A drabble. It explains some things. And... it also kinda doesn't. Set during "A Good Man Goes To Journey's End" in Crossing Timestreams.

Just Say It

He doesn't know why he can't say it.

He watches her. He always watches her. When he thinks she isn't looking, he watches her wander around the Tardis, touching the console, smiling. He loves those moments. Just her and him and the Tardis. Of course, he also loves the running. Always loves running. But moments like these…

Oh, why can't he say it? Why can't he ever say it?

She deserves it. She deserves better.

L. For her of course. His consistent inconsistency. Always there when he leasts expects it and never there when he wants her. She pops in when he's not looking. She leaves when he really sees her. It's just not fair.

And, O… "Oh," she says. When she gets it or when she doesn't. A simple letter, but brilliant when it flows off her tongue. It's his new favorite letter.

V is hard. Very hard letter. There are lots of words that start with V, but he just can't think of the right one. Vivacious? Victim? No, not her. Never a victim. Valorous? Perhaps.

He could always cheat. This is his mind, of course. Very. Very… beautiful, clever, courageous. Many verys. Very many verys.

E is easy. Well, no… he doesn't mean easy in that she is easy. There is nothing easy about her or this situation. E is easy because E stands for exciting. His life is always exciting, but when she's there…

He should just say it.

He can say it.

He's going to say it.

His hard face collapses. His mouth opens and closes. "I can't," he whispers, strained. "There's too much."

His hearts break as she nods, biting her lower lip. "Of course I want to help you, Doctor," she whispers. "If I didn't, I would have left a long time ago. We always want to help you."

He smiles. Inside that smile is pain and regret and anger. Anger at himself for always keeping her away.

He brushes the tips of his fingers against her cheek, cups his palm against her face. He wants to kiss her. He wants to give into the emotions. But he just can't do it. He never could. He probably never will.

This always happens. He always cares for them, but he can't tell them. And they always fall in love with him.

"I hate that I have that effect on people."