"You wanted to see me, sir?"

Guiche had always taken great care to cultivate the teachers. He did all his work well – or, to the best of his ability – and he cheerfully obeyed their commands. That sort of thing was important military experience too, his father had once explained.

So it was quite a surprise when Osmond said, "No, Mister Gramont, I did not. But it seems I have no choice."

"...sir?"

"You recently fought a duel, Mister Gramont, publically and in the open. You are here so that I may tell you that your behavior last week is not to be repeated."

The Headmaster's expression was terribly grim, but he had to say something. Desperately, he tried, "The rules – "

"Have been updated, Mister Gramont, as I'm sure you've heard, to account for this strange case; dueling familiars is now as forbidden as dueling their masters. Nevertheless! I know you, Mister Gramont, and I know you were planning your revenge. Another duel, or maybe something less formal, hm? Yes, that's what you had in mind."

It wasn't a question, which was fine because he was absolutely right. Brimir preserve me the rumors are true he can read minds and who cares that that's impossible...

But pride was more important, it had to be. "All my friends laugh at me now! And why not? You remember how I lost!"

"I do." Osmond's stern look softened, and seemed to focus on some lovely distance. "I absolutely do." Guiche sighed shared remembrence, and the scolding drifted to a halt.

But all too soon, their moment was over.

"We have put up with a great deal from you, Mister Gramont. You have a fine military legacy to live up to, so it's no surprise if you get into a scrap here and there."

He knows about all my fights and why not if he can read minds...

"And I can't be too hard on you – I was quite a firebrand myself, in my youth. But of course, there was no law against dueling in those days."

And that had to be a joke – that law was how many hundreds of years old? Too many for one person. Surely.

"So I'm warning you now! No further interference with Miss Vallière's familiar will be tolerated. No duels, no ambushes, not so much as a nasty look. Or else it will go very hard for you; am I understood?"

Guiche swallowed, hard. "Yes, sir."

The Headmaster nodded to him. "Good, good. And...some advice, if I may?"

He just wanted this conversation to end. "...sir?"

"Your friends aren't laughing because you lost, or because of how you lost. They're laughing because they don't respect you. Earn that respect, and you won't have this sort of problem again."

"Yes sir! Thank you sir!" After that he was finally, finally allowed to leave.

Earn his friends' respect?

Yeah, like that could ever work.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

And so a peaceful week passed, by the standards of the Tristanian Magical Academy. Classrooms remained unexploded, breakfast was allowed to proceed without witless teenage romantic drama, and most of all: there were no duels.

(Partially this was thanks to the puzzling absence of Miss Zerbst, of course; her lovers were always getting themselves into trouble one way or another. But mostly it was about Guiche.)

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"And don't forget! The Familiar Exhibition Faire is only three days away! If you haven't begun training your familiar yet, now's the time to start!"

Had Miss Cheveruse meant that last sentence specifically for Louise? Probably not. But it was impossible not to think it, seeing him sprawled out beside her chair, doodling in the notebook she'd given him. Everybody'd been a bit impressed with him after seeing him fight, and a bit sympathetic after hearing that he was sick, but as they got to know him better...oh well. Her familiar was completely unique, and if he looked ordinary, well, that was part of his charm. Or so she kept telling herself.

Characteristically, he'd fixated on the word 'Exhibition'.

"Don't worry about it."

"Ok, but what is it?"

Putting him off wouldn't work, she'd learned that much already. "It's a competition among familiars for beauty, grace, style, power...basically all the things you lack."

"Hey! I have power!"

But no arguments about the other three, huh? "All right, yes, but it doesn't matter; one of the other familiars is a dragon."

That completely failed to discourage him. "A dragon? Giant flying lizard with scales, and claws, and whiskers?"

"Dragons have whiskers, in your world?" Louise shook her head. "Anyway, yes, a dragon. That little blue-haired girl, Tabitha, summoned it. It was..." Magnificent. "...annoying. It's too big to fit in the stables, so it lives somewhere else – the forest, I think."

Naruto groaned, shaking his head. "Man, a dragon! It's great that you guys have them, don't get me wrong, it just sucks that I have to beat one in a power contest."

"No one's asking you to beat it! I already told you, you can't win this!"

They'd reached the Great Hall by then, so they parted for lunch, mutually dissatisfied.

It wasn't that she didn't like Naruto, it was just...why couldn't things be easy?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Naruto's first idea was not well received.

