Summary: Their relationship was anything but functional; they both knew it. The question is, should they attempt to work things out, or accept that they just might be too different for each other? Spirk.

Rated: M

Warning: Rated for sexual content, physical harm and swearing.

A/N: This was actually a request for a lovely reviewer and is based on the video "Extraterrestrial" Kirk/Spock on Youtube. Watch this video and you will understand why this story ended up the way it did. Heed the warnings, as they are there for a reason. I don't want any nasty reviews insulting this for dealing with abuse, because, hey, I just warned you. You read on at your own risk. Other than that, enjoy!

Oh, and one more thing. I shouldn't have to tell you that this isn't canon, but to avoid obnoxious reviews I'm going to say it anyways: THIS IS NOT CANON! :D

Kirk hit the wall hard as pain seared in his cheek. He would definitely be going to Bones after this, as he didn't really fancy having to explain to his crew where he got these bruises. He stared up at his lover, who was standing tall in the middle of the room, his eyes intent on Kirk. Jim pushed off the wall and prepared for a counter attack, a simple hit to the jaw, perhaps; the Vulcan could withstand much more pain than Jim, but that didn't mean he wanted to purposely push his lover. He stepped forward to swing but that was when he caught sight of the look in the Vulcan's eyes.

Deep, dark eyes seemed to be masking some hidden emotion, perhaps panic at having hit Jim so hard this time, but underneath the worry was something that made Kirk's stomach twist: anger. Jim had become fluent on all things Spock and it wasn't hard for him to see the anger beneath those dark eyes, an anger that had nothing to do with his own actions and everything to do with Jim.

Jim didn't think about anything except for that anger as he bit his lip in frustration, willing himself not to scream. Spock lowered his eyes and started to turn his back on Jim, but something in the young Captain snapped. He wanted revenge, not just for the pain in his face but for the tearing in his heart. He leaped forward without warning and, before he knew what he was doing, delivered a fierce punch that made his own fist scream in pain. Spock, not having a chance to brace himself, stumbled to the ground as his hand flew up to his nose. He lay there, crumbled on the floor, as Jim's own hand shot up to stifle a groan.

What did I just do?

"Spock, oh my God I'm so sorry!" Jim dropped to his knees next to the Vulcan as Spock removed his hand, revealing the drops of green blood dripping from his blackened nose. Jim gasped and pulled off his shirt to press against the area.

"Jesus, Spock, I didn't mean to aim for your nose. I'm so-"

"Do not apologize, Jim. Is not the point of sparring to weaken one's opponent?"

"Maybe so, but not one's lover!" Spock touched the developing bruise on Jim's face, tracing it lightly with his finger tips.

"It is quite alright, I can assure you. These activities strengthen us for battle; I cannot disapprove of a stimulating activity that is strengthening our combat skills, especially when it may very well be these activities which save one of our lives someday."

Jim nodded quickly. Yes, it was true, they had organized these sparring 'dates' to help improve each other's (but mostly Jim's) combat abilities. But over the course of two months Jim was beginning to wonder if there might be another reason why they kept at it, why they seemed so insistent upon this meetings.

"Of course," Jim whispered as he grabbed Spock's arm and pulled him off the ground. Spock removed the shirt once he knew that the bleeding had stopped and he placed his hands on Jim's waist.

"Ashayam, we do not have to continue if it displeases you greatly," he muttered. Jim shook his head too quickly.

"No, no! I want to continue!" It was only after the words left his mouth that he realized how very true they were. He wanted to fight Spock, wanted to hit him, even sometimes wanted to make him bleed. He knew it was wrong; he had spent weeks telling himself that he hated their sparring dates, but in hindsight he wouldn't know what to do with Spock if they didn't.

This was their time to get any anger and resentment out on each other; Jim shuddered to think where they'd be without it.

