Title: Slowest of Poisons

Disclaimer: Me no own, You no sue.

Warning: Slash.

You rub your fingers over the soft leather journal Nick Fury had just presented you with.

"Howard Stark left it for you in his will," he had said. "It's for your eyes only."

You had simply nodded and stared at the journal.

When you were finally alone in you little SHIELD apartment, you opened it. And there, in a sloppy cursive, Howard's writing.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

And it's not until you found out about Tony Stark – Howard's son – that you realize what he's apologizing for.

I'm sorry, Steve. I'm sorry I couldn't find you. I pray that you're not reading this after I'm gone. There was so much that I wanted to tell you, Steve, so much I wanted to show you.

I wanted to give you the world.

I'm sorry, Steve.

I'm sorry, so sorry.

Every time you look at Tony, you see his father and you know that he resents you for it. You're sure that in time you'll come to see Tony as Tony and not just the ghost of the man you were never supposed to love.

But, as it stands now, you do see that ghost, and it's slowly poisoning you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I looked and I looked and I looked and I kept looking until the government finally stopped me from going up there myself. But, dammit, Steve, I will never stop looking. Even after I'm dead, I've set it up so that no one forgets and no one stops looking.

I hope I find you soon. And if it's not me that finds you…

I'm sorry.

End.