Better Late Than Never

'Morning, Beckett,' Castle greeted his partner, setting her coffee down gently on her desk. She looked up, greeting him with a small smile laced with confusion.

'What are you doing here? We haven't got a case.' She gestured to the stack of paperwork she had only just begun to tackle.

'I know, I just thought I'd come in to keep you company,' he replied, making himself comfortable in what had firmly been established as 'his' chair.

She eyed him up, suspiciously.

'Your motives are wholly ulterior, Castle. It doesn't take a detective to see that,' she smirked. 'What do you want?'

'Beckett, I'm hurt that you would think so little of me,' he feigned injury. 'Can't a man join his partner at work simply because he doesn't want her to be alone?'

'I'm hardly alone here,' she shot back, trying not to sound as completely comfortable with his presence as she was.

'Ryan and Esposito said they weren't coming in today, so I figured you'd be lonely.'

'But I'm not.'

'Now that I'm here.' She couldn't help but smile at him, amused.

'I do have work to do, you know.'

'Can't I help with that?' As if he'd be any help at all.

'I doubt you're allowed to, Castle,' she said, signing off on yet another document. In truth, she hadn't too much to get done, but with her sidekick around the length of time it'd take would probably increase.

'Well then I'll just sit here and look pretty.'

'I thought you were "ruggedly handsome"?' She corrected.

'Why Kate, I never knew you saw me that way.'

'Your words, not mine, Narcissus.' She didn't look up at him, focusing on the stack of sheets, though allowing a grin to dance on her lips.

He remained silent for several minutes, twiddling his thumbs, checking his phone every now and then. More often than not, however, his eyes were trained on Beckett. He couldn't help but notice how the light bounced off her waves, and how her forehead became crinkled when she was concentrating hard.

Kate tried not to let him know it, but she was fully aware of his gaze. She should have been used to it by now, but it still tickled something deep in the pit of her stomach. She felt like a sixteen year old with a crush all over again.

A half hour passed before Beckett was finally finished. Castle perked up as soon as she set her pen down.

'So what now?' He was really like a five year old when he wanted to be.

She shrugged her shoulders. 'At this point I can just clock out until we have a case. Doesn't happen often that I get through paperwork before a case comes through, but with all four of us off this weekend, Gates is directing cases to other teams.' That had been kind of her, all things considered.

'Well clearly my presence had a positive effect on your output,' he quipped, and she smiled for a moment, before head tilted and her brow developed that little furrow once more.

'Castle, why are you here?' She was genuinely curious. In the past three years, he'd never come in for paperwork. Never. So why suddenly now?

'No reason in particular,' he shrugged. 'But, you know, as I was sitting here, well I was thinking, Ryan's wedding is tomorrow,' he began.

'And?' She had a feeling she knew where this was headed, just by the slight stutter in his voice.

'And Alexis would rather I stopped referring to her as my 'date'...so I was thinking, unless you've already got somebody...' For a man who wrote for a living, he sure had a hard time putting this one sentence together.

'You want me to be your date?' She asked, almost incredulously. Now it was his turn to be the teenager, awkward and insecure. It was sweet. 'Really?' He nodded.

'That shouldn't have been so difficult for me to say, should it?' She shook her head, laughing.

'So, would this be a...friend date or?'

'Yes, absolutely. As friends.' He looked like a deer caught in the headlights as he made that affirmation. Who was this man and what had he done with the suave, self-assured Richard Castle she knew and...loved?

She hoped he hadn't noticed the flicker of disappointment in her eyes.

'Sounds good,' she nodded. She stood, picking up her jacket and making to leave. 'Until tomorrow, Castle.' She turned and walked away before he could respond, her bottom lip firmly between her teeth as she wondered what the hell had just happened.

