't and now she's failing.

Sakura fails at a lot of things.

Then three friends come out at once and help and she feels so damn useless she wants to cry. Tenten and Neji shows up and she is being saved all over again. She tried so hard to save them on her own, but Sakura fails at a lot of things and she again is useless. Her mind can't seem to work right and she's bleeding from just about everywhere. She struggles to stand, wanting to help because the last thing she needs is to be protected again. At twelve, nearly thirteen, she should be able to take care of herself.

"You're in no condition to fight," says Neji when she manages to get on her feet and tries to ignore the blood the drips from her arms and sides and back. For the most part she managed to avoid major damage, but what the cuts she does have are deeper than is advisable. "Get back -"

She snaps, "I can do this," and realizes she sounds an awful lot like Naruto. If Neji is startled he doesn't show it because his emotional capacity seems to be even narrower than Sasuke. She readies her weapon, promising herself that she won't be the hindrance everyone inevitably expects her to be, but she never gets a chance to attack again.

At first she is too shocked to move because not only should Sasuke be unable to attack when he woke up, he also shouldn't be covered in squiggly lines and acting so...not himself. Ino yelps in surprise and Sakura comes back to her senses and sees that this must be from the mark the guy gave him earlier and she's not going to let him get possessed or driven insane because after all the stuff he's been through, he does not deserve that too. This time she moves without thinking and one second she's standing still and the next her arms are wrapped around him from behind. His body feels much too hot.

"Please," she says softly, burying her head into his shoulder. "Please, stop, Sasuke-kun."

And he does.

.

Perception.

Naruto is hurt worse than Sasuke realized and Sakura forces him to sleep the moment they set up camp by a river. He's pretty banged up still too and Sakura is a wreck and how wrong he was about her is still a little hard to take in. Awkwardly, he offers to bandage her because Naruto is out of commission entirely and there are some lacerations in places she can't reach. She must be exhausted because slipps off her dress without complaint and leaves herself in a bra and shorts and he's never seen a girl topless before. Luckily she can't see his face because even if Sasuke's ability to hide what he feels is admirable, he knows his cheeks are flushed anyway. He can't blame it on the fever, either.

"Thanks," she says as he puts butterfly stitches on a cut she has on her back. Her dress's being used a wash cloth with the river water. Sasuke doesn't know much about anything medical, but he knows leaving dirt in the cuts probably isn't a good idea. "How're you feeling?"

He pauses. How are you feeling? That's the dumbest question he's heard in a while, including all the stuff Naruto spouts. By now he's pretty much fine. A little freaked out and the fever is still there, sure, but she's the one with the head injury and the blood loss. And she asked how he's feeling? He shakes his head in exasperation. His bar of appreciation has moved from mild tolerence to respect, since from what he managed to gather she kept up a fight with three people for half an hour before anyone else showed up, running on no sleep. To protect them. And almost died. She just disproved everything he expected and for once he's relieved rather than annoyed. It's pretty hard to to hate the girl who saved his life, even if he still doesn't quite like her, he tells himself.

"Fine," he answers and in her exhaustion she doesn't seem to notice the delay. Then he adds, "I have nothing to numb this and I have to stitch you up. Bite down on something if you think you're going to scream."

She bites down on nothing and he moves to her side with a needle and thread, now understanding why the academy taught this. The worst she gives is a squeak. Apparently she's improved more than her willpower. When he finishes she shakily stands, hugging herself, and if they weren't in the middle of the Forest of Death, he would tell her off for being an idiot. Sakura's done enough today.

She says, "We need food. There were strawberries a little down stream."

"We can get it in the morning." She shakes her head. "Why?"

"We should leave the moment we wake up." She rubs her eye and he's acutely aware that her dress is still off. "You know, eat on the way. Stay here and keep watch."

"No," he answers bluntly and stands. She's right about the morning, unfortunately. "You keep watch. When I get back, go to sleep."

He doesn't miss the relief on her face. Then he pulls off his shirt and throws it to her. She catches it and blinks in surprise. "What?" she says, looking at him in confusion.

"It's a shirt."

"I know it's a shirt."

