WARNINGS: Implied noncon, heterosexual kiss, mentions of death from childbirth, non-incestuous kiss between siblings.

Sugar On The Asphalt: Butterflies

51. Touch (16 Years Old)

Ryou didn't touch me. Not on the date to the museum, not on our dinner date, not on your trip to the park. He never laid a finger on me, except maybe to touch my shoulder to get my attention. He didn't even hold hands with me. He hadn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet, but we were still spending a lot of time together. Even Niisama, in his busy schedule, began to notice and told me that Ryou was an endangered species. He even told it to Ryou's face.

I really appreciated how considerate Ryou was. He knew what I had been through. Though he didn't talk about it, I had a general idea of what he had been through. I knew he had experience from his past relationship with Malik, a lot more experience than I had, but he still wasn't a very physical person. It might have to do with the fact that he was always alone and no one really touched him on a regular basis. I was always a physical person, hugging Niisama and clinging to his coat, but now… I still had a hard time with physical contact.

One day I was going to get over this and I was going to hug Ryou for all he was worth.

23. Black Dahlia (16 Years Old)

Ryou's apartment was, well, I didn't know how to judge, since I had lived in Kaiba Mansion my whole life. Everything seemed to be functioning properly, so I guess it was livable.

He was generally organized, just like Niisama, only not as robotic. He showed me his kitchen, and I was amazed he knew how to actually cook. I never had the patience. The living room had an old TV with the cables unplugged, and a discarded video game machine. It looked like it hadn't been touched in ages. His bedroom was colorless and lonely. I remembered he had no family, except that absentee of a father, so he spent every night alone. It was a rather depressing thought.

His storage closet was a secret, and I felt honored that he would show it to me. He had put up his deck for good, along with the duel disk. What shocked me were the meticulously made RPG sets. It was almost scary how detailed they were. The figurines were almost human. There was also a Ouija board hidden in the back, though I doubt he actually used it.

He let me look through his deck. It was all occult-themed, and I was surprised to find he's designed it himself, as opposed to the psycho who lived in the Millennium Ring. There was one card, though, that the spirit had insisted on, the Dark Necrofear card. Ryou gave me the card, because he couldn't bear the memories, but couldn't tear it up and throw it away. It was a rather odd present. I would be sure to use it if I ever played Duel Monsters.

20. Drug (16 Years Old)

I don't know if I loved Ryou, or the idea of him. I don't know if I loved him because he did everything Niisama couldn't. Since I was with him, I had stopped becoming so disappointed at the lack of Niisama's smiles, or the coldness in Niisama's eyes. I think my whole life I'd been missing something, and I'd been counting on Niisama to give it to me.

I realized how selfish I was, being dissatisfied with the person he had become. He had gone through everything for me, and it was my duty to love unconditionally and accept him. It was much easier to do now, because I didn't have to ache for a single hug or heartfelt laugh.

I didn't know where this relationship with Ryou was going. It was moving pretty slowly, but that was okay with me. It was more about trust and emotions than anything. The fact that he was beautiful was just an added bonus. Perhaps, I thought, I was becoming addicted. Not that I minded.

21. Kisses (16 Years Old)

When Niisama kissed me, it was just an accident. I was squirming on the orphanage floor, refusing to take my medication and it had gotten to the point where he had to force me down and shove it into my mouth. It was a disgusting grape-flavored liquid, and I use the term "grape" loosely. I swallowed painfully, putting on more of a show than I needed to, and then accepted defeat. He leaned to kiss my forehead, and I moved at the same time. His lips were dry and fleeting. I made a face and stuck out my tongue, and knocked the bottle out of his hand.

When Noah kissed me, it was empty. He had to leave; he had something to do, despite my protests. I knew deep down he wasn't coming back with us. He apologized beforehand, and crushed our lips together. I didn't resist. He was a bit sick in the head, being locked in the virtual world, and he at least deserved this. I might have been crying. I couldn't remember. On the narrow escape afterwards, I threw orchids for him, tracing my lips with my finger, realizing that it was all in my head. It left me feeling dissatisfied.