Three minutes to four o'clock the following afternoon, and Kate was stood in front of her bathroom mirror, putting the finishing touches on her eyeliner. Rick said he'd be by at four, and she never had reason to fault his punctuality. She had offered to come to his place - surely that made more sense, with two of them and one of her - but no, he'd insisted. He hadn't said it explicitly, but she'd definitely gotten the 'that's the way it's done on a date, no?' vibe from him. And ordinarily, she'd have argued with him about how sexist that was, but for once she didn't want to. She was happy to let him be the traditional 'gentleman'.

The doorbell sounded throughout her apartment at two minutes after four. There he was, the gentleman, sharply dressed in a dark suit for the black tie-optional occasion. They both paused, taking each other in.

She was, in a word, exquisite. Her hair was half pinned back, allowing her silky curls to tumble down her back while keeping her face unobscured. Her cocktail dress was the colour of red wine, cut just above the knee, for his sins.

'Good afternoon, Kate,' he said, with that charming Castle smile enveloping his expression.

'Hi, come in,' she greeted them, only then realising that Alexis was indeed by his side. She too was looking very much the part, her red-blonde locks flowing naturally straight, and her deep blue dress flattering her already slim figure.

'You look stunning, Kate,' Alexis said what her father couldn't quite muster the courage to say.

'I should say the same for you, Alexis,' the detective returned with a smile. 'I just need to grab my purse and coat and then we can go.'

Once she was out of the room, Alexis turned to her father.

'Dad, what are you doing? Look at yourself! She's your date,' she shot in a whisper.

'Okay, firstly, since when are you my Sassy Gay Friend? And secondly, you barely gave me a chance,' he defended, but the teenager wasn't buying it. 'Plus we're not going as date-dates, just as friends.'

'If that were the case, you wouldn't have asked her at all because she was going anyway.' From a logical point of view, that made sense, but he wasn't going to admit it. 'I'll be out of your hair for the reception, so you can try a bit harder then. Man up, Dad.'

'Fine, as long as you don't try to sell me MiO between now and then,' he replied, louder than intended, as Kate returned.

'I'm not even going to ask,' she said, shaking her head.

They arrived at the church at a quarter to five, with the ceremony set to commence on the hour. Perhaps they had cut it a bit fine, but they weren't the last to arrive. Lanie and Esposito, recently reconciled, had saved them three prime seats - as close to the altar as those who weren't in the wedding party could hope to get.

'Look who's arriving together,' Esposito said to his date, who turned around to see the all-but-couple entering the church.

'On his arm? She has some explaining to do,' Lanie exclaimed with wide eyes. 'How married do they look?'

'I wonder how many people are going to mistake them for a couple this evening,' Esposito said as they approached.

'I think I already am.'

'Those smirks look slightly menacing,' Castle murmured in Kate's ear as they walked down the aisle together.

'They're so transparent,' she replied, suddenly more aware of the fact that she and Castle were linked and walking so close together. She had neglected to warn Lanie that Castle had asked her as his date - she hadn't seen her in person since the fact - and the look on her friend's face made her regret it.

'They're just jealous we make a better couple than them.'

'Except for the part where they're actually a couple, Castle,' Kate reminded him.

'Hey, a couple is just a pair of people,' he countered.

'I know exactly what you meant,' she gave him a knowing look. 'If you want to play pretend, go ahead.'

'Nah, you know I prefer to wait for the genuine article.' Kate looked at him, mildly confused. The flirt she fell for was back in full force, seemingly out of nowhere.

Alexis trailed behind them, not hearing their conversation, but satisfied that her father had indeed stepped up the 'date'-ness.

'Why if it isn't Esplanie,' Castle greeted the pair when they finally reached their pew.

'And if it isn't...Basket?' Esposito fired back, as Lanie muttered something like 'Are you kidding?' beside him.

'So is, um, "this",' Lanie gestured between the two of them with a finger, 'a date?'

'It's a "friend date",' Alexis answered, with a knowing look and the appropriate air apostrophes.

'Mhmm I believe that,' Lanie said. The pair of them didn't bother trying to argue. It was what it was. They took their seats, and waited for the wedding to begin.

When it did finally start, neither Castle nor Kate could honestly say they were paying much attention to the proceedings.