"Your dress it wet," he says. "It won't be good for the cuts." And there's another reason that he didn't realize until now. She's more than just a little pretty and not everyone here is as young as they are. He expects her to insist on him taking it, but she pulls it on without a word. It looks about three sizes to big. "Stay here," he says.

"Okay."

.

Distorted Mirror.

Sasuke is off getting help somewhere when Sakura wins her fight with Ino and succeeds in making her head injury worse. She is sad he can't see, but at the same time is relieved that Kakashi-sensei said he helped him and for Sakura that is enough to stop her from worrying. Naruto hops down when she is proclaimed winner with Ino three feet away from her on the ground, knocked out cold. Hair is scattered anyway, a copy off of her and a tactile move at the same time and Ino will never be able to understand how little she gets it.

Naruto's arm goes around her shoulders and he helps her away when she shakes herself away from the medic. "I'm fine," she says, but both know she is lying. When they get back up, they sit down and her best friend keeps his arm around so she can lean on him, unable to stay up on her own. She sees two of everything.

"You were great!" he tells her with that stupidly large smile of his and while it isn't quite truth, she gives him a free pass for his enthusiasm. Kakashi sits down with them too as the next two people are called so he can keep his voice at a low enough volume that her head won't explode from oversensitiveness.

"Good job," he says, and means it. Sakura gives him a sparingly thin smile because her mind is stuck on Ino and how the girl doesn't get it at all. "Really."

She absentmindedly answers, "Thank you," and looks at the passed out girl not too far away.

Ino thought they were fighting over their old argument, maybe, or Sasuke again because infatuation causes a stronger obsession than love, Sakura thinks. But that wasn't what she fighting over, or rather for. It had nothing to do with the other girl or Sasuke or what Ino misunderstands about herself and her own emotions - it all had to do with Sakura's pride and self-respect, and how she was sick of being second best at everything. Now she has won and she might not be the best yet, but that has to count for something.

.

Reality.

Sasuke finds her on the roof her house late at night two days after the Hokage dies, her legs pulled up and her elbows on her knees. Her expression is more sulky than he is used to seeing. Her parents must be home but asleep and he uses chakra to climb the wall. There's no real reason to search her out but he saw her face when she walked away from the hospital, ribs still broken, and felt guilty for the first time in a while.

"Go away, Naru -" she begins, but stops when she sees who it is. "Oh. It's you."

"Yeah," he says lamely, standing there uncomfortably under her gaze and thinking this was a bad idea. Sasuke avoids making friends and he's pretty sure that's what he's doing. "Can I sit?"

She nods and scoots over. While she'd been fawning over him less and less, the complete lack of speech is unusual and unnerving. "Is everything okay?" she asks.

It's like an echo of the stupidest question ever, and her utter selflessness when it comes to him'll probably never stop bothering him. "I'm fine," he says, which is true. "How about you? You got banged up pretty bad back there."

"I'm good," she says, but her breathing is still a little off. Then she mumbles, "It's my own fault anyway."

"Wait - what?" he asks, genuinely confused. Her elbows slip off her knees and she hugs them instead, still looking sulky. What happened to the normal Sakura who was loud and annoying and always had a smile to give him and Naruto? "How's that your -"

"I shouldn't have let myself get caught. You guys had to save me again."

"Hey, you save us back in the Forest of Death." These niceties are going to get him killed one day, but they've been slipping out around her too much regardless. "Sakura, we were fighting a One-Tail and I didn't last long either. We might've wore Gaara down, but Naruto's the one who finished him off."

He doesn't mention how horrible he feels about himself too. Naruto is supposed to be the worst of the three of them, and if Sasuke can't even match him, then killing Itachi just looks harder. Maybe he's as bad as Sakura when it comes to self-deprecation.

"Look," he says, wondering why he's apologizing when this legitimately isn't his fault, "I'm sorry. You can't make up that fight, right?"

She shakes her head. Even if she lost, she could make chuunin, he thinks. Apparently she spent the month long break training for hours every day on her own. Naruto got special attention. He got special attention. Somehow, Sakura came out with nothing. He likes her more than he admits and more than he wants to or should, but he's had friends so rarely that the sympathy is alien.

