A/N: hey! I just wanted to let you all know that this is supposed to be funny. I usually write angsty shit, so it's the first time I'm doing a multi-chapter with no death and disaster, and I'm having the greatest time writing this, so I hope you enjoy, too! Also, the chapters won't be too long! This is a humorous piece with a simple story line. Please do keep in mind English is not my first language and this is unbeta'd, therefore mistakes, typos, etc. are my fault, but have fun! c:

Disclaimer: No characters, TV shows, movies, music or games mentioned belong to me.

Warnings: language, mostly, maybe some action *nudge nudge wink wink* aaand my music taste is extremely ordinary.

That Time When Kenny McCormick Fapped To Gay Hentai
(And Had His First Kind Of Non-Platonic Mancrush)

Compensating Butters For All The Bullshit We Put Him Through And Never Apologized For

Track 00: Corinne Bailey Rae – Put Your Records On

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate

Well, Butters never had many friends.

And after some time, say when they were around 14 years old, Kenny started having a conscience, and that conscience demanded him to make up for all those years him and his friends bullied and pushed Butters around. He awkwardly tried to talk Stan and Kyle into this conscience thing, but they refused—well, they actually never listened in the first place; through the years, this weird ("no homo") super-best-friendship of theirs grew even stronger and they were kind of sucked into it, blocking out all the world around them. Kenny didn't even try convincing Cartman they owed Butters a lot, so he was completely alone in this quest, which he named "Compensating Butters For All The Bullshit We Put Him Through And Never Apologized For" (Kenny found that, if he named his tasks, it'd be easier to accomplish them. The only one he couldn't go successfully through was No Dying July, when he got killed by some fireworks that set his house on fire on 4th of July; he should have expected that anyway).

With said task set in his mind, Kenny asked Butters if he wanted to hang out, you know, play some video games or just talk and... stuff. Butters made a funny face, probably a weird mix of confusion and doubt, and asked where Stan, Kyle and Cartman were.

"I don't know, dude, but I think it'd be better if we hung out without them. I mean, you know, they're not exactly... fond of you," Kenny scratched the back of his neck and realized what he just said, regretting it immediately. Damn, why doesn't his mind-to-mouth filter function properly? "No, I mean—"

"Wuh-well, neither are you, right," Butters interrupted, not rudely, not aggressively, but more matter-of-factly.

Damn. His conscience was about to kill him.

"No, man," he looked away, trying to find the right words, at least this time, because he couldn't mess this up; it was his chance to get even with Butters and finally get is mind to calm the fuck down. "I mean, I know we never actually talked to each other, but you've done nice stuff for me. I want to make up for just screwing up when you were trying to be cool with us. For all the crap we put you through without a second thought."

"Nah," Butters smiled, discreetly rubbing his knuckles together. "I don't wanna force ya' to do anythin', Kenny. I-I don't mind, all that stuff's in the past now. But thanks offering anyway," he said with such a sincere tone in his Southern accent that made something inside Kenny stop working, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Gotta go now, my mom's gonna be real sore at me if I get home late. So see ya', Kenny."

And he walked off just like that, leaving Kenny with a gaping mouth. The only thought Kenny could muster was, is Butters a fucking saint?

The next day, Kenny invited him again. He wore fierce, determined eyes that Butters started worrying he had made Kenny mad. He was halfway of an apology when he gestured for him not to say anything.

"Before you say no," he began, and his eyes softened into something more affectionate. "You're a really nice dude, Butters. Too nice for your own good, actually, and don't think you're forcing me to do anything. I really want to hang out with you— and yeah, I want to get even with you, but that's not the only reason. You're nice and I know I told you just now but I want you to know it, like, really know that you deserve better than the bullshit everyone always makes you go through everyday and that you're too good for this fucked up, redneck town. Also I'm sorry for not realizing this before, but you're someone I'd be lucky to be friends with, so— what? Butters... Butters, are you— are you crying?"

Butters' eyes were wide and all glossy; he realized that and wiped them with the sleeve of his turquoise shirt, maintaining the catatonic look he wore during Kenny's entire monologue when he looked back at him. He seemed kind of speechless and Kenny was beginning to worry he said something hurtful, but Butters finally smiled an awkward smile and rubbed his knuckles together.

