Disclaimer: All rights belong to Hiro Mashima – I hate him, yes!

Credits to InfiniteCity for the cover photo. :)

A/N: For those who have been following this story from day 1, I have decided to rewrite it since I have forgotten its original plot. And I have to finish this fic no matter what. I won't let you down, guys! English is my second language so feel free to point out any errors you see. I changed it from first person to third person and from past to present. I appreciate your continued support! I can feel you guys!

I THINK I'M INLOVE WITH MY WIFE

Chapter 1: That Dreadful Day

It all started that dreadful day…

"What now, Natsu?" Gray smirks mischievously, joshing the pink haired guy. "Have you gotten rid of that leech chick?"

Earlier that day, Natsu asks for Gray's help to shake off his ex-girlfriend who is desperately into his friend, with reasons he couldn't point out. He couldn't understand what made this chick crazy over an idiotic pink-haired moron with oh-so-NOT-attractive squinty eyes. Of course Gray didn't lend him a hand. His time is more precious than anyone could think of.

"You idiot! I don't know why I consider you a friend!" Natsu glares at him.

Gray really enjoys a pissed-off Natsu. Every fucking time! The Dragneel son is short-tempered and the guy losing his cool happens regularly – and most times, he embarrasses his self. The raven haired boy lets out a chuckle as he shakes his head mildly.

"Tch," Natsu clicks his tongue, "Good thing Lucy's the hero of the day."

Gray feigns a surprise reaction, "Wow, that's something new." He leans back against the couch and crosses his legs royally. "As far as I remember, that girl's too lazy to even hand you the eraser you dropped under her desk."

Natsu smirks arrogantly, "That only applies to you, punk. I am special to her and you're not." He declares proudly like it's some kind of achievement, crossing his hands across his chest.

"The first line… is spot on." Gray laughs, "What did the brat do?"

Natsu's head turns side to side and leans his face closer to Gray – a symptom of a great rumor monger – before he speaks, "She told the girl I am her boyfriend and asked her to back off." He then turns around and let his body collapse on the vacant space beside Gray. "Heh! I felt sorry for my ex, she was eaten whole by insecurity and jealousy." Natsu narrates excitedly. "Can't blame her, that's our Lucy."

"Never got the idea she could pull off some clichéd act like that." The raven haired boy raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Why are you even excited, you look disgusting."

Natsu sniggers more sordidly. "You should have seen it yourself. I got carried away for a moment too. Well, I wish it was real." He says blatantly, still grinning stupidly.

Gray jerks his head, his mood now a bit off. "Good luck then. That girl's a major bore in my point of view." He comments bitterly.

He really hates girls like Lucy… or scratch that! He really hates Lucy – since he had never met a brat like her anyway. She is too obstinate and conservative – two contradicting personalities in one body. How could that be possible? Their families are really close, he could say they literally grew up together. Her elder brothers, Loke and Laxus are his best friends. They all went to the same school and university. He couldn't recall the exact reason why Lucy and him always clash every time they bump into each other, but they have been used to it. If they are the only two remaining human beings left in the world, there would still be war for sure. His brother, Lyon, however is the closest to Lucy aside from the Dragneel children, Erza and Natsu. Although Natsu and Lucy fight as well, they always make up afterwards… unlike them. Perhaps their stars aren't compatible. Or they were just born to be enemies.

"Who cares about your point of view anyway?" Natsu hisses, the sarcasm didn't go unnoticed.

"The hell you're getting at!" Gray rolls his eyes, and suddenly remembers something more interesting. "Oh, by the way, will there be strippers later at the bachelor's party?"

Laxus is going to tie the knot the day after tomorrow. How unfortunate for a man to be tied down at 25. Gray believes life starts at 30, or even 40-ish. But he guesses he found the one in the Strauss' first daughter. He then thought he sees Natsu's eyes sparkles in anticipation – in a bad way. Gray could tell the pink-haired guy is up to something.