"I don't even know if anyone's going to make chuunin," she answers. She worries her bottom lip. "I mean, the Sandaime's is dead, Sasuke-kun. They're looking for a new one, but what if - what if -"

Everyone is freaking out over the Hokage's death and he is too, though finds it easier not to show it. Maybe that's why he came up here: catharsis. Then something clicks, that there was something wrong about the way she said 'what if.' "Naruto and Jiraiya-san are looking for a new one," he says. "What's wrong? - And don't say you're fine."

She laughs. In the moonlight her hair looks silvery. She's pretty, he saw that for the first time a month ago, but he doesn't like her the way she likes him, he tells himself.

"I convinced my mom and dad to come and see me," she says. "They don't like that I became a kunoichi. I didn't even tell them about the chuunin exam until the day before. It took the entire month...so they were there and then the attack happened. My parents want me to quit, and I don't. We got into a whole fight in the hospital about it."

Though he's admittedly self-centered, he's been around her enough to realize she's never once mentioned her parents. He always assumed it was because both he and Naruto were parentless, but she's proven him wrong so many times by now that it doesn't surprise him anymore.

She continues, "And maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not cut out for this. I have good control and that's about it."

"Even think of specializing in genjutsu?" he asks. She blinks owlishly and he stands. A moment later, she does too. He tries, "Let's...train together some times. Or I can get Kakashi to help."

She nods and after a moment she answers, "Sasuke? Do you want to come over for dinner next Wednesday?"

"I -"

"You don't have to," she says quickly. "It's just that I want Mom and Dad to see that not all shinobi are bad people."

Familial things make him uncomfortable now, for obvious reasons. But the Hokage just died, showing up when he did completely blew her chance to raise up a rank, and he hasn't had home cooking in years. He says, "Sure," and is only half-reluctant.

.

Tension of Ideals.

Sakura wears civilian clothes like she does every time she isn't in training and even after she spends half an hour picking out her best outfit, she still tells herself that she is not trying to impress him.

"You look great, Sakura-chan," her mother tells her as they stand in front of the mirror ten to five and Sasuke is a shinobi not at all like Kakashi so of course he will be on time like she always is. She tilts her and looks at herself, in her black and white stripped shirt and denim pants, her feet bare. There is no forehead protector tying back her hair and she instead keeps it clipped back with a comb of sakura flowers. This is her seventh outfit and while she still doesn't look quite the way she wants, she supposes it will have to do. "So what's your friend's name again?"

"He's my teammate, Mom," she answers, emphasizing the word because her parents continuously act as if he is any boy and not someone whom she is tightly bound to by saving his life and him saving hers and working together day after day. It is a good thing she never told her mom about her old academy day crush or something else might come up instead. "And his name is Sasuke."

Her mother looks at her expectantly, impatiently. "I know that, sweetie. I mean his surname. He has one, doesn't he?"

Sakura has been avoiding this because she is aware that her parents they will treat him differently when they know. But there are three minutes left and he will probably introduce himself anyway.

"Uchiha. He's Uchiha Sasuke."

Her mother's eyes soften as she walks from her daughter's room, Sakura right behind her. Though she is twelve and not finished growing, they stand at nearly the same height. "That poor boy," her mom says. "Why haven't you told me? Especially after your exam!"

Sullen now, she shrugs and wonders if she ever could have gotten along with her parents by this age, whether a kunoichi or not. "You never asked," she answers, and frowns.

"Who's your other teammate?" Her eyes narrow and Sakura thinks of how everyone treats her friend and how she learned her prejudice mainly from her parents and feels the burning need to lie but cannot for the life of her figure out what to say. "Sakura!"

She looks down at her feet, she mumbles, "It's Uzumaki Naruto."

Somehow her mom manages to hear this and her dad walks in at the same time and there is the simultaneous widening of eyes. Inside of her, something snaps and there is only one minute to go.

