Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, The Vampire Diaries or any of its characters.

A/N: This is my first fanfiction and I will honestly tell you that I'm nervous, but I've had this story in my head for quite a while now and I thought it was time to do something about it. :)
This story takes place at the end on New Moon and after episode 15 of season 2 of The Vampire Diaries. So SPOILER ALERT(!) for those of you who haven't seen the episodes or haven't read The Twilight Saga. Everything that has happened up until then has also happened in my story. Only a few small things have changed. Bella and Edward never went to Edward's house after Bella woke up, with Edward in her bed, when they had gotten back from Italy, Bella just simply fell asleep again.
It is possible that there will be a few more changes, but no need to worry about that now. I'll let you know.
A million hugs and thanks to my amazing friend melissaswilliamore13! Without her support I might not have posted this at all; you are truly kick-asswome ;) That is why I'm honoring you now by starting of my first chapter with a, slightly different, line from one of yours.
Okay, here goes nothing.

CHAPTER 1: BREAKING FREE

When I woke up I instantly knew where I was. I didn't feel disoriented like I had the last time. I remembered everything and feeling Edward's body close to mine made me believe, this time, that he actually was there and that it hadn't been a dream, just like Edward had tried to convince me of earlier.

I felt safe as I lay in his arms and the cold of his skin made me feel relaxed. But something was wrong, I could feel it in my body, but when I tried to think my mind protested. It was all a jumble in my head. Maybe I needed to wake up a little bit more first.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty," he whispered in my ear.

To hear his voice seemed so normal and ordinary, like everything was the way it used to be.

"Hi," I said with a raspy voice, my mouth was a bit dry.

My eyes stayed closed and it wasn't because I didn't want him to disappear, because he was really there, it was something more.

The emotion felt wrong somehow, like every part in my body was telling me that this wasn't what I was supposed to feel. My heart was the only thing that kept quiet. It knew what I was feeling and why I felt it. I was afraid. When the realization came to me I flinched a little bit. Just a moment ago I had recognized how safe I felt in Edward's arms and now I was afraid. It didn't make sense. My head yelled at me that I was being stupid. What was I doing? I was in bed with the most gorgeous guy in the world and I was afraid! He lay right next to me. Talking to me. He was not gone. He was back. He wanted me. He loved me. But he left. But now he's back. Because he loves me. Because he couldn't imagine a world where I didn't exist. But I had lived in a world where I could just as well have ceased to exist. I had been an empty shell. And I had been hurt. I had lived a life without Edward, when I might as well could have been dead. Because I hadn't lived.

That was the moment when I realized why I was afraid.

My eyes were still closed even though he knew I was awake. I didn't want to open them because when I did I knew who I would see. I would see the guy I loved more than anyone in the world and I would look into his beautiful golden eyes and I would fall into them. I wouldn't be able to think or speak. I would just look into his eyes and they would dazzle me and for a moment I wouldn't remember who I was. I would be trapped. Lose myself.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked and brushed my cheek with his marble hand.

"I'm fine," I answered and smiled but I wasn't sure how convincing it was. I loved him so much, so why was I scared of all those things?

"Are you sure?" Edward sounded concerned.

"Yeah, why?"

"You still haven't opened your eyes."

I didn't know how to answer that so I just stayed quiet, just like he did.

Then Edward chuckled.

"You don't believe this is a dream again, do you?"

"I can feel you, that's convincing enough."

"Then why are you afraid to open your eyes?"

"I'm not afraid!" I burst out quickly. Then I realized that he had meant it to be a joke. I felt a redness spread on my cheeks. I still didn't open my eyes.

"Bella," my heart ached when he said my name. "Tell me what's wrong," his voice was low and convincing and I heard a tone of confusion in there too.

"Okay," I said with a sigh. "But you can't do that eye thing that you do."

"What eye thing?" Edward asked in an innocent voice.

I would roll my eyes if I could.

"Edward, you know what I'm talking about," when I said his name I felt the same ache as when he had said mine. "I need to focus so that I can sort out a few things."

Edward pulled me closer and nuzzled his face to my neck.

"I thought we'd sorted out enough already," he said as he started to kiss my neck.

I had trouble thinking with his lips on my skin. I started having difficulty to breathe before I got hold of some of my thinking ability and made an effort to gently push him away. Edward noticed it and quickly pulled away from me.