She was aware of his every movement, wondering if the contact he'd created between their legs was deliberate or inadvertent. She wasn't certain if she was imagining his intermittent gaze upon her, or if he really was being so blatantly taken with her. What was this about not wanting to play pretend?

He couldn't help it, she was just radiant. Ordinarily, he'd have been able to focus on the wedding, however gorgeous his date was, but not this time. And technically, she wasn't even his date. Not really. Not admittedly, at any rate.

Thankfully, the only person who noticed the tension between them was Alexis, and she wasn't going to tease them about it. At least not this evening. Ever since the bank heist, she'd decided Kate really was deserving of her Dad. She'd do anything for him, and the feeling was more than mutual. She supposed that was something worth supporting.

'It was a beautiful ceremony,' Kate commented, as they left the church after the ceremony had ended, once again with arms linked. Castle nodded in agreement. 'They looked so, in love,' she mused aloud.

'I haven't seen Ryan that happy since the last time the vending machine gave him two Hershey bars instead of one.'

'Are you equating marriage with chocolate?' Kate asked, smirking.

'Not quite. It's a different kind of love.' She smiled. He was comfortable again, which eased her nerves too. She wasn't sure why he had been so terribly awkward the previous day, or even earlier on, but she was glad it seemed to have passed.

'I would hope so,' she replied as they headed towards his car. The reception was in a hotel a couple of blocks over, and all the guests were milling in the parking lot. When Alexis finally caught up with them - had Kate spotted her chatting with one of Ryan's nephews? - they made tracks.

Kate didn't stop to wonder how many of the other guests may have already mistaken them for a couple, until they were driving out of the parking lot. She hoped this didn't somehow make it to the infamous Page Six; she'd never hear the end of it.

They were among the first to arrive at the reception, but they weren't long there before the steady flow of guests began. They found their table - they were with Lanie, Esposito, and a few of Ryan's other work friends whose names Kate recognised but didn't know too well. They were seated right beside the dance-floor, a fact which neither Kate nor Rick acknowledged aloud - did they need to?

The evening progressed into a mix of dinner and chatter around the table, and the tension between the writer and his muse barely dissipated. Indeed, it became increasingly palpable with every sip of wine, every absent brush of a leg against another, every stolen glance, every time their laughter drew their shoulders slightly closer. They so rarely found themselves in this kind of situation, where they had no excuse not to have fun. No criminals, no mysteries, no danger, no inhibitions. Just two people enjoying each other's company at a party.

The ritual speeches and cheers and embarrassments came and went, the cake was cut with much celebration, and eventually Ryan and Jenny stepped up to take their first dance together as husband and wife. They danced to Green Eyes by Coldplay, while everyone looked on adoringly. When other couples started to trickle onto the floor around the happy couple, Rick turned to Kate. Lanie and Esposito had already left them, and Alexis had ducked off to the other teenagers, and so the pair were left as good as alone.

'Kate Beckett, may I have this dance?' If she had wondered where that charm had disappeared to, it must never have gone too far. She hesitated, before realising that this wasn't a trick, no joke. He was asking her to dance, that was all.

'Of course you may, Rick Castle,' she allowed herself a little smile, because really, could she deny that she was thrilled on the inside?

He stood, offering her his hand. It was warm, and strong; hers felt fragile and cold in his grip, but undeniably a perfect fit.

The first two or three songs were uptempo, and they had fun with them, laughing and moving to the music. His hand on her lower back, hers on his shoulder, the other two intertwined, they swayed and twirled and stepped in time. Every time he spoke, he leaned in close, his breath tickling her neck with every word. If they had drawn a look or two from their friends, they hadn't noticed.

The music slowed as the opening strains of Never Let Me Go found their way to their ears. Rick's had drew their bodies closer together, their noses only millimetres apart. She was swimming in his eyes, fighting every temptation that was trying to push her right over that big, bad, scary line that was just before her.

