Summary: How does a dashing man with vain tendencies of twenty-something fall in love with a ninety-year old woman? Sophie is determined to know, despite Howl's attempts to slither out. What could Howl be hiding? Rather less exciting than it sounds, just HowlxSophie fluff basically. Oneshot.

A/N: I have a disease. It compels me to write HowlxSophie oneshots. Please beware of fluff. It's coming. In droves. Oh my.

Disclaimer: All big ideas come from Diana Wynne Jones.

In Which Howl Explains

Howl dared not move an inch.

He was so utterly comfortable – moving at all would be a shame. He was situated on a rather scratchy blanket (but he didn't let this bother him) spread out in a field of flowers in the Wastes. From where he was lying, he could see the castle disappearing in and out of the mist in the distance. Howl pulled his forearm closer to him, which was draped lazily over Sophie. The two just lay there quietly, enjoying each other's company. It was rare the two of them found themselves alone together and rarer still that they had nothing to argue about so both Howl and Sophie where endeavoring to savor the moment.

"Howl?" Sophie mumbled, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Hmm?" Howl replied, his face buried in her red gold locks.

"I was wondering if you might tell me a little story," Sophie began, hesitating slightly.

"Hmm?" was the reply again.

"Is that a yes?" Sophie questioned before continuing.

"Depends," Howl muttered with a smile, finally lifting his head up.

"Well, the story I would be most curious to hear – in fact, one I have been wanting to hear for quite some time…" Sophie paused. "The story I would like to hear is this: how does a dashing man (here Howl smiled) with vain tendencies (Howl stopped smiling) of twenty-something fall in love with a ninety-year old woman?" Sophie waited expectantly.

Howl heaved a sigh. "Sophie darling you were there for that story, I shouldn't have to tell you what happened."

"Oh no you don't Howl – I'm not going to let you slither out of this one. Despite what you say, I think it's important to this relationship."

"I already told you – you know everything that happened! What's the point of me telling it again?"

"Oh Howl, don't be so obtuse! I wasn't there for everything that happened. I don't know what was going through your mind or through your heart!"

"Sophie, we've been over this: I didn't have a heart."

"Then how did you know?"

"Come again?"

It was Sophie's turn to sigh. "How did you know you loved me?"

Howl remained silent, but when Sophie threatened to escape his grasp he began to talk hurriedly.

"It's not a very romantic story. You wouldn't care for it."

"Sounds interesting," Sophie replied brightly. "And it's a very good beginning. Start there."

"If you insist Sophie dear, but I still stand by my claim that you aren't going to like it."

...

…

…

It had been a rough day for me, the great Wizard Howl. The king was pestering me once again about searching for the lost prince and threatening me if I didn't. It only seemed like a matter of time before the Witch of the Waste's plot succeeded, and had me in her grasp. And that blasted Sophie – she was going to drive me insane with her snooping. Couldn't she keep her long nose where it belonged? Didn't she realize what I was trying to do affected her as well and she shouldn't screw it up?

I had hoped to come home to a nice, quiet castle after my arduous day. Perhaps I would treat myself with an extra-long bath. To my dismay, however, I was met with the Spanish inquisition when I entered the castle.

"Howell, sit down," Calcifer said in a threatening tone. Startled, I meekly did as I was told.

"Now what's this about Calcifer…?" I was at a loss.

"This is about you, Howl. You and Sophie. You two are driving me insane, literally."

Figures. I was not the only one suffering at the hands of our cleaning lady.

"Sorry Calcifer, I will restrain Sophie from cleaning your hearth if it bothers you that much. Now if that's all –" I was about to slip away to the bathroom when Calcifer interrupted me.

"No!" Calcifer yelled, a few sparks flying forth. "That is not what this is about."

"But you said…" My bath was still foremost on my mind.

"Let me be more specific. I don't want your heart anymore. I want to get rid of it. That is what's driving me insane." More sparks flew about for emphasis.

More confused than ever, I leaned forward in my chair, deciding to put aside thoughts of my glorious bath and figure out what was going on.

