Reminiscence

Chapter 1

"A bad feeling?" Castle asks, as he hands over Kate's usual morning ritual—a grande skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla and bearclaw—then holds the yellow crime scene tape up for her to duck under, following closely after her.

"Thanks," she says as she grabs her coffee, nods her head once appreciatively before continuing her explanation. "Yeah, I don't know. I just woke up with the chills and everything. Like something was just...off. I mean, it's hours later and my hands are still shaking a little bit. I really don't feel cold at all."

He had noticed when she stepped out of the Crown Vic upon arriving on the scene (he beat her there by seven minutes, boasting that it was thanks to the Ferrari) that she was fussing with her leather gloves and shaking out her hands as she approached him. Upon asking if she was cold, she shook her head, and to his surprise, made the confession about some ominous feeling she had as she woke up to answer the phone call alerting her to the murder victim they were currently on their way to meet.

The weather forecast in the newspaper had said that New York City was expecting a high of 50°F today and a slim chance of rain, but so far it was just humid and overcast, befitting of a late December morning. Kate was relatively bundled up for the cold weather, wearing a thick, red, double-breasted coat, so shivering from any chilly breeze seemed rather out of place to both her and Castle.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he inquires further, his brow furrowed; a visible tell of his concern that doesn't go unnoticed by his partner.

"Honestly?" she starts, then sips her coffee, taking a moment to relish in the warmth as it cascades down her throat. "If it was, I don't remember a thing."

"Weird."

"Tell me about it," she says, then directs her attention to Ryan and Esposito. "Morning boys, what have we got?"

It was always difficult for them to work on murder cases so close to Christmas. The victims are always someone's child, maybe even a spouse or lover. They have friends, families, and people they've left behind in the world. Regardless of social labels, class in society or what have you, a murder victim is a loved one to somebody out there, and now they're gone, never to return.

Kate knows all too well how it feels to lose someone, be they family or friend. She knows how it feels to be the one left behind, missing that presence every day, feeling as though you took the time you had with them for granted and feeling the agony of knowing that all you have left is the memories, and if you're lucky, special mementos.

Breaking that harsh, cruel reality to the next of kin was certain to ruin the holiday for one unlucky family; two, should they catch their suspect and alleged murderer and have to inform his or her family of what they had done.

No, murders around Christmas were never easy. Not by any means. They tug at the heart strings without fail, no matter how hard the detectives may try to push the emotions back and remain detached from the case. But working as a team and banding together lessens the dreadful thoughts that are sure to invade their minds throughout the day. By having each other's backs, they could stay safe, sane, and return home to their own families for the holiday.

Or at least, that's what the plan was.

"So, off to your dad's tomorrow?" Castle asks as they return to Kate's desk to gather their belongings.

Kate sent the boys home an hour earlier since they hit a roadblock in their current case. She had put in a request for a search warrant for their prime suspect's parents' home, the place they assumed he probably fled to after the murder of his girlfriend, but Judge Markway was already on his Christmas vacation and that meant that they'd be delayed in getting the warrant issued by at least another day.

She and Castle opted to do some additional canvassing of the vic's neighborhood to ask if anyone had seen the man around, just to be thorough, before returning to the precinct.

"Yeah," Kate replies, shrugging on her coat. "I'm gonna pack my things when I get home, probably head out early tomorrow morning before it snows."

"His cabin get a lot of snow in winter?"

She hums in response, nodding her head. "Little bit. Nothing excessive, but it's always a white Christmas up there."

"Sounds nice."

"What will you be up to this Christmas, Castle?"

"Honestly? I have no clue."

"What?" she says incredulously, and he shrugs his shoulders. "Really? No fancy parties or classic Christmas movies? Surely you guys have some sort of Christmas traditions. I can't imagine you not."

"Oh, we do. It's just that Mother has been so busy getting her school set up and—yes, I know that look, let me finish—" Kate had raised her eyebrows at the mention of Martha being busy, clearly confused as to why his mother being out of the house would be such a bad thing in his eyes. She laughs and he continues. "That part hasn't bothered me so much."

Kate smiles and shakes her head at him when he flashes her that grin that she reads as, Yes, I love my Mother but I love that she's out of my loft more often, too. Yeah. She figured as much.

"—but Alexis has been so focused on college this month that we haven't really even talked about anything other than Christmas dinner this year, which yes, I plan to be quite the feast."

He gives her a proud grin and a wink which elicits a compressed smile from the detective.

"Anyhow, I couldn't even get her to sit down and watch 'It's a Wonderful Life' with me the other night because she was so busy going through college brochures from all the places she had toured earlier this month. After studying for her finals and finishing the school semester out, that's the only thing that she's had her mind on. She even rolled her eyes at me when I asked if she wanted to roast chestnuts over an open fire with me on Christmas Eve!"

When Castle plops down in his seat with a heavy sigh, a sympathetic smile graces Kate's face as she looks upon him.