"Didn't I tell you never to use that spell again?"

They were having an intense, whispered argument in the halls between Administration and Earth Magic. Naruto was winning in terms of logic, he was pretty sure, but somehow that never seemed to matter.

"It's the faculty doing the judging, right? It's mostly men! I bet – "

Louise wasn't glaring, for once, but somehow the terrible gravity of her expression was even worse. "Listen, Naruto, there's something you need to understand. There are things in life more important than winning! I'd rather you'd lost to Guiche, than won that way!"

"Maybe that's true for you nobles, but I'm a ninja, and 'A ninja uses every device he has'. I'm pretty sure that's one of the shinobi laws, like maybe in the thirties? Anyway, I didn't have any of my weapons or tools! I was in my pajamas still! I couldn't even - " but Louise cut him off, her attention redirected. "Weapons? You fought with weapons, before I summoned you?"

"Yeah. Don't tell me there's some screwy rule against that here."

Louise shook her head. "No – or there is, but it works to our advantage. I've been thinking about ways to properly show your status. You have special magic and power, as a good familiar should, but you look completely helpless. As my familiar, that's unacceptable!"

Completely helpless? Be patient..."Um...okay, but what does that have to do with weapons?"

Louise rolled her eyes. "Commoners are forbidden to carry them, of course, unless they belong to a military unit or other special group. If you carry a sword or halberd or something like that, it will show that you're distinguished above to the common lot."

Naruto's face wrinkled up. After everything he'd said, she still thought like that? "I don't really need - " but of course she wasn't listening. "What kinds of weapons can you use? Swords? Spears? Axes, maybe? Or a bow?"

Naruto scratched the back of his head, smiling with embarrassment. "Not really any of those. I mostly just stuck to the basics: shuriken, knives and exploding tags."

For once, it was Louise's turn to be confused. "Exploding...tags?"

"Yeah. It's a piece of paper, but when you set it on fire, it explodes! They're great. Once I – "

She shook her head, pink hair flying. "No, no, that's all wrong! Knives are too small, and no one would even know your pieces of paper were weapons at all!" She looked him up and down judiciously. "No, you need a sword. A halberd would be better, but you're too short; it would look silly."

They'd reached the recently-rebuilt Earth Magic classroom by then, so Naruto couldn't respond to that properly. Which was fine; it gave him time to think. Dragon or no dragon, he was going to win this thing!

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She'd missed him at lunch (her work had interefered, so unkind), so Siesta took care to catch up with Naruto at dinner. "Catching up", in his case, always meant "Him telling her incredible stories from his homeland."

" - didn't dare let him eat that curry, not after what happened last time, so Neji and I had to drag him back to Konoha. Man, I always thought Neji was just a stuck-up jerk, and when I first met him he really kinda was, but after our fight he mellowed out a lot! Did I ever tell you about him? It all started with his family – "

Naruto's stories were always like that, one crashing into another. Well, that was fine with Siesta. She'd spent five awful days wondering about him, and the kind of world that could produce him. Was it some kind of paradise, where everyone was equal? Had they moved beyond fighting for pride and status?

She had those answers now: no and no. The Elemental Countries weren't any different than here, not really. The strong preyed on the weak. Those born with talent crushed those who lacked it. Normal folk got by as best they could, around the edges of the people who really mattered.

And Uzumaki Naruto rejected it all. He'd settled his own beliefs, his own sense of right and wrong, and wouldn't let anyone tell him anything else. He'd fight anyone, any time, if he thought he was right. Put that way, it didn't sound very virtuous. And maybe it wasn't, except...he kept winning.

Why fight against things that couldn't be changed? Well, how do you know you can't change them? Have you ever really tried?

More overwhelmingly still, he really believed that Siesta of Tarbes was worth just as much as, say, Louise de la Vallière. And more than Guiche de Gramont, as ridiculous as that seemed.

" - so he really did have his reasons. It was no excuse for beating up Hinata, but he knows that and now I think they're friends or something. I asked her about it once but she sorta froze – I guess she doesn't like talking about it."

Naruto sighed. "Man, I never thought I'd say this, but I wish Neji was here. If we could have a fight like the one we had at the exam, we'd win for sure!"

That was new. "Win what?"

"There's this familiar...exhibit...thing...the point is, I have to find some way to be cooler than a dragon. A dragon!" Naruto buried his head in his arms, next to his four (!) empty bowls of beef stew.