A twisted smile lines Natsu's lips as he stands up, "You're going to enjoy this night, Gray. I'm telling you. I'm off!" Natsu waves a hand as he walks away.

Gray wonders what the show is this time. The last time Natsu pulled some prank, Loke was the target. Loke thought he got one of his ex-girlfriends pregnant. Natsu sent Loke threatening letters saying that the girl will tell Mr. Heartfila everything if the poor guy doesn't marry her – which scared Loke to death.

The head of the Heartfilia family is a very traditional man, so if he were to know of the matter, Loke will surely be forced to walk down the aisle with some girl he only played around with. And when Loke had finally made a resolve to run away and was about to ride the train, Natsu immediately revealed everything.

Being the optimistic man Loke is, instead of going on rampage and beating Natsu up, he only laughed it off and was so glad none of it was true.

This time however, the prank must be directed to Laxus as he is the man of the night.

Time passes and before Gray realizes, it is almost time for him to go the Heartfilia residence. He usually doesn't attend parties, but this one is an exception. It will be the last party his best friend, Laxus, would be single. So he obliges himself to go. And maybe another reason is because he didn't want to miss out the show Natsu's about to pull off.

He drives towards the venue and went in. The maids insist on ushering him to the mini bar but he declines all offer. For this house is like his second home, so it is safe to say that he is more familiar with the hallways than they are.

As he walks in, he immediately notices Lucy and Natsu on the bar counter. Roaming his eyes around the room, he remarks Lucy is the only girl in the party. Shameless, indeed.

"Gray!" Natsu calls him out, waving a hand.

The raven haired boy takes the gesture as an invitation and sits on the barstool beside him. "What do we have here? A little girl on a bachelor's party." Gray states cynically, mocking eyes directed to the blond girl.

Lucy shrugs as she looks back at him, "Oh, someone's crying already. A girl's got to cry, yeah?"

Gray sneers, "Want me to make you cry? In pain and pleasure?" He leans a bit forward, "A girl just got to say please."

Her nose crinkles as she grabs a filled shot glass and drinks it all in one gulp – Gray is amazed at how she can do that in a graceful manner. But he knows one thing – she reeks of alcohol.

Lucy leans forward as well, brown orbs meeting his dark blue eyes. "I could have… but I do not find you attractive at all. Sorry, not sorry." She swings her seat, now facing the bar, "Another one Bixlow, please?"

Gray caught a glimpse of Natsu who went unnoticed for a few moments while he is sitting in between them, giggling like a total retard. The raven haired boy feels the heat rise up to his cheeks, hoping and wishing Natsu didn't see and smoothly calls out to the bartender who is attending over to Lucy's drink and has his tongue sticking out like a precarious pervert. "I'll have whiskey on the rocks here."

"That was the warmest greetings I have ever witnessed in my entire life, it seriously made me laugh!" Natsu breaks the silence as he laughs out loud.

"Shut it!" Lucy hushes Natsu's lips with an unsteady finger.

"Aye!" The pink haired boy sits upright with a straight face, "I'll keep it down, alright."

Gray raises a brow in curiosity. "What the–"

"–Bixlow, is the whiskey done?" Natsu cuts him off even before he could finish his sentence.

"Here ya go~" Bixlow slides the glass skillfully, stopping right in front of Gray. "With cherry on top!" he winks, Gray wants to puke.

"Right, let's go Gray!" Natsu stands up and grins toothily towards Lucy, "I'll get back at you later, Luce."

The blond only nods without looking.

Gray is at the peak of his curiosity now. But even before he could follow Natsu, he hears Bixlow drop some flirty pickup lines. "I admire your courage, Bix." He lightly taps Bixlow on his shoulder and immediately follows Natsu to the couch. "What was that about? Are you now that brat's underling?"

Natsu's face grows serious, "She has been there since this afternoon. It appears a suitor she was entertaining for a while now got tired or something close to that." He explains, "Before you assume it was entirely her fault, it wasn't. She found out about Loke going after the guy."