"What's your problem with him?" she asks, small hands balling into fists at her side because only she, Kakashi-sensei, and Sasuke are allowed to insult Naruto and no one else. By this point he's theirs because he has nobody to stand beside him. "What has he ever done to you? Or anyone? He's -"

"I knew we shouldn't have let you -"

"- a good person!" Her shoulders shake and something erupts all at once and this has been building all along, she thinks. "To Sasuke, you say 'poor boy' but Naruto-kun's got no parents too! So before either of you say anything, I'm not giving this all up just because you don't like my teammate who's done nothing wrong to you and turns out to be a really nice person, I'll have you know, or you don't want me to get hurt because I'm not leaving this."

"Sakura!"

At the same moment the doorbell rings and she hurries off to go get it before either of her parents can, pulling the door open with a yank and shutting it quickly behind her. She grabs Sasuke's hand, too angry and upset to get butterflies in her stomach or registered what she's doing. When they reach the end of the road, they finally speak.

She stops and asks, "So how much did you hear?"

"Practically nothing," he answers and he sounds embarrassed. She turns around and is profoundly glad that there are no tears in her eyes, though this is only natural because she has shed all the tears she can for her family and has none left, she thinks. "Just your name at the end."

She sits down on a bench by the side the road at the end of her street, flustered and still shaking even as her anger dies. "I've never told my parents the names of who my team is made of and tonight she finally asked and I couldn't find a way to lie and you just should've seen the look Mom and Dad gave me when I said Naruto's name. It was like I told them the devil is on my team or something."

"I -"

Indignation has taken over and she turns to face him. "Why does everyone hate him? I know that he's really annoying and everything and tries to get attention way too much, but he's not a bad person. And he has reason to be that way too!"

"I don't know."

And Sakura wants to stop being sad and this is basically passing up a date, so she melts her face into a smile and tells him, "Let's go buy some food from the store. We can eat in the training grounds or something."

"Okay," he says, and her smile softens until it becomes real.

.

Tragedy.

He's indecisive even as he leaves and seeing the girl he likes more than is advisable waiting for him doesn't help. She stands there as he walks past and he thinks to himself, you have one minute to convince me.

"When I met you," she tells him and he stops, "I was completely infatuated with you, but you hated me. I kept pushing to get your attention even though I knew you were sick of all the other girls treating you the same way.

"Then I was put on your team, and I was so happy even if your feelings never changed. But over these past few weeks, I thought we were finally becoming friends. You and me and Naruto and even when I'm sad it's okay because the times I'm not feel all that much better. And I know you've been through so much in your life, but you can be like that too.

"If you stay, I'll make sure you love and enjoy every day and be happy like I am now. I lo -" She stops mid-word and this is what convinces him. Gently, she says, "You, Kakashi-sensei, Naruto - you're my family now. And I don't want to lose you."

He moves so he's directly behind her and sees that she's crying. He thinks of her laugh on the rooftop, of the way her mom said her name, her back cut and bleeding and shirtless and how he saw ever ridge of her spine, her bright smile that greets him every day. Of Naruto with his unrealistic expectations and Kakashi-sensei's chronic lateness and of Orochimaru and his teeth and his followers today and-

His father almost costing him average admission into the academy, his mother's humming as she cooked on warm afternoons, his brother's fingers against his forehead, his brother's bright red eyes and the bodies on the floor, how every time he glimpses his reflection on training days he sees those same damn eyes. He wants to kill his brother and get his revenge, but he doesn't want to be his brother because there needs to be a difference.

He wraps his arms around her like she did to him two months ago and whispers, "Don't worry, Sakura-chan. I'll be back by morning."

"Wha -?"

"Thank you."

Before he leaves he places her on a bench and thinks that he'll be back by morning.

.

Breaking Point.

Sakura can only take so much. Discovering that Sasuke hasn't come back yet and a rescue mission of six that does not include her is being sent out, she finally finds her limit. Ever since she beat Ino, she has been training as often as the human body can take, making herself better so she can help more and she can't take being left out again. So she does the only thing she can think of and finds the Hokage.

"I want you to train with me," she tells her. "If they don't think I can fight, then I need to heal."

Tsunade leans against the door frame and looks at this little girl's eyes and she is reminded strongly of herself. That pain of being unappreciated. Loving someone and being unable to help. So when she says, "It won't be easy. Are you sure?" she already knows the answer. Her determination is admirable.

