Beta'd by TwiDi

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

This is a o/s that I donated for Mal and Leo it is a New Moon AU crackfic/romance/drama:

Bella's POV

Of three things I'm sure. One, Jasper almost bit me. Two, Edward wasn't taking that well. And, three… nope. Just two. I was really hoping to come up with three again, but it's just two this time.

It has been sixteen hours since the 'uh-oh that was my eighteenth birthday party'. I told Alice I didn't want one, but as usual she didn't listen. So, instead I ended up with stitches, an emo vampire boyfriend and having to sit through class without said emo vampire boyfriend. So, imagine my surprise when I came home from school to find the Cullen—whom I voted in my mind to most likely end my life—waiting in my bedroom playing with her hair.

"It's about time you got home," Rosalie quips before turning to glare at me.

"Umm… school got out ten minutes ago; and yeah my truck…" I awkwardly sputter.

"Whatever." She rolls her eyes. "So we have a common problem. Edward." She plops down on my bed and motions for me to sit in my desk chair. Being more than a little intimidated, and pretty dang curious I sit as ordered. "So, as you could probably tell, last night… the whole Jasper-tries-to-have-Bella-as-a-snack thing didn't go over well with my brother."

"Umm… yeah?" Why did that just come out as a question? Blame my nerves, people.

"So, I caught Alice and Edward having one of those silent, leave-everyone-without-a-super-vampy-power-out conversation; and I have this feeling that boy is going to try and pull a runner. Personally, I like Forks. I can go out when I want. The hunting is great and Emmett is mega hot when he does tree origami for me." Her eyes glaze a little.

"He's leaving?" My heart rushes into my throat and it feels like a black hole has opened up and is sucking me in.

"He wants all of us to leave. To quote him, 'Save Bella'. Now, I know Edward and he'll just go somewhere and mope for the next fifty years or until you kick the bucket, at which point he'll destroy himself somehow, therefore, completely depressing the rest of us. Mates don't just get over mates. The vampire divorce rate is nil. Nada. Zip! We mate for eternity. We also put our mates first; which is why he'd rather suffer than watch you get hurt."

"What can I do?" I ask her softly.

"Well, first, grow a spine, Bella. Don't let him have all the say in your relationship. It takes two and all of that crap. Second, really let Alice take you shopping, because all that flannel is really embarrassing to be seen in. You look like a member of the Indigo Girls. Third, though I am 100% anti Bella-becoming-a-vamp. If you can't get him to stay, I'll turn you myself. It's either that, or put up with EmoWard and, honestly, been there done that. Don't want to go there again."

"Change me!" I tell her, "if he is faced with me already being changed, then we've killed his whole 'save Bella' thing."

"Bella, if I change you right now, he'll rip me apart and hide the pieces all over the globe and then Emmett will rip him apart and well it will be a really painful experience for all of us. If I change you, it will be a last resort, after he's been away from you for a month or two. That way he'll be in a more open frame of mind to be presented with his mate being all vamped out." She sighs, looking bored. "Honestly, stand up to his emo ass. The best way is to get him to be ok with you becoming one of us. I don't feel like moving, Bella, is it too much to ask to be able to stay in one place longer than two years?" My heart goes out to the bitchy blonde vampire. Renee used to move us whenever she broke up with Mr. Right Now. Arizona was just the latest in her adventures. There were times I thought about putting wheels on all my stuff so it'd be easier to move.

"Ok, I'll do it." I stand up and look out the window. "But, won't Alice see this and warn him?"

"Please, Alice saw me coming here and didn't warn him. She doesn't want to move either. Plus, the littlest vampire is all Team Bella."

"Alright, then." I nod, then hold back my giggle because for some reason that reminded me so much of Charlie that it made me giddy.

"If you get stumped call me." She writes her number on a piece of notebook paper. "Seriously, let Edward buy you things. It makes him happy, and a cell phone never hurt anyone." With that she disappears and I'm left alone to ponder how to keep my man.