"I-I'm just really happy th-that ya' think all that of me," he admitted wiping his eyes again, emphasizing that Kenny was actually talking about him. "I've always admired ya' for doing all those things for South Park, ya' know, as Mysterion, even though everyone just mistreated ya'. Boy! Y-ya' were amazing as Mysterion! Fightin' crime and all! All those cool moves ya' had, your cool lines! Even your Mysterion voice, it was unbelievable!—" he suddenly felt self-conscious about how he'd started gesturing too much, feeling kind of embarrassed and continued a little less enthusiastic but always honest, "A-anyway, I'm glad someone like you, Kenny, thinks all those good things about someone like me. If ya' think that, I-I'd be glad to be friends with ya'. Heck, even if ya' didn't!" he laughed, and Kenny couldn't help but laugh along.

Again, Kenny caught himself wondering if Butters was, indeed, a fucking saint. Otherwise, how could anyone think so great of someone who – at best – ignored them for years?

It's Not Gossiping If No One Else Knows We're Doing It

Track 01: The All-American Rejects – Dirty Little Secret

I'll keep you my dirty little secret
Don't tell anyone or you'll be just another regret
(Just another regret, hope that you can keep it)
My dirty little secret

Three years later, they are pretty much best friends. Though their social circles (if what Butters has can even be considered a social circle) are very much apart, they hang out after school and occasionally share secrets people tell them—for some reason, everyone seems to trust Kenny wholeheartedly, perhaps because even though he's pretty popular, he doesn't talk much, at least when he's not around Butters; he actually doesn't feel he can talk without thinking too much around those people, so he opts for plain silence, unless he's spoken to. His friendship with Butters isn't a secret either, therefore less popular kids think they can trust Butters, too. Not that they can't, but he kind of feels pressured keeping secrets of and from people he doesn't know. Either way he doesn't complain since people won't bully him – who would ever dare? He knows their deepest and darkest secrets (and even if Butters would never spill anything, no one would put it to test) – and it gives him and Kenny plenty to talk about.

And they need a lot of things to talk about while walking home when Kenny doesn't have money for the bust anyway.

"Hey, man, thanks for always walking me home," he starts with an apologetic look. "It must suck having to walk so much when you could just catch a bus, but I'll get a job soon."

"Nah, don't worry," Butters smiles, adjusting his backpack. "Mom says I have to exercise anyway! Besides, I always wait alone in the bus stop so it's boring. I'd rather just walk home, at least I can talk with ya'."

Kenny smiles back at that, but it suddenly turns into an evil smirk. "Dude, Kyle got drunk last night. I had to stay home and study for the test today, but he kept texting me and called me saying he was done with Stan and his friendzoning."

"Friendzonin'?"

"Yeah, you know," Kenny shrugs, looking up at the sky. "It's when you like a girl – in your case it'd be a guy," Butters feels his cheeks heat with self-consciousness; Kenny was more than okay when Butters came out, but it never meant it was less embarrassing when Kenny said it so straightforwardly like this. "And they're all like, 'you're such a good guy, I wish all men were like you! Why can't I find someone like you! You're my best friend!' and shit. Basically they're saying, 'even though you're the man of my dreams we will never fuck either because you're not attractive or for some unknown and probably retarded reason and we'll always be just friends so don't even try'. It's some tough shit, man, tough shit."

"Th-that's cruel," Butters comments quietly with his ears still slightly burning.

"Don't you get it," Kenny says with that mischievous grin. "Kyle's totally into Stan!"

Butters looks at him with a confused look, "What? Ya' didn't know, Kenny?"

"What," he suddenly stops walking, looking at Butters stunned. "You mean Kyle told you and you didn't tell me!"

"N-no!" Butters gestures defensively. "D'ya really think Kyle would tell me before tellin' ya'? If ya' do, you're being silly, 'cause ya' were his friend since ya' were kids," Kenny nodded at that. "I just thought ya' had noticed it already!"

"Noticed what, exactly?"

"It," he says emphatically, gesturing with his hands in mid-air. "Th-the atmosphere 'round them! Kyle's eyes are always on Stan, and he never got himself a girlfriend! Sure he s-slept with a girl or another, but isn't it obvious, Ken? He gets moody when Stan misses school or when they can't hang out 'cause Stan's got a date. You said yourself Kyle gets all grumpy like a girl on her p-period and fights a lot more with Eric. But he gets all smiley when Stan's around, just like magic," he pauses, lowering his voice to almost a whisper. "He's completely in love with Stan. Always been."

