How To Annoy People In A Market

1. Talk about 'Ze Noodles'.

Travis stopped a young woman by the meat department.

"Where is ze noodles?" He asked in a heavy accent.

The woman knit her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"Ze noodles," Travis said, "Ze noodles for ze soup?"

"Oh," The woman pointed down an isle, "Right there."
"Ze noodles are right there?"

"Yes, right down that isle."

Travis frowned. "I can't buy ze noodles. Vill you buy me ze noodles?"

"Uh, no I've just enough for my groceries."

Travis looked like he was going to cry. "But I need ze noodles! Mother vill be mad if I do not bring home ze noodles!"

2. Give random people of the same gender your phone number.

Connor sidled up to a plump man and slipped his phone number into his pocket. The man looked up, annoyed.

"What's this kid?"

Connor smiled suggestively. "Just if you get bored."

The man looked repulsed, but Connor just walked away and found another man. This one was wearing a suit.

"Hey, dude," Connor said, grabbing the man`s hand and forcing his phone number in it.

The man gave him a dirty look and shoved the number back at Connor.

The next guy was an old man, about sixty. Connor walked up and held his number out to the man, whispering, "Call me."

Three days later, Travis called his brother into the living room, where he was holding the phone.
"Dude, some guy's on the phone for you," Travis said, "Says you gave him your number at the market."
"Ah! Hang up! Hang up!"

3. Get toilet paper and ask an employee for a sample.

Travis walzed up to an employee, holding a big pack of toilet paper.

"Excuse me sir?" Travis asked, "Could I get a sample of this?"

The guy looked at Travis like he was a lunatic, (And let's face it, he is.) and shook his head slowly. "No...We, uh don't give samples on anything unless it's at a table with an employee giving samples."

Travis looked at his pack of toliet paper. Then he pulled a square of toilet paper from his pocket and held it out to the employee.

"Could you tell me what brand this is?" He asked, "It works really well."

That's when Travis got "escorted" out.

4. Talk to the meat.

Connor stroked the frozen chicken.

"Oh, man I hear you," He said softly, "I understand. This was wrong. Yeah, yeah, I get it, man. I'm sure you miss your wife, huh? Oh Henrietta, huh? That's a lovely name. Was she lovely? I'm sure she was lovely. And there was probably a lot of chicks around the coop, too. Oh, well I meant the baby chickens, but with your looks, there was probably a lot of the other kind, too! Am I right?"

"Mommy," A little boy whispered, "That man's freaky."

"Now do you see why I tell you not to talk to strangers?"

5. Grab some friends and play 'Sock Hockey'!

"Percy!" Travis hit the can of tuna with a broom in Percy's direction.

Nico blocked it with his broom and passed it to Jason, who nearly knocked an old woman over.

"I'm open, Jason!" Mitchell yelled from down the chip isle.

Jason slid the can to him, only to have it intercepted by Percy. An unfortunate man got hit in the face with the can while Percy hit it to Leo.

"Score!" Percy's team yelled.

Nico slid right in front of some lady's cart and she almost tripped jerking it to a halt.

"Alright," Jason yelled, "The next person who makes a goal gets to kiss my sister!"

Mitchell hit the tuna can and it collided with a woman's stomach.

"Yes!" He yelled, "Tell Thalia to pucker up, Jason!"