Naruto, hesitant and uncertain? Something about that was deeply frightening. "Well, never mind that now, you're here with us!" Siesta caroled, a little desperately. "How about another story? I want to hear more about your world, I always do."

"Meh, I dunno, I..." and suddenly he was grinning again.

"Siesta, that's perfect! You're the greatest!" And then he was out the door, dancing with glee.

Siesta, left sitting behind, siezed her courage with both hands.

This is a good thing. I'm sure of it.

Probably.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Louise certainly thought so.

Her carefully-constructed indifference to the outcome of the Familiar Exhibition Faire had lasted most of the way through dinner. Everyone was talking about it, but so what? A familiar's true strength was about more than tricks and performances, after all, so who cared about some silly Exhibition?

She'd gone on telling herself that until Headmaster Osmond had stood up, toward the end of the meal, and informed his students that Her Majesty, Princess Henrietta de Tristain, would be attending.

The Princess!

The Princess!

Just as she'd been starting to panic – with perfect outward poise, of course, as required of a true Noble – Naruto had appeared. And he had a plan.

And...it actually sounded pretty good.

And...now that she thought about it, she hadn't seen Tabitha or her dragon in days. Not that she ever made much of an impression, but...maybe the silence had been more silent than usual, lately.

I've been given this chance, to impress her and prove my worth above all others. I can't screw it up.

" - and best of all, it works with your plan too! Kinda! I don't really see how a sword could fit in, but I bet there's room somewhere..."

So she said to Naruto, "Right. We'll get your sword, and then you can show me what you have in mind."

It was just a piece of sharp metal, after all; how expensive could it be?

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Three thousand new gold!"

The shop Louise had led him into was dingy and badly lit, so Naruto hadn't expected much. But the sword in front of them now – well, however much three thousand gold was, this sword had to be worth it. It was different from a ninja sword: long and straight-bladed, with two edges and a wide guard by the handle.

A katana would slice your head off in a blur of speed and grace. This sword would cut you apart in slow motion; you might see it coming, but there was nothing, nothing, you could possibly do to stop it. Hell, the blade somehow managed to shine, even in the dim late afternoon.

Well, Louise had asked for something impressive. Naruto knew he was drooling, and he didn't care at all.

"It's...it's perfect! Louise, please, we have to – "

Louise was looking away, expression closed. Sensing weakness, the shopkeeper pounced.

"Your servant has fine taste, my lady. That's one of the finest works of the famous Germanian Alchemist, Lord Shupei! It will cleave through steel armor like it were butter – no mere thief has a chance against it."

That was enough to break into Naruto's admiring stupor. "Thief?"

"Oh, yes! The dread Forquet, the Crumbling Dirt! No one's heard from him in months, so he must be ready to strike his next target! So you see, my lady," and of course he's talking to Louise even though I was the one to ask..."everyone needs protection. Even porters and stablehands like yours are going armed these days. It's very fashionable."

Naruto boggled. "Stablehand? Like, the guy who has to – "

Louise was nodding to herself, much too smugly. "Told you. Completely helpless."

"Screw that. Could a guy who's completely helpless do...this?" And then there were a dozen Narutos, all of them grinning. The shopkeeper's shocked recoil pleased him – them – almost as much as his shiny sword. Yeah, that's right, it's not just the refined 'Nobles' with power anymore! Not as long as I'm around! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I don't –

"That's a pretty interesting spell you've got there, kid." It was a hard voice, grating, and rusty with disuse.

"Thanks, I – wait. Who said that?" The original was clueless, but one of his clones was lifting a dirty, corroded blade from out of a bin in the corner. Which made no sense, until the sword spoke:

"Not a mage, not a commoner...yeah, this is good enough to wake up for! What's your name, kid?"

...

Louise, bless her, pushed her way through the crowd of Narutos. Her eyes were wide, but she kept enough control of her voice to say, "That boy's my familiar, Uzumaki Naruto. I am Louise Françoise Le Blanc de La Vallière; may I have your name?"

...

"Uhhh...Derflinger! Sorry, miss, it's been awhile; took me a bit to remember. Ah...is your familiar all right? All those eyes...just watching...it's a little creepy, to be honest."

...

Louise frowned uncertainly. "I'm not sure. If I can just pick out the original..."