"As do I, Jim." Spock's lip twitched in what Jim had come to know as the Vulcan equivalent of a smile, but his tone had a hint of sadness that made Jim think that Spock wasn't oblivious about their issues.

Because, like it or not, they had many problems.

Spock tightened his hands on Jim's waist and allowed one hand to slide down to cup Jim's ass in his big hand, squeezing harder than usual. Jim leaned forward and captured the Vulcan's lips with his own, pressed desperately against the slightly bruised, always warm flesh that he had come to know over the last two months. Spock guided him backwards and pressed him against a wall and Jim's leg flew up to wrap around his waist without even thinking about it. He could feel the Vulcan's erection jutting out, straining against his pants, and Jim forced his hips forward to meet Spock's heat with his own growing member.

It was like a well-choreographed dance by now, their love-making (if it could even be called that). They didn't plan for it to happen after every spar, but it always did, as if they needed to remind each other what they were. One man would initiate while the other would quickly and eagerly get in the mood, and before they knew it their clothes lay in heaps on the floor and their bodies pressed together against the wall so tight that not even air could fit between them.

Jim grabbed Spock's waist and twisted them around so that he was the one pushing Spock against the wall. He stripped the Vulcan of his shirt and barely had time to stroke over the hard, smooth skin of his chest before his hands found Spock's jean buttons and started popping them off. Spock trailed kisses down Jim's unbruised cheek and to his neck until his lips attached themselves to his neck and sucked hard, causing Jim's hips to jerk forward.

Within seconds both of them stood stark naked, grinding hard against each other as their lips met once more. Jim couldn't get close enough to his lover; today, nothing seemed good enough. They traded places once more and Spock lifted Jim's leg before entering him swiftly, the raw contact making Jim cry out in surprise.

"Spock, shit..." Jim whimpered as Spock's cock thrust hard into him. He wrapped his arms around the man's neck and buried his face against his firm chest. Spock trusted forward harder and Jim's high-pitched moan echoed off the walls and bounced back at them.

"Oh, J-Jim!" Spock lifted Jim fully off the ground and started hammering into him, his nails digging into the soft flesh of Jim's toned ass. Jim wrapped his legs around Spock and stopped thinking about why they were doing this, instead focusing on the intense pleasure and closeness.

"Spock, I'm close...Oh God, I'm so close..."

Spock pushed forward harder, his cock flying in and out of Jim's tight hole, and just as he reached his peak he reached a hand up and pressed it to Jim's forehead.
Jim gasped as a random string of words filled his mind, and he came at the same time as Spock. Unlike other times, however, Jim was filled with the words Spock was putting in his head.

Sorry for everything, not enough, never good enough, love, my Jim, forgive me, so close, forgive me, together, can't be without you, so wrong, love me, my Jim, my Jim, my Jim...

Jim shuddered as Spock held him tight against his chest, their skin flushed and sweaty, their breath unbelievably ragged. They gasped for breath and held each other until they could manager to pull away to take a good look at what had become of them.

Spock had tears falling slowly from his eyes, clinging to his dark lashes before they made the trek down his long face. It wasn't until Jim felt Spock's finger wipe over his cheek that he realized that he, too, was crying. And everything fell into place at once. The look of anger in Spock's eyes, their need to physically hurt each other, the intense desire to always reciprocate with their bodies, and Spock's words still lingering in his mind.

They really did have issues.

Later that night, as Jim lay alone in his bed while Spock worked a different shift, the Captain narrowed it down to race. Interspecies relationships were hard, but for Jim and Spock, they were nearly impossible.

Spock had spent his entire life holding in his emotions and wasn't about to do a total one-eighty just because his planet got destroyed. Jim had spent his entire life wearing every emotion on his shoulders except hurt. Whenever he was hurt he wouldn't let himself cry; he took it out physically. It was the only way he knew how to cope with his pain. Spock, too, had only ever shown his emotions through violence, so it was no wonder that these two opposites found themselves enjoying their sparring sessions more than they should.