"You can't do that either," I explained quickly. "I can't focus when you do that and, like I said, I need to focus."

"Okay," he sounded confused and I understood him.

The last time I woke up all I wanted was him to hold me and touch me and normally I would've had a hallelujah choir singing in my head at the thought of him kissing me like this. But something had changed and I had to tell him.

I finally opened my eyes and gave him a stern look, hoping it would be enough to get him to keep his promise. Edward just smiled and lightly touched my nose with his index finger.

I sat up on the bed and gestured to him to do the same so that we were sitting opposite each other. I took his hands in mine and watched as he intertwined our fingers.

I looked up at him and that small crooked smile I love so much was on his lips. I closed my eyes for a second. I didn't know how this conversation we were about to have would end. I just knew that I had to talk to him and that I needed him to know what he had done to me, even though it pained me to know that it might hurt him.

"Edward..."

I looked at his face, so incredibly beautiful, like it was carved by angels.

"You left me," I said simply.

My whole being was surprisingly calm as I continued speaking.

"You left me broken and hurt. You told me that you didn't love me anymore... And I believed you. I really did believe you. You hurt me more than anyone else could ever do."

Edward's expression told me that he didn't quite understand me, but he would.

"Bella—"

"Please, let me finish," I interrupted him, I needed to tell him this. "The worst thing Jasper, or any vampire, could do to me is to kill me."

I took a deep shaky breath.

"You took away my reason to live and made me keep living anyway. I was an empty shell. I looked alive but I was dead on the inside," It felt like I was just warming up.

I started to understand my own feelings more and more and the thoughts in my head made me understand what the words really meant, or what they would mean. My mind was clear. I knew what I wanted and what I had to do. It felt right. But I also understood what it meant and there was a strong pain in my chest, one that I couldn't ignore. The pain wasn't as strong as the one I had lived with for the past months, which was how I knew that I could get through it.

"Bella," Edward said and this time I let him continue. "I love you so much and I'm so sorry that I made you doubt that. But I do love you. So much that I was willing to leave to keep you safe. That's the only reason I left."

His voice was filled with despair.

"Yeah, you've already said that," I looked at our hands again when I said it.

He loosened his right hand from mine and lightly caressed my cheek.

"I'm here now and I will never leave you again," he gently squeezed my hand. "And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, to make you feel like you can trust me again."

I knew that he meant every word.

"You don't understand," I raised my hand to his and pulled it away from my face. "I can't remember the months you were gone. It's all covered with gray mist, it's like I wasn't even there. I wasn't alive."

I took another breath to get ready for the words that were about to come out of my mouth.

This was it. It had taken me some time to realize it, but this was what I had to say.

"I love you so much and that has never scared me," I did everything I could to keep my voice strong and I was surprisingly successful.

I held back a sob and continued.

"What scares me is that my whole life revolved around you. So when you were gone I had nothing to live for and I didn't know who I was," I looked in to his eyes for a moment, not long enough to lose myself, but just enough to plead to him with my eyes.

I wanted him to understand. I needed it.

"You are my life," he said simply, just stating a fact.

"And you were mine," I replied. "Cant you see that that's the problem? It can't be like that again. I don't want it to be like that again. I don't believe that I became the wreck I was because I loved you as much as I did. I believe it was because you were my whole life."

I had said everything I needed and I suddenly felt a little lighter.

"Are you breaking up with me?"

It didn't really sound like a question when he said it, it was more like he already knew the answer and just wanted it confirmed. His voice was stiff and emotionless but I felt his pain, his eyes screamed out everything he was feeling.
"Yes," I said. "I'm ending this now, before it's too late. Before I fall in too deep again."

I felt like the worst person in the world as I said it and the pain in my chest made itself heard again.

"You don't want me in your life," he summarized my words.

It felt so flat when he said it and unimaginable in some way, because who would not want Edward? But he was right. That was what I said.

I didn't say anything, I just kept holding his hands in mine, but my silence spoke for itself.

"I just want to know one thing," he said, lifting my chin up with his thumb and index finger so that he could look at me. "If you don't want me in your life why did you come to Italy to save mine?"

"Oh, Edward..." I rolled my eyes. "Why do you think?"

He deserved a wider explanation and that was what I was going to give him.

"I thought that was what I wanted. A life with you. I couldn't let you die. I love you and maybe a part of me always will. I couldn't see how the world could exist if you weren't in it."

