XII

Ratatatatatata…

"IS THAT A DRUMROLL?" I bellowed at Rapunzel as she crept into my bedroom. I flashed her a grin in spite of my in annoyance that now I had percussion instruments for my early morning wakeup call, in case the calls, coos, clucks, and chooks in my bedroom had receded to white noise-not to mention the honks from the geese that seemed intent on keeping up their winter migratory patterns even across the short distance of the courtyard, my window, apparently, being the southerly most one in the palace-amused that with all this noise Blondie still found it necessary to creep. Of course, knowing her, she probably just thought creeping was fun. And when you went around barefoot all the time on plush carpets, it was hard not to creep up on people.

"WHAT?" she shouted back, her lips exaggerating the shape of the word, her arms gesticulating emphatically as if she was playing Charades. "I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THE DRUMS!"

Question answered. I threw back my blankets, grateful for the noise as her big eyes seemed to grow even wider as she saw that I was already fully dressed, boots and all-though I'd left my hair naturally tousled and I hadn't shaved, because seriously? What woman doesn't love that just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-still-look-this-good look? Rapunzel certainly shivered deliciously against me when I bent to murmur Morning, sunshine in her ear in my husky morning voice, rubbing my scruff against her cheek as I did so. It helped save face when the truth was that I'd actually woken up before my chickens today, not from excitement-okay, maybe just a smidge-but out of sheer curiosity about what the hell Rapunzel was going to come up with for the twelfth day of Christmas.

"You know, Babe," I said, still in her ear as I slipped my arm around her waist and led her to the wide open door, "in the soundtrack to my life, I always imaging a drumroll every time I'm about to do something awesome. Which, I'll grant you, is pretty much all the-"

Suddenly I was struck mute as my mind took a leap backward through my thought process. The twelfth day of Christmas. Slowly, I slid my arm from around Rapunzel, who looked up at me with concern.

"Eugene?" she said, her hand grasping at my vest as my shoulder slumped against the door, pushing it shut and drowning out the unwavering ratatatatatata in the hallway. Propriety be damned-shutting myself in a room with the Princess wouldn't be the most idiotic thing I'd done in twelve day.

"I'm a moron," I said, running my hand over my unshaven cheek. "A handsome moron, but a moron nonetheless."

Rapunzel's eyebrows knit together in confusion. "I don't understand, Eugene. Why do you think you're a moron? You're not a moron. You guessed that those were drums out there making all that noise, and you were right!"

I gave a snort of laughter and ruffled her hair, then raked my fingers through my own bed-head. "Well, maybe not a moron. Just kinda…slow."

"But you're not slow at all-I've seen you run. The Captain of the Guards can never catch you."

Damn straight he couldn't-but my chest deflated almost as soon as it had started to swell when Rapunzel added, "Now, if we were talking about your flexibility-"

"I mean slow on the uptake."

When the furrow in her forehead deepened, Iheaved a sigh and hummed a few bars of the tune that had blared on the trumpets yesterday…and that the Queen had hummed on day four, and that the King had tried to remind me of as we watched the nine dancing girls, and which I myself had come so close to recognizing way back when all I'd had for Christmas were three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

"Oh!" Rapunzel's face glowed almost as brightly as her hair had back when it was blonde and magical as she picked up the song, blessedly relieving me of the humiliation of having to sing. "Twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping-"

"Yeah, and so on and so forth," I cut her off, the memory of how she'd leered at the leaping lords still too close for comfort. I cleared my throat. "I'm only just catching on."

"Really? But we talked about it when I gave you the five gol-den riiiiiings." She'd burst out into song again for the last bit-of course.

"Erm…" I wavered for a moment, debating whether it was less humiliating for Rapunzel to just think I'd been plain dense about this whole thing, or to cop to the fact that I had actually thought this was an extremely weird and drawn out marriage proposal. The unending drumroll outside the door was muffled, but still making it hard to think.

Lucky for me, she didn't wait for an explanation before she took my hands-one wearing said rings-in hers. "How can you be surprised, Eugene? You're my True Love! At Christmas time you have to give your True Love twelve drummers-"

I interrupted her again, this time with a kiss. Which, apparently, took her by as much surprise as her twelve days of Christmas presents had taken me, because for a second her mouth was just a little open o against mine. But that was okay with me; I took it as an invitation to show off what knowledge I had of the French besides their hens-though in the nine days since I'd become the proud owner of three of those, I'd researched them enough that it was possible I actually knew more about the chickens, while Rapunzel, on the other hand, seemed to have learned a new trick or two. Hopefully not because she'd been inspired by day ten… My lips tugged in a frown against hers, and I reluctantly pulled away.

"Your true love, huh?" I pushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes and tucked it behind her ear as she nodded. "I'm still not totally used to that. And you'll have to chalk my lack of knowledge about Christmas on growing up in an orphanage."

Rapunzel gave me just enough time to see her smile turn sad before she slipped her arms around my waist, tucked her head under my chin, and hugged me tight. "Do you think I learned about what presents to give my True Love for the twelve days of Christmas from Mother Gothel in the tower? This is all new to me, too, Eugene."

"I know, Babe," I said, kissing her hair. "But it's just-Excuse me for a sec." I let go of her with one hand to fling open the door and bellow to the twelve drummers. "YOUR EXTENDED DRUMROLL IS REALLY COMMENDABLE, GUYS, BUT CAN YOU KNOCK IT OFF? THE PRINCESS AND I ARE TRYING TO HAVE A MOMENT HERE!"

Instantly they stopped drumming. I was about to sigh at the blessed silence, when I noticed the King and Queen peeking out from around the corner. Oops.

But I'd meant it, we really were having a moment in there, so I made a big show of not closing my bedroom door again, and kept a respectful distance from Rapunzel as we resumed. Meaning, I put my arms around her again, but did my best not to let her curvy bits press up against mine. Erm, not that I had curvy bits, but you know.

Anyway.

"It's just…you have this amazing family to show you all the stuff you missed out on growing up."

"Don't you see, Eugene, so do you! Mom and Dad-they're like your mom and dad, too, even though it's not official yet."

"Official."

"Yeah, I mean, marriage is just a formality, an institution of the state, but family-well, I think we have that even without a certificate, don't you?"

I was too choked up to speak for a moment as I looked over the top of her head and saw the King and Queen looking on from the hallway, his brawny arm around her shoulder, her perfect queenly posture a little more relaxed than normal as she leaned her head against his chest, both of them smiling. At us. At me. And as I thought back on the past twelve, crazy days, how I'd bonded with the King of dancing girls and pint after pint of milk-he'd even called me son-twice-and how the Queen had revealed that she shared my cunning side-or maybe it was her daughter's-and helped Rapunzel refine her plans so I'd be spared having to share my room with any more fowl guests, and took it as a given that someday her daughter would find herself in situations with me that would require flexibility, and I realized Rapunzel was, as usual, right.

Drawing her snugly against me again, I cupped her face in my hand and tilted her chin up so that her big green eyes were looking up into mine.

"You know what, Blondie? I think we're going to have to change the words to the song."

"To what?"

I cleared my throat, and burst into song. "On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, my very own royal family!"

Cheesy, I know, but you know what? I'm okay with that. Because they are.

And because I have a really stupendous singing voice.

~ The End ~