~0~

After much thought and some time spent on Yahoo searching sites on how to keep your man I had a plan formulated. The one piece of advice that I kept getting over and over—that didn't include giving spectacular blow jobs—was to know his weakness. Edward seems to only have two, his incessant worry about my safety and his jealousy over any human boy that seems to be interested in me. Being a klutz I can easily work with the first one. But, I was going for a double whammy here, no way was I leaving this up for a chance that only one idea would work.

Earlier today when Mike saw that Edward wasn't at school, he invited me over to a party at his house. A party that Angela informed me would likely hold alcohol and a ton of horny teenage boys—or as I like to call it 'bravery in a bottle and pawns in my plan'. So, with little fore thought, and showing a bit more cleavage than usual, I walked the two blocks to Mike's house.

"Bella?" Jessica exclaims in shock. She looks behind me as if searching for someone; and I can tell she is looking for Edward—well, mostly looking for him to drool over him.

"Hey, Jess. How are you?" I ask politely trying to ignore the nasty smell of cigarette coming from her hand. Huh! I didn't know she smoked.

"Good. Oh my God, I'm so totally shocked that you came tonight. Wasn't like Edward upset that you didn't stay home with him? I mean, isn't it like a Cullen rule that you can't associate with us lesser beings?" I roll my eyes at her rant; clearly the drink in her hand has loosened her lips.

"Edward is spending time with Em and Rose; they are in town from college this weekend. I thought I'd give them some family time and came to check in with my other friends." That sounded like a reasonable answer to me.

"Oh cool," she ends lamely.

"Jess, have you seen my cell?" Mike asks, coming out onto his porch. His eyes widen when he sees me. "Bella, you made it." His happy puppy dog body wiggle makes me ponder for a second if this is such a good idea, but my need to keep Edward pushes that aside.

"Yep," I answer simply.

"Oh God, Bella is here, hide the illegal shit so she doesn't narc on us to Papa Cop," Lauren sneers as she walks by. I swear that girl has issues, or like permanent PMS.

"Shut up, Lauren! If you're going to be a bitch, you can just leave. Bella is my friend and I invited her to my house." Mike tells her firmly.

"Whatever, Jess come on, I need a drink. I'm fighting with Tyler again, the asshole." Mike and I follow them inside and I look around, only ten other people are here, but the amount of liquor is enough for a party of fifty, I swear.

"So, what can I get you to drink?" Mike asks.

"Beer?" I figure might as well go with the ever popular drink. I've only ever had a sip of champagne before, so I really don't know much about alcohol.

"Cool. Eric's cousin Nick got us a keg; I'll pour you up some." I follow him to the kitchen and take his offered blue solo cup. Taking a tentative sip, it takes all I have not to spit it out. Damn! The stuff is nasty.

Edward's POV

"Son, I still think you are overreacting," Carlisle states firmly. "Accidents happen. Yes, perhaps more often with Isabella, but it was still just an accident. Do you have any idea the pain you will put yourself, and more than likely her, through by leaving? She is your mate, Edward." Pinching the bridge of my nose to try and calm myself, I glare at the man who has been my father for the past 90 years or so.

"Carlisle, I'm the only danger to Bella. Without me around, she will be far better off. Jasper could have killed her all because of a stupid little paper cut." Frustrated I block out his thoughts, which just kept showing me over and over how horrible he thought losing a mate would be for me.

"EDWARD!" Alice's thoughts penetrate my mind, and she flies into the room looking terrified.

"Alice?" Carlisle gives her a worried look. I turn to her and see the fear in her eyes. Tuning into her mind, I felt my stomach drop like my world had fallen apart.

Bella was dancing with Mike Newton a blue cup in her hand with glazed eyes. She kept muttering about how much she loves me and how she thinks she lost me. Newton leans in to kiss her. Bella jerks away and flies backwards into the wall knocking her head against a sconce and cracking her skull open. The drunken kids panic at the party, not calling an ambulance but rather freaking out, wondering what they should do. Bella's color starts to fade and Alice's vision ends.

"Why does it end there?" I scream the question, pacing.

"The connection to Bella ends when she…" Alice trails off, and I rush out the door at vampire speed. If I can get to her in time I can save my love's life.

These children… these humans claim to be her friends; Newton has thought many times about how much he loves her. Yet not one of them tries to save her. They let my reason for existing die. How fragile she is… how vulnerable, both in hers and my world. Yet, no one outside myself and my family was there to save her.