I pulled my chin from his grip.

"And now you're back. Telling me that you love me. A few months ago I wouldn't have hesitated a second to rush back into your arms. And a few hours ago I was ready to do exactly that. But I can never go back to that horrible time. When you were gone I understood how obsessed I was with you. It was like I couldn't even breathe without you. I don't know who I am and I need to figure it out. I have to heal. That's what I want."

I knew that now when I'd seen Edward again it might extend the recovery time a while, but I was as determined as ever to find myself and I knew that I could do it, because I'd already been down that road once before and I'd almost reached the end of it. With the help of Jacob. I knew that he would still be my friend, whatever I decided to do next.

This time I was the one who raised my hand and touched his cheek.

"I love you," he said, not asking anything of me, just stating a fact again.

"I know."

It felt harsh but I couldn't tell him anything else. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. I knew that I was making the right choice.

I looked into his eyes. They were so filled with sadness that I didn't for a second doubt that they would be filled with tears if they could. My eyes stayed dry.

It felt like the end of our conversation. I had broken up with him.

"You should go now," I didn't mean for it to come out as a whisper, but it did.

Edward leaned forward and took me in his arms, just hugging me. After a while I hugged him back. He kissed me on the forehead before he stood up and walked up to the window.

The sun was just about to rise and the sky began to brighten. He turned back and looked at me one last time. Then he was gone.

I lay down on the bed, feeling the cold where he'd been sitting just a few minutes ago. I let a few tears drip from the corners of my eyes before I curved into a ball.

The window was still open and the rising sun threw its light on the floor. I was lying with my back to the window so all I saw was the shadow on the floor when someone jumped in through it and with a gentle thud landed on the floorboards.

"I thought I told you to leave," I whispered in the dark, turning on the bed so that I could see him.

But it wasn't Edward. I couldn't see a face since the early morning light was blocked by the person standing in front of my window, but the short styled hair completely gave her away.

"Alice..." My voice broke as I began sobbing and Alice flew gracefully across the floor and lay beside me on the bed.

"Oh, Bella..." she whispered in my hair as she hugged me and held me tightly to her body.

"I'm so sorry..." I cried out continuing to sob hysterically.

She made a calming noise as she continued to stoke my hair.

I allowed myself to lie like that for a minute. I hadn't cried when I'd talked to Edward and it was like all the tears had been gathering, just waiting for the right moment to drop and now there was nothing stopping them. Then I took a deep breath and pulled away from her so that I could see her face.

"Why are you here?"

"Bella..." Alice sighed, like I should know the reason already. "I saw you... like this. Crying alone on your bed. And I waited for Edward to show up and lie next to you, to comfort you, but... he didn't. I just saw you lie here alone. So I didn't think, I just ran."

I lay there quiet for a moment, listening to my own breathing and looking at her beautiful face.

There I was, lying on the bed, comforted by the sister of the boy who's heart I'd just broken. It felt disturbed and made me sick to my stomach.

I dried my eyes with the back of my hand and sat up on the bed. Alice did the same and I wrapped my arms around my legs while turning my head to look at her. I didn't know what to say to her, but it felt like a good start to tell the truth and tell her about the thoughts that had been intruding on my mind since I realized I couldn't be with Edward anymore.

"Alice, I love him. I love all of you. But did you see what it did to me? I know now that I can live without him and that's what I need to do. I didn't remember who I was without him and maybe I've never known that. I need to figure out who I am. I need to start my own life. And maybe—"

"You can't do it here," Alice interrupted me and finished my sentence.

I nodded, I didn't know what else to do.

"Where will you go?"

That was the question. I had no idea and I couldn't fool Alice, she'd know the second I'd made a decision.

"I don't know," I told her truthfully. "But I'm eighteen now and I'm old enough to make my own decisions. As long as I promise to finish high school Charlie will have no reason to keep me here."

Everything I said was true and it made me feel like I finally was in control of something and it made me feel good. Better than good.

"Maybe I'll go live with my mom again. After all she did want me to just a few months ago."

"That sounds like a good idea. Get some sun on your cheeks, you're starting to look pale," she smiled at me and leaned forward to hug me. "I'm sure she'll be very happy to see you."

I hugged her back and closed my eyes.

A/N: What did you think? :) Review please!