I sort of always knew I was dating a sociopath. There was some darkness eating away at him, but I was the only one who saw it. Tate wasn't very easy to read, especially not among the people at school. I think he surprised the crap out of most of them, in the end. I wasn't surprised though. Once we were deep in our relationship, nothing about him surprised me.

He didn't fit the expected bill of a budding sadistic maniac. He did well in school. He was able to interact with his peers. He respected most of his elders, other than his mother.

Maybe that was it. Maybe it was his family life. I'd been to the house, the Murder House. It was huge for his family, just his mom and two siblings. His mother was a nut. Always smoking up a storm and just enough of a temper. She chained his brother Beauregard up in the attic, but he seemed happy enough. Of course, her boyfriend killed him. Maybe it was all that. Addy kept him in check, he never wanted her to be at the blunt of anything. So maybe it was his family.

Maybe it was me. No one really seemed to have known Tate well before we started dating.

I still remember every detail of the day we met…

"Who's that boy?" I nudged my friend, Missy.

"Which one?"

"The one with a cancer stick."

"The one outside?"

"Yeah. He's all alone. Who'd he come in with?"

"I don't know, maybe Anthony and them." She motioned to Anthony. "Tony! Come here."

He came over, red Solo cup in hand. "What?" He gave her a look. The look. She got it a lot. She was desirable like that.

"Who's that kid?"

Tony glanced over. "Oh, that's Tate."

"What's he doing here?"

"We asked him to come. He's pretty cool." I could see the apprehension in his eyes. "Why you asking?" He was afraid Missy wanted the boy outside.

"Lily likes staring at him." Missy smirked as she sipped out of her cup.

"Well, shit, Lil, get your ass out there." Tony nudged me towards the door.

"No, I'm, you know, okay. It's probably… cold…" I gazed out the window at the boy with the blonde hair.

Suddenly, an arm wrapped around my waist and my feet left the floor.

"Put me down Tony!"

"Not happening, sorry Lily."

He carried me all the way outside. I sighed. No use kicking and screaming, it would only be more embarrassing. He threw me over his shoulder and headed towards the boy. "Hey, Tate."

"What's… up?"

"This girl was staring at you. So here." My feet met the ground once again and Anthony darted off.

I spun around. His eyes were a deep brown and bore holes into my skull as they peeked out from under his soft hair. He had a few inches on me and wore a dark t-shirt under a black jacket. His jeans had holes in them. He was attractive.

We sat there for a moment, in the cold drizzle.

"You were staring at me?" A slight smile tugged at his mouth.

"I was just… You were out here… Alone… And I was just saying to…" I collected my thoughts quickly. "Could I snag a bogue?"

He held out his hand, the cigarette between his fingers, filter end facing me. "Just share mine."

Shivers went down my spine as I leaned in to his hand and inhaled.

"What's your name?" He asked, leaning onto the bench arm behind him.

"Lilian… Lily."

"Well, Lily…" Suddenly, he grabbed my leg and pulled it beside him. "How good are you at balance?"

I steadied myself on one leg, and laughed slightly.

"What?" He grinned.

"You could bash my skull in right now, with the corner behind me and all…" The corner of the wall behind me indeed was perfectly where I would fall if he let go of my leg.

"Oh. I'll fix that." He grabbed my other leg, pulling me into his lap.

"Hi."

"Hi."

He leaned in towards me, pulling me close. He didn't kiss me, as I thought he was going to. Instead, he lightly nipped my nose.

I wrapped my arms around him, though, and kissed him.

It turned out most of our friends were watching through the window, but it didn't matter. We were Lily and Tate, kissing for our very first time, in the light rain.

It continued, us two, into the next year. Winter came and went. Spring brought new life. Summer came around, though, and that's when tragedy struck.

A group of us had gone swimming. One minute Tate was there, the next he wasn't. I didn't know he wasn't there. Tony threw me in the water. No one but Tate knew I couldn't swim.

I don't know how long I was under water. I don't know how long it took them to notice that I never came up. All I know is that the next conscious thought I had was my friend Cameron's mouth over mine, and then spitting up a lot of water. Once I was done, though, and breathing, Cameron was kissing me again. This wasn't right. Tate kisses me, not Cameron. I was caught off guard.

Finally, when he stopped, everyone was staring. Cameron was grinning. I turned red.

"Where's Tate?" I stood quickly, wiping my mouth.

"You're blushing, Lil. You liked it." Missy was smirking again.

I felt a white hot rage as they all laughed. I didn't think about it, I just swung at Missy. When she went down, I spun on my heel, and there was Tate up on the porch.

I grabbed a towel. My clothes were soaked- I hadn't been wearing a bathing suit. I stormed up the steps.

Tate had looked confused. "Lily, what's going on?"

"We're leaving." I headed through the house, searching for my shoes. I felt tears pricking at my eyes as Tate continued to question me. I'm a cheater now, aren't I? I cheated on the one person I truly loved…

Suddenly, I slipped on the wood floor. Tate was beside me in a moment.

I was sobbing. I was sobbing and soaked to the core when I told him.

He took it rather well, though. Or, so I thought…

When Tate shot up the school, he killed everyone that had been there that day. He shot Cameron right in front of me.

But, I wasn't scared. I wasn't upset. As soon as I got the chance, I got past all the cops at the school, and I ran to his house. I still loved him, after he killed them all. I still loved him, the mass murder. I still wanted my psychopath.

I snuck in his window. In hindsight, I could've gone in the door. His mother would've let me in. Then, at least someone would've known I was there.

He was dark at first, but then he softened. We cried together. I didn't want the police to take him. We were going to run away, somewhere safe. No one would find us.

He was kissing me, and then his hands were around my neck.

I couldn't breathe.

I fell to my knees.

He wrapped his arm around my head and …. Snap. I was gone.

I saw everything after, unfortunately. He heard the men at the door, and he shoved my body under his bed. The sad thing, though, was watching him die. Shot, so many times. I cried for him. I cried for my killer. I still cry for him sometimes.

I keep going over and over it though. I don't want to admit it, but maybe it was me that drove him to madness. Maybe I was the darkness pulling him under.

Again and again. But it can't have been me. I look and look for more answers, for some scapegoat. It drives me to madness. There are millions of things that could've made Tate snap. It can't have been me.

Cannot.

Be.

Me.

Please read and review. Next chapter will take place in present day, Violet and all. Sorry if I missed any grammar or spelling. Feel free to be critical, but I'd love compliments too. :)