"Oh, good god, Shizuo! Put the man down!" Tom face palmed with one hand as he threw the other on Shizuo's shoulder to try and calm him. "We didn't even ask him for the money yet!"

"God! I don't want to die! Please!" the terrified man screamed and struggled as Shizuo held him aloft over his head. Shizuo was already seething in anger so early in the morning, his chest heaving.

"Well you weren't gonna, were you?" he accused, tilting his head back to more adequately shout at the person.

"Just drop him!" Tom raised his voice slightly in annoyance. Shizuo stopped his huffing and puffing and unceremoniously dropped the man, who let out a surprised yelp. He quickly scrambled to his feet and took all of the cash out of his wallet, handing it to Tom with a shaking hand. Tom accepted the money with a nod, and the man took off running as fast as his legs would carry him. The bodyguard shoved his hands in his pockets and stared angrily at his shoes. "What is with you, today?" Tom sighed, recollecting himself and pocketing the payment. Shizuo shrugged, and walked out of the small pool hall they were in back onto the street. He was walking so fast, Tom had to practically jog to keep up. He furrowed his eyebrows at his disgruntled employee. "Shizuo, come on, slow down," he panted after they had traveled a few blocks. Shizuo ignored him. If anything, he only walked faster.

"I can't!" He finally growled. "I need to do something! Anything! Come on, tell me where the next stop is, already!"

"I don't think that's a good idea," Tom didn't try to hide his uneasiness. "You look like you're ready to kill someone."

"There's only one person I want to kill!" Shizuo barked, hunching his shoulders together, angrily. Tom blinked at him, before a knowing smile spread across his face. He shook his head.

"Shizuo, I feel like as your employer, it is my duty to warn you not to bring personal problems into the workplace."

"We don't HAVE a 'workplace', Tom-san!"

"Well then, on the clock. Trust me, it's never as serious as you think it is."

Shizuo stopped walking, and regarded him with a troubled expression. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that you're all hopped up on hormones, and the situation probably isn't as dire as you're thinking. Just forget about it for now, and when you get off of work, you can go straighten out whatever romantic entanglement you've gotten yourself into."

"Who said anything about romantic entanglements?" Shizuo demanded, practically ripping his pack of cigarrettes apart to get one stick out. Tom rolled his eyes.

"Whatever it is, you're riding the emotional roller coaster, and you need to just settle down."

Shizuo took a long drag of his cigarette and sighed, blowing out the smoke. "I'm sorry, Tom-san. I'll be better," he spoke apologetically. Tom patted him on the shoulder and put his own hands in his pockets as they strolled at a slower pace. After an introspective moment of silence had passed, Tom cleared his throat. Shizuo's eyebrows perked up at the sound, and he glanced over.

"Shizuo, are you upset because Izaya's been missing? I know you were seeing him every evening up until he got discharged from the hospital."

A warm blush colored Shizuo's face, and he looked the other way. "Don't make me laugh!" he chuckled, harshly. "I hate that guy! He's been a thorn in my side since the day I met him! I should have just let him drop dead when I had the chance!"

"I wonder if that's how you really feel," Tom reasoned. "Or if it's just that you're worried. Was Izaya really that sick?"

"Yeah, he was really sick...I can't imagine why they even let him out of the hospital when he was still like that..." Shizuo's voice became distant, as he became lost in thought.

"Have you considered that, sometimes, they let people go home when there's nothing else they can do for them?" Tom said gently, letting his hand rest on Shizuo's shoulder. He could feel the ripple of shock that traveled through the blonde man at his words, and Shizuo froze in his steps. Tom instantly regretted saying it. "But hey, it was just a thought. I mean, I'm sure you'd know if that was the case."

Shizuo stared straight ahead, his brown eyes growing large. "Is that why he just disappeared, again?" Shizuo asked, his voice completely hollow. The cigarette between his lips slipped and fell to the ground, unnoticed. He took a hesitant step forward, as if in a daze.

"Shizuo?"