'You smell like cherries,' he smiled, 'you're nothing if not consistent, Kate.'

'Old habits die hard, I suppose.' Her front teeth dug into her bottom lip as she returned his smile.

'I've been meaning to say, Kate, that you look absolutely stunning this evening.'

'You're not so bad yourself,' she replied softly.

'No really, you're the most beautiful woman in this room. I mean, no offence to Jenny, but you're just...a vision.' His look informed her of his sincerity, and it scared her.

'You'll give me a big head, Castle, stop.' She tried to laugh, but she was too caught up in a tumult of emotion.

His lips brushed against hers. They were more than okay with it.

'It's just the truth. You're all about the truth, aren't you?' He whispered. The irony of those words was not lost on either of them, but for wholly different reasons.

Kate's breath caught in her throat, and suddenly every fibre of her being was aware of the heat in the room. She broke away from him abruptly.

'Kate, what's wrong?' Concern and confusion were written all over his face, and he instinctively placed a hand on her shoulder.

'I just...I need some air,' she stuttered, before turning away and leaving him all alone on the dance-floor. Not for long, of course, because he was after her within seconds.

He lost sight of her for a moment, among the crowd, but caught her exiting to the patio. He stopped at their seats to grab the suit jacket he'd abandoned earlier, before hurrying out to follow her.

He heard her heavy breathing around the corner, out of sight from indoors. She was perched on a bench, her head in her hands. She was already shivering.

She didn't look up as he approached, not until he draped his jacket over her shoulders and sat down beside her.

'Castle, no...' she shook her head slowly. The first tear slid down her cheek. 'I can't do this.'

'Kate, what's happening, what's wrong?' His eyes searched her face for any clue as to the cause of her distress. 'Was it something I said?'

She let out a laugh, but it didn't sound like she was entertained.

'Sometimes I wish you'd just say nothing, Rick.' She looked away, straight ahead, as she continued to lose the battle against the flood.

'What did I do? Please, tell me,' his voice was trembling.

'You didn't do anything, you didn't...you're too good to me. I'm a terrible, awful person,' she choked out, looking back into his scared eyes.

'No you're not. You're not, Kate.' He put his arm around her and guided her head into the crook of his neck. No sooner than she'd let herself be comfortable did she move away, shaking her head once more.

'No, I am. Castle, please don't hate me. I know you will.'

'I won't,' he protested.

'You will.' She looked straight at him, shaking her head once again.

'Kate, what is it?' He was worried. He couldn't imagine what would have Kate in such a mess. This was almost as bad as her bouts of PTSD.

She inhaled deeply and steadied herself. This was nothing like any of the possible confessions she'd imagined in the past few months. All those situations had been on her terms, she'd decided when she was ready to tell him. She wasn't ready at all.

'Castle...there's something I'm not telling you,' she sniffed, 'and I really should have told you a while ago. And you have to understand, I have felt like shit for keeping it from you. But it went on for so long, and I just couldn't find the right time, and I know you deserved so much better. So much better from me.'

He took her hand again.

'Whatever it is, I promise, I won't hate you.'

She shook her head.

'Don't say things you'll regret.'

He smiled a little.

'I rarely ever do.'

Kate, just say it. Just spit it out. He's being sweet and kind and Castle and you're just keeping him in suspense. Grow up, for God's sake.

'I-I remember. I remember, when I got shot. Everything.' Oh, it felt good to get that out, but when she looked at Castle, her stomach sank. 'You remember?' He was lost for a second, before it hit him. 'You...remember,' he repeated, his grip on her hand loosening and his expression hardening. 'You lied.'

'Yes.' She was instantly small, tiny, miniscule. The hurt in his voice and on his face, she caused that. It was all her fault.

'You heard what I said. And you let me think it was for nothing? You knew, all this time how I feel about you, but you decided it'd be better if I didn't know that.' He freed her hand entirely from his, removing his arm from around her shoulder altogether. He was angry. Rightfully so. 'And you knew that was wrong.'