Oh, so that's why she's fiercer today. More like on a PMS to him. "Well, the guy must be thanking Loke. I told you she's not a girlfriend material." Gray remarks as he twitches his eyebrows playfully.

"She is not his girlfriend yet, how can you expect her to be the girlfriend material?" Natsu growls in defense over the loud music, "Besides, Loke had beaten the guy up pretty badly, making the poor boy shiver with just the sight of Lucy–"

"–damn, did that happen just recently? The guy has black hair, dark skin?"

"Blue eyes?" Natsu nods, "You were with Loke then, are you?"

A smirk forms at the corner of his lips, "Yeah, I was saving the guy from meeting his doom."

"You are acting as Loke's eyes?" Natsu shivers.

"Nope," Gray responds and sips a little from his glass, "I am the protector of all men who were tricked by the outward appearance of that witch."

"Poor Lucy, she will never meet a man – though she has already met me – if you guys keep this up. Thanks to her brothers, your brother, my malicious sister… and now you've joined their club of keeping Lucy boyfriend-less forever." Natsu shakes his head disappointingly. "I promise I won't join your club–"

"Woah, I thought she dated someone before?" Gray asks, surprised. It is understandable that he doesn't know this fact about Lucy.

"Almost, I think. Come to think of it, that guy looks like you but… I don't know. With better personality? But if not because of her brothers, Lyon and Erza turn up in the way. Damn, my sister even treats her better than me. Maybe both of them have a big crush on Lucy? Or they just enjoy beating up other people? I should probably ask them for help next time I manage to find myself another leech."

"I'm unique in so many ways and my personality is part of my sex appeal." Gray states matter-of-factly as he crosses his arms against his chest and leans back more comfortably on the couch, "With Lyon, the crush thing is plausible. But not with Erza, you should know better than anyone."

Gray's ideal girl is Erza. If only she sees him as a man and not as a little brother, he would have chase after her. She is matured and resilient, total opposite of someone he hates. Most times, he finds himself comparing the two, weighing the pros and cons of having them his – not that he considers Lucy as a potential candidate. He just feels there is no other woman deserving to be compared to Erza except for that brat. Lucy always loses either way. He snaps out of his thoughts as he hears Laxus' loud voice.

"You've had enough, Lucy." Laxus turns his head toward Bixlow, "Stop giving her shots!" the eldest Heartfilia demands regally.

Lucy tilts her head up and stares at her brother, she stands up and grins inanely. "You guys did it again," her voice almost inaudible to Gray. She turns to face Bixlow and raises her right hand.

Now this is a show Gray must not miss. Maybe even record it for future use – but nah. He's too immersed in watching. He could tell from where he sits that Lucy couldn't even stand up straight. She is definitely drunk.

Unstable, Lucy shrieks, "Bixxie, give me a bottle of whiskey and…" she slowly points a finger at the alcohol stack behind the bartender and looks at her brother. "I'm off."

Gray nudges Natsu excitedly as he drinks alcohol straight from its bottle. "Hnn," he nudges back, not taking the mouth of the bottle away from his lips.

All eyes on the bar right now, they are definitely making a scene.

Gray sees Bixlow throw a confused look towards Laxus.

"Enough, Lucy." Laxus scratches the back of his head, obviously annoyed at the turn of events, but still trying to control the situation. This is supposed to be his day and he's down here, baby-sitting his little sister just because the other brother took her candy.

Lucy quietly stares at Laxus, pouting, eyebrows scrunching, and Gray knew exactly what will come next. Fake tears.

The raven haired boy couldn't stop himself from laughing when he sees the eldest Heartfilia's wall crumble right before their eyes. He knew Laxus will give in. And he did. It is Laxus' absolute defeat. How pathetic? It must be because of the fact that he doesn't have a sister that it made him look down on both Laxus and Loke every time they lose their sanity in the presence of the evil little sister, who by the way, would probably pass to be a really great actress.