Shizuo didn't answer. His steps became more and more rapid, until he broke out into a run. Tom's voice calling after him became smaller and smaller with the distance he was already putting between them. He frantically tore through the streets of Ikebukuro, people scrambling to clear a path. Instead of slowing down for street crossings and crowds, Shizuo only ran faster, forging a straight and narrow path to his destination. Sweat began to run down his face and he shook the salty water out of his eyes, but no matter how much he tried, he couldn't keep his vision from blurring. He ran until he was in Shinjuku and in front of Izaya's home, breathing heavily in the hallway. He knew that the informant had forbade him to see him again after their last meeting, but he couldn't help it. He reached his quivering hand up to knock on the large door, and gave a few harsh wraps on the wood.

He had to know... It was impossible, but he had to be sure...

Izaya's secretary practically flung open the door. Shizuo stumbled back in surprise, as she thrust her head out of the doorway, her large, dark eyes darting around before settling on him. She heaved a sigh of relief, and swept her disheveled hair back over her shoulder. "Oh god..." she breathed, standing up straight and shaking off her panicked look. "I thought you were bringing back his body or something!"

Shizuo recovered himself, and wasted no time in getting straight to the point. "Where's Izaya?"

"I don't know!" Namie's voice was irate. "He's gone!"

"What do you mean, gone! Aren't you supposed to be taking care of him?"

"What do I look like? A nurse maid? You know how he is! He just left in the middle of the night!" She folded her arms, crossly, the large bags under her eyes prominent. "How he did it in his condition, I have no idea! I swear, that man is an alien! I looked everywhere I could think of! He's just vanished!" Shizuo growled, and stalked off down the hallway. "Where are you going?"

"Where do you think?"

"It's no use!" she called. "If he doesn't want to be found, you won't find him."

"We'll see about that," Shizuo muttered, as he stepped into the elevator. His determination was so fierce, he didn't even consider that Izaya could be clear across the ocean by this time. Something inside of him told him that Izaya probably didn't go far, and that same something told him that Izaya needed him. However, hours of running aimlessly through the city streets were definitely testing his resolve. It had begun to grow dark by the time he wandered the streets of Ikebukuro again. Earlier in the day, he had enlisted Celty's aid in searching for the informant, but she'd had no luck either. Shizuo sighed as he saw the message on his phone. He had slowed to a leisurely jog, and eventually a walk. He'd begun to wander through the more industrial part of town, and consequently, more deserted and dangerous part of town, but it would be a sorry day for any thug who thought he could take on Shizuo Heiwajima, so he didn't worry too much. He smoked a cigarette now that his pace had slowed, and gazed up at the night skies, the stars obscured by the city lights. The moon was large and full, casting a glow stronger than all of the artificial ones across the rooftops of the tall buildings. For some reason, the moonlight reminded him of the object of his search. Izaya was cruel and cold, but strangely beautiful and mysterious all the same. Like the moon beams rippling over the concrete and Shizuo's face, his image danced in his mind, unrelenting, and he couldn't help but feel that underneath the cold exterior, something deeper had reflected back at him when Izaya smiled. In his face, he swore that he'd seen a distant warmth, something beginning to yield, but it was impossible to tell whether or not it was just Shizuo's wishful thinking projected onto him.

These thoughts consumed him, so much so, that he almost failed to recognize the thin framed person who stood atop the roof of an abandoned commercial building, facing an alley way. Shizuo froze at the image of a fur trimmed jacket and fine, black hair fluttering in the night breeze. The man stood with his back to the ledge, gazing up at the moon from the other side of the safety railing. For a moment, all Shizuo could do was stare in simple amazement at how beautiful and serene Izaya's face became, as the pale beams of light danced across it. Without any warning, Izaya took a step back until his shoes balanced precariously on the very edge. Never taking his eyes off of the sky, he began to lean back, and it was in that moment that Shizuo's heart began hammering out of his chest, as it dawned upon him what the informant's intentions were.

"IZAYA!"

His face turned as he fell, and he stared at Shizuo with surprise that quickly melted away into acceptance, as he shut his eyes and plummeted toward the ground. Shizuo didn't think. He sprinted faster than he ever had in his life and dove, catching Izaya right before he hit the ground and letting his own, stronger body take the impact, instead. He clung to the smaller man, tightly, and for a moment, they both lay on the concrete, breathing as if they were struggling for air. Izaya recovered quickly, and shoved away from his savior, standing up quickly.