'I did. I'm...I'm a shitty person, Castle.' She hung her head.

'And to think, all this time I was protecting you. I was looking out for you, trying to make sure you were okay, thinking only about your feelings. Turns out you were doing the exact same.' He stood, turning from her but not walking away, not yet.

'No, Castle, that's not how it was. I just, I didn't know, at first, if I was imagining it or if that was really what happened. I was shaken, I wasn't thinking clearly. And then when I saw you again...it felt like too much time had passed.' She felt feeble.

'And who's fault was that? I didn't hear from you for three months. If you really wanted to tell me, you could have picked up the phone. Hell, you know where I live!'

She felt herself getting inexplicably frustrated with him, too.

'What about the previous summer, Rick? Who didn't call whom that time?' She shot back, standing up to meet his height once more.

'I apologised for that, and if anything you should have understood how I would have felt as a result.'

'And so should you. Plus I had other problems to work through, without adding you to all of it.'

'Don't you think I could have been some sort of help with that? And you don't think I was a little bit messed up too? I nearly lost you, I rode in that ambulance, I followed you on that gurney right up until they brought you into surgery. Hell, I was there, right beside you when you were shot. Whose arms do you think you were in when I told you I loved you?' He was incensed. This wasn't all about her.

'Do you think I was thinking about any of this? I got shot, and broke up with Josh, and I had PTSD, and everything was a mess. A complete mess. I wasn't ready to see you until I went to your book signing.'

'And everything has to be on your terms!' He threw his arms in the air.

'I was shot!'

'And I had to watch. Do you know what it feels like to be so scared you've lost someone you love, so afraid you'll never get to say another word to them again, and then to have them push you out of their life? I get that everything that happened messed you up but it hurt me too, and what you did to me just added to that! Three months is a long time. Hell, it's been more than six months now. You have had plenty of time to tell the truth.'

'I felt like if I told you, it would have meant opening up all those feelings. I didn't think I could do that.'

'But it wasn't all about you. It takes two people to make a relationship work. And anyway, do you think I would have forced you into being with me? That if you told me, flat out, that you weren't ready to take that step, that I'd have left you, that I wouldn't have waited? I love you more than to do that to you.'

'I know, and I was stupid. So freaking stupid, Castle. But there's nothing I can do about it now, other than to tell you before I do something else I'll regret.' Her hair was becoming loose. She blew it out of her teary eyes, which were locked with his. 'And you know why I'm telling you? Because I love you too, Rick Castle. I love you, and I want to be with you, I want to have everything that Ryan and Jenny have together, and a whole lot more, with you. But, all my other problems aside, I definitely couldn't let this, whatever the hell it is, begin with lies already on the table.' She shook her head, looking away from his stunned expression for a moment to gather her thoughts, biting her lip to hold in her tears. 'There, I've said it. I've been an idiot for the last three years, and you knew but you never forced me to see it. Because you're Castle and you're too good for me. But it's only ever been you, Castle, and I blew it. I blew it with my own stupidity, once again.'

She sat down on the bench, tears flowing freely down her cheeks once more.

Castle didn't know what to do. He'd never seen her like this. She was allowing herself to be vulnerable, something she so rarely ever did in his presence. He still felt betrayed and hurt and angry, but looking at her sitting there, pouring her heart out admittedly more than he ever had, he couldn't help but feel his heart soften a little. He also found it hard to stay completely infuriated with her when he wasn't a million miles away in his own "crimes".

He settled down beside her.

'Kate, I don't know what to say. I want to tell you how much I love and adore you and want to call you my own, but I'm also so... angry. I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody who lies like this.' OK, fine, he had his own secrets, but it was in her best interests that they stayed secrets for a little bit longer. That secret was to protect her above anything else.

'Neither do I, I'm sorry Castle. I'm so, so sorry,' she choked out, looking at him and his sad eyes. 'Whatever happens, know I didn't...I didn't mean for this to happen. I was just so scared.'

'What's there to be scared of?'