Laxus lets out a whitewashed sigh as he signals Bixlow to give the girl what she wants. Gray could definitely see through Lucy. She could fool everyone but not him – definitely not him.

Lucy immediately grabs the bottle. Gray finishes his drink in one shot. Natsu stands and taps his shoulder lightly. "I'll just go bring Lucy to her room, I'll be back in a jiffy." He takes his first three steps forward and stops again. "And oh Gray, I had Jellal invited over. You remember Erza's boyfriend, right?" Natsu didn't wait for his response and continues, "He's in charge of the strippers." He winks disgustingly.

The raven haired boy only waves his hand dismissively. Jellal, huh? Gray met him a few times. He is one tough and lucky guy, he would at least give him that. To be able to talk to Erza requires too much courage because she really is intimidating, she acts more like a boy and she couldn't even paint her nails alone. It must be an effect of being the Dragneel's eldest child or maybe because the boys outnumbered the girls in our circle that she has adapted the same personality.

Sometimes, he thinks she is being over protective of Lucy because she has been frustrated at herself for not acting like a lady. Oh, he's bringing up Lucy again. He unconsciously slaps his head.

He snaps out of his thoughts and observes Natsu pull Lucy away from Laxus. "I'll go take her to her room." He hears Natsu say, "Besides, this is your night to enjoy. Don't worry about–" The pink haired moron, in his opinion, is cut off as Laxus chops his head in full force. Natsu swings in trance for a moment before the swinging body of Lucy who is watching them intently. When Natsu seems to manage to snap out of daze, he rubs his head and yells, "What was that for, you idiot!"

Laxus laughs hysterically, gaining the attention of literally everyone inside the room. His expression instantly turns serious as he glares daggers at Natsu, "Never dare taking advantage of my sister, punk. You're 100 years too early to do that in my turf."

"Hey, hey Lak-hiccup-shoosh!" Lucy interjects, waving her hands on the air, she raises her right hand, gripping the bottle of whiskey tightly and is about to wrap it around Natsu's shoulder when…

Thump!

"Aaaaaaaaaaaw!" Natsu screams in pain as he rubs both his hands into another sore spot.

In yet another time, Gray feels sorry for the idiot. He gets a perfect combo from the Heartfilia siblings as Lucy unintentionally hits his head with the bottle of whiskey. Well, he would consider Natsu lucky as the said bottle didn't break into pieces. The blond girl could only blink while watching him jump up and down in agonizing pain. Laxus clutches his stomach as he cackles in laughter. Hilarity soon fills the whole room, yet Lucy, as if not fully taking in what just transpired, stands in bewilderment, looking at Natsu like he is some kind of entertainment.

"Awright~ I'm going home!" Lucy takes a step back, as she advances towards the exit looking like she would fall any moment.

Natsu immediately follows her from behind and runs in front of her, he kneels down with the girl facing her back. "You're already home, Lucy. Wanna piggy bank ride?" he asks with forced cheerfulness, as if talking to a child, still rubbing his head.

Lucy nods in delight, "'kay!" she pumps her fist on the air and climbs on Natsu's back.

"Natsu," Laxus calls out, trying his hardest to stop himself from laughing, "Bring her to Loke's room, he's on his way home. He knows what to do with her, then come back here in exactly 5 minutes. Or else…"

The pink haired boy, trying to balance himself with Lucy, stands up cautiously and looks back at Laxus. "Aye, sir!"

Gray watches them as they exited the room. Show's over. Lucy is really troublesome. But good thing she does it in the right place, though not always the right time. Just then, Laxus finds his way over him. "Hey, man." He greets.

"Oi, the days pass by so fast. You're finally tying the knot." Gray teases, then gestures to Bixlow for another glass of whiskey.

"You son of a – try getting it yourself! I am not a hired bartender here!" Gray hears Bixlow shout as the real bartender enters the counter. Bixlow takes a bottle and throws it straight it to him. Phew~ Good thing he was a good catcher. He mouths him a thanks and the other only rolls his eyes in annoyance.