As I got closer to Newton's, I could hear his thoughts. He was thinking that with Bella so drunk and sad, he might have a chance to manipulate her into leaving me and going with him. Sadly, he was quoting movies and telling himself she was going to ditch the zero and get with the hero. I'd seen just how little of a hero he is for my Bella. Ripping open the door I walked as fast as I could to reach my love's side. Just as he was leaning in for the fatal kiss, I grabbed her and pulled her into my arms. The burn was lessened by my fear that I had lost her. Her warm body pushed into me and she muttered something about whammies before pressing her lips to my adam's apple.

Lifting my drunken love up, I carried her out of the party and into the waiting Volvo. Alice was in the driver's seat, she had followed me knowing how shaken up I was going to be. I held Bella close in the back seat, while Alice concentrated on soothing thoughts. We brought her back to our house and I carried her inside to find Carlisle.

"She reeks like a distillery!" Rose bitches as we pass her.

"Just don't, Rose. Not right now, ok?" I mutter.

"Son?" Carlisle and Esme are seated side by side in the living room, watching Criminal Minds. Esme has a secret crush on Morgan that Carlisle pretends not to know about.

"She's been asleep or something since we left Newton's house. I know she had a couple of beers that I got that from Mike's mind." Carlisle nods. He and motions for me to place Bella on the other sofa.

"Ed, Newt is on the phone. I think you should hear what he has to say." Emmett hands me the house phone with a frown. He walks over to Bella and sits in front of the sofa like he is on guard. I can read his thoughts of brotherly love, and worry for my Bella in his mind.

"Mike?" I grunt into the phone.

"Cullen, listen, Ang overheard Lauren tell Jess that she slipped something into her drink. Lauren has clamed up, so we don't know what it is. I thought you should know though."

"Thanks, Newton." I hit the off button and fill my family in on what he just told me.

"That bitch!" Rosalie exclaims before she disappears out the door in a flail of blond hair. I caught enough from my sister's thoughts to know she was going to get the truth out of Lauren. I had no doubt in my mind that she could and would come through.

Bella's eyes pops open. She sits up abruptly, looks around the room and exclaims, "Pop goes the weasel!" before lying back down as if she'd never moved. Em was trying to hold back a laugh, knowing it was the drugs and alcohol doing this, but he still lets a mild chuckle through.

"I should get a sample of her blood to test. Esme, call Charlie and let him know Bella is spending the night." Carlisle jumps up to take control. His paternal concern for Bella is overwhelming. However, Esme's maternal concern and love trumps it. My parents truly see my love as their own child. My poor sweet Bella who had a Father that was rarely home and a Mother who I would label as neglectful and selfish had found loving parents in vampires. In this home which should be the most dangerous place in the world for her, she had love and vampires who would lay down their lives for her.

How could the outside world—of humans who will drug her, manipulate her and let her down—be better for my love than the unconditional love she has found here with all of us?

"Duh, Edward." Alice, the little soothsayer that she is, exclaims from the doorway. "Bella is the missing piece of our family. Without her all of us would be miserable, even Rose," she tells me bluntly. "Bella would suffer, and I've seen her future without us, Edward. She jumps off a cliff and then it goes dark."

"What?" I demand.

"I see that, then I see you go to the Volturi and ask to be put to death. When a vampire loses his mate, he has no will to live. Bella isn't a vampire yet, but she loves you with the same emotions," Alice explains. "Jasper?" She calls her husband forward. "Show him." Suddenly, an overwhelming feeling of love, awe, devotion and intense need washes over me.

"That is how she feels about you," he tells me softly. My brother is still apologizing in his head for leading us down this path.

"It's so much. I never knew…" I trail off.

"Bella is a very special human, Edward. I think she was meant to be one of us. And really what is so bad about it? We have family, friends and loved ones. We give to charity… we don't slaughter villages of people. I just don't get what's so bad about being a vamp that you feel the need to deny Bella the right to pick you and this life." My goofy older brother was turning on the wise old man inside of him.

"Edward… love… don't go," Bella mutters in her sleep, moving restlessly.