His little girl is all grown up now. She'll be a legal adult before they know it. Which makes him...old enough to have an adult, college-aged daughter that is no longer interested in childhood father-daughter Christmas traditions that her child-like father is so desperately clinging onto.

Poor Castle.

She can't help but wonder if her own father felt the same way as she got older and turned down his offer at spending time together taking part in old Christmas traditions, too.

After her mother died, Christmas every year was never the same. It had lost the light and cheer it once held for her little family that was now even smaller in her absence. Sometimes she didn't even see her father on Christmas. She worked through the holiday like it was just another ordinary day. Celebrating it and being happy and cheerful just didn't seem right, not with her mother's case still cold.

But not this year.

She decided over a month ago to start letting go of the past. Letting go of her mother's murder.

Kate wants to be more than who she's become since her mother's death. She wants to live her life to the fullest again.

So this Christmas, she's spending a whole three days with her dad at his cabin, and she plans to spend every moment of it reviving old traditions that haven't been taken part in for well over a decade.

Deciding she's in no real rush to head home and pack, especially with Castle sitting before her looking like a dejected puppy due to his daughter, while she herself is anxiously anticipating spending Christmas with her own father, she takes a seat in her chair and swivels to face him, elbows on the desk with her chin propped up in her hands.

"What did you do with her when she was little?" she asks softly.

Instantly he perks up at the question, and the sight makes something flutter in her chest. Good. A happy Castle is a much better sight.

"When Alexis was around, oh, eight or nine, we started playing something of a murder mystery game—without the murder, of course—with Mother's theater friends she'd have over for Christmas parties. Everyone would wear a pair of antlers on their head and Alexis had to figure out whodunit. We dubbed it 'Grams got run over by a reindeer.' "

"You did not," Kate says skeptically, though the corners of her mouth soon lift to reveal a bright smile. "Oh, who am I kidding, this is you we're talking about. Of course you did."

"We did indeed. Alexis loved it. And Mother was thrilled to play the part every year, flailing around in makeshift agony and pointing her finger at all sorts of people in the room for Alexis to go interrogate," he grins.

"I bet."

Kate could see it now: Intelligent little Alexis diligently investigating the crime, Martha all decked out in a lavish gown making wild accusations to party guests while Castle and said guests play along in amusement with their little antlers poking up from their heads.

He's such a good father. A major goofball, but a good father all the same.

"I miss those days," he admits, letting out another sigh.

Kate remains quiet, content to just sit and watch him twiddle his thumbs, stare at a spot on the floor with a slight smile on his face while consumed with thoughts that she assumes are probably of past Christmas festivities with a much younger Alexis. Occasionally his lips quirk into a smile at a memory and Kate finds herself smiling right along with him.

After a short moment, the sharp noise of her cell phone ringing snaps the two of them out of their reverie. Castle glances down at his watch and stands as Kate shuffles through her coat pocket for her iPhone.

"Your dad?" he asks, once she has the phone in her hand and checks over the caller ID.

"No. Same area code but I don't recognize the number. Huh."

Castle quirks his brow curiously. It's not like she's never had numbers call her before that she didn't recognize. That happens all the time. No big deal.

"Beckett," she answers, then waits a beat, "Yes, this is she."

Castle studies her as she falls silent, listening carefully to the voice on the other end of the line. He watches intently as her facial expression drops from one of piqued curiosity to downright horror.

"Where is he now? Where are they taking him?" she asks urgently, casting a haunted look in Castle's direction for a fleeting moment before grabbing a pen and jotting something down on a piece of paper.

She almost looks faint, and if it weren't for the make-up, he suspects her skin would probably look a ghostly shade of white right about now.

What the hell is going on?

"Beckett?" he calls to her, taking a step towards her, his knee just about brushing hers as she sits in her chair. She holds her free hand up to wave him off and shush him and he can see her fingers and the pen she's holding between them quivering.

"Y-yes, I-I've got it," she stammers, her voice wavering, "I'm on my way right now. Please call me if there's anything. Anything at all. Thank you."

As soon as she ends the call, she stuffs the phone into her pocket, grabs for her bag and throws it on the desk. She tears into it and starts desperately searching for something inside of it.

"Kate," he tries again, his heart pounding in his chest at the thought of what could possibly have just been said to his partner that has her so unnerved.

Her hand stops searching the bag after coming across something that jingles, and Castle sees her lift her bike keys out of it. Her hand is trembling even worse than before now.

Without even thinking, he reaches out to grab her wrist, clenching firmly around it. The sensation brings her eyes and full attention up to his face and his heart breaks when he sees the unshed tears brimming in her eyes.

"My dad," she cries, her voice broken and scared, lips quivering as the words come out.

Wasting no time at all, Castle slings her bag over his shoulder, snags the keys out of her hand and starts heading for the elevator.

"Let's go," he tells her. "I'll take you."