Dear Kate,

I know you are doing all you can to get us out of here. I know that because I know you, and I trust you. But in the event you don't get us out… I need to tell you something. I know you say you don't remember the shooting. But I do. I remember everything about it, from handing the family of Captain Montgomery the service flag, to helping escort his casket, to seeing the flash and jumping, hoping – No – PRAYING I could beat that bullet. Praying it would be me, and not you. I remember you laying there, trying to fight, to stay alive. I can still feel the pain in my chest, making me feel like I was having a heart attack. Loosing you… I couldn't. Not you. I spent too damn long being lost, not knowing my meaning or purpose beyond my books. Beyond the burden I am to my Mother and daughter. Katherine Elisabeth Beckett… My purpose was to be saved by you. Weather you know it or not, you have saved me from myself. The partying like a frat boy, the late nights, and the alcohol… It stopped the longer I knew you. The longer I realized that my ex-wives were exes because they were not who I was meant to be with, no matter how I felt at the time. I knew it was you. Kate, I spent the past TWO YEARS… Working on getting the courage up to tell you how I felt. We have been thru HELL and back. We have been shot at, blown up, nearly frozen… And every time, I remember thinking I can die. I can accept as long as I had you by my side. Granted, it was by your side, and me… But not the point. The point is remember it or don't. I told you I loved you. I love you more than LIFE, Kate. ALWAYS. That is why I say Always, and why I'm there day after day. I have enough material to write HUNDREDS of books. I stay because I can't be away from you without feeling empty. Without feeling lost and breathless. I see you, and that smile, that head shake... Make me go slightly brain dead. Kissing you… We have only kissed three times, but I feel like I know how teenagers in love feel after their first kiss. You have the power to melt me, freeze me, break me and rebuild. I have always admired your strength and passion. I am a writer, and here writing this letter… What may be my last, I find I cannot quite find the words I need or want. I find myself dwelling on you and that smile. I can't put anything to words that make sense. Nothing beyond how much I love you, Katherine Beckett, and how much I regret not telling you sooner. Not telling you that YOU make the songs make sense to ME. You are my one and done, to steal a phrase from a beautiful woman I know. I can't… I can't say goodbye. Because cheesy as it may sound, I'll see you again. So for now… I'll tell you once more how much I love you. You are more than my muse, Kate. You're my Nikki. I wish I had gotten to be your Rook.

Always,

Richard Alexander Rodgers

P.S.: For my mother's sake… Put my given name on my headstone. I owe her that much.

Not a word was said. Just silence, stunned and hurting, as a tear fell, smudging the 'always'.