"Never, my love," I assure her, placing my cold hand against her shoulder to reassure her that I am here. That I always will be here.

"If you wait till after graduation it will be easier. Less questions. It will also give Charlie a closure," Alice tells me. Her mind flashes pictures of a human Bella saying 'I do' to me, and not long after my lips giving her the kiss of eternal life. The smile on her face as she gazes into mine after she wakes from the change seals my resolve.

"That dumb bitch dropped a Percocet into Bella's drink. She crushed it and sprinkled it in. She had this idea that if Bella got completely wasted and slept with Mike, then you'd dump her and turn to Lauren for comfort." Rosalie rushes into the room, pissed and breathing fire. "She's lucky I didn't kill her skinny human ass. Anything could have happened to my sister, she could have died of an overdose or something. Dumb bitch, I want to see her face when she realizes that someone took her car apart and left the pieces on her front lawn."

"Aww, Rosie, you just admitted Bella is your sister." Emmett rushes to his wife and kisses her.

"So, sue me. The human grew on me. Plus, this is kinda my fault." She flashes me her memory of talking to Bella. Then Bella's call to say she was going to flirt with Mike enough to get him to ask her out at school the next day. My poor Bella.

"Rosalie, let's leave the blame on Lauren." And, start fresh, went unspoken.

Bella's POV

My head was pounding.

It was like all seven dwarfs were diamond mining in there.

I never, ever want to drink again.

"Good morning, love." His cool breath across my face did just a little bit towards easing the headache. "Carlisle says two Advil and some juice should help." Bless you, Carlisle.

I quickly downed the offered manna from Heaven. Opening my eyes slightly to see that I was in Edward's bedroom. I'm not complaining at all, I just don't remember getting here.

"Uhh?" Is about all that comes out of my less than stellar mental facilities right now.

"Alice had a vision of you dying at Mike's house. I rushed over and brought you back here. We found out that Lauren slipped a pain killer into your drink. Rose retaliated by taking her car apart," he fills me in.

"Go, Rose," is about all I can work up to say. He chuckles and flashes that sexy crooked grin of his.

"Yes. Go, Rose," he agrees, kissing my nose gently about the same time my bladder woke up.

"Human moment!" I exclaim rushing to Edward's awesome bathroom.

"Alice left some clothes for you here. Take a shower. It will help," he informs me through the door. So, I do just that. And I have to say my sexy vampire boyfriend was right. The rushing warm water did help.

After looking out the door to see if he was in the room, I dressed as quickly as I could in the comfy navy blue sweat paints, white t-shirt and navy hoodie that Alice, bless her, had left me. I so wasn't up for Bella Barbie today.

"Breakfast for my love." Edward smiles in a warm greeting. The kitchen smells all kinds of yummy. Eggs, bacon, toast and a hint of cappuccino greets my nose.

"Thanks." I kiss his cheek softly, before digging in.

~0~

After a relaxing day of Edward, food and a marathon of Psych. My no longer emo acting boyfriend drove me back home. At least what should be home. The Cullen house has always felt more like home to me.

Saturday morning dawned. Well, kinda we had a partly cloudy day—and in Forks that is like saying the sun was shining bright. Edward called to let me know he'd be over later when it clouded up a bit more. So I made my way down to see if Charlie was actually home, or if the fish were biting again.

"Hey, Bells."

"Hey, Dad."

"Breakfast?" He points to the Apple Jacks on the table, and I grab a bowl.

Twenty minutes of eating and not another word later, I'm finished. I clear the table and wash the bowls out. Charlie is reading his paper and drinking his fourth cup of coffee since I walked into the room. Not feeling like being ignored any more, I go flip on the flat screen to watch some TV. After half an hour of watching the Hills and trying to figure out why in the hell it was popular, I flipped off the TV and grabbed a book.

"Hey, Bells, I'm heading down to Billy's for the game. You wanna come?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Bye." He waves and walks out the door. Deciding that Edward might be trapped while I'm not, I rush to change before getting in Big Red and going to him.

He greets me with a kiss. Like a real, toe-curling, life-changing kiss.

"I missed you," he whispers against my lips. Once again all I can form to say is "Uhhhh."