'Everything, don't you get that? I couldn't start something with you like this, with my mom's case still open and my PTSD still hanging around. I'm...I'm not in the right place for a relationship with you. I told you that, back in September.'

'I know, but like I said, why would I force you into something you didn't want? I mean, we've been working together just fine for God knows how long knowing how we felt about each other. Just because it's officially "out there" between us doesn't mean anything has to change,' he reasoned.

'Doesn't it, though?' She questioned.

'Not if we don't want it to,' he shrugged. Kate looked at him, confused.

'So you're saying, if I'd brought up your confession three months ago, that you'd have been okay with us not doing anything about it?'

He nodded.

'All things considered, it wasn't the right time for me to tell you that. I wouldn't have said it if I didn't think I was losing you. Anyway, where's the point in pushing a relationship you don't feel ready for? It wouldn't be fair on either of us.'

'Neither is making you wait.'

'That's my choice to make, and you know I made that choice long ago.' Her brow furrowed. 'Oh come on, you and I both know I could have stopped following you around years ago if the books were the only thing I was interested in.'

'That's...true, I guess.' She knew well that it was, but it was nice to hear him say it.

'You really shouldn't have lied, Kate,' Castle said, after a few moments of silence.

'I know,' she nodded.

'And it's going to be a while before I'm not mad about it, but I think for now I'm willing to accept your mistake, and apology.' She looked at him, a glimmer of hope in her expression.

'Thanks, Castle. I...I really appreciate that,' she said, sincerely.

'But you know, if we do ever take that step together, we have to be totally honest with each other about stuff like this. Even for our friendship's sake, it does no good to lie to each other.' She nodded in agreement.

'It's a little weird, that we've said it,' a little grin forming on her tear-stained face.

'Yeah, it's strange, alright. But a good kind of surreality, if I'm not mistaken.'

'And you're sure you want to wait?'

'Only as long as you do. Though that said, Kate, for honesty's sake I'll admit I'm not sure I can wait forever,' he said, and she quickly realised he wasn't joking.

'That's fair enough. But for what it's worth, I don't plan on making you wait forever. I'm going to get to the bottom of my Mom's case - hopefully with your help - and then...'

'Yeah. Then,' he nodded slowly.

'You don't sound completely happy with that.'

'Would you be?' He looked at her, then away again. 'But it's enough for now.'

He reached into the pocket of his jacket, still hanging around her shoulders, and produced a packet of tissues. He offered one to her.

'It wouldn't do for you to go back in there with tears on your face.' She smiled, taking the tissue.

'Did my waterproof mascara fail me?' She asked, dabbing at her cheeks.

'Not really. Not noticeably, anyway.'

'Thanks,' she smiled. 'I don't really feel like going back in there.'

'Would you prefer to freeze?'

'We've seen worse together,' she joked. 'But yeah, I guess my legs are kind of turning to ice.'

'If people ask...'

'I was feeling dizzy,' she finished. 'It was warm and I hadn't drunk enough water and I needed fresh air.'

'Sounds good,' he nodded.

'So that's it? Tomorrow we go back to work, business as usual?' She couldn't hide the traces of disappointment in her voice.

'Absolutely, provided that's what you want.'

She hesitated for a moment, before nodding in agreement.

'Yeah, that's...what I want. We can make that work.'

'So now that that's settled, shall we return indoors? I can only imagine what they think we're doing out here,' he laughed, standing up and offering her his hand. After a few seconds of thought, she joined him. 'Lost in your imaginings, Kate?'

'Ha, you wish,' she smirked, even though he was perfectly correct. 'Come on, I think I still have a few more dances left in me.'

'That's what I like to hear,' he said, linking his arm with hers once more and leading her back inside.

It was enough, enough for now. That wouldn't be the case forever, but at least that was clear between them. Neither could help the little butterflies that danced inside them with the knowledge that, no matter what, they were now a step closer to whatever it was that lay ahead of them. A step closer to each other. It was hard not to be a little excited at that thought.