"Fuck!" he would have screamed it, if his lungs were not already giving out. He began coughing and laughing, hysterically, until blood began to paint the fist he held to his mouth. Shizuo lept to his feet and put a hand on Izaya's arm, which was quickly yanked away.

"What were you trying to do?" Shizuo demanded, angrily.

"What did it look like?" Izaya snarled back. He attempted to walk away, but Shizuo took hold of him again. "Don't fucking touch me!" he practically shrieked at him, which induced another bout of coughing. Shizuo grimaced as more flecks of red flew from the informant's mouth, staining his pale chin, but he couldn't quell the rage and desperation rising within.

"Why? Why would you do that?" he yelled, spinning a still choking Izaya around to face him. "How could you do that?"

How could you do that to me?

Izaya narrowed his eyes, inhaling shakily. "Oh god...how could anyone...be so stupid?" he wheezed between breaths. "Just go...away!" He tried to turn to leave again, but Shizuo reached out and brought him close to his chest, clutching him tightly. Izaya blinked for a moment at the sudden contact, before struggling feebly to get away. "Let me go!" he growled into the fabric of Shizuo's vest.

"No!"

"Let me go!" the panic began to rise in his voice. "Let me go! LET ME GO! Shizuo! Please...please..." his voice became a muffled cry, as his knees gave out, and they both sank slowly to the cold pavement. Shizuo only hugged him more tightly.

"Izaya...I love you."

"Don't say that!" he sobbed, staining the fabric of Shizuo's clothes with blood and tears. "Don't say that to me, now!"

"But why?" Izaya didn't answer, and only continued to shake violently, as the sorrow poured out of him. Shizuo continued to hold him, his own throat constricting with the tortured feelings coursing through him. "Izaya...if you're scared of what people might think, we could leave here! We could go to another country! I'm sure you could be an informant anywhere! And I could-" Izaya gave a shuddering sigh.

"I'm dying..." Shizuo's body froze solid as his blood ran cold. Izaya nuzzled his head deeper into Shizuo's chest and continued to cry. Shizuo stared over his jet black hair, thick with sweat from their exertions, at the blood stains which littered the pavement under them. The evidence of all the previous people who had lept to their death in the very spot they now knelt. "I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want anyone to know! I didn't want...this!" he grieved, digging his thin fingers into Shizuo's shoulders, tightly. Shizuo felt as if all of the life had suddenly left him, and he could scarcely breathe. "Do you think..." Izaya sniffed loudly, and coughed. "Do you think if maybe...we'd met before..." he clenched his eyes and bit back a sob threatening to escape his lips. "Do you think things might have been different? Do you, Shizuo?" Shizuo exhaled sharply, and brought his hand to the back of Izaya's head, crushing it against him, tears beginning to gather and fall down his own face.

"I don't know," he whispered. "I don't know anything, Izaya, except that I love you right now."

Izaya pulled his head away from his chest and gazed up into Shizuo's grief-stricken eyes. Shizuo wiped the tears from his cheeks and the blood from around his mouth with a smile that held back the utter torment he felt, and he gently leaned forward, placing his lips on his. Izaya furrowed his eyebrows, and closed his eyes, another tear escaping down his cheek. Shizuo opened his mouth and pressed his tongue firmly against his tightly clenched teeth until Izaya responded and let him deepen the kiss. Shizuo tasted his blood and his tears, and he placed one hand gently on Izaya's side, pulling him closer. Conflicting warmth collided with the shramming cold of their mercilessly short future, as both of them were swept away in the tender expressions of the moment. At length, Izaya pulled away for a breath, and touched his forehead against Shizuo's.

"This can't work," he breathed. "Shizuo...we can't-" his words were cut short as Shizuo caught his mouth in another kiss.

"I don't care if it works or not!" he growled, pulling his mouth away and crushing Izaya tightly in his arms, again. "I don't care!"

"I have nothing I can give you, now..." Izaya whispered, sadly.

"You've already given me something," Shizuo said, burying his face into the nape of Izaya's neck. He squeezed him so tightly, Izaya could barely breathe, desperate to feel as much of him as possible. "Just give up, flea. I'm not going anywhere." Izaya's body began to tremble once more.