She wove back toward the shop counter, where one Naruto was sitting in a daze. She eyed him for a moment, nodded, and smacked him in the head.

"Ow! Wha...ah! Talking sword!" She'd chosen correctly; Naruto the First charged past himselves to grab the swo – to grab Derflinger for himself. Louise followed bemusedly.

"Wow! You can really talk?"

"Ah...yes?"

"Huh! That's...huh. And you can think, too?"

"Feels that way."

Naruto squinted the blade, tracing patterns of rust with one finger. "With what? You don't have a head or anything."

"My hilt, I guess. Never really thought about it." The sword gave a raspy little chuckle, steel on stone. "Anyway, kid, listen. I dunno why, but there's something about you that really gets my attention. How about I let you be my partner?"

"Yeah, yeah, ok." Still feeling dazed, Naruto hefted Derflinger in one hand, trying to look it – him? - in the eye.

The shopkeeper had recovered himself at some point, and popped up at Naruto's elbow. "Well, as your lordships can see, Derflinger is an extraordinary piece. A magical sword unlike any other, which I could not possibly let go for less than one thousand – "

"Can it, you shyster! You think I haven't been listening? You tried to sell me to that Griffin knight for a hundred!"

"That's right, and you know what? He wouldn't take it! Even fifty gold was too much for a rusty hunk of scrap!"

"100 new gold is fine." Louise put in, in a small voice.

"Fine! Done! On one condition: don't ever bring him back!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

100 new gold for a rusty sword. It didn't seem like much of a bargain. Then again, a Noble didn't make bargains, she made alliances, and her familiar's new alliance was starting off well enough.

"We've been fighting like that ever since my last wielder sold me, pretty much. I'd complain about his hygeine, he'd threaten to have me melted down...good times. But it's been pretty boring the last few years. I gotta tell you, partner, I sure am glad you came along."

"You'd been there for years!"

"Sure. I dunno, four or five maybe? Before that I belonged to this mercenary..."

It didn't matter how how rusty Derflinger was – he was a weapon, and that would show Naruto's worth even when he wasn't climbing up walls or conjuring up personal armies. Now if he could just follow through on his plan for the Familiar Exhibition Faire, and impress the Princess, everything would be perfect.

"...what's to know? Hold this end, stab with that end. Don't get those two mixed up and you'll be fine, right?"

"Brat! Swordsmanship is a sublime art, a vast continent of knowledge! Men have spent their whole lives just exploring the shores of that great land!"

"I guess you've gotta remember to hit with the sharp part instead of the flat part too..."

Now, admittedly there were some things to be said for normal, quiet swords. For example, passersby wouldn't follow along behind her, treating her familiar and his new toy as free street theater.

"Aw, dammit! We completely skipped out on that other sword!"

"Who needs that toy? You've got Derflinger on your side now! Or across your back, but that's pretty much the same!"

"But the other one's bigger and shinier!"

"You think it's just size that matters?"

I've made a terrible mistake. The argument continued, of course. Louise fell behind, staring at the pair in frank horror.

There are two of them now. A loud, rude sword for my loud, rude familiar. It's perfect, in the worst way possible. Why do these things keep happening to me?

Resolutely ignoring her own culpability, Louise hurried after them.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The day faded. Derflinger claimed to be tired, and was put away under Naruto's bed. Louise approved his plan, mostly, and even helped out some. That had to be some kind of first. Well, it was a first for him too; he'd never tried anything like this! Though, that one time with Jiraiya had been pretty similar...

But for some reason he didn't feel like thinking about that. Maybe I should make the teeth bigger?Or mess with the eyes some more...

Behind his back, Louise was changing for the evening. He'd offered to stand in the hall, but apparently a familiar's duty was to accompany its master at all times, no matter what she was wearing. Or not wearing. Well, fine, he wouldn't look, he wasn't some peeper, like – the thought cut itself off. I guess this is fine. I'll start on the trees now...

It was an hour later, with Louise reading by candlelight and Naruto holding as still as he could, when they heard a gentle knock at the door. Naruto opened it, of course – what if it was an assassin?

It was never an assassin, his luck was nowhere near that good, but this time he wondered a little. The girl at the door was short, dark-haired, and delicate-looking, but the blonde woman behind her had a sword. And more than that, an attitude, one that said I've used this sword to cut people. And, if you don't behave, I might use it on you.