Her first patient comes five hours later when all the boys return injured and Sasuke is so overdosed on poison Tsunade won't let anyone but herself anywhere near him. Sakura heals Naruto, whose injures are not quite so bad and involve bandages and disinfectant only.

"I told you I'd get him," he says. She hugs him tightly even if this is breaking her training not even a day in.

"I know." Naruto hugs her back, his arms encircling her torso and she knows he feels bad because he had to knock out Sasuke to stop his hallucinations, but Sakura cannot bring herself to care about that. "And I'm sorry."

"Why?"

She pulls back and runs her fingers through his hair, looking at the face she bandaged up herself and hopes this works out because she wants to help. She repeats, "I'm sorry."

Naruto understands, and is okay with this.

.

Time.

The day Sasuke turns thirteen, Sakura drags him into the woods near the training ground and up a tree. It's been a long time since he celebrated anything and when he did, it was all formal and boring. Nothing like hanging out on a large tree branch with a basket of food. Even though it's been several months since the chuunin exam, she keeps her hair chin length rather than grow it out again. He doesn't say this, but he appreciates it.

"You like apples, right?" she asks, pulling random food from the bag. He smiles, though he keeps it barely visible. Since he left the hospital, she's been trying really hard to keep up her promise to him and it's working in its own way. He nods and she hands him one. "I'm so sorry. I completely forgot it was your birthday - no help to you, of course - so I had to ask Tsunade-sama this morning to give me the afternoon off."

"Don't worry about it," he answers, biting into the apple. They're good apples too, fresh from the market like his mother used to buy. "I don't traditionally do anything anyway."

She rolls her eyes. "Like I care. You're friends with me and being friends with me means an impromptu celebration. So you're going to eat that food and you're going to like it, dammit."

"I will, I will." Her smiles aren't as big as they used to be, and he likes them this way. "Where'd you get this all this stuff in half an hour?"

"Oh, I raided my kitchen," she says with a shrug and the mischievous look on her face is reminiscent of the missing-for-the-next-two-years teammate. "Mom's at the store and Dad's...somewhere. I don't really know anymore. Anyways, it doesn't matter. Basically, they weren't there so the kitchen was free ga - We should totally do something tonight, Sasuke-kun!"

Sasuke is still not one for spending all hours with a person, but he's been making an effort for her sake. He wouldn't even been here if it weren't for her, probably somewhere in the Sound working for Orochimaru. So though he isn't entirely enthusiastic, he agrees. When her smile fades, he asks, "What is it?"

"It would be great if Naruto were here too, right?" she answers, not looking at him and pulling more things from the basket which now seems endless. "I mean, he is part of our team. It just feels a little weird."

It's been a few weeks since their third teammate left, and it's still a little hard to adjust to. Especially since whenever what is left of Team Seven met up, there's almost no arguing. Most of the time though, Sasuke's working with Kakashi-sensei to get better without taking any shortcuts and Sakura's with the Hokage or at the hospital. This time it isn't even about him and Itachi still managed to fuck everything up. And if he took the easy way out like he had the chance, he wouldn't be here either, Naruto might not even be alive, and he'd be just about as bad as his brother. Getting close to Sakura isn't such a problem anymore.

"He'll be back in about a year," he says, though he never heard this himself. She told him after he woke up a week after returning to find their team fractured. Naruto didn't stick around to say goodbye. While Sasuke doesn't like to be sentimental about anything, he's still pretty annoyed. He smiles at her, half-forced and feeling strange on his face. At times like this, he really hates himself. "So," he adds, "what were you thinking of doing tonight?"

Again, she brightens. "Let's go chill on the roof of your apartment building like we did last week. There's supposed to be a harvest moon. Is that okay?" He nods. "Yay! Okay, I'll meet you around like ten. Tsunade-sama I said I can afternoon off, but I need to be back by six."

"Works for me."

She smiles happily and takes a bite of one of her strawberries, and that makes the break in privacy worth it.

.

Disbanding.