Laxus grins uncharacteristically, "Seems so." The blonde takes a sip from his glass.

"Your sister acting spoiled again, huh?" The raven haired boy shakes his head in disappointment.

"Sorry about that, it's a misunderstanding." The Heartfilia eldest sighs, "Loke messed up again. Don't ask me, you were together then. And Lucy found out the wrong way."

Gray stares at him curiously but he didn't want to bring up suspicion, he always keeps himself from asking anything about Lucy. He pulls the cork out of the mouth of the bottle he was holding. "Speaking of which, where's the mastermind?" He inquires, changing the subject.

He glances at his watch and smirks, "On his way home now, he was with Lyon." That surprises Gray a bit. "Today's just got to be a bloody day for that pathetic guy." For a moment there, Gray thinks he sees Laxus display a sinister grin.

Me and my big mouth. He thinks. Because now he pities the guy. He was there when Loke had beaten and threaten him. Now Gray wonders if Lucy will ever get married with these men by her side.

Gray drinks the bottle of wine hungrily, he doesn't understand why but somehow he feels bad for Lucy, but she still annoys the hell out of him. Just then, Jellal comes over. "Hey Laxus, congratulations!" the man greets the blonde as he offers him his hand.

"Thanks," Laxus shakes his hand back.

"Hey, Gray." Jellal smiles at him and nods politely.

Gray smiles back, "I've been waiting for you." He jerks his head up and grins evilly, "You brought the strippers?"

Laxus, upon hearing this, almost fell off his seat. He gives them a nervous look as Jellal smiles, "Don't worry Laxus, I'm confident you'll be able to handle my strippers. Trust me." He assures.

The blond smiles uncertainly, "Don't want you guys to ruin my wedding, this better be good."

"PARTY'S ON, FOLKS! Come on in, strippers!" Jellal screams, his smile twisted just like how Natsu's was this morning. Jellal's probably helping Natsu with his stupid prank.

The door opens with a loud kick, smoke starts to crawl inside the room, the crowd roars as they wait for the strippers. Then the music starts beating, the door reveals a – waah! What is this all about? – a muscular man in a lady nurse's uniform, the excitement instantaneously dies in the room, it is replaced by depressed sighs. To their dismay, it isn't over yet. Then follows another man in a lady cop's uniform, then a man dressed as a maid, and a bunny, and a kitty, and a tiger, and a lion… WILD!

Gray is laughing his heart out as Laxus stares at them in utter shock. The are dancing seductively around him. The whole night is so hilarious.

When Natsu comes back, he is already with Lyon. Loke came in late, probably he attended to Lucy first. Gray finds the sight of his pissed off friends, as muscular men dressed in women's clothes seductively strip their clothes off in front of them, too much fun to watch. He didn't even realize he is drinking more than he could probably handle.

"You can sleep over in my room, Gray." Loke taps his shoulder as his vision starts to fail.

Gray nods in appreciation. "Yeah, I'd like that." He stands up, "Have fun here." He says as he swings left and right. He notices the drunk Natsu staring at him excitedly, if his head was a bit clearer, he could've seen through that look, but luckily for the pink haired moron, his brain is not working properly due to over consuming of alcohol.

Gray goes straight to the second floor, trying to work his brain hard to figure out where the hell is Loke's room. If the maids' offer of assistance still stands, he would gladly appreciate it. He notes that all doors looks the same. So, leaving it to fate, he stirs the door knob of the nearest room he could reach.

The room is dark, this must be Loke's room. He takes off his shirt, then his pants and dives straight on Loke's bed. Smelled like lavender and alcohol, ah. Lucy was here a while ago, that is why. He crawls under the blanket and feels the warmth of another body brushing against him. Must be Loke's girlfriend, he might have forgotten.

But he finds no strength to stand…

And so he fell asleep.

.

.

.

to be continued…