When Ryou finally kissed me, his hands were shaking. I was surprised; he had become rather experienced with Malik Ishtar. It took me a while later to realize he was nervous about hurting me or moving too fast for me. I was shaking too, because I was sixteen and I had still never been truly kissed and oh God it was actually happening and his mouth was hot... It wasn't like in the movies, there was no music, and there were no cherry blossom petals falling in my hair. There was the glare of a homeless person, the parasol on the table outside the coffee shop, and the bustling noise of people going about their daily business on the sidewalk. Or at least, I think there was, I wasn't actually paying attention.

21.5 Post-Kiss (16 Years Old)

He turned a bright shade of red, and I knew he was about to apologize. I put a finger to his lips and I just smiled at him, letting him know it was okay, I trusted him enough and he could touch me like this. It was almost healing, having felt his hands on my waist and in my hair, gentle hands that didn't want to hurt me, soft lips that told me he cared. I knew if anything, being with Ryou would help me recover, not just from that, but from everything that haunted me. I hoped being with me would help him through whatever he had been through.

"Does this mean we're official?" I asked. Goodness, the nerve I had sometimes…

"I'd like that," he said, smiling softly.

"Good." I took his hand in mine and skipped all the way back home. He had to try to keep up with me.

I felt amazing.

53. Deathday (Age 17)

I hated my birthday. When I was younger I loved it, but reality and age were disenchanting, and my birthday happened to be the day my mother died. I couldn't help but feel guilty, as if I had robbed her of life. Niisama always told me it wasn't my fault, and I knew it wasn't my fault but it still felt like it. I tried talking about Niisama about it today and it went horribly. Niisama always had the emotional capacity of a teaspoon. He thought strictly in logic, and then pride. Pride isn't logical but it made more sense to him than emotion.

Ryou remembered my birthday. I had always expected that any boyfriend of mine would be obligated to remember but for some reason I didn't care when it came to Ryou. I knew he had a lot on his mind and plenty to deal with. And I knew that money was very limited on his end. Of course he would try to impress me, I thought.

"I decided it would be pointless to impress you financially," he told me. "So I made this." He handed me a little RPG figurine he had made. It looked just like me, in a princess costume. The detail was unbelievable; I could tell how much time was spent making it. It was not the most valuable thing I ever owned, but he had made it with his hands and… I loved it. He was such a personal kind of boy. I really appreciated that. I held onto the doll tightly. Automatically priceless.

Being me, I threw my arms around him and gave him a bone-crushing hug. He wasn't used to affection but he didn't seem to mind it, and held me back gently. Like I was precious. Ryou… he was everything I wanted and needed at the moment.

He noticed the white flowers in my hand. "I'm so sorry! May I ask...?"

"My mother," I said quietly, feeling guilty. "She died in childbirth. I think I killed her." The thought of having vocalized that, and to someone as important as Ryou… it broke me. It took everything I had not to cry on the spot.

"Sorry to hear," he whispered, before tilting my chin up to his. "It's not your fault. Please don't ever day anything horrible like that."

"I look just like her!" I couldn't hold that one back. "I feel horrible, Ryou, I hate my birthday. You wouldn't understand."

"You don't think so?" he asked softly. "After the Spirit? He kidnapped you. He hurt you. How do you think I feel now, after everything he did to my friends with my own hands?"

"But it's not your—oh. I see," I admitted. "It's not something that can be rationalized, though. I feel what I feel; I can't help it."

"I won't argue there. I just don't like seeing you upset. You're too important to me." He smiled at me and leaned down a little. I leaned up and our noses brushed against each other. Butterflies in my stomach fluttered softly.

It was at that point that I realized I had Niisama, my incredible, amazing stronger older brother who meant the world to me, to make me feel good when Ryou wasn't there. Niisama was always there for me, and I could never express what he meant to me. Ryou could never replace him, but he filled the voids that Niisama couldn't. But Ryou, he had no one. All he had was me. And while it was incredibly flattering, it was quite the responsibility.

It would take a long time for me to learn how truly damaged he was.

A/N: Some more of the original drabbles. I like them. They are numbered in the order I wrote them, and put here in chronological order. There wasn't any psycho!Ryou here; I guess he'll show up eventually. His closet does contain some hints.

I think I might include some girl moments in the next chapter, like what it would be like for female!Mokuba to grow up without a mother. So it's not all relationship stuff.

Reviews are loved. No flames please!