Sakura returns home a little past eleven, tired but satisfied with herself and glad she has plans. The chuunin exams are tomorrow, she's going into it with Sasuke and special permission for a two man team, and Tsunade-sama said she was on par with a jounin so if she didn't make it, she'd personally murder her. The death threat has made her day and not even her parents can ruin it, she thinks.

But her luck in eternally terrible and her happiness ends the moment she enters the family room.

"Where have you been?" asks her mother immediately and she is greeted by the sight of her parents, aunt, cousin, and grandma sitting around, playing a board game. No one outside her nuclear family lives in Konoha and she has not seen them in so long she has forgotten what they look like. Her cousin is ten now, not the five-year-old she remembers. "You father and I couldn't find you anywhere!"

Before she can get in an answer, her father adds, "I checked the hospital today. If you went on a mission, you at least should have told us."

Her parents understand very few things in her life even after all these years and it is her fault for explaining nothing, but also theirs for not asking. "I was outside the walls," she says, reaching behind her to more tightly tie her forehead protector, not immediately taking off as she normally does. "A team was severely injured and couldn't make it all the way." Then she adds, "Good to see you again, Grandma, Auntie Ai. You too, Haruka-chan." All feel like strangers.

When her grandmother stands and comes over to hug her tightly, happy to see her little one for the first time in five years and wanting to break up this argument, her son explodes again.

"Sakura, you're being very irresponsible," he says and she sees how terribly wrong he is. Her little one is grown now, her eyes exhausted in the self-satisfied way that shows she is a hard worker and proud of it. "We told you yesterday to be home by nine."

With a sigh, Sakura crosses her arms, leaning her weight on one hip because she is in a permanent state of exasperation with her family now. She wants support like Ino or Kiba or Shikamaru or any of them have from their parents, or the support her team shows her. As of last year, she thinks, she has stopped being a daughter and instead a boarder and maybe she should look into moving out even if it will break her parents' hearts. She answers, "I leave when Tsunade-sama says I can, not when I want to, Dad. It's not like I'm working in a restaurant. Now, look, I think I'm suffering from chakra exhaustion right now, so I seriously need to get some food in my stomach and I have plans."

"Saku -"

"The chuunin exams start tomorrow, too. I'm staying over Ino's or Sasuke's, I think." Over the past few months, she has stopped asking permission and even if she has not seen her grandmother or aunt or cousin in a very long time, she has had these plans for a several weeks and took coaxing up until yesterday to get Sasuke to come along so she is not giving up this opportunity. To her extended family, she asks, "How long are you staying?"

"Well, it's Haruka's school break," Auntie Ai answers thoughtfully. "We can stay until as long as you need us to, or at least until May if your parents don't mind."

Her father smiles and not to her, but she used to this by now and doesn't care because she really needs to get going. "Stay as long as you want," he tells them.

"At max I'll be gone a week," she answers, talking over him and not missing the glare her mother gives her. This is routine by now. "Or at least that was last time. And Haruka," she adds, smiling at her little cousin, "you can stay in my room if you'd like."

Her cousin moves fast for a little civilian child and hugs her hard, not even reaching her shoulder. "Do you still have the paper cranes?"

"No," she says, and realizes she has completely forgotten about them in the past two years. "Want to see it? I painted it a new color and everything."

"Okay!"

She looks to her family. "I have to go pack. I'll change when I get there. Be back in a sec."

Haruka grabs her hand and Sakura leads her away, feeling uncomfortable and awkward and tired and just wanting to leave. Then her cousin goes, "Happy birthday, Sakura-san!" and she realizes that she turns fourteen today and that's why Sasuke wanted to do something separate with her and everyone else wanted a party that has nothing to do with good luck.

"Thank you," she says and sounds close to elated again when it suddenly dawns on her that Sasuke wanted her alone for her birthday because that means he had something planned. She still loves him and this makes her very happy.

.

The Evolution of Change.

When Sakura shows up outside of his door in her kimono to her knees and a pack on her shoulder the night they both become chuunin, Sasuke isn't surprised.

"It was bound to happen eventually," she says as greeting. He steps aside and lets her in. She drops her pack by the door.