"Now Calcifer," I voiced, "what's this really about?"

"I've told you, you dense wizard!" More sparks than ever escaped from the hearth.

"I can't stand your heart!"

I admit, I was rather stung. "How does one reply to such a remark?" I mumbled. "I gave my heart to save you, after all."

"Just listen. Howl, how do you feel when Sophie is in the room?"

"Well amused, annoyed, and usually somewhat frightened. She is a stubborn old lady." A whirl of memories of the two of us arguing flashed in my mind's eye. Things sure had been more interesting in the castle since she showed up.

"You know what I feel when Sophie's in the room? I feel your heart flittering away. Like a dove. It's incredibly uncomfortable. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm not sure I see what you mean," Calcifer's leaps of logic where leaving me behind, and I was beginning to fantasize about my warm bath again.

"Howl it's your heart. There's only one logical explanation: you are falling in love with Sophie, and it's killing me. Howl, fire demons are not meant to love."

My temper flared. "Are you insinuating that I – the most beautiful wizard in all of Ingary – am smitten with an old woman? Preposterous –"

"Oh shut up, Howl," Calcifer said, flaring up. "We both know very well that Sophie's under a spell…she really isn't that old. Younger than you by my calculations."

A hushed silence fell over us.

I was thinking about the last lines of that blasted poem the witch cursed me with: "And swear, No where, Lives a woman true, and fair". Perhaps Sophie would keep the curse from coming true! I just had to break her curse, and then the two of us could…I paused. Panic began to set in: I didn't know how to do this. Luckily it was still a ways off so I could deal with my heart when it became necessary.

Finally, I spoke up. "What do we do then?" I asked with a sigh.

"Break Sophie's curse of course, while in turn breaking our contract." Calcifer had clearly given this a lot of thought. "Sophie's our best hope with that one. Start thinking on it. The Witch of the Waste and Wizard Suliman come in somewhere, but I can't see how. There's some deep magic afoot."

"I'll work on it, Calcifer." I stood up and straightened my shirt. "Oh and Calcifer, thanks." I smiled and felt oddly light as I walked towards the stairs. Remembering something, I turned around. "Oh! before I forget, make some hot water for my bath, please."

Calcifer groaned for effect, but flashed his crooked fire-demon-smile. I took a very very long bath that night, startled and confused about what had just happened.

…

…

…

The completion of Howl's narrative was met with silence.

"Sophie?" Howl said tentatively.

"Calcifer told you?" Sophie said, not the least bit pleased.

"Oh no Sophie – see! I told you you wouldn't like it! Did you listen? No!"

"My happiness hinged on an explanation from a fire demon?"

"I – I – well Sophie…"

Sophie regarded him expectantly. Howl gulped.

"Sophie I know you are not pleased, but think for a moment. Just because I was too thick to realize my feelings doesn't mean that on seem level I didn't! Sophie, Calcifer only knew because he was the caretaker of my heart – my heart. See, my heart knew what was going on, but my mind was a few lengths behind." Howl paused here, frightened of what Sophie might say next.

She didn't say anything. She leaned forward and kissed Howl full on the lips, her hand weaving through his (today raven) hair. Howl, though surprised, responded enthusiastically enough, pleased he had managed to do something right.

A/N: I've been playing with this idea for a while, but the first draft I wrote was from Calcifer's point of view and utterly un-publishable. [Funny how writing works, eh? I thought this story was lost, but then had the brain blast to write it from Howl's point of view instead] Hopefully you found this draft more entertaining.

*random note* I played with first person for Howl's narrative, though I usually stick to third person…I know he still referred to Sophie as Sophie and not 'you', but Howl is quirky like that sometimes and I think he would have found it amusing xD (or at least I do)

Anywho, let me know if you enjoyed my latest cheesy oneshot (actually there was a little less cheese than usual. Oh well. It's healthier that way ;P ). ALSO be sure to let me know if you thought it was boring – I may think something's interesting, but it's sometimes hard to tell if other people will too.

~YIEQ