Kenny doesn't say anything, just lets the information sink in and then frowns, "Don't say Stan's name so many times. It sounds weird."

"Didn't ya' hear anythin' of what I said!" Butters laughs and punches Kenny's arm lightly (Clyde often does it to Craig and says it's the bro-punch. Sometimes Kenny honestly wonders what kinds of damage Clyde's brain has suffered).

They resume their walking while their laughter dies out. Butters has this little smile on the corner of his lips; he likes to think how Kenny is really trust-worthy, but can still laugh about some things people tell him – specially when they are drunk – with Butters. The best time they ever had was when Cartman cried about how Wendy was such a hoe but he still loved her mindlessly last year, probably because both of them were present when that happened. Kenny actually thought they had all the right of spreading the word, but Butters wouldn't let him. He said Eric had trusted them and they shouldn't betray him. Kenny left the matter alone, though Cartman still picks on the subject once in a while to make sure he won't tell anybody; he's not such a confident asshole, after all. He's even nice to Kenny and Butters now – well, nice meaning not spreading fake rumors about Kenny corrupting Butters and raping him or making him do drugs. Cartman is still Cartman anyway.

"You're quite the observer, huh," Kenny comments, more to himself than to Butters.

"What d'ya mean, Ken?"

"Like, I don't know, man, I never noticed all those things about Kyle. If anybody asked me, I'd probably say he's not interested in any girl 'cause he's too smart for them. I'd never imagine Kyle really had something for Stan. Besides their super-best-friendship."

Butters smiles and looks to the ground, unconsciously careful not to step on the lines that divide the sidewalk; he does that all the time, Kenny notes, and has always done since they were kids. He has this child-like thing that was never lost even through high school, which Kenny oddly finds adorable. Well, Butters has a lot of endearing things about him, like how he takes care of Kenny when he drinks too much – which fortunately doesn't happen too often, since it requires a party to be right after he fights with his old man (he only drinks at parties because it's fun and makes him forget about the rest of his life, but getting drunk all alone is kind of depressing and he tends to get even worse than before). Anyhow, Butters always lets him crash at his place, even helps Kenny puke if he needs it. Damn, even comforts him if he thinks bawling his eyes out will help getting things settled at his home.

"Ya' know what I think 'bout love and everythin'," he shrugs and shoots a glare at Kenny. "And don't ya' say anythin' 'bout it. Ya' know I think it's the most important thing."

"I'm sorry for that time, I told you already," he sighs. "Will you ever forgive me?"

Oh, that time. Kenny always lets that time slip away to the back of his mind, but Butters apparently enjoys— insists on reminding him of their first fight. It wasn't even an actual fight, if they look back, it was just a stupid disagreement.

You see, Kenny has lived a lot. Not that he dies all the time; it even stopped around two, maybe three years ago (not that it makes any difference; no one noticed it anyway, and Kenny just gets to relax a little without worrying how horrible and gory will his next death be). It's just that he has a lot of experience, at least a lot more than Butters. He's done all kinds of drugs, gone to all kinds of parties, had sex with all kinds of girls and met all kinds of people at this point. With all that, one might lose his hope in love, probably in mankind in general; and Kenny just doesn't believe love can make things work out, doesn't even believe it truly exists at all. All his past relationships had gone wrong, even if he tried hard to make it work or make up with love. Looking back, he knows those were just hormones and chemistry doing their job – which is fucking around with teenage heads. He's... skeptical, to say the least.

Butters, on the other hand, puts his heart completely on what he believes, which is this strange feeling of aching chest and dizzy head-ness. He says it's the most beautiful sensation when you long to see the person you like, even if it's just a crush that will go away soon. It may be ephemeral, but it's a sort of love anyway – it's what he said, only with less deep words. He believes on finding a soulmate, true love and things Disney movies usually sells to kids; and Kenny found it pretty stupid and that's what their disagreement was all about. They didn't talk for like, two days, until Kenny apologized for being thick-headed. Butters kind of pouted – that was endearing, too – and asked him not to mock his beliefs again. I-if I'm not going to live by what I think is important, th-then what am I supposed to do? Kenny still thinks about those words. They agreed that none of them were right or wrong, but he can't help but contemplate that maybe, just maybe, he was a little more wrong this time.

"I've forgiven ya' already. Just wanna make sure ya' won't say mean things again."