"I doubt I'm an easy person to live with," he tells her, but she just smiles and shrugs. If Naruto were still here, she'd go to him, he thinks, and probably drag him along. It's hard for him to believe at moments like this that he ever hated her.

She surveys his clothes and says, "That's seriously all you have?"

"I had to go get it today. I haven't exactly been to one of these in years."

"You've stayed inside for every festival?"

"Yes."

With a roll of her eyes, she grabs his yukata sleeve and pulls him outside. He shuts the door behind them. "I'm buying you a new one," she says.

"Okay."

"I promise it won't be girly."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

He slips his arm from her hold and throws it nonchalantly over her shoulder. A lot has changed in the past year, so much so that it is almost hard to believe. "I convinced Kakashi-sensei to come along," he says.

"Good."

She kisses his cheek. For the first time he wishes it were somewhere else.

He's too afraid to do it himself.

.

Whole.

Tsunade-sama gives Sakura half the day off when Naruto gets home, and she rushes to meet her team on time, and finds out she fails dismally when she finds Kakashi already there.

"You're late," he says cheerfully as she flops down in a seat next to Naruto. She nods tiredly, too out of breath to speak and hugs her best friend as hard as she can given the situation. Saving four lives in under a hour is not easy and takes a horrible amount of chakra. "Not by too much - the boys tricked me."

"It was his idea," says Naruto, pointing to Sasuke. He gives a small smile and a one-shouldered shrug and from the owlishly blink that her friend gives, she knows exactly how pronounced the difference must be. "And it worked."

"And it won't work again," adds Kakashi, but Sakura thinks he must have known and showed up anyway because a team reunion is a pretty big deal.

"Guess it's a good thing I didn't try last week, then," says Sasuke, spinning his straw around in his glass. "Oh, and Sakura - your turn to do the dishes tonight. You skipped out yesterday."

She feels her cheeks color because she is the one who made the cleaning schedule so they could split the work, and this is the third time in a row she "forgot." Then she sees how wide Naruto's eyes are and realizes no one has told him of the change of living situations and suddenly bursts out laughing. Several other costumers stare rudely at their mismatched group.

"What?"

"They live together," says Kakashi.

"You - what?" Naruto looks back and forth between the two of them, adorably confused and god she's missed him to much. She throws her arms around him again, smiling as wide as her face allows. "You're...?"

"No," answers Sasuke as Sakura lets go, still giggling. "She left her parents' house a few months ago."

"I couldn't take their bullshit anymore," she explains as a waiter puts a strawberry soda in front of her. She adds, "Thanks," ambiguously because anyone at the table could have ordered.

"You're welcome," answers Kakashi, leaning back so only two of the chair's legs touch the stone floor. His face isn't buried in one of his books for once, and she supposes that even he can be considerate at times like this. She reaches up and takes down her hair, the tightness of the ponytail beginning to give her a headache as it tends to on long night shift days. "Hard day, I'm taking it?"

She sighs, taking a sip of her cold drinking and feeling instantly better, swinging her foot under the table and abruptly stopping when she feels herself collide with Sasuke leg. From there they proceed to have an epic battle, struggling to keep their faces straight which lately Sakura has been worse at than ever. She says, "Oh you have no idea, sensei. I worked all night from like midnight to nine before Tsunade went into her training spree and then ran all the way here. This is like the first time I've had a chance to sit since about ten last night."

"You work too much, Sakura-chan," Naruto says.

Under the table the epic battle ends and conversation veers away to swapping two and half years worth of stories and reminiscing and when her friends begin arguing, she knows her life has fallen back into place.

.

Getting Older.

When they bring Gaara back to Suna, the news is spread immediately and citizens come pouring out in their pajamas into the streets to throw a spur of the moment festival. Sasuke pulls Sakura into an alley the second he is sure no one is looking.

"Wha -?"

He kisses her. And all it took was three years and several hundred near death experiences to do it.

.

I wrote this in like, an hour, but I'm still strangely proud of it. So, review. Because reviews are awesome and I need more love. I don't care if it's just a favorite line. Just leave something. Also, it's about four thirty in the morning. Fuck my life. A lot.