"Dude, get a room." Emmett crows, walking past us. Without delay, Edward swoops me off my feet, up the stairs and onto the black leather sofa in his bedroom.

"Before you, my life was monotonous, dull and full of self-loathing. You fell into it, literally, and changed me forever. Isabella Swan, I'll love you today, and for eternity." His topaz eyes gaze deeply into my brown ones.

"I love you too."

"Bella, will... Oh hell, come on in." My now grumpy vampire boyfriend groans. Jasper comes in, his eyes down casted.

"Bella, I just wanted to apologize for going all…" He hesitates.

"Vampy, Jazzy, you went vampy on her," Alice sing-songs from the hall.

"Thanks, darlin'. I'm sorry for going all vampy on you, Bella. I promise if it makes you feel any better, I will stay away from you so that I don't put you in harm's way again."

"Jasper, it's ok. This is me. I could have just as likely been run over by a speeding van, drugged by a classmate or had a rouge vampire try to end me in my childhood ballet studio. I feel safe with you; it's not your fault. And if you avoid me, I will hide all of your Civil War dolls." I smile and he pouts.

"Figurines, Bella. Dolls are for girls."

"Tomato, tamato." He laughs and bows slightly.

"Alright, I will let the two of you resume, Edward is bursting at the seams to have tell you something, or so my Jazzy's senses tell me." With that, he glides out and I glance over at Edward.

"Bella, I agree with you. Life is going to happen, be it with or without being together. However, I happen to feel that together we are stronger. I love you and want to share my eternity with you. Will you share eternity with me?"

"Yes!" I squeal. "Change me, Edward."

"After you marry me." Ahh, shit.

~0~

9 months later

"Alone at last," he murmurs into my neck as he lightly places a kiss there.

"Finally." I give a light laugh, and a tiny sigh of contentment.

Alice had been running us ragged all day with graduation party plans. Instead of focusing on Victoria, she was focusing on twinkle lights and what food human teenagers would expect at a normal graduation party. She wanted it to be normal, yet unforgettable. Somehow Edward and I got roped into helping her. Ok really, I got roped into it, as the official taste tester of food. Emmett offered to help, not that he can actually taste food, he just wanted to have something to do, I think. However, after a look from Esme and Rose threatening to cut him off for a decade if he puked it up anywhere near them, he bowed out.

"Just think, in less than three months, you'll be my wife." My sweet-asked-me-about-fifty-times-before-I-said-'yes'-so-very-patient vampire fiancé comments.

"And then soon after I will no longer have to be Alice's official human food-tester." I do a silly little happy dance causing Edward to laugh.

"So true, my love."

Ever since September, Edward and I had worked hard to plan out not only our marriage, but my change. We both decided that after getting married in August, we'd go on an extended honeymoon then go off to "college". That way I could keep in touch for a couple of years with Charlie by letters and phone before "dying". My newborn years were going to be spent in the remote wilderness of Alaska, with my family surrounding us. Esme had already purchased a home that included a guest house for Edward and I to enjoy our honeymoon years in. I've been told by Rose, that five years of hot vampire sex is the norm for newly mated couples. And I couldn't wait.

Edward's groan pulls me out of my thoughts, and I glance up at his perfect face, trying hard not to be dazzled by those mesmerizing topaz eyes. I gently cock my eyebrow at him, wondering why he looks like he has a headache.

"Edward?" I hesitantly say his name in question.

"Company. Erratic- minded company. It's like she can't focus on one thing a minute long."

"Renee?" My mother's name pops out of my mouth in surprise. His description is spot-on for my Mom. The last time he spent any time around her I thought we were going to need vampire strength Excedrin.

"Yes, love, Renee."

"What in the world is my Mother doing at your house?" I'm confused; there is no reason for Mom to be here in Forks, let alone here at the Cullen's. Edward rushes us to the door, where I open it to greet my mom.

"Renee?"

"Bella, baby, guess what?" She asks excitedly.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant!" She squeals and dances around.

"Fuck." Slips out of my beautiful Victorian prude of a fiancee's lips. And I nod in agreement. Fuck should be the word of the day.

AN I think I had to much wine when I wrote this one lol.