"You're really dumb, Shizu-chan," Izaya chuckled through his tears.

Shizuo walked back home after the funeral, completely numb. He tried, unsuccessfully, to block out the feeling of Izaya's lips, the way his body moved underneath him, the few, often blissful months he'd been able to share with what he considered to be the most remarkable thing ever to happen to his life. Eventually, he gave up, letting the tears flow freely again, ignoring the troubled stares he received. Izaya had lived far beyond any physician's prediction, but it wasn't long enough. It wasn't eternity, but still, it had been something. Even with the precautions Shizuo had to take to be with him, he couldn't imagine a more contented feeling existed. He only hoped that Izaya had understood that, in the end. The ex informant had accepted his affections, cautiously at best, and at times would put a stop to it altogether. Shizuo could see the pain in his eyes, one worse than any physical ailment could ever cause, and it only confirmed his resolve to make Izaya understand. He wanted desperately for him to know that it didn't matter what had transpired in the past, and it didn't matter what physical challenges he faced; Shizuo utterly adored him. Not because of his looks, not because of his vast intellect, not because of the powerful position he once held in the underworld of Ikebukuro; Izaya's worst fears had been long since realized, as those qualities of himself slowly faded away. It was because he was simply Izaya, even in the end, and their bond was unbreakable. It was common knowledge to the body guard, and he couldn't understand how someone so smart just couldn't see it that way all of the time.

In the end, Izaya had slipped away while Shizuo was on an out of town business trip with Tom. He'd received a phone call from Shinra on the plane ride back. Oddly enough, it came as no great surprise to the body guard. In fact, it occurred to him that Izaya would have wished for him to be gone when the time came for his life to end, the way a feline disappears from all it's familiar surroundings when their time is near. After all, Izaya never fully confessed his love. Shizuo guessed he'd never know for sure exactly how the informant had felt, what had motivated him to behave the way he did throughout the years. What drove someone so beautiful to him to behave so vehemently toward his own kind. Shinra had tried to explain to him the anxiety caused by his illness, how one would feel differently about society, but Shizuo wasn't really listening. Nobody knew how Izaya truly felt, and he didn't delude himself for a moment that the underground doctor would have answers for him. Shizuo sometimes wondered if even Izaya knew how he felt all of the time.

He heard the puttering of a motorcycle behind him, and stopped walking, turning slightly to the side as Celty drove next to him. He waited in a daze as she typed on her phone.

"Shizuo, I'm so sorry for your loss. I have something for you from him."

From him...

Shizuo swallowed the large lump in his throat and closed his eyes as Celty handed him a small, folded note. With unseeing eyes, he stared at the neat lettering for a while before actually comprehending Izaya's words to him. He clenched the note tightly in his hand, bringing it up to his forehead and grit his teeth. Celty reached out her hand to grip his arm in comfort, but before she touched him, the bodyguard's shoulders began shaking. Suddenly, Shizuo threw back his head, roaring with laughter. Alarmed, Celty flinched and retreated. She watched him curiously, until all of his hysterical mirth was spent, and he was chuckling quietly, with his head down.

"Shizuo, what's wrong?"

He could barely read the words threw his laughter, and he had to squint to see. He clapped a hand on her shoulder, unexpectedly, and drew her into a one armed hug.

"Thanks, Celty," he breathed. She tilted her head in confusion, and in answer, he held up the note. "He was really a flea, wasn't he?" he asked with a smile, tears streaming down his face. Celty got off of her bike and hugged him tightly, letting his head drop on her shoulder. She quickly typed something and held it out to the side for him to read.

"Izaya was many things...but I think he was very much in love with you. As much as he possibly could be."

"I know..." Shizuo took a deep, shaky breath. He lifted his eyes to the bright blue sky and watched the clouds slowly drift over the city. He heard the sounds of traffic in the street, and the murmuring and footsteps of pedestrians walking by them. He heard the pigeons cooing atop the street lamp over their heads, and the familiar splash of a nearby fountain. Life continued on, in spite of everything.

'But just you wait, Izaya... Wait for me...'

In the end, Izaya was simply one step ahead of him, yet again. But he would get there. He and all of the beloved humans would get there, someday.

The End