Working together and thinking so differently gave them a lot of unwanted, unhealthy tension. And, being fighters, they were more comfortable beating the living shit out of each other rather than just saying what was on their mind. And Jim didn't like this one bit.

He remembered Spock's words as they lay in a post-orgasm heap against a wall, remembered the fear and sadness behind those words, remembered his own terror all too clearly. He curled up in a ball and let the tears trail down his cheeks.

"T'hy'la?" Jim jumped at the sounds of Spock's voice to close to his ear.

"Holy shit, don't you ever scare me like that again!" He scolded, but his tone softened upon seeing the uncharacteristic sorrow etched in to his lover's features.

"Thrap-fam'es nufau, I did not mean to startle you." His voice shook and Jim shot up from bed, pressing a hand to his forehead.

"What's wrong? Are you sick?" He felt Spock's face and neck but the Vulcan didn't feel any warmer than normal. Spock captured Jim's hand between his and held it to his cheek.

"No, Jim. I am not sick. I am..." He closed his eyes and moved Jim's hand to his jaw.

"What, Spock?" Spock opened his eyes and sighed.

"Scared. I am scared, Jim."

The blond didn't need to ask what he was scared of and Spock knew it. Jim cupped Spock's cheek in his hand and wrapped an arm around his side.

"Me too."

"What are we to do? I believe I am right in saying that this is, in human terms, an abusive relationship."

"Yes, it is," Jim answered, though Spock never meant it as a question. "And I know it's wrong, and it's hurting us too much. Anybody on this ship would tell us to end it now, to spare ourselves further pain on a love that will never function properly." Spock sucked in a sharp breath.

"Is this what you wish for, ashayam? Say the word and I shall release you from this pain," He whispered, though his voice was rough. Jim stroked his face and looked in to his eyes. Black met blue and Jim knew then that they needed this more than ever.

"No, it isn't. Not at all." Jim could practically see a soft flicker of light enter Spock's eyes.

"What are we to do, then?" Wordlessly, Jim let his back fall on the bed and pulled Spock on top of him.

"Take your clothes off," he whispered into his ear. Spock looked confused but did as he was told, noticing that Jim was already one step ahead of him. He shed his clothes quickly and allowed Jim to pull him down next to him. Expecting to be kissed or touched, Spock was surprised when Jim merely pulled their bodies together and wrapped himself up in his lover. He could feel Kirk's heart pounding through his chest and he closed his eyes, finding that he rather liked this more gentle approach at affection.

"We are so different, Spock. And we're fighting against each other because we're too damn stubborn to compromise. But we have to. And we're going to, starting now. I'm not ready to lose you."

Spock tightened his arms and ducked his head in Jim's neck, breathing in the wonderful scent of the man he loved.

"Nor am I, Jim. And you are right about one thing: it does not have to be a power struggle anymore." Jim nodded and they lapsed in to silence.

They thought about all the things that were wrong with their relationship, starting with the fighting. One minute they were friends and the next they were enemies. They thought about all the misunderstandings and the pushing and pulling, the unwavering stubbornness from both men. All of it needed to end.

"No more sparring," Spock whispered. Once again Jim nodded and they remained silent.

Tomorrow they would go see Counselor Davis. Tomorrow Spock would learn to express his emotions and Jim would learn to control his. Tomorrow they would lay in bed and make love the right way, touch each other slowly and gently and cherise each and every moment they spent wrapped in the hot embrace. But not tonight.

Tonight, they were going to lay here quietly and feel their hearts beat, listen to the lovely sound, hear the music of their breathing and nothing more.

My Jim, my T'hy'la, love me forever.

My Spock, my love, cherish me forever.

So I hope I did this justice. I know it's kind of weird, but bare with me, please; weird is a part of my daily existence. If you haven't seen the youtube video, please go watch it, it is masterfully done! And please review!

~Alex