DISCLAIMER: I do not own HP

I little one shot I came up with while listening to the HP Deathly Hallows soundtrack.

Lily's Thoughts

I don't believe I ever really understood my best-friend. I had appreciated his brilliance and his wit, but I never really did comprehend him completely. Oh how I wanted to, how I wish I possess the skill to dive into his mind and know exactly what he was thinking. But instead I watched as he slowly slipped further into the darkness. Deep down I knew my rejection of him probably pushed him further in that direction, but I would never allow myself to admit it. I did what I had to do. He had chosen his path, and it simply wasn't one I could follow.

I moved on, and somehow found myself falling in love with a man I once loathed so deeply that I claimed to have rather married the giant squid. James, despite his arrogance, was handsome, funny, and charming… and in the end he won me over.

In the beginning things were wonderful and for a brief time I felt like I was living a fairytale, but life changed, the war hit full force and Dumbledore recruited

us to join the Order of the Phoenix.

We had talked about having kids, but I had wanted to wait until after the war to start a family, but James was insistent.

"This may be our only chance, please Lily I can't let my family line die out."

That was one of many things I never understood about the wizarding world: the important of heritage. The Potters never cared about blood purity, but they were still adamant that their name carry on, and so… I agreed. I loved my son, Harry was my life, my light, but if he had born, even a year or two later then I can't help but wonder…how things may have turned out differently.

I would still be alive; my baby wouldn't be orphaned, forced to live with my cruel sister.

Severus swore on my grave that he would watch after Harry, protect him, all for me, because… he loved me. He always had, and I never knew. I don't know if I could have ever developed romantic feeling for him, but maybe, if circumstance had been different…

In the end it didn't matter.

I was gone.

He was devastated.

I worried for him. What he might do in such a desperate state. I always worried about him, even when he was just a scrawny, abused little boy.

He asked me to forgive him, more times than I could count, in person and by letter the following summer. I did, the moment the words left his lips I forgave him, but he couldn't know. I wanted him to know how deeply he had hurt me.

And now, I see that he did. He blames himself for everything.

I forgave him, but the question is, will he ever forgive himself?

-LP-

I do love you Severus, you are my best friend. You told me about my magic and showed me a whole new wonderful world and you will always be in my heart, even in death.

A/N: Please, let me know what you thought.