So what with one thing and another Naruto was getting a little excited, but it was not to be. Louise glanced toward the door, gasped, and threw herself to the floor. Kneeling, Naruto realized, after a dizzy moment.

So it wasn't a complete surprise when she said, "Bow down, you idiot! That's the Princess!"

He did his best, but no one was paying attention to him. The princess – not the lady with the sword, clearly, the other one – stepped into Louise's room, pulled her to her feet, and embraced her tightly. "Louise Françoise, my dear, how I've missed you!"

Louise, bizarrely, froze, every muscle tense. "Your Highness, please, I'm not worthy..."

But the princess was having none of it. "You're my friend, Louise Françoise, my one remaining friend after all these years, aren't you? Didn't we chase butterflies through the palace courtyard?"

"Your Highness, I..."

"And get our clothes muddy, and fight over cream cakes? You always won – surely you remember that."

Louise swallowed. "Not quite always, Your Highness."

The princess smiled, and released Louise just barely enough to look her in the face. "You do remember; good. I was worried, Louise Françoise, that you might have forgotten me."

"Never! Of course I remember, every hour of it! You should have forgotten me, if anything."

She shook her head, fierce and sad. "Never. Those carefree days were the happiest of my life."

Naruto was getting lost. "So, uh, you've met before?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Princesses were good people, in Naruto's experience, and this one was clearly no exception. There wasn't that much to it, once she stopped to explain; her name was Henrietta, and she and Louise had been friends when they were kids. Louise tried to throw in a bunch of corrections, but that was the basic idea.

Little kids, it sounded like; their stories were all about playing dress-up and throwing mud at each other. They didn't have any stories at all about getting older together, or going to school, or anything like that. Weird.

But whatever'd happened, it was still really nice to see them together. Louise never laughed that freely, not that he'd ever seen, anyway. She was usually lecturing, or mad, or proud, or at most, amused. She was so, so...Louise all the time. It wasn't healthy.

If I could make her laugh like that...

The princess had asked him some kind of question. "Uh, sorry, what?"

Henrietta smiled, and repeated herself: "Would you please show me what you have planned for the Exhibition? Louise tells me it's extraordinary."

Louise said that? "Are you sure? You're just going to see it again tomorrow."

"Naruto! You can't just turn the Princess down when she asks for something!"

"I wasn't gonna turn her down, I just – " Henrietta was giggling. "Anyway, uh, you three sit over there by the door, and I'll do what I can."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Why did this seem like a good idea again?

"I'm very glad I could see this with you, Louise Françoise."

Eep. A true Noble should always remember to breathe..."Naruto is a fine familiar, Your Highness. But he's always...he's very surprising." There was no way to say this might be the worst thing you've ever seen without coming out and saying it, drat it. "Just remember he's good at illusions," she tried, which wasn't quite right, but there wasn't time for anything better, because:

"This is a story...of a demon!"A Naruto was sitting on the ceiling, face and hair shining out of the shadows cast by the moons, voice as deep and booming as he could manage. "Of a monster that plagued Konoha – that's my hometown," he added in more normal tones, then continued: "A name all ninja fear."

And something sprang through the window, onto the bed.

It was the size of a large dog, but the puffed-up fur and lashing tail made it seem larger. Its teeth were like daggers, beneath its snarling lips, and its eyes gleamed with a terrible, malicious intelligence.

Henrietta gasped. "Good at illusions. I see."

"The beast could never be killed, only captured – though many tried. This is one of those stories. This is the story of one young team of ninja whose mission it was to retrieve the dread tiger-demon, TORA-CHAN!"

The dread Tora-chan vanished behind the bed, and a fresh crowd of Narutos appeared. One by one they transformed themselves into lush, leafy trees. Naruto-sized trees, which tended to ruin the effect, but still. Then four more figures appeared from behind the bed.

A black-haired boy, looking cool and indifferent. A tall, masked man, looking cooler and more indifferent. A pink-haired girl, looking annoyed. And one Uzumaki Naruto.

"They tracked it to the Forest of Death! Which is pretty deadly, 'swhy they called it that."

She'd given him some more advice on the narration, but...oh well, too late now.

"There were bloodsucking vines!" Hearing their cues, a few of the trees reached out for the human figures, who swatted them easily away. "But they're no threat to a skilled ninja. Not as much as...the jumping leeches!"

Silence. "The jumping leeches!"

This time, a giant wormy creature leaped out, landing right on the pink-haired girl. Both disappeared in bursts of smoke.

"And uh, after a mighty battle where we thought she'd been killed, brave Sakura-chan returned a winner!" A whisper, a burst of smoke, and a new pink-haired fell gracefully from the ceiling to join her friends. The narrator hurried on.

Somehow this had all been much funnier when she was watching it alone. And somehow she'd pictured him learning more of the lines she'd written. But...the Princess was laughing. All praise to the Founder.

"None of these monsters bothered Tora-chan, of course. They knew who the boss was." The actors below nodded sad agreement. "But that wasn't the worst thing they'd have to fight."

"They came to a clearing," all the trees dissolved into smoke, "and a man came out." A man did, tall, with bushy red hair and bright blue sunglasses. Even the rusty sword in his hand didn't save him from looking totally ridiculous.

"You can never take the vile demon Tora-chan! He's my, uh, he's my sweetums, and I'll – damn it, why do I have to be this guy?"

"One of us has to!" The narrator argued.

"Damn it! Okay, well, Tora-chan's my precious little cutie pie and if you want him you're gonna have to fight for him."

"CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!"

The sword did him no good; he was instantly dogpiled by the other four. He burst into smoke, looking relieved.

Henrietta was chortling openly. "I see you haven't changed at all,

"And so the brave ninja finished off the demon's guardian. Normally this is where we'd get into a huge fight with the demon too, but Sakura-chan had learned some kind of crazy demon-taming jutsu by then," and the beast leaped from beneath the bed, into her arms, where she scratched it behind the ears, "so we all got to go home and get paid."

"And that's one day in the life of a bunch of ninja. Hope you liked it!"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Well, that went ok.

He was leaning against his bed after the show, watching Louise and the princess. Henrietta was watching him, eyes gentle. "Is it a true tale, Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Yyyyyyyeaaaaaaaakinda? Tora-chan doesn't look quite that scary, and I guess he's not really a demon, but we sure hated chasing him, that part's totally true." Naruto scratched an arm, remembering old injuries.

"And the man with the sword?"

"He didn't have a sword, but the man part's true too, believe it or not. I didn't even make up the stuff he said." Naruto shuddered theatrically, which got a laugh. From the princess, at least; Louise mostly just looked relieved.

"Uh...how about you, Miss Swordslady? What did you think?"

She mostly seemed surprised to be asked, but after a moment she smiled a little. "It was a good illusion, of the 'dread Tora-chan'. Very dangerous-looking. But real animals don't move that way." And she leaned back against the wall, in easy sight of the door and both windows.

Yeah, ok. Meanwhile, Henrietta turned back to Louise, her amusement fading.

"I meant what I said before; I'm glad I saw your familiar perform. But forgive me; it isn't why I came. I have a favor to ask you, Louise Françoise. You don't have to accept, but I hope you will."

"Of course! Anything Your Highness asks!"

"Not 'Your Highness'. In this...I'm coming to you as a woman, and a friend. Not a Princess."

"Anything."

"But before that, there's something you should know." She hesitated, pushed herself: "I'm getting married."

Congratulations? No, no, that clearly wasn't right. "And you don't like the guy?"

She turned to smile at him, gentle as autumn. "He's a prince of Germania" she said, as though it explained everything.

For once, Louise was as confused as he was. "Those barbarians? Why would you ever?"

"To build an alliance. It's a good match; it will keep my country safe. But first, Louise, I need you to find a letter for me, and bring it back."

She looked away, face shrouded. "I wrote it to Prince Wales of Albion, long ago. I know he still has it. But things are unsettled in Albion now, and at any moment, Wales could – " she broke off, choked. "It's the rebellion in Albion. Reconquista. Brimir break them all! Once they control Albion, they'll turn on us. We're the 'little country', right? You can see it on any map. We need an alliance, just to survive. And Gallia..."

Louise nodded, her hand on Henrietta's shoulder.

With a wrenchingly obvious effort, the princess picked up the lost thread of her story. "If the Germanian Imperial Family reads that letter, they'll break off the engagement. We'll have to fight Albion by ourselves...and we'll lose. So if the rebels find it, they'll send it on right away."

Now, finally, they were talking Naruto's language. "So you need to get there first. Get it back, steal it before the rebels do!"

"That's right." But her eyes were still on Louise. "I want you to be my courier, Louise Françoise. Go to Albion, find Prince Wales, get the letter from him, and return to me. You're the only hope I have left, I – "

Louise's eyes were blazing. "Of course we'll do it! For the Princess, no matter what the task, Louise de la Vallière and her faithful familiar will be forever loyal!"

"Hell yeah! Let's get some action!" Under Louise's glare, he modified that to "Let's help out a princess! Er, the princess! Let's be really loyal?"

Henrietta smiled at him, which helped a little. "More than that, I want you to be loyal to Louise. Guard my dear friend for me, please!"

Naruto grinned. Man, are all princesses this nice? "Yeah, sure. I'd've done that anyway, to be honest."

And Derflinger chuckled to himself, quietly, from his position by Naruto's ear. "I knew there was something about you, partner, but I didn't expect to get this lucky. One day and we're already headed for the field! This is great!"

Uh oh.

Henrietta was still focused on him. "And there's one thing I should ask of you in particular, dear familiar."

"Yeah?"

"In the Familiar Exhibition Faire tomorrow...don't compete."

"What?" Of all the dirty, rotten...Naruto was winding up to give the her a piece of his mind, princess or no princess, but she stopped him with one upraised hand.

"Please understand: no one in this world makes false images as fine as yours. If it were normal magic, instead of familiar magic, I don't even know what level it would be. Far above Square class."

Which was nice to hear, but didn't really explain anything. Seeing that, the swordswoman was more direct: "So don't show it to everyone, especially if you're about to infiltrate a hostile country."

"Ah. Ah. Well, if it's for a mission then I guess I can't complain."

No one said I'm sure you'll manage to anyhow, or anything unkind like that. But Louise looked like she was thinking it.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Late that night, after the Princess had left and Louise had fallen asleep, Naruto lifted Derflinger from his place under the bed and slipped silently out the window.

"Huh? What's this, partner? We scouting ahead or something? You weren't supposed to leave yet, you know."

I know. He didn't answer until he'd reached the ground, walking down the stone wall with just his feet, for practice. Only when he'd reached the bottom, safely concealed among some rosebushes, did he begin.

"Listen, Derf...I've kinda got a confession to make."

"If it's about that Louise girl, don't worry about a thing! I understand completely."

Huh? "No, it's not that, whatever that is, it's just...I don't use a sword."

"Feh! A little practice is all you need!"

Naruto shook his head. "It's not that! The techniques I use, uh, 'spells' you'd call them, I need to use both hands. To make the hand seals, here, watch." He started to form the seals for a Replacement, ram-boar-ox-dog-snake, then hesitated. "Or, can you watch stuff? You don't have eyes..."

"I see you, kid," the sword said roughly. "And I see what you mean. No room in those hands for me."

"You're still the coolest thing I've seen here, don't get me wrong, but...we can't fight together." Which was too bad; fighting with a talking sword had to be great fun, and he wouldn't want to leave the poor guy – sword, whatever – rusting in some bin, but what could you do? He was a ninja, and ninja need their fingers.

"You give up too easy, kid."

He'd faced a lifetime of criticisms, some very harsh, but...that was new.

"I don't know the answer yet, but we'll figure something out! I told you before: there's something interesting about you, and that same something tells me that maybe there's a way around this. So don't worry so much! Just do what comes naturally."

Naruto leaned back against the cool tower wall, grinning despite himself. I was that worried...? "Cool. Louise says just carrying a weapon around is good enough, anyway."

Derflinger chuckled, a delicate rasping screech. "She would! Obsessed with appearances, that girl, more than any knight I've ever known." He waited just long enough, then added, "Makes me wonder how she wound up with a dumb-looking guy like you."

"Hey!"

Which was how he really knew things were all right.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Your Holiness,

The Germanian authorities were not cooperative; they do not recognize the authority of the Church in what they believe to be an internal investigation. Nevertheless I was able to approach one officer unofficially, and learned from her that the details – wildfires, reports by the survivors, &c – are similar to those recounted by Cardinal Mazarin.

I have found no evidence whatsoever that these attacks are the work of Reconquista, either officially or in the persons of its members. In short, your Holiness' reasoning was entirely correct, and I beg you accept my apologies. In any case, I believe I am growing closer to the source, and will be able to provide you with a first-hand account in a very few days.

Until that time I remain,

Your most humble and obedient